The Parent's Apple
by Izzi Creo
Summary: Danny and Lindsay are going to learn that sometimes you must lose, in order to gain.
1. Prologue

**Disclaimer:**The characters of CSI: NY do not belong to me however this story is of my own and should only be used after permission has been asked and given. No copyright infringement intended and no profit is being made.

**Summary: **Danny and Lindsay are going to learn that sometimes you must lose, in order to gain.

**Notes:**This story is probably more of a T, but due to the sensitive subject I've rated it M. Also, as sensitive issues shall be delved into I wish to not cause any offense, therefore I'm suggest anyone who wishes not to read further to turn back… now. Other than that, continue on.

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><p><strong>The Parent's Apple<strong>

Do not say, 'it is morning,' and dismiss it with a name of yesterday.  
>See it for the first time as a new born child with no name.<br>_**- Rabindranath Tagore**_

Danny Messer rubbed at his eyes wearily as he ascended the elevator to the 35th floor Crime Lab. He felt exhausted and it was only 10am. He was supposed to have started work a half hour ago after dropping his three year old daughter off at pre-school however as soon as it was time for him to leave she'd wrapped her arms around his neck and begged him to stay. It had broken his heart to watch her sob as he tried to gently extricate himself from her grip and he'd inwardly cursed for not taking his wife's advice seriously. Lindsay had warned him that Lucy was going through a clingy phase and that since Bailey's mom had volunteered to help with morning snack, Lucy had been constantly asking why her parent's couldn't stay too. Apparently a full-time job wasn't something Lucy could come to terms with. She'd suggested that Danny get to the pre-school early enough that Lucy was already settled before he left and therefore he could avoid a possible tantrum but Danny had forgone the advice. He couldn't imagine his daughter causing a fuss when she was acting so sweetly all morning. Plus, he'd woken later than he was meant to and the thought of eating nothing substantial until lunchtime if he was lucky wasn't too appealing. It wasn't until the first fat tear welled in Lucy's eye that he knew he'd made a terrible mistake.

He pulled his cell phone out of his pocket and groaned when he saw he had four missed calls from Jo Danville, all probably wondering where he was. Figuring he could tell her when he clocked in, Danny shoved his cell back into his pocket and bounced on the balls of his feet, impatiently urging the elevator to move faster.

When the car finally slowed to a stop Danny was out and heading towards the locker room before the doors had even completely slid open. He quickly deposited his stuff, intrigued but appearing nonchalant as he overheard one lab tech shakily tell another about how "there was so much blood". He ducked back into the corridor and chuckled to himself, wondering whether the lab tech had watched the same bad TV-movie horror that he and Lindsay had laughed through the night before.

Danny walked towards the office and was thankful to see it empty. He was hoping he could get started on his paperwork and then, when Jo finally caught up with him, try and downplay how late he was. His hand was hovering on the door handle when a distinctive Southern voice sounded from behind, calling his name. He whipped round, looking sheepish.

"Busted."

"I've been trying to reach you," she said almost frantically.

"Sorry, I had problems with Luce," he explained, scratching the back on his neck in uncomfortable embarrassment. She held a hand out to stop him and he noticed that she was looking very white, her lips a thin line.

"You have to get to the hospital," Jo told him.

"What, why?"

"It's Lindsay. Mac's with her, she's at Angel of Mercy," she said. Danny stood, rooted for a moment and his mind blank. Jo tilted her head sympathetically, tears rising in her eyes and her lower lip quivered.

"Danny, she's had a miscarriage."


	2. Chapter One

**Disclaimer:**The characters of CSI: NY do not belong to me however this story is of my own and should only be used after permission has been asked and given. No copyright infringement intended and no profit is being made.

**Summary: **Danny and Lindsay are going to learn that sometimes you must lose, in order to gain.

**Notes:** I thought after that short prologue I should probably provide you all with the next installment fairly quickly. I would like to thank everyone for their kind messages; _Csifan326, MesserFamilyFan100, rapidtetv, bookworm, laurzz, silenceeverything, dannyandlindsayforeva _and finally_ afrozenheart412._

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><p><strong>The Parent's Apple<strong>

_A few hours earlier,_

Lindsay Messer hummed to herself as she worked, piecing together the remnants of a pipe bomb. It felt inappropriate to be thinking of nursery rhymes when reconstructing a device which had killed three people in a bodega but Lucy's nursery school sing-a-long tape had been playing in the car the afternoon before and the continuous loops of twinkling music was stuck in Lindsay's head.

"Is that 'she'll be coming round the mountain'?" Jo asked incredulously as she walked into the trace lab, shrugging her white coat on.

Lindsay laughed. "Yeah, Lucy was listening to it and I can't get it out of my head."

"Tyler and Ellie both used to love Fréres Jacques, it used to drive me mad," Jo told the young mother. She turned her attention to the pieces of shrapnel laid out on the table. "So, what have you got for me?"

"Well, I haven't been able to discern what kinds of explosives were used for the bomb yet however the bomb itself is beginning to take shape and I even lifted a partial print. I'm running it through AFIS as we speak and hoping it comes up with a name," Lindsay explained. "Any news on the victims' families yet?"

"Maria and Jonathan Endecott are flying in from Chicago to officially identify their daughter. The older man has been confirmed as the bodega owner, Walter Jenkins and no news on the teenage boy yet. Sid gave me his profile to run through missing persons but nothing, I'm hoping something will turn up soon though," Jo told her.

Lindsay winced and gripped the edge of the desk. White hot pain had seared momentarily across her abdomen before dulling to a cramping sensation. At Jo's raised eyebrow she gave a tight smile, breathing deep. She unconsciously ran a hand along the underside of her belly, resting on the small unnoticeable bump.

"You alright?"

Lindsay's tense smile eased as the pain disappeared. "Yeah, I'm fine."

Seemingly satisfied, Jo turned towards the computer which scanning through the AFIS database. Lindsay breathed a sigh of relief; grateful Jo hadn't pushed the issue. As a trained investigator it wouldn't have surprised Lindsay if Jo had noticed the hand which had crept to rest upon her stomach.

She and Danny had learned months ago that she was expecting again however they hadn't told the team yet. They knew the team would be more than supportive, in the same way they had been when Lindsay was pregnant with Lucy, however a young girl had gone missing recently and her body had been found floating in the Hudson River. They'd eventually learned that a boy not much older than the girl had pushed her in as part of a game and then ran away when he realised she couldn't swim. The team had been hit hard by the case and therefore she and Danny had agreed to put the news on hold until the opportune moment – preferably when they could explain it together.

Lindsay gasped as a new, more intense pain filled her whole body. She clutched her stomach protectively before the lab span and she crumpled into oblivion. At the noise, Jo turned and hurried towards the falling woman. Lindsay's head hit the corner of the lab desk before she sunk to the floor and Jo dived down beside her, checking her pulse which was strong but erratic. She turned to the lone lab tech in the room that was stood in shock.

"Don't just stand there, go and get help," Jo barked at the young woman. She jumped and immediately ran from the room. Within minutes, hurried footsteps announced Mac Taylor's arrival as he ran into the room with the lab tech behind him. The tech was talking rapidly into a cell phone, her eyes frozen on Lindsay.

"What happened?" Mac demanded as he knelt beside Jo.

"I don't know, one minute she was fine, I turned around and she just collapsed," the Southern Detective explained. She suddenly gripped his bicep tightly in her hands. "Mac…"

Mac followed her eye line to the lower portion of Lindsay's lab coat. The pristine, white coat was stained crimson and when Mac ripped the garment open he was horrified to find Lindsay's trousers also covered in blood.

"Where the hell is that bus?" Mac suddenly snapped at the lab tech, tearing his gaze away from his injured subordinate.

"It's… it's on its way, sir," the lab tech stammered.

Mac turned his attention back to Lindsay's prone form, taking her limp hand firmly in his own. Jo squeezed his shoulder reassuringly, recognising the conflicting emotions which passed across his face. They stayed that way for a moment before Mac cleared his throat, pressing through the emotion. "I told Sheldon to wait at the elevators; he'll lead the paramedics here when they arrive. I should phone Danny."

"I'll do that," Jo offered firmly. "You concentrate on Lindsay."

Commotion outside announced the arrival of the paramedics as they entered the lab, following Dr. Sheldon Hawkes. The crime lab Detectives stood aside, allowing the paramedics to gain better access of Lindsay and Sheldon released a soft curse at the sight of his friend. Jo threw him a sympathetic glance before she looked upon Lindsay once more.

"What happened?" one paramedic asked them and Jo stepped slightly forward.

"She clutched her stomach for a moment but claimed nothing was wrong, a couple of minutes later she collapsed and hit her head on the way down," the southern Detective supplied.

"Do you know if she was unconscious before or after she hit her head?" the paramedic asked.

"I don't know, I had my back to her," Jo admitted.

"Ciaran," the second paramedic who was examining Lindsay spoke up. "I think it's a miscarriage. We'll have to get her to the hospital stat; she may need a D&C."

Mac's head snapped towards the young female paramedic. "Miscarriage?"

"It looks that way, sir. We won't know for sure until we get her to the hospital. Do any of you know how many weeks she may have been?" the paramedic asked to which they shook their heads. "What's her name?"

"Lindsay, Lindsay Messer," Sheldon replied, snapping out of his shock fastest.

"I'll try and find Danny," Jo said as she hurried from the lab, pulling her cell out as she went.

"Lindsay, Lindsay can you hear me?" the young paramedic asked, shining a small flashlight into each of her eyes. Lindsay mumbled incoherently but remained unresponsive.

"'K Mandy, on three," the male paramedic instructed. Together they lifted the unconscious Detective on to the stretcher and began wheeling her through the crime lab. Mac and Sheldon hurried along with them and they were soon accompanied by Jo.

"Danny's not answering, it keeps going to voicemail," Jo told them. As they reached the elevator doors Jo turned to Mac. "You should go with her. I'll keep trying Danny and if he turns up here then I'll send him to the hospital," she turned towards the paramedics. "Which hospital will you be taking her to?"

"Angel of Mercy," Ciaran replied. The elevator doors slid open and people hurried out, moving to the side to allow the gurney into the car. Mac followed behind them, jabbing impatiently at the door close button.

"I'll ring you as soon as I know something," he promised as the doors finally slid shut.

Jo pressed the back of her fingers to her mouth, exhaling shakily. Sheldon squeezed her shoulder before slowly walking past and heading towards the trace lab. There was blood on the floor which needed cleaning and whilst he didn't want to think of it as Lindsay's blood, he also needed the distraction. As he stepped in he found the lab tech, hovering by the desk looking uncertain.

"I… she was fine… then she…" the lab tech trailed off and tears filled her eyes. Sheldon crossed the room in easy strides until he was facing her.

"Hey, look at me. It's ok, you're just in shock. You should get a drink of water," he turned and motioned towards another lab tech that was passing. "Can you take her to the break room for a glass of water and wait with her until she's calmed down, please?"

"Sure," the second lab tech smiled reassuringly before leading the distressed woman out of the lab.

Sheldon sighed; he pushed his glasses up his face and pinched the bridge of his nose. Once his emotions were once more under control, he crossed to the glass cabinet and took out sterilization and cleaning liquid before setting upon his task. His mind, however, was far from the lab and task at hand.


	3. Chapter Two

**Disclaimer:**The characters of CSI: NY do not belong to me however this story is of my own and should only be used after permission has been asked and given. No copyright infringement intended and no profit is being made.

**Summary: **Danny and Lindsay are going to learn that sometimes you must lose, in order to gain.

**Notes:** Again, a huge thank you to my lovely reviewers; _MesserFamilyFan100, silenceeverything, dannyandlindsayforeva, RandomTVFan30, afrozenheart412 _and _webdlfan_ who deserves a double thank you because she reviewed the prologue minutes after I'd posted chapter one.

Also, this isn't so much of a spoiler but more general show gossip so if you're completely spolier free both storyline wise and other, then please continue to the chapter without reading further. Otherwise, I have a question: I saw on tumblr. someone had posted that CSI: NY isn't being renewed for a ninth series? I know this was always a possibility, especially after the uncertainty of season 8, but I was just wondering whether anyone knew whether this was official?

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><p><strong>The Parent's Apple<strong>

_"There was so much blood."_

Those five words haunted Danny the whole way to the hospital. He felt as though he had a dagger pressed to his heart, but rather than plunging straight through it was slowly and painfully twisting and tearing him apart. He arrived at Angel of Mercy without any memory of the drive and although worrying, he pushed that thought aside as he was already taut with anxiety.

He marched straight towards the reception desk, flashing the badge on his hip and glaring at everyone until he was at the head of the queue. The receptionist behind the desk pushed her glasses up her nose and glared back at him, frustrated with the amount of cops who marched into the hospital and acted as though they were the highest priority.

"Yes?" she snapped at him.

"Lindsay Messer, she was brought in recently. They think she might have had a…" he hesitated, swallowing past the lump forming in his throat. The receptionist's annoyance dimmed at his obvious distress. "Miscarriage. She's my wife."

The receptionist began clicking swiftly through the computer until the relevant information was displayed on screen. "She's on the 8th floor; ward D in a private room, 1172."

"Thanks," Danny mumbled before hurrying in the correct direction. He knew this hospital well after spending hours pacing around the corridors, sometimes with Lindsay encouraging her through birth, sometimes with friends who were offering advice and comfort and then other times completely alone when he needed to wrap his mind around the fact that he was, in fact, about to become a father. The last time he'd walked this route he'd been swelling with pride, this time he was crumpling in grief.

Bypassing the busy elevators, he headed towards the stairwell and took them at a run, relieved to ease some of the building tension. He followed signs and arrows until he was finally turning into the correct corridor. Mac was seated in a plastic chair which lined the wall, worry etched on to his face. The older Detective rose as Danny approached.

"Where is she? Has she been asking for me?" Danny asked, his eyes frantically trying to catch a glimpse of his wife through the slanted blinds.

Mac firmly pushed Danny into a chair before taking the seat beside him. He waited until the young father was looking at him before beginning. "She's still unconscious at the moment. As she fell she hit her head but a nurse has been by to examine her and said the wound was too minor to cause any damage. Lindsay didn't even need stitches. The gynaecologist confirmed that it was a miscarriage and that's what caused Lindsay to collapse. She's in there at the moment performing a D&C."

"D&C?" he asked, confusion setting in. Danny knew he'd read about it during those first few months of Lindsay's pregnancy with Lucy but right now everything apart from Lindsay had been wiped from his mind.

"It stands for dilation and curettage," Mac gently explained. "Lindsay's miscarriage was incomplete therefore they've had to perform a procedure which will remove the foetus, placenta and any remaining tissue."

Danny leant forward, resting his elbows upon his knees and his face in his hands. His body shook with sudden sobs and Mac rubbed the middle of his back, unable to form words which could adequately comfort the young father. He wanted to ask whether they'd known Lindsay was pregnant but felt it wasn't the time.

They remained that way in silence until the door to Lindsay's room opened and her usual gynaecologist stepped out. Danny looked up into the familiar face before his eyes settled on a smear of blood which marred her otherwise clean scrubs. He cleared his throat, tearing his eyes away.

"Detective Messer," the female doctor began gently as she stepped towards the two men. Danny stood and paced for a moment.

"How is she?" he asked, his voice weak.

"She's still unconscious, I gave her a local anaesthetic which would keep her under during the procedure," Dr. Harper explained. "It might not be a while yet until she wakes up but when she does it's likely she'll be groggy and confused."

The door to the room opened again and a young intern walked out carrying a small medical box carefully. Danny turned his head away as tears burned his eyes again. He pushed past the two doctors and hurried back down the corridor.

Mac stood and gave Dr. Harper a sympathetic smile which she returned. "Please let him know that I'm very sorry for his loss and I'll be by again when Lindsay is fully conscious to talk to the both of them."

"Thank you," Mac nodded. "If you'll excuse me…"

He followed after Danny and rounded the corner as the door to the men's restroom swung shut. He slipped inside, the sound and smell of someone retching assaulting his senses. Crossing to the first cubicle, he was thankful that Danny hadn't had time to lock the door behind him as his stomach emptied. He entered the small stall and waited until Danny had flushed the toilet and pulled back, sitting on the grimy floor. Mac hitched his dress pants up before also sitting with his knees bent in front of him and his back to the side wall of the cubicle. Danny was scrubbing tears out of his eyes.

"That was… that was my baby… in that box," Danny said brokenly. "Our… our dead baby…"

Facing in towards each other, Mac reached forward and squeezed Danny's forearm comfortingly. Danny looked at the toilet bowl loathingly before shaking his head in dismay.

"I stayed at home later this morning to sleep in and then to have breakfast, because I did that it meant I was longer seeing Lucy off at pre-school, it meant I was late to work and I wasn't… I wasn't there when Lindsay needed me. And now look, I didn't even keep that damn breakfast down," his voice was tight with self-loathing. "I should have been there for her."

"Danny, you couldn't have known this was going to happen," Mac replied.

"Why did it happen? Why does it always have to happen to us? Why can't we just be cut some slack, just _once_?" Danny asked frustratedly. He snorted humourlessly. "You said that you believed God had brought us together, well he must have some kinda sick sense of humour."

Mac sighed but said nothing. He knew where Danny was coming from; the couple had only just married and had Lucy when Danny was shot and left in a wheelchair. Shortly after that period of their lives Shane Casey returned to terrorise them, resulting in Lindsay shooting him. Then when everything appeared to be looking up Danny was promoted to Sergeant, only to have his reputation called into question so he willingly gave up his stripes. And now this.

Even before they were a couple Danny and Lindsay had had to face their own perils so why was it that someone seemed to keep trying to test them? In his job, Mac rarely saw the kind of love which his two subordinates had for each other and for their daughter. Was it fair that the love they shared always seemed to be at test to see how far they could go before they broke?

"I know you haven't had it easy Danny, and I know that the road ahead is going to be a hard one but you _will_ overcome this. Both you and Lindsay are strong, stronger even, when together. I have every faith in you that you'll get through this. And maybe if you step back then you'll see that you're not alone, you have friends and family who love and support you. We're all here for you if you'll let us be," Mac told him confidently.

Danny nodded. "I know that, I do. And I appreciate it too but… but this isn't something which any of you have ever been through. I can't… I can't explain how I feel right now. We didn't… we didn't have the baby, it was never in our actual arms but it was still there… ya know? It was still a part of us. And what do we have to show for it? A grainy photo of a tiny person in Linds' stomach and a box… a box full of…"

Danny's body shook as tears overcame him once again. Mac shifted his position so he was sat beside Danny; he threw his arms around the younger man's shoulders and pulled Danny towards him. The Staten Island Detective gripped Mac's shirt and unapologetically cried on the shoulder of his best suit.

- CSI: New York -

The overpowering smell of sterilisation was the first thing Lindsay noticed as consciousness slowly returned to her. This was followed by the feeling of scratchy sheets beneath her and a slack hand holding her own. Finally, pain filled her whole body and she groaned as her eyelids fluttered open. The hospital room was dimly lit and Danny sat in a chair beside her, his hand holding hers and his head resting on the edge of the bed as he slept. She shifted and the pain accompanied her. She felt full and empty at once. The pain was filling her, the cramps settling uncomfortably in her stomach whilst a hollow ache squeezed her chest and threatened to drown her.

She slipped her hand out of Danny's and reached across to run her fingers across his brow bone. Even in sleep he was frowning deeply. He sighed and moved his head before bolting upright and looking around wildly. When his eyes sought her face he visibly relaxed and gave a crooked smile, taking her hand in his to press a kiss to her knuckles.

"Hey," his voice was still thick with sleep.

"Hey," she returned. "What time is it?"

He checked his watch, squinting slightly. "Three AM. You've been out for nearly eighteen hours."

"That long, huh?" she asked, her throat dry. "What happened?"

"You collapsed at work. They brought you to the hospital," he answered doggedly. Her hand immediately flew to her stomach and he sucked in a painful breath. She wasn't stupid, and he knew that. The tears clogged his throat. "I'm sorry Lindsay. We lost the baby."

Her lower lip trembled and she slowly dissolved into tears. He expected her to reach for him but instead she turned her head away as she cried. The last thread of his battered heart broke as he gently stroked her hair in the same way he usually lulled her to sleep. She hadn't missed the way he'd said 'we' and not 'you' but even without the accusation she felt self-blame. She knew he wanted to comfort her, needed it even, but for the first time in three years of marriage she wished he'd leave her alone.


	4. Chapter Three

**Disclaimer: **The characters of CSI: NY do not belong to me however this story is of my own and should only be used after permission has been asked and given. No copyright infringement intended and no profit is being made.

**Summary: **Danny and Lindsay are going to learn that sometimes you must lose, in order to gain.

**Notes:** Hi everyone, I'd just like to say a massive sorry for not updating sooner. A close family member was admitted to hospital two weeks ago therefore I didn't have much time to write, also at the time writing hospital scenes wasn't really something that was jumping at me but hopefully I'll be back on the ball now.

As ever, a huge thank you to the reviewers from the last chapter; _laurzz, RandomTVFan30, webdlfan, afrozenheart412, bookworm, dannyandlindsayforeva, MesserFamilyFan100,_ _AccidentalNaps _and _silenceeverything._

Also, thank you to _RandomTVFan30_ for clearing up my query from the last chapter. It was much appreciated and I shall look out for further updates. Fingers crossed for S9.

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><p><strong>The Parent's Apple<strong>

_One week earlier,_

The rhythmical thump filled the room as Lindsay's OB/GYN slid the probe across her bare torso. The grainy black and white image showed their growing child, curled up and sucking his or her thumb. Lindsay looked up at Danny, beaming. His face was full of wondrous pride and she couldn't resist leaning up to press a kiss to his chin. He turned his head down towards her, also smiling happily.

Dr. Harper navigated the probe and studied the screen intently. "Did you want to know the sex of your baby?"

Lindsay hesitated, looking at her husband. He'd always expressed his want of a son however there was no doubt in her mind that he would love this child, male or female. She'd seen his opinion switch first hand before when she'd told him they were having Lucy, after being adamant that their baby would be a boy.

Danny cast his gaze down at Lindsay and smiled, shaking his head. "It doesn't matter."

She smiled and shook her head at the OB/GYN. "No, I think we'll wait for another five months to find out."

"I'll leave the image on screen for if you want a copy to take away with you, but I'm just going to examine you," Dr. Harper told Lindsay as she wheeled her chair closer to the gurney. Lindsay shifted into a more comfortable position before Dr. Harper began her examination.

Danny was holding Lindsay's hand and, not for the first time, Lindsay wondered how she'd been blessed with such a loving husband. She knew that his biggest regret was missing out on the earlier parts of Lindsay's pregnancy with Lucy, therefore he'd been working twice as hard to be with her for everything during this pregnancy. He pressed a kiss to her temple before looking across at the OB/GYN who was frowning.

"What's up?" he asked, his own forehead crinkling in worry.

"It's nothing to worry about," Dr. Harper instantly reassured them. "I've just noticed on the monitor and when measuring that the foetus is slightly smaller than usual for at this time. You needn't worry too much about it though; all pregnancies and all babies are different. If it was more sinister then I would tell you but I can assure you that I don't think there's any cause for alarm."

Lindsay squeezed Danny's hand comfortingly to show him she wasn't too worried and that he shouldn't be either.

"I know that during the first trimester it's always harder to eat something which won't unsettle your stomach but now that you've entered the second trimester it will be beneficial to start eating more," Dr. Harper advised. "Just eat from all the regulated food groups and make sure you're well nourished. Hopefully next time I see you the foetus will have grown to its natural size but if not, then like I said it's nothing to worry about – some babies are naturally small."

"I wouldn't mind the baby being small," Lindsay joked. She gestured towards Danny. "According to what his mom tells me, Lucy was a doddle in comparison."

She smiled sweetly at Danny as he nudged her in the arm, grinning despite himself. Dr. Harper left the room in order to get a printed image of their baby and they stared at the screen for a moment, mesmerized by their newest child.

"In just a few short months that little guy- or girl," he added when Lindsay shot him a look "will be coming home with us."

Lindsay smiled and squeezed his hand again. "I can't wait."

- CSI: New York -

Lindsay jerked awake. Since three o'clock when Danny had told her the news, both of them had drifted in and out of sleep before suddenly waking guiltily. Neither wanted to admit it, but succumbing to sleep felt like a betrayal to the child they lost. Although, judging by Lindsay's dreams, she couldn't say she wasn't always thinking of it.

She looked around the darkened room and found Danny, stood by the open window. He was staring out across the city, his hand resting upon the window frame above his head. From sight alone she could see that his shoulders were tense. She lay there, silently observing him and wishing she knew what the right thing to say was. How could she open her mouth and say that so what if they lost a child? Life moved on and hey, they could always try again and forget this ever happened.

At the mere thought of saying something so callous, an unbidden tear rolled down her cheek. Yes, life moved on and sure, there could be other children but right now, in this moment, she wanted to grieve for the one baby she'd never know. She'd never see them go to school and then college, get married and have children of their own. She'd never hold them in her arms, rock them to sleep or feed them from her breast. She inhaled slowly and wiped away her tears, reminded herself once again that life moved on. For the next hour she spoke those words in her head like a silent mantra.

Dr. Harper entered the room for her morning rounds and felt the settled tension as though it were a fog. Danny turned upon her arrival and Lindsay's eyes flicked from him to the OB/GYN. Dr. Harper gave Lindsay a sympathetic smile before crossing to the bed where she took the seat Danny had previously occupied. Danny moved closer and settled into the second spare chair on Lindsay's right side.

"How are you feeling?" Dr. Harper began. Lindsay shrugged wordlessly, unable to explain how she was feeling even to herself. Dr. Harper nodded, "that's normal. I'm sure Danny has already explained it to you however I'll go over everything again, tell you about what happens next, care advice, that kind of thing."

Lindsay nodded and so Dr. Harper continued, "last night you were admitted with signs of an incomplete miscarriage. It's not unusual and sometimes women do lose consciousness. Whilst unconscious I gave you a local anaesthetic and proceeded to perform a Dilatation and Curettage which removed the remaining foetus. There wasn't any further complications with the procedure and it's relatively routine however if you experience anything such as heavy bleeding with clots, foul smelling vaginal discharge or severe abdominal pain with a fever then you'll need to return to the hospital immediately."

"I'll make sure of it," Danny inputted weakly.

"Last week when I examined you," Dr. Harper pressed on, "I was certain that your baby would be fine despite the small weight. When I removed the foetus I found that it seems the genetic code had a defect and this was what made further development impossible. I'm afraid this is something that sometimes happens, and unfortunately it can happen to anyone. I'm so, very sorry for your loss but you are both healthy and at the right age, there's nothing to suggest that you can't try again."

Lindsay gave a small, imperceptible nod. "Thank you."

"I have to ask what you would like to happen with the remains of your child," Dr. Harper said as delicately as possible.

Lindsay's right hand gripped the bed sheet, her knuckles white as she fought back tears. After taking a few calming breaths she began, "is it not… I mean don't you class it as… you know, clinical… clinical waste?"

"No," Dr. Harper said firmly. "No, not at all. It's unfortunate but some hospitals will call it clinical waste if a foetus is under 24 weeks but here we have a policy where any foetus, no matter how many weeks, is entitled to a cremation which we can provide. I have to say, it is always done with as much dignity as possible and we haven't had any complaints about the service to date. Once the foetus has been cremated we then provide you with information on where the ashes have been buried and then it's entirely up to you whether you would like to visit or not. We understand that this is a difficult and painful time and so sometimes parents wish to not visit the burial place. Or alternatively, some parents like to take the foetus home with them which they can then either bury in a potted plant or in the garden."

Lindsay choked on a tear and Danny covered her hand with his own, breathing evenly to keep his own tears at bay.

"If you could… could dispose of our child for us, we'll then… we'll take it from there," he decided and Lindsay nodded in agreement, pressing a hand to her mouth.

"Do you have any questions?" Dr. Harper asked.

Lindsay nodded, sniffing. "When can I go home?"

"As the D&C was a success I can discharge you today, I'll go and arrange the paperwork now," the OB/GYN offered. As there didn't seem to be any more questions, Dr. Harper rose to leave the room. At the door she paused before turning back. "I don't wish to cause you anymore grief, but if you wanted to know, your baby was a girl."

Dr. Harper left the room and Lindsay felt as if she broke in two; on the one hand she was grieving for a beautiful girl who could have been a miniature Lucy but on the other, she was thankful she hadn't lost the son Danny so desperately wanted. Unaware of her thoughts, Danny sat thinking only of two sets of beaming grins and pigtails.

"I'm sorry," she finally said when her sobs had subsided. "I can't… I can't take our baby home with us. I know I should be able to but I just can't. I can't carry that… that foetus home and think, I should have been doing this five months from now when you were healthy and alive. Taking a baby home from the hospital is every person's dream but taking a dead… I just can't."

"It's okay," Danny gently shushed her. "I understand, I wouldn't expect you to. I know that's what some people need but we don't, we need something different and that's okay, really that's okay."

He lent across and pressed a kiss to her temple. She moved her head away after his lips first grazed her skin and he sat back, trying not to add to the growing tally of how many times she'd pulled away from him.

"Where's Lucy?" she asked quietly.

"Jo offered to take her last night, a sleepover with her and Ellie. It's Jo's day off today so she offered to keep her until we got back home so we can pick her up on the way if you like?" he offered.

Lindsay pulled a face before sniffing. "I… could we not? I'm sorry, I just… I don't think I'm ready to be Mommy. Right now, I mean just for today, I just want to be Lindsay."

He rubbed his thumb across her knuckles. "No, that's okay, I understand. I'll ring or text Jo when we get home and see if that's alright and if not then I'll ask my Mom to take Luce for the night."

Lindsay nodded and Danny understood that she wasn't herself at the moment; usually when he suggested letting his mom or one of their co-workers babysit she protested, claiming she didn't want to burden their friends and family every time they wanted some along time. Right now, however, it seemed that being alone was all she wanted. He just hoped that sooner, rather than later, she'd be willing to let the world in again.


	5. Chapter Four

**Disclaimer: **The characters of CSI: NY do not belong to me however this story is of my own and should only be used after permission has been asked and given. No copyright infringement intended and no profit is being made.

**Summary: **Danny and Lindsay are going to learn that sometimes you must lose, in order to gain.

**Notes:** Thanks to the reviewers; _Csifan326, webdlfan, MesserFamilyFan100, dannyandlindsayforeva, RandomTVFan30, laurzz, afrozenheart412_ and _LoveShipper._

* * *

><p><strong>The Parent's Apple<strong>

The aroma of coffee filled the apartment as Lindsay opened the bedroom door and made her way towards the kitchen. After being discharged by Dr. Harper, Danny had driven them home, filling the painful silence with music from the radio. They'd entered the apartment, Lindsay hesitantly stepping over the threshold before she mumbled something about a shower and retreated to their en-suite. The shower had been scolding hot, allowing her to scrub hard as though hoping to shed a layer of skin. She'd spent the whole shower with her eyes tightly closed, refusing to look at the water as it ran red with blood and disappeared down the plughole. Dr. Harper had said cramping and bleeding was normal but Lindsay wished it would stop long enough for her to believe that everything was okay again.

Danny had left spare clothing neatly piled on their bed as well as a pad for the bleeding and she'd blinked back tears upon seeing it. His seemingly never ending kindness and care was causing a knot of guilt to tighten in her stomach.

She stood in the kitchen doorway, watching as Danny began unpacking what appeared to be a take away bag. He'd slung a tea towel over one shoulder, a habit of his which she'd laughed at when he'd explained that it was what "all the best chef's on TV did". The coffee machine beeped to signal that it was prepared and Danny turned to retrieve it, his gaze finally falling on Lindsay. She was wearing the yoga pants and t-shirt he'd left out for her, also a adding a sweater of his which she loved so much. She appeared to be wearing it for comfort and for a moment he allowed a small amount of hope.

"Hey, I ordered in breakfast from that place you like," he told her.

She picked at the frayed sleeve, her feet shifting. "Thanks."

"Here," he held out his arms, one directed at her and the other towards the chair at the kitchen table. Lindsay dropped into it gratefully, her hand creeping to her stomach. Danny watched the movement for a moment before scratching the back of his neck. "I'm sure we've still got some Tylenol in the drugs cabinet if you're in pain."

She shook her head and he returned to sorting their breakfast. Within a few minutes a plate of two medium eggs on wheat and a mug of coffee were placed in front of her. Lindsay looked up, smiling weakly at him. He sat opposite her and they began to eat in silence. As Lindsay picked at her food, Danny tried not to let his concern show.

"I phoned Jo; she said she'd be happy to keep Lucy for one more night. She also put Lucy on the phone quickly and she sounded happy. If you wanted I could ring Jo again and you could speak to her…?" his offer was met with a swift shake of the head. "Okay, well we'll see her tomorrow anyway. Jo sent her love, as well."

Lindsay pushed the eggs around her plate silently and Danny sighed. "I was thinking we should also call our parents later, let them know what's happening."

"No!" Lindsay suddenly exclaimed. Danny frowned at her in surprise. She ducked her head, cheeks flushing, "I just want to be left alone."

"Right." Danny stood up and moved as though to walk past Lindsay and out of the kitchen but a hand on his wrist stilled him. He looked down at her but she was avoiding his gaze and for a moment he was reminded of Lucy when she was about to be punished for doing something wrong. He sighed, scrubbing a hand down his face.

"I didn't mean you," she said, her voice soft.

"Didn't you?" he asked, keeping the accusation out of his voice. She shook her head so he moved to the chair next to her and sat in it. She remained facing away from him. "Linds, you've gotta start talking to me."

"I know, okay? I know." She turned towards him and he saw unshed tears sparkling in her eyes. "I don't want to tell them because they'll want to come here. Your mom will insist on driving over and my mom will insist on getting the next flight out, I just want to be left alone for a while. All I need right now is you."

Danny reached out with one arm and pulled Lindsay towards him, her forehead resting against his shoulder.

"I lost our baby," she managed to choke out as the tears fell. Danny gripped the back of her head, holding her closer as she clung to his shirt and cried. He gently shushed her, placing kisses to the top of her head. Slowly her sobs subsided and she moved her head, her wet lashes tickling Danny's neck. Her fingers absentmindedly played with the dog tags which hung around his neck. He ducked his head, placing a kiss to her cheekbone.

"I'm so sorry Danny," she whispered softly.

"Hey," he pulled back to see her better. "What are you apologising for?"

"It's because of me that we-"

"Stop it Lindsay," he cut her off, "stop it right now. None of this is your fault, okay? Dr. Harper said that this kind of thing happens and unfortunately, it happened to us. There was nothing you could have done to prevent it."

Lindsay pulled away from him, shaking her head as new tears rolled down her face. "I knew, I already knew that we'd lost the baby."

Danny stared at her for a moment, unable to form coherent words. Lindsay rubbed at her forehead tiredly before her hand slid to cover her mouth. In an instant she was up and rushing out of the room. Danny sat numbly for a moment before springing into action and following his wife. He found her, curled morosely around the toilet bowl as she heaved. Putting his feelings aside, he knelt down behind Lindsay and pulled her bangs out of her face. His hand rubbed reassuring circles against her back as she threw up. Eventually she pulled up before replacing the toilet lid and reaching for the handle to pull. As the flush washed away all remnants of the take away breakfast she'd barely touched, Lindsay crawled over to the bathtub where she sat with her back supported against the side.

Danny got up off the floor and took out the glass from the drugs cabinet, after rinsing it through he topped it up with water before lowering to the floor again and passing it to Lindsay. She drank gratefully before setting it aside and as Danny made himself comfortable on the floor, it became apparent that they wouldn't be leaving the bathroom for a while.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Danny asked, the hurt evident in his tone. "If you knew then why didn't you…"

Lindsay sighed wearily. "I'm sorry, that came out wrong. I mean, no it didn't; no, yes, it did. I…" she sighed again and rubbed at her forehead to try and stave off a headache. "I didn't know for sure. I noticed two days ago that the baby seemed to have stopped moving as much as usual but I just figured it was because I'd only just entered the second trimester. I should have checked, I should have gone to Dr. Harper and… I should have checked. I think deep down I may have known but I didn't want to admit it. It wasn't until yesterday when I felt the pain that I knew for sure and that's when I realised it was too late. I'd left it too late."

"You couldn't have known," Danny reassured her. She studied him contemplatively for a moment and when she spoke it was a hesitantly posed question.

"Did it matter to you, that it was a girl I mean? You've always wanted a son and I know that it would have been heart breaking if I'd lost you your son but-"

"Stop," he cut her off again. "I'm a little offended that you even needed to ask that. No, it didn't matter to me at all. Sure, a son would be nice but I love Lucy and I would have loved this little girl too. It doesn't change a damn thing, boy or girl, because at the end of the day it was my kid and I would have loved them with everything I had. I _do_ love them with everything I have…"

He stuffed his fists into his eyes as he began to cry and Lindsay scooted closer to him. She wrapped her arms around him and he returned the gesture.

"Me too, I love our lost little girl as well. And I know that you wouldn't have felt differently but right now my head is telling me all these stupid things and I just… I can't… I love you, okay?"

Danny looked up, sniffing. "I know, and I love you too a'right?"

"Good," she croaked before burying her head into his neck as they held on to each other. Neither knew what the rest of the day would bring, let alone tomorrow or the day after, but for the moment they had each other. For the first time since the miscarriage they had each other.


	6. Chapter Five

**Disclaimer: **The characters of CSI: NY do not belong to me however this story is of my own and should only be used after permission has been asked and given. No copyright infringement intended and no profit is being made.

**Summary: **Danny and Lindsay are going to learn that sometimes you must lose, in order to gain.

**Notes:** This chapter has been an absolute moo to write. I think it may have been my subconcious trying to tell me to write my drama essay instead but hey, that can always be left until the night before - right? Anyway, a huge thank you to _dannyandlindsayforeva, RandomTVFan30, MesserFamilyFan100, LoveShipper, webdlfan, afrozenheart412, bookworm_ and _Ditto123_ for reviewing the last chapter.

In answer to your question _afrozenheart412, _they shall be going through the five stages of grief. It's an idea I've been toying with because it fits with the storyline but there'll be a long road ahead before acceptance.

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><p><strong>The Parent's Apple<strong>

"Linds?"

Danny padded across the living room; his hair was ruffled from sleep and he rubbed tiredly at his eyes. Lindsay sat in the darkened room by the window, her feet curled beneath her and an afghan wrapped around her thin shoulders. Concerned at her lack of response he crouched down in front so not to startle her.

"Hey babe, what're you going out here?" he asked softly. He reached out for her hand which was like ice.

"Couldn't sleep."

"Did you try counting sheep?" he asked, referring to their method of sending Lucy to sleep. She gave him a weak smile at his effort. "You've got to sleep, Linds. You haven't slept properly since three o'clock yesterday morning and it's now half four."

She nodded with a sigh. "I know."

He stood up and pulled her by the hand with him. With his other hand he brushed a curl behind her ear and pressed a tender kiss to her temple. "Besides, we have a three year old coming home later who'll no doubt take full advantage of having both of her parent's home all day."

His efforts were rewarded with a second weak smile. Leading her back into the bedroom, Danny tucked Lindsay into her side of the bed before climbing in on the other side. He spooned against her, holding her around the waist and resting his chin on her shoulder. Her cold feet hooked around his ankle and although usually he'd complain, he took some comfort from the familiarity. His hands rested protectively over her stomach and she tentatively covered them with her own.

"We're gonna be okay, aren't we?" Lindsay whispered uncertainly into the darkness.

Danny held her more tightly. "Of course we are."

- CSI: New York -

"Mommeeeeeeee!" the three year olds exuberant shout was laced with excitement as Lindsay pulled the door open. Lucy wrapped her arms around her mother's legs, holding tightly. "I nots seen you in like forever! I had a long sleepover at Auntie Jo's and me and Jo and Ellie all watched _Tangled and then last night uncle Mac came round and we had lots and lots of snugglies!"_

"You did?" Lindsay asked enthusiastically. "Did Aunt Jo and Uncle Mac snuggle too?"

"No!" Lucy giggled, shaking her head adamantly. "Jo said she was s'prised that I let Uncle Mac snuggly with me 'cause he's got boy germies but I said that he's my uncle Mac and he's not got no germies." Lucy peered past her mother's legs. "Daddy! You're here too!"

Danny emerged from around the corner and joined them at the door. Lucy opened her arms out to him and he hoisted her on to his hip. She looked him up and down. "Daddy, why you nots got dressed yet?"

"Mommy and Daddy accidentally overslept and I didn't have time to get dressed yet," he explained.

"Why you oversleep for?" Lucy asked as though it was by choice. She rolled her eyes in a manner similar to Lindsay before turning to Jo. "Thanks for having me Auntie Jo, I had lots and lots and lots and_ lots of fun!"_

"Well that's a helluva lot of fun," Jo laughed.

Danny could sense that Jo wanted to talk to his wife so he excused both him and Lucy, claiming that he needed her to find his sock. They retreated back through the apartment, Lucy exclaiming as they went ("Did that naughty old dryer upper eat your sock again?").

"Thanks for looking after her Jo," Lindsay said sincerely.

"No problem, she was a little delight. Ellie's completely in love with her and even asked if she could either keep her or babysit from time to time," Jo laughed. Lindsay released a weak chuckle of her own.

"Mm, she's all sweet and adorable now but wait until she's not allowed ice cream before bedtime or she needs to have her hair washed," Lindsay replied.

Jo tilted her head to the side, regarding her friend. Now that her young daughter wasn't present her bravado had slipped, revealing the cracks beneath. Lindsay looked both physically and emotionally drained. "How're you doing?"

Lindsay gave her a brave smile. "I'm fine, Jo, really."

"I can't even begin to imagine what you're going through," Jo told her. Lindsay's eyes cast downwards and she shifted uncomfortably. "If you ever needed to talk…"

"Yeah, thanks," Lindsay nodded, her answer quick. She bit her lip, for a moment transported back to a time when it had been Stella Bonasera offering her help. She offered her friend a reassuring smile. "I'm fine."

"Okay, well the offer is still there."

Lindsay beckoned behind her. "Did you want to come in for a coffee or something?"

"No, thanks, I have to get going, I'm due in at half nine but I'll speak to you soon. Tell Danny I'll see him at work tomorrow," Jo finished.

"I will do, thanks Jo, bye," Lindsay said before shutting and locking the front door as Jo walked back towards the elevator. She released a sigh before turning around to find Danny leaning against the wall, watching her. He gave a reassuring smile.

"One down, huh?"

Lindsay nodded. "I guess so."

"I'll speak to them tomorrow, tell everyone that we're fine and appreciate the support but would rather be left alone for the moment," Danny offered.

"It sounds very diplomatic," Lindsay replied. Danny pushed away from the wall and towards his wife, opening his arms for her to fall into.

"Mommy, what's that?" Lucy was back and she was pointing at the hospital bracelet which encircled Lindsay's wrist. Lindsay bit her lip, wondering why she hadn't cut the plastic band off yet.

"Lucy," Danny began, "why don't we all go and sit on the couch?"

"Okay," she said happily and distracted for the moment as she skipped through into the living room.

Lindsay looked up at her husband. "Do we tell her?"

"I don't know, maybe."

"She might not understand though," Lindsay worried.

"We'll take it slowly and simply, if she doesn't then she doesn't but we can try," Danny answered, wishing they'd discussed and planned this earlier. He took her hand and gave it a squeeze before walking with her through to the living room. Lucy was sat in the middle of the couch, waiting expectantly for her parent's to sit on each side of her. They did so, wrapping their arms around their little girl and encasing her securely.

Lindsay showed Lucy the hospital bracelet and the little girl lightly ran her fingers over it. "This is a hospital bracelet, Luce. The day before yesterday I was very sick and I had to go to the hospital so the doctors could look after me and make me better again."

"Oh Mommy, are you all better now?" Lucy asked. Lindsay hesitated, her throat catching as tears rose in her eyes. Lucy reached up and touched Lindsay's cheek with her fingertips. "Don't cry Mama."

Lindsay sniffed and smiled at her daughter. "Lucy, do you remember when me and Daddy told you that there was a baby growing in Mommy's tummy?"

"Uh-huh," Lucy nodded and said very seriously, "and it was our special secret."

"That's right. Well, there isn't going to be a baby. I'm afraid the baby died and the doctors had to take it away," Lindsay said gently.

"Like Angela's granddaddy?" Lucy asked, referring to a school friend.

"A bit, but unlike Angela's granddaddy our baby died before she was born," Lindsay said. "Do you understand?"

Lucy nodded slowly. "So there's not gonna be a baby no more?"

"No, there isn't."

"Not ever?"

Lindsay faltered. "Maybe someday there will be but not right now. Not for a long time."

"Do you need snugglies?" Lucy asked.

"Yes please, but you'll have to be very gentle because mommy's still hurting," Lindsay replied. Lucy hugged Lindsay and Danny wrapped his arms around the both of them. He'd taken a backseat in the explanation, realising that it was something mother and daughter needed to work through on their own. He hoped this would help Lindsay to heal.

- CSI: New York -

Danny watched as Lucy's eyes fluttered closed and her breathing began to even out. His voice softened as he neared the end of her storybook, continuing through the last few pages to ensure she went to sleep. He'd ran a bath for Lindsay in their en-suite and told her to relax, hoping it would calm her for the first time in days whilst he bathed Lucy and readied her for bed. He'd been surprised when Lucy had picked the current book he was reading from the shelf but he'd read it regardless, wondering if she was silently offering him the comfort he desperately needed.

Danny continued on the last page, his voice softer than silk. "'I'll love you forever, I'll like you for always, as long as I'm living, my baby you'll be.' Sweet dreams, princess."

He stroked her soft curls, unaware that outside in the hall his wife clutched at her stomach and fell apart.


	7. Chapter Six

**Disclaimer: **The characters of CSI: NY do not belong to me however this story is of my own and should only be used after permission has been asked and given. No copyright infringement intended and no profit is being made.

**Summary: Danny and Lindsay are going to learn that sometimes you must lose, in order to gain.**

**Notes:** Thank you everyone who reviewed; _Csifan326, CsiNY326, MesserFamilyFan100, Ditto123, LoveShipper, dannyandlindsayforeva, laurzz, bookworm_ and _Clare-Louise89._

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><p><strong>The Parent's Apple<strong>

Lucy's chatter filled the otherwise silent elevator as it climbed to the 35th floor crime lab, unaware of the tension settled between her parents. Danny glanced across at his wife, wondering what she was thinking as she stared up at the slowly ascending numbers. After putting Lucy to bed the night before, he'd found that Lindsay had also settled in for the night. Danny had stripped down in the dim lamplight, fully aware that she was feigning sleep and as he'd reached across her to turn the light off he'd noticed the tears that were slowly leaking out of her closed eyes. He hadn't pressed her, knowing that she still needed time to process everything that had happened. Instead he'd turned the light off and, feeling emboldened in the darkness, pressed a reassuring kiss to her temple before settling down to sleep.

This morning, however, when he'd noticed that Lindsay was still reserved, he'd begun to scheme. Danny had told Lucy that he'd planned on letting her take the day off from preschool, spending it instead at home with mommy and he'd knew his plan had worked when Lucy had exuberantly insisted that she be allowed to do that. He even hadn't minded when Lucy had told Lindsay of the plan as though it was her idea. His hope was that Lindsay would find comfort in having Lucy with her for the day, especially if it was just the two of them.

"I was actually planning on going into the lab today," Lindsay had mumbled. At the raised eyebrow he gave her, she hurried on, "not to work. The opposite actually, I was going to ask for some leave."

Danny had smiled sadly, relieved that she was taking the doctor's orders to rest seriously. He'd shrugged. "I can always take you both with me when I go in. I'm sure the lab's due another Lucy visit anyway. I know Flack was on the nightshift and I'm sure he won't mind dropping you both home on his way back."

The mumbled, "you have it all worked out" had sounded hollow and empty.

As the doors slid open Lucy dutifully slipped her hand into her mothers. Lindsay looked down at the small child and gave her a smile. Danny promised to catch up with them before jogging down to the locker room whilst they went in search of Mac, Lucy skipping along.

"See Mommy, I don't runs away like last time, I stays with you and holds your hand, just like I promised," Lucy proudly informed her.

"That's right baby, well done," Lindsay praised. She was momentarily thrown back to a year ago when Lucy had been brought to the lab for a visit. Having spotted her beloved godfather, the then two year old had darted in front of a lab tech that'd been carrying a tray of chemical bottles. As the contents had poured over her daughter, Lindsay had felt her heart jump into her throat as Lucy began crying pitifully. She'd rushed to her, fearing the worst and it had taken several attempts for the lab tech to explain before Lindsay had accepted that the chemical bottles were only filled with water having been cleaned out. Reassured that Lucy was only crying because she was wet and not from being splashed with something more sinister, relief had crashed through her at once as she berated her daughter. It seemed that Lucy had thankfully learnt her lesson.

"When I see Uncle Mac will he give me lots of snugglies?" Lucy asked.

"I except so," Lindsay replied.

"Will he give you lots of snugglies too?" the little girl enquired.

"I'm not sure, why?"

"'Cause you're all sad and when you're sad that makes me sad and when I'm sad and you're sad that makes Daddy sad," she explained seriously.

Lindsay stopped and crouched down so she was her daughter's height. "I'm sorry Lucy; I'm not trying to make you or Daddy sad."

Lucy wrapped her arms around her mother's neck, hugging her tightly. When Lindsay stood up, she brought Lucy with her, resting the little girl against her hip. She kissed her cheek and Lucy giggled before they continued down the halls again. As they reached the trace lab Lindsay stopped, her heart suddenly hammering. She wasn't sure if she'd ever be able to disassociate the trace lab with tragedy ever again.

"Hey, Linds." She turned and smiled as Hawkes approached her. Hawkes affectionately tweaked Lucy's cheek, earning a giggle. "And hi Lucy; what're you both doing here?"

"I've come to see Mac about some time off," Lindsay explained somewhat sheepishly. Hawkes' eyes clouded with sympathy so she pushed on, jiggling Lucy. "And madam here wanted to take a day off of preschool so she could see everyone at the lab."

Hawkes feigned shock. "Lucy Messer, are you playing hooky?"

Lucy giggled again, burying her head into her mother's neck and peeking at the doctor. He chuckled and squeezed Lindsay's shoulder affectionately.

"Well it's good to see you back, I've gotta run or else these results will never be finished," he said before ducking around her into the trace lab. Lindsay watched him go, slowly breathing a sigh of relief and recognising that it hadn't been as painful as she may have thought.

Danny reached them again, looked harried already. "I've just been paged to a scene but I text Flack and he's happy to come by in twenty minutes to get you. If you're not done with Mac then he'll hang around, ok?" He gave Lucy a kiss. "Be good for your mom."

He also kissed Lindsay, pressing his lips to hers a little more firmly than he would usually in the lab. She gave him a crooked smile and he flashed her a smile of his own before retreating back to the elevators.

"C'mon you," Lindsay said as they set off again. It was eventually Lucy who spotted Mac, pointing and waving as she saw him through the glass of the reconstruction lab. He was wearing safety glasses and ear defenders as he shot at three different mannequins, each from different ranges.

Lindsay gently tapped on the glass, gaining his attention as he turned and grinned at the pair of them. Setting his equipment aside, he indicated a lab tech to clear the space for him before meeting them in the corridor.

"Hi, sorry, if you're busy we can come back," Lindsay apologised but Mac batted it away.

"No need, what can I do for you?" he asked.

Lindsay hesitated. "I was just wondering if I could make take some time off. I just… I need time, Mac."

"It's understandable," Mac reassured her. "If we go to my office I'll sort the paperwork out with you."

They walked towards his office and Lucy tugged on a lock of Lindsay's hair that she was gripping. Lindsay turned towards her daughter. "Mommy, I thirsty."

Lindsay turned to Mac. "Are you ok to take her ahead whilst I get her something to drink quickly?"

"No, that's fine," Mac replied before smiling down upon his goddaughter. Lindsay set off towards the vending machines and Lucy took Mac's hand letting him lead her to his office. When in the office he sat at his desk, willingly letting the small girl pull herself up into his lap. Once settled, she rested against him, her fingers lightly tracing the wrist that was holding her securely around the middle.

"I hate Mommy's baby," Lucy suddenly said, her brow creased in a scowl.

Mac pulled back to look at her clearly. "Why?"

"'Cause it make Mommy sad all the time. Mommy and Daddy were happy and they said it was our special secret but then that naughty baby make them cry," Lucy told him. Mac sighed, holding her closer to him.

"It's no one's fault Lucy, not Mommy's or Daddy's or even the baby's," he explained carefully. "The baby just wasn't ready to be born yet, sometimes it happens."

"Is the baby still in her tummy, waiting to be ready?" Lucy asked.

"No, no it's not there anymore," Mac said.

"Where is it then?"

"It's in heaven now," Mac answered simply. He hoped she didn't press for more details; even as a believer in God, he had never wanted to influence Lucy's beliefs with his own as he didn't know what her own parents believed in. He knew that Danny had been raised a Roman Catholic but he rarely practised Catholicism and although she'd never said either way, Mac had a feeling Lindsay's beliefs had been devastated at the tender age of fifteen.

"Mommy's baby is with the angels?" she asked. "That means it's good, right?"

"Yeah, it was good," Mac agreed.

"Uncle Mac, am _I_ good?" Lucy asked, looking innocent and perfectly sweet. Mac laughed allowed.

"Yes Lucy, you are good; you're a good little girl but sometimes you're also naughty."

Lucy looked affronted. "I'm not naughty!"

"What has she done now?" Lindsay asked with a laugh, walking into Mac's office.

"Nothing," Mac shook his head smiling as Lucy climbed down from his lap. She reached her mother, gesticulating as she spoke.

"Uncle Mac's being bad, he says I'm a good girl who is naughty too!" she exclaimed. Lindsay laughed.

"I think Uncle Mac is telling the truth," she told her daughter.

"Is not!" Lucy insisted. Lindsay sat down and Lucy climbed into her lap instead. Lindsay busied herself with piercing the straw through the juice box for Lucy as Mac watched them. Seeing them now, no one would believe they had suffered yet another tragedy and yet Mac knew that happiness could only run so deep before it met the pain. Reaching into his bottom draw, he began taking out the relevant documents for Lindsay to sign for her absence. He finished as Lindsay settled Lucy on to one thigh, leaving her room to reach the desk and talk professionally to Mac. Mac filled out the relevant information, asking her for certain details.

"So when did you want to come back?" he asked.

Lindsay bit her lip unsurely. "I don't know."

"You don't know when you're coming back, or you don't know if you're coing back at all?" Mac asked with a frown and quizzical smile.

The worrying of her lip became worse. "I don't know… I don't want to quit but…" she stroked Lucy's hair out of her eyes, contemplatively. "I don't know, Mac."


	8. Chapter Seven

**Disclaimer: **The characters of CSI: NY do not belong to me however this story is of my own and should only be used after permission has been asked and given. No copyright infringement intended and no profit is being made.

**Summary: **Danny and Lindsay are going to learn that sometimes you must lose, in order to gain.

**Notes: **A huge thank you to _CsiFan326, webdlfan, MesserFamilyFan100, Clare-Louise89, LoveShipper, dannyandlindsayforeva_ and_ afrozenheart412_ for reviewing the last chapter. I hope you enjoy this next instalment.

**The Parent's Apple**

Lindsay held Lucy's hand as they walked towards the break room, the little girl hopping on every other step. Mac had promised that her job would always be there for her to come back to but also told her to not feel pressurised at any time to return. When Claire had died, he'd pushed on; going to work as usual. He knew from experience that rather than grieving and then moving on it only added layers which hid the pain until it was your very core. Don Flack stood against the counter in the break room, flicking through an outdated copy of _Sports Illustrated _and loosening his customary tie.

"'Sup Uncle Flack!"

Don looked up at the greeting and grinned as they stood in the doorway. He pushed up from the counter, dropping the magazine down as he did so. As he reached them he stooped to a crouch, opening his arms up for the small girl to fall into.

"Y'alright Lucy?" he asked and she nodded vigorously. Don let Lucy go and straightened, taking Lindsay in for a hug as well. "How're you holding up?"

Lindsay gave him a half shrug and smile. "I'm fine."

"You all done with Mac?" he asked and Lindsay gave a nod. "'K, well Danno said you needed a ride back so I'm ready when you are."

"Lead the way," she gestured before taking Lucy's hand firmly within her own.

They rode the elevator down to the parking garage with Don raptly listening as Lucy told him about school and friends and the park. Lindsay stroked her fingers through Lucy's hair, content for the moment. When they reached Don's silver car he went round to the trunk, pulling out the spare booster seat which he'd bought for moments like these. Fixing it in, he let Lindsay settle Lucy into the back before they each climbed into the front.

"Hey Uncle Flack, have you still got my colouring book and crayons?" Lucy asked.

"I sure do," Don answered as he started the engine. "They should be in the front compartment."

Lindsay opened the compartment and pulled out the folded colouring book and crayon case before passing it back to her daughter. She happily became engrossed, tossing a quick thanks to Don before scribbling into the book and humming to herself.

"Is that the _Scooby Doo_ theme?" Don asked, cutting a glance to Lucy in the rear view mirror as he pulled out of the parking garage and on to the street.

"Yeah, she loves it."

Don grinned. "Kid's got good taste."

He looked in the rear view mirror again, checking Lucy was fully occupied before turning his attention to her mother. "So, how are you holding up really?"

"I told you, I'm fine," Lindsay answered. When Don cast her a look she sighed and relented. "I'm not saying it's not hard and it is painful but we'll get through this. We've gotten through everything else life has thrown at us so far, why not this too?"

"You guys haven't exactly had it easy," Don agreed.

"Has any of us?" she replied. "Mac's wife died in 9/11, Jo married the wrong man, Hawkes' girlfriend was raped, Jess died…" she trailed off softly. He looked across, giving her a half smile. "We all get through these things, it may be the hardest and worst thing we ever have to do but we do it."

Don nodded and they rode in silence for a moment.

"Ya know I never really thanked you. Both of you actually. You and Danny have always been such good friends to me and during that time after Jess… well, you tried to help as much as possible even though you had your own stuff to deal with."

"You never need to thank us for being there, Don. We'd do it in a heartbeat, because we know you'd do the same for us."

_Three years earlier,_

The bar was heaving with scantily clad women and leering men as Lindsay Messer pushed her way through them. Dressed in jeans, sneakers and a hooded sweater, it was obvious she didn't belong. It didn't take her long to find him, sat on a stool at the bar and nursing one of many drinks judging by the empty bottles and glasses surrounding him. She reached him as he raised the bottle to take another sip but stopped as her hand closed on his wrist. He looked down at her with bleary eyes.

"What're you doing here?" Don asked gruffly.

"You rang Danny and he isn't exactly in a position to drive anywhere so I'm here, c'mon," Lindsay replied as she gestured for him to follow her. Don shrugged her hand off roughly. She narrowed her eyes on him. "Don't make me kick your ass outta here because you know I will."

Don glared down at her for a minute before finally seeming to decide it wasn't worth it. He slid off the stool, stumbling through the bar and out into the frigid night. Lindsay followed after throwing some bills down on the bar, not caring if it was the right amount or not. She found Don round the side of the alley, vomiting against a dumpster. Once done he stood and wiped his mouth roughly.

Don sucked in a breath, the night air starting to sober him up and sighed, scrubbing a hand down his face. "What time is it?"

"Late, or early, depending which way you look at it."

"You should be at home," he told her.

"So should you," Lindsay counter argued. He sunk down against the side of the wall, knees pulled to his chest. Lindsay sighed before dropping down beside him, careful to pick a patch of concrete that looked remotely clean. "What's going on Don? You're a mess."

"Miss Jess," he said thickly.

Lindsay sighed and wrapped an arm around his shoulders. "I know you do, but drinking isn't going to help anything. Trust me, I know."

"You drink?" he asked.

"I did, after my friends were killed. Fifteen and dangerously close to becoming an alcoholic," she said with a dry chuckle.

"What made you stop?"

"I had a family who were willing to support me but also willing to kick my ass when I was out of control. Look Don, I know what it's like to feel like your teetering on the edge but believe me when I say that alcohol won't solve anything, only those close to you will."

He swallowed hard, the taste acrid. "I just… I want Jess so bad."

Lindsay gave him a firm squeeze. "I know. Look, I wasn't particularly close to Jess, but for what it's worth I really liked her."

He sunk his head on Lindsay's shoulder, silently taking comfort from her presence. They remained that way for ten minutes before a rowdy group from the bar stepped out into the street. As they stumbled past, singing drunkenly, Lindsay got to her feet and pulled Don up too.

"C'mon, the car's this way; you can stay at ours for the night."

He'd laid on a makeshift bed on the sofa a half hour later, listening to Lindsay's quiet murmurs which drifted from the spare-bedroom-turned-nursery. He couldn't make out her words but the soft reassurance in her voice soon lulled him to sleep. In the morning he awoke to find a bottle of water and two aspirins on the coffee table beside him. His head thumped and he had little recollection of the night before. It wasn't until months later when Mac had hauled his ass across the line and brought him back from the brink that Lindsay's words had returned to him as well as that period of his life episodically.

He knew, without a doubt, that he owed the whole team a debt of gratitude.

"Here we go, le casa de Messer," Don said as he pulled up alongside the curb.

"That means the house of Messer," Lucy piped up from the back.

Don turned to look at her, an impressed grin spreading across his face. "Clever kid."

Lucy giggled, "Mamá me enseñó español."

Don turned to Lindsay, frowning, "Huh?"

She gave him a patient smile. "She said Mommy taught me Spanish."

"No kiddin'. Does Danny know it too?" he asked.

"Nope," Lindsay grinned. "It drives him mad."

"I bet," Don laughed. "Now go on, get outta here. Did you want me to walk up with you?"

"No, we'll be fine. Anyway, you should get on home, you look beat."

"If you need anything then you know where I am, 'K?" he offered seriously. Lindsay gave him a smile and nodded.

"Thanks Don," she said before getting out of the car. Rounding to the other side, she let Lucy out of the booster seat. "Say goodbye to Uncle Don."

"Bye Flack, thanks for the ride," Lucy said as Lindsay lifted her out of the car and to the ground. They watched Don drive away, waving to him before making their way towards the apartment. Lindsay cast a look at the retreating car, contemplating what she'd said to Don. It was true; they did all get through things even when they felt it was impossible to. She'd gotten past her friends murders and Danny had come to terms with Ruben's death so perhaps this would be another obstacle which they'd overcome together. Even if right now the end wasn't quite so clear.


	9. Chapter Eight

**Disclaimer: **The characters of CSI: NY do not belong to me however this story is of my own and should only be used after permission has been asked and given. No copyright infringement intended and no profit is being made.

**Summary: **Danny and Lindsay are going to learn that sometimes you must lose, in order to gain.

**Notes:** As ever, a wonderful thank you to _LoveShipper, MesserFamilyFann100, dannyandlindsayforeva, bookworm _and_ afrozenheart412 _for reviewing the previous chapter. I'm sorry for the long wait but hopefully now that I'm on summer break I should be able to update more frequently.

This chapter gets a little heavy between Danny and Lindsay in the physical sense however it's important to the piece.

**The Parent's Apple**

It was close to one o'clock in the morning when Danny quietly pushed open the apartment door and stepped inside. The apartment was quiet but the light seeping through suggested that Lindsay was still awake. Dropping his keys into the bowl on a table by the door, he shrugged off his coat and hung it in the cupboard, placing his shoes at the bottom. There was a time when he would have simply thrown his jacket over the back of the couch and kicked his shoes off anywhere. Smiling amusedly, he walked down to the living room. Lindsay was curled up on the couch, the afghan draped over her shoulders and a book in her hand. She looked up as he entered.

"What are you smiling about?" she asked, a smile of her own peeping through.

"Nothing, just… thinkin'," he shrugged. Leaning over the back of the couch he gave her a chaste kiss.

"I left some casserole in the oven for you, did you want me to heat it up whilst you get changed?" she offered.

"That sounds good, thanks," Danny nodded with a smile. Circling round the couch, Danny held his hand out to pull Lindsay to standing and placed another kiss to her upturned mouth before they walked into the hallway, branching off into the kitchen and master bedroom.

Danny shut the door behind him and sank down on to the bed, rubbing tiredly at his face. It had been two weeks since they'd lost the baby and things seemed to be picking up. They'd fallen into a new routine, one in which Danny would work and Lindsay would spend time with Lucy when she wasn't at preschool. Other than running errands, he didn't know for sure what Lindsay did during the day but she didn't seem to have any complaints and making her happy was his main priority.

Danny stripped out of his jeans and shirt, throwing them into the hamper before pulling on a pair of comfortable sweats with his wife beater. He returned to the kitchen and stood in the doorway, watching Lindsay as she bent at the oven and pulled the casserole out. Straightening up, she turned and noticed him watching her. Smiling shyly, she set the casserole on to the table and he sat down to eat. She seated herself opposite him, nursing a glass of wine.

He glanced at her surreptitiously whilst eating; she looked as though she had something on her mind and switched between stealing glances at him and staring at the table thoughtfully.

"What is it, Linds?" he finally asked, pushing his finished dinner away.

She hesitated before offering him a smile. "I saw my OB-GYN today."

Danny's eyebrows rose. "You should've said, I would have come with you."

She shook her head with a smile and he sighed inwardly. Lindsay had always been open with him and yet she was suddenly becoming very private about her body. Lindsay, unaware of Danny's thoughts, pressed on.

"She said everything seemed fine. There were no complications with the… _thing,_ and that we should be good to carry on as normal…" when Danny continued to look blank she continued, "sexually."

"Oh." Danny sat back, surprised. "So are you saying that you," he gestured between them, "want to?"

Lindsay toyed with the wine glass shyly and nodded. He grinned, pushing away from the table and rounding it. She turned towards him in her seat and he nudged her legs apart, stepping between them. Stooping down, he pressed a long kiss to her lips. She melted into his kiss, a moan escaping her as he slipped his tongue into her mouth. Gripping her elbows, he pulled Lindsay to her feet so she was flush against his body. She could already feel his erection stirring and a thud of arousal dropped through her stomach.

Entwining his fingers through hers, he silenced her worries about the mess of the kitchen with another kiss. Danny let her take the lead, knowing that she needed the control or at least some resemblance of it. They reached their bedroom, their hands undressing and exploring each other as they slid slow, sultry kisses over the others mouth. Lindsay tentatively ran her hands down Danny's exposed torso, reaching the waistband of his sweats, her fingers idly tracing the line of flesh and material. Danny tensed beneath her ministrations and his mind was wiped blank as he tried to remember exactly why he was holding back.

His hands cupped her face and he kissed her. She yielded to him, whimpering as he poured passion into the sizzling kiss. Her body felt weak and she ended up sat on the edge of their bed as he overpowered her with his kiss. They broke away, breathless, and he pushed her back into the bed so he could climb atop her. He kicked the sweatpants off himself, eager for the contact of skin on skin. A hand moved between their bodies, setting her ablaze as she had him, until he reached her welcoming heat. She arched into him, sucking in a breath and seeking his lips for another kiss.

His hand dipped and he slid his lips over her cheekbone, his breath hot on her ear. "I've missed you."

Removing his hand from her delicious heat, he grasped himself and was drawn to her waiting entrance. She gripped his biceps in a familiar gesture but suddenly, as though waking to reality, he realised she was shuddering beneath him in anguish rather than pleasure. She swallowed, chocking down sobs as her body tensed with panic. He moved to get off her but her legs locked around his torso, keeping him in place.

"No wait," she said in a strangled whisper. "Please, just wait. I'm fine."

"Linds, look at you. I can't… I can't do this if you-"

"No, I want this. I do, I just…" she scrunched up her face, frustrated with herself. "I… I really do want you, but…"

"What is it?" he pressed, placing a reassuring kiss to her forehead. "Tell me, Lindsay, what is it you want?"

A lone tear slipped down her cheek and she brushed it away impatiently. "Can we use a condom?"


	10. Chapter Nine

**Disclaimer: **The characters of CSI: NY do not belong to me however this story is of my own and should only be used after permission has been asked and given. No copyright infringement intended and no profit is being made.

**Summary: **Danny and Lindsay are going to learn that sometimes you must lose, in order to gain.

**Notes: **Thank you to _MesserFamilyFan100, dannyandlindsayforeva, Claire-Louise89_ and _afrozenheart412_ for reviewing chapter eight!

**The Parent's Apple**

The faint light had penetrated the curtains, slowly sweeping across the room and signalling the arrival of a new day long before Danny or Lindsay fell asleep. They'd lain in silence for hours, each aware that the other was awake. The night before, Lindsay could freely admit, had been disastrous. She'd thought seducing Danny would have solved their problems and tossed them back into the life they'd had before the baby but somehow it had opened deeper wounds. Her request for a condom had shocked even her but the thought of possibly creating another child so soon had both frightened and sickened her. They'd continued, trying to act as though there was nothing wrong but both had known better. Even when dating they'd always been too caught up in the moment to think about using protection and although inadvisable, Lindsay had, after all, fallen unexpectedly pregnant with Lucy, they had never felt the need for a condom. Danny's stash had remained in the drawer, completely untouched until the night before and Lindsay knew there wouldn't be a simple excuse for her actions. She knew Danny; he'd want them to tackle their problems head on whereas Lindsay wanted to avoid them for as long as possible.

'_Good morning, passengers. This is the pre-boarding announcement for flight _6831_ to Bozeman, Montana with a stopover at Denver, Colorado. We are now inviting those passengers with small children, and any passengers requiring special assistance, to begin boarding at this time. Please have your boarding pass and identification ready. Regular boarding will begin in approximately ten minutes time. Thank you.'_

Lindsay looked up from the magazine she'd been aimlessly flicking through. A small girl clung to her mother's hand, rubbing her eyes tiredly as they headed towards the correct gate. Lindsay smiled wistfully to herself, watching the child follow her mother before casting her eyes back to the magazine. The words swam before her, unreadable and she inhaled through her nose slowly.

As Danny's breathing had evened out, Lindsay had silently crept out of the bed. She'd dressed quickly before grabbing a duffel and packing it in the dim light through the curtains. Danny had grumbled but hadn't woken as she'd pressed a lingering kiss to his cheek before gathering her packed belongings and stealing from the apartment. As she'd hailed a cab and requested the cabbie take her to the airport, guilt had gnawed at her senses and she'd fought back tears of both grief and self-loathing. Stepping into the airport and buying her ticket, however, had caused the heavy constriction in her chest to ease and she'd been able to breathe easier for the first time in two weeks. She thought of Danny and Lucy who'd wake to find her gone and although she wished it hadn't come to this, she also knew it was needed. Listening carefully to the next announcement, Lindsay gathered her belongings and walked toward the correct gate with purpose; if she was going to heal, if she was going to be the wife and mother that Danny and Lucy deserved, then she was going to have to do it alone.

* * *

><p>Heavily cobwebbed with sleep, Danny yawned and stretched, his hand reaching beside him and grasping cold, empty sheets. With a sigh, his eyes popped open as he saw that Lindsay had already vacated their bedroom. He knew he'd find her doing something, looking busy and therefore avoiding the talk they desperately needed to have. He wondered whether she remembered that he was on-call today and therefore providing Mac didn't phone with a short-staffed emergency, he'd be free to catch her when she wasn't pretending to be busy. Lindsay had always been one to avoid confrontation and although he sometimes used it to his advantage, such as snapping when he was frustrated because he knew she wouldn't argue back, he was determined that they should finally confront everything that had happened since the miscarriage. He knew she had this irrational fear that he resented her for losing the baby and perhaps it was her self-loathing talking but he had to correct what she thought before it was too late.<p>

Climbing out of their bed decisively, he pulled on his sweats and undershirt from the night before and exited the bedroom, heading to the kitchen where he found Lucy sat at the table, already eating a bowl of cereal.

"Hey, sweet pea." He ran a hand over her hair and kissed the top of her head.

"Hi Daddy. Lookit, I got this all by myselfs." She proudly showed him the bowl of cereal, grinning triumphantly.

"Oh wow, Lucy, you sure are a big girl these days."

"Uh-huh," she agreed. "I didn't spill a single drop of milk. When Mommy wakes up, I show her too."

Danny frowned, wondering why Lucy thought Lindsay was still in bed. Without wanting to worry the small child, he retreated back out of the kitchen and began a silent search for Lindsay which proved futile. Re-entering their bedroom, he paused in the doorway and observed the room with the keen eye of an investigator. Lindsay's cell phone and her badge sat on the dresser beside his, untouched from the night before. Crossing to the closet, he unlocked the gun safe and experienced a small thrill of relief to see her piece still sat beside his. Relocking the safe, he riffled through the contents of the closet and noted that some of her clothes were missing, along with the duffel she always took on journeys. Breathing steadily through the panic which was rising in his chest, he closed the closet and walked to their bathroom to find that her toiletries were also missing.

He cupped his hands over his nose and mouth, pressing his fingers into the corners of his eyes and breathing deeply. Stumbling backwards, he perched on the edge of the tub as his face screwed up and he pushed the heels of each hand into his eyes to stop the emotion from spilling over.

"Daddy?" Lucy rushed into the bathroom, crouching before him with sympathy etched across her face. "Oh Daddy! Did you poke yourself in the eyes again when putting in your 'tacts?"

Danny laughed despite himself, amused by his daughter. "Er yeah, somethin' like that."

"You needs me to find Mommy? Usually when I hurted she gives me lots of snugglies and kisses and it make it all go away and I gets better. You want that, Daddy?" Lucy offered.

The mention of Lindsay felt like a stab through the chest but Danny pushed past it, forcing a smile. "Mommy's not here at the moment, she's out running some errands. You think you could give me magic hugs and kisses instead?"

Lucy nodded vigorously before launching into his arms, peppering his face with kisses. Danny held her tightly, despising himself for lying to her but determined to remain strong for the both of them. He knew that before long Lucy would begin questioning Mommy's absence, but for now he could take solitude in her ignorance.

"What d'you say to going to the park?" he suggested, guiltily distracting her with treats.

"Yay, p'ease and fanks!" Lucy hopped out of his arms and ran out of the bathroom, hollering as she went, "I'll get dressed and then we go, 'kay? You gets dressed too and no dillydallying, mister!"

There was another stab through the chest.

* * *

><p>"Lucy, be careful, not too high!" Danny cautioned from where he stood, watching his daughter as she fearlessly swung higher. The three year old would always need a starting push but once she'd gotten the momentum she enjoyed to prove her own independence in the swinging department.<p>

"Lookit me go!" she shouted exuberantly.

Danny stuffed his hands into the pockets of his leather jacket, staving off the chill which swept across the park. He cast a glance over his shoulder, relief spreading through him as the familiar figure crossed the park. It was in a moment of weakness that he'd called her, promising details when she arrived, but the uplift in his mood was worth any knock to his ego.

"Ma, thank God you're here."

"What's going on?" Alba Messer asked as she reached him. "On the phone you sounded terrible."

Danny led her over to the nearby park bench, one eye still on Lucy as they sat together. "Abou' two weeks ago Lindsay had a miscarriage. She was four months on and she collapsed at work, by the time I got to the hospital they were already performing a D&C."

"Oh the poor dear," Alba sighed, a hand resting upon her breast. "Why didn't you tell us sooner?"

"Linds didn't want to. We needed time to get our own heads around it, plus we didn't wanna worry you and Pop or her parents. We haven't been too good since it happened; Lindsay's taken time from work and we've kinda buried things rather than workin' through them but last night it all kinda came to a head and when I woke up this morning she'd gone. I checked and her stuff's missin', she didn't leave a note and I don't have the faintest idea as to where she might've gone."

Alba sighed sadly, partly understanding the grief. When Louie had died she'd been devastated; Clemenza had long since washed his hands of their oldest son but she'd always hoped that someday Louie would come back from the path he'd chosen. She'd been in a catatonic state for some days after they decided to turn off the life support machine and it had taken time for her to get over that stage, finally growing back into the person she'd been before.

"Have you contacted her parents? She might have headed back to Montana," Alba suggested.

"I've been puttin' it off," he admitted. "I don't honestly think she'd head there what with the awkward questions. Not to mention her parents are fairly protective and I don't think she'd want that right now but I 'spose there's no harm in tryin'. I guess I'm just worried abou' havin' to tell them abou' the baby and the miscarriage and that she's now missin'. I'm not exactly doing a good job of lookin' after her, am I?"

Alba took her son's hand tightly within her own. "Daniel, if they know you half as well as they should then they'll know you'd do anything for their daughter."

"Daddy, I want down now, p'ease."

Danny rose from the bench as Lucy noticed her nonna, hollering her name excitedly and thrashing in the seat in her desperation to get down. Danny jogged over to the swings, warning Lucy once again to be careful before he caught the chain and pulled the swing to a stop so Lucy could clamber out into his arms.

"Phew! I thought I was never comin' down!" she exclaimed as he set her on the ground. Lucy shot off, running towards her nonna and squealing excitedly as she climbed up onto the bench and snuggled into Alba's side.

"What's you doin' here, nonna?"

"Just visiting," Alba lied smoothly, a large smile pasted across her face. "Papi was being boring so I thought I'd come have fun with my favouritest little girl."

"Me?" Lucy asked, her face shining with hope.

"Well of course you!"

"Hey Daddy, lookit nonna! Nonna come to see me!"

"No kiddin', well how abou' we get back in the warm so nonna doesn't freeze?" he suggested.

"Why, what happen when she freeze?"

Danny leaned towards his daughter, conspiratorially, whispering in the tight whorl of her ear. Lucy giggled before pushing him away.

"No she doesn't! Nonna, Daddy being a bad, bad boy."

"Well _that_ doesn't surprise me!" she exclaimed and gave Lucy a wink. The three year old giggled at the lavished attention she was receiving.

"Hey Daddy, when Mommy back from running errands? Maybe she enjoy the warm too."

Danny felt a third stab to his chest. Alba pulled herself up to her feet, holding a hand out to Lucy. "C'mon, before I really do freeze. How about when we get home you put that movie on that you've been banging on about for ages? We'll watch it together and maybe Daddy will fix us a cup of hot cocoa each."

"Oh boy! Can you Daddy, can you?"

Relieved that the attention had once again been averted from Lindsay, he agreed immediately. "Of course and then when the movie's over you can show nonna all of your books from school and the special sticker chart you have for being a good girl."

Lucy turned her attention back to Alba, excitedly explaining the behaviour chart they had tacked to the fridge and Danny sighed sadly, wondering how long Lucy could be distracted from Lindsay with special treats. He knew with dread that by bedtime she'd be clamouring for Mommy.


	11. Chapter Ten

**Disclaimer:**The characters of CSI: NY do not belong to me however this story is of my own and should only be used after permission has been asked and given. No copyright infringement intended and no profit is being made.

**Summary: **Danny and Lindsay are going to learn that sometimes you must lose, in order to gain.

**Notes:** Thank you _Guest 1, Guest 2, Clare-Louise89, MesserFamilyFan100, uscrocks _and_ Guest 3_ for reviewing.

**The Parent's Apple**

Danny closed the call with a weary sigh, dropping the phone on to the bed beside him. He'd talked to Lindsay's mom for nearly three quarters of an hour, firstly asking if Lindsay had shown up and requesting that they contact him if she did which, inevitably, had led to further questions. It had taken him longer to tell Kathleen Monroe about the miscarriage and Lindsay's subsequent disappearance than it had his own mom, stuttering through the explanation as Kathleen silently listened. He'd finally launched into an apology until Kathleen had shushed him, assuring Danny that it wasn't his fault and he shouldn't blame himself.

Pocketing his phone, he stood up from the bed and returned to the living room where Lucy and Alba were sat on the couch, watching Lucy's movie. As the princess danced across the screen, Alba looked up at Danny her expression questioning him about whether Lindsay's parents had heard anything. Danny shook his head as his phone buzzed in his pocket. Pulling it out, he retreated to the kitchen and answered to Mac.

Alba stroked her fingers through Lucy's hair, trying to concentrate on the film whilst her mind wandered into the kitchen with her son. Within a few minutes he'd returned, looking reluctant and withdrawn. He rounded the couch and crouched in front of Lucy who tried to duck past him to see the screen before relenting.

"Listen up, sweet pea, Daddy's gotta go into work for a while and help Uncle Mac so d'you reckon you could be a good girl for nonna whilst she looks after you?"

Lucy nodded solemnly. "I could do that."

"That's my girl." She wrapped his arms around her neck and he held her tightly, kissing the top of her head. He turned to his mom, grimacing. "Is that a'right, Ma? I'm sorry to throw this on you."

"Never you mind." She patted his cheek affectionately. "I'll be here for as long as you need me."

"Thanks, Ma. I'll try not to be back too late."

Giving Lucy a final squeeze, he let go and quickly went through the apartment to gather his things before calling goodbye and leaving. As he headed to the elevator he tried to compartmentalise his feelings, pushing aside everything that had happened since that morning. He worked with trained investigators and if they sensed that something was wrong then soon they'd know the full extent of the problems between Lindsay and him.

* * *

><p>"A'right Doc, what've we got?" Danny entered the morgue and headed for the body Hawkes was stood over.<p>

"Jane Doe, suicide victim. She was found in the Hudson and Sid's preliminary report concluded that the TOD was drowning," Hawkes explained. He picked up an evidence bag and handed it to Danny. "We found this in her pants pocket, it's a little water damaged but you can still make out what it says."

_Now we'll both be free from you._

The smudged blue ink left a chilling message, clearly intended for one person. Danny began running possibilities through his mind; abusive partner, overbearing parents… Turning the square card over, Danny's throat constricted as he looked at the grainy ultrasound photo. He cleared his throat, pushing past the rising lump.

"How… how many weeks was she?"

"Not far along, only about six," Hawkes sighed. "Sid gave me her stomach contents which I'm gonna run with; see what I can find out. Meanwhile her face is being run through the Missing Person's database so hopefully something will come up. Danny…?"

Danny didn't answer, instead staring into the face of the woman lying on the morgue table. The blonde hair seemed to grow shorter and darker, the eyes and mouth widening until he was staring at a pale, peaceful Lindsay. His name was being called from far away and he blinked slowly, returning to the present. The woman before him was blonde again and Hawkes was staring at him.

"Hey man, look, if this is too hard I can always ask Mac to reassign the case to someone else."

"No," he answered, shaking his head. Of all people, he knew Mac would be the one to pick up on anything that was wrong. "I'll take the sonogram; see if I can lift some prints or DNA. Chances are more than one person handled this photo and maybe one of them can tell us who our mystery woman is."

Danny retreated, jogging back towards the elevator. Upon stepping inside the empty car he was able to breathe easier, collecting himself.

* * *

><p>"How's it coming along?" Mac asked as he entered the DNA lab where Danny was working diligently.<p>

"There's not a lot to go on. The water dissolved all usable prints and DNA, plus it damaged the sonogram picture and the machine won't pick out the text which ID's the woman. And if that wasn't bad enough, the missing person's search came up with nothing meaning no one's even looking for her. That's someone's kid down there and no one cares that it's dead." He slammed his hand down on the table in frustration, breathing hard through his nose.

Mac sat down in a stool, facing Danny, concerned but not altogether surprised about his outburst. "Is there something you want to tell me?"

Mac's tone suggested it wasn't a request and for a moment Danny briefly wondered if Mac already knew. He glanced across at him, hesitating. Over the years Mac had been more of a father to him than his own had, and Lindsay had also developed a fatherly bonded with their boss. They'd chosen Mac as Lucy's godfather because it was one failsafe way to ensure he would always be incorporated into their family and right now, Danny needed him.

He wetted his lips. "Lindsay's gone. I woke up this mornin' and she'd gone. Her stuff's missin', she's left her cell behind, she's just packed up and left. I tried her parents and they haven't heard from her…" he dropped off, tears clogging his throat. "When Lucy asks where Mommy is I just… I don't know what to tell her, I can't say where she is and I just… I don't know what to do. When Hawkes passed me the sonogram earlier it was like I was lookin' at Lindsay. What is she does something? What if she's the next suicide victim who comes through here? Or worse yet, what if she turns up somewhere else and no one can identify her?"

"Danny, you know that won't happen," Mac stated rationally. "Lindsay's stronger than that. You said yourself that she's packed a bag and left, does that sound like someone who's suicidal to you? It sounds as though Lindsay has decided to take some time to be by herself, to sort herself out. I know that she's been saying _I'm fine_ a lot lately but I wouldn't be much of an investigator if I believed her."

"Neither of us has been fine," Danny said miserably. "Deep down I knew that but I just took her _I'm fine_-s at face value. I didn't bother to push her because every time she would just shut me down and insist that she really was fine."

"You didn't do anything wrong, Danny. You're hurting too and I bet that you were so desperate to believe that Lindsay was fine because in the twisted logic that is being a husband that means you haven't failed her, and that you can be fine too."

Danny chuckled humourlessly. "That sounds about right."

"I was a husband once too, you know." Mac slid off the stool, reached across and placed a comforting hand on Danny's shoulder. "Take a break and then dig deeper with this, if you need me I'll be in my office."

Danny watching his leave, the constriction which had settled in his chest since that morning beginning to slowly ease.

* * *

><p>Danny's jaw rocked as he stared at the man across the interrogation table. Hawkes had analysed their victim's stomach contents, finally deducing that their Jane Doe had eaten one of the speciality courses in a high-end restaurant. Adam had studied the restaurants security feed before finally finding their victim with an unidentified male and halfway through the meal they had strong, heated words before she stormed from the restaurant and he continued as though unaffected. The reservations had led them to Mr. Grayson, CEO of a large firm, and their investigation had led Mr. Grayson to this interrogation.<p>

"You seem pretty unaffected to learn that your girlfriend has just thrown herself off of the Brooklyn Bridge," Danny stated, his tone hard.

"Lillian Higgins was not my girlfriend. She was just a woman who made a mistake."

"Yeah, and that mistake, Mr. Grayson, was gettin' into bed with you. I bet you came off as the real charmer, probably swept Lillian off her feet but when it came to crunch time, you couldn't handle it. You told her you wanted nothin' more to do with her, am I right?"

"Actually, no. I told her to get rid of the baby and we could forget the whole thing, continue as usual," David Grayson said coolly. "Lillian didn't agree with that, though. She told me where to go and threatened to inform my wife. I told her, in no uncertain terms, that if she did that then I would deny it to the last, get a lawyer and brand her an unfit mother. I gave her an ultimatum, either lose the baby or lose her job and all credibility within this city. What she did after that is not my concern."

"You don't think it's your _concern_ that she killed both herself and your unborn child? You're really something', ain't ya? You treated that poor girl as though she was nothin', ruined her life and then left her to pick up the pieces of your mess. Ya know the thing with people like you? You're only powerful for a while, a bigger fish always comes along and then every wrong thing you've down will be returned to you tenfold."

David leant back in his chest, arms folded and an arrogant smirk adorning his features. "Is that it, morality lesson over?"

"Get him outta here!" Danny snarled at the officer who'd stood vigilant in the corner for the entirety of the interrogation. As David was led out of the precinct, Danny lent back in his chair with a slow exhale. David had wound him up, good and proper, and it would take a moment for him to regain his equilibrium. At this moment in time his resistance to plough his fist into a wall was hanging by a thread. All of the frustration of the past two weeks plus that hellish case and interrogation was building and the result would be crippling.

The door opened and Mac stepped in, looking even more calm and poised than usual when compared to Danny. The younger Detective looked up at him, his face silently pleading for something that he knew Mac couldn't provide.

"You did good, Danny," Mac said quietly. "I know this was a tough case and David Grayson wasn't doing you any favours but you held your own. I can't say you've changed David Grayson's life for the better, but you've definitely done Lillian Higgins some justice."

"Justice," he scoffed softly. "Yeah. Right."

Mac placed a file on to the desk and pushed it in front of Danny, silently asking for his signature. Danny lent low over the table, scrawling his name in the box when Mac spoke again.

"It might interest you to know," Mac began, his tone off-hand as he avoided Danny's gaze, "that flight number 2569 touched down at 9:41 this morning in New Orleans. And I have it on good authority than a passenger safely arrived and is taking time to regain herself."

Danny's face broke in relief and he nodded slowly. "Thanks, Mac."

"I'm just telling you what I thought you might like to know." Mac took the file and left the interrogation room.

Danny pulled himself to his feet and prepared to follow, the information from Mac comforting him in more ways than he could describe.


	12. Chapter Eleven

**Disclaimer:**The characters of CSI: NY do not belong to me however this story is of my own and should only be used after permission has been asked and given. No copyright infringement intended and no profit is being made.

**Summary: **Danny and Lindsay are going to learn that sometimes you must lose, in order to gain.

**Notes:** Thank you to my lovely reviewers; _Guest 1, Guest 2, MesserFamilyFan100, bookworm, dannyandlindsayforeva _and_Guest 3._

**The Parent's Apple**

Lindsay adjusted the strap of her duffel bag as she walked through the Louis Armstrong New Orleans airport. Her t-shirt stuck to her back as she walked through the terminal and followed signs which led her towards _PJ's Coffee_ where she'd arranged to meet Stella Bonasera.

She'd arrived at the LaGuardia airport that morning and stared at the flight board without a set destination in mind. She'd flirted with the idea of going back to Montana but knew that her parent's would ask questions and her mom would insist that she return home. She'd scanned the board, finally reading New Orleans and realising that perhaps she'd subconsciously been thinking of visiting Stella the entire time. Crossing to the bank of payphones, she'd phoned Stella's home, grimacing at the early hour, and had a quick conversation with her ex-co-worker with the promise of providing details later.

Lindsay reached the coffee shop and found Stella stood outside, casually leaning against a wall with a take away cup in each hand. Stella looked up at her arrival, gave her an easy smile and pushed away from the wall to greet her. She transferred the cups so they rested easily in one hand before throwing her free arm around Lindsay's shoulders. Stella hugged Lindsay tightly as she promptly burst into tears, her face buried in Stella's neck.

Stella was taken aback, knowing that Lindsay was one who rarely cried – especially not in public. She could easily distinguish that these tears were far from 'I'm so happy to see you, why did you leave?' tears. They were full of pain and anguish. Hugging her more tightly, Stella tried to not let her startled surprise and worry interfere with the comforting as she wondered what had caused her friend such grief.

"Ssh," Stella soothed, "it's alright, everything will be alright."

* * *

><p>The crying jag had both exhausted and embarrassed Lindsay. She sat in the passenger seat of Stella's jeep, staring unseeingly at the passing surroundings and sipping at the tea Stella had bought without really tasting it. She felt spent, both emotionally and physically as the last two weeks caught up with her. Every emotion had burst forth, tripling due to the lack of sleep, joy of seeing Stella again and guilt of running away.<p>

Despite her increasing curiosity, Stella didn't push her to talk but drove in silence except for the music that played quietly in the background. A gentle hum to stave off an awkward atmosphere that Stella knew would push Lindsay into silence. Stella believed that for once Lindsay had come to her to open up and to talk and she didn't want to scare or discourage the younger woman.

Sooner than Lindsay had expected, Stella was pulling into a road of handsome, detached townhouses and they were stopping before a cream home. She stared at it in awe for a moment before her tongue darted out to wet her lips. "This is your house? It's gorgeous."

"Wait 'til you get inside," Stella replied with an easy wink.

Lindsay picked her duffel up from the floor and slid out of the jeep, feeling sluggish with her movements. She followed Stella up the steps and onto the porch where Stella unlocked the door and led the way inside. As Lindsay followed Stella to the guest bedroom she was unsurprised to see that the inside was as nice as the outside and she sighed in disappointment, thinking of the poky flat she rented with Danny. They'd briefly talked about buying a house but Lindsay didn't think her husband realised just how much she wanted to own a house of her own. She wanted Lucy to grow up in a place like she had, a home which had been filled with laughter and good memories rather than an apartment with little space and no freedom to decorate to your own taste.

Lindsay set her duffle bag onto the bed, suddenly realising that her dream of living in a house with her husband and child may have been ruined that morning when she'd walked away from them.

Stella stood in the doorway, watching her friend with scrutiny. She hadn't been able to get much out of Lindsay that morning on the phone, only that she needed a place to stay if that was possible and that some things had happened and she needed time to sort it out. Stella had agreed in a heartbeat, knowing that Lindsay wouldn't ask unless desperate and her curiosity was beginning to peak.

"Think you're ready to talk now?" Stella asked gently. Lindsay turned and nodded, resisting the urge to cry again. Stella returned through the house, Lindsay following, until they exited through a pair of French doors on to the back porch where a seat swing stood. Promptly sitting down, Stella waited for Lindsay to also sit down before turning towards her.

Lindsay took a deep breath, knowing where to begin but not quite knowing where the end may be.

"I lost a baby." The shock registered on Stella's face but she said nothing. "It was just over two weeks ago. I was four months along and we'd been waiting to tell everyone because things were so hectic at work at the time. We went to an ultrasound the week before and my OB-GYN said everything looked fine, the baby was a little small, but otherwise healthy. I really did think that everything would be ok. I collapsed at work and when I woke up the doctors had performed a D&C and my baby was gone." She took a great shuddering breath. "I feel like there's something wrong with me, Stell."

"Hey," Stella said quietly, reaching across to take Lindsay's hands in her own. "There is nothing wrong with you, Lindsay. Why would you think that?"

"I know that it was probably for the best that my OB-GYN performed the D&C whilst I was unconscious but I just feel so… I feel so _violated_. I don't think I can even explain it properly," she sniffled. "The closest thing, I guess, is that the baby was there and I could feel it, just the tiniest of fluttering but it was still there and then when I woke up it was just gone, there was nothing. And rationally I know it's not the doctor's faults but I feel as though they've stolen something from me and I just can't get it back. And I'm scared."

"What are you scared of?"

"I'm scared that Danny's doing to realise there's something wrong with me." A slow tear rolled down her cheek.

"Oh honey," Stella wrapped her arm around Lindsay, comforting her. "There is absolutely nothing wrong with. You're not the first and you won't be the last woman to feel like this. This is something painful and awful which unfortunately happens and I know it's hard but I promise that you'll get through this."

"How do you know? How does anyone know that?" Lindsay asked, sniffing.

"You don't think you'll get through this?"

"I just feel so angry, all of the time. I'm pushing all of this anger down and compressing it so that no one knows but it's there, just waiting to do some damage. I can't not push it away because Lucy picks up on my emotions and if I'm in a bad mood then it rubs off on Danny, causing him to have a bad mood. I can't let it out but I can't keep it in either." Lindsay wrapped her arms around herself.

"But who are you angry at?" Stella asked softly.

"Me. I'm angry at myself for letting this happen. Danny says it wasn't my fault but it feels like… and then I can't even cope with it for them. I hate that I've let this happen. I was hiding it so well from then but then last night… and I couldn't stop it coming out… and I just said it without thinking…" she hiccupped, crying harder and struggling to breathe evenly. Stella stroked her hand down her arm, concern etched into her face as she waited for Lindsay to regain control again. When she finally had, Stella nodded slowly, indicating that Lindsay should continue talking. "Last night Danny and I, well we decided to be together… intimately, for the first time since the miscarriage. And it was going great, he was being so kind and gentle and he was doing the right thing by me but when it came to actually do it I just… I freaked out. I panicked and asked him to use a condom which never happens with us and then we both knew that something was wrong and I knew he'd want to know and I couldn't tell him, not yet, so I ran away instead."

Stella pieced what Lindsay had said together, connecting the dots in the way an investigators mind would. She began slowly, allowing Lindsay to stop her if she was wrong. "So you're saying that you panicked and asked for this condom and I'm guessing it's because of your earlier fear of feeling violated and of Danny realising there's something missing."

Lindsay nodded. "I think so, yeah. The idea of him… y'know… it just filled me with such dread and I felt sick thinking about how it could create another baby. So I panicked, yeah. And then I waited until he fell asleep and left… I'm such a coward. I couldn't even face him."

"Has he had any idea of how you've really been feeling?" Stella asked.

"He probably does, I mean he's smart and I'm not that great at hiding my feelings but I've told him that I'm fine and he's accepted that, saying that he is too."

Stella sighed. "So basically you both know that the other isn't fine but rather than confronting it you've both been avoiding the issue and therefore burying your heads in the sand."

Lindsay sniffled guiltily, knowing that her friend wasn't intentionally attacking her but rather speaking the truth. "That sounds about right. We just… we're not good at confrontations, if we can avoid it then we will. I'm not saying that's good or even healthy but it's what we do."

"Yes, and look at where it's led you," Stella replied, not unkindly.

"I love him, I really do but at the moment…" she broke off, shaking her head slowly. "I can't be a good wife or a good mother if I'm feeling like this all the time. When they're around I put up this front but when Lucy's at preschool and Danny's at work it just disappears and it's as though I'm this shell of who I'm supposed to be. I feel sad all the time, I can't stop crying and it's as though there's this constriction in my chest which just keeps squeezing. I can't breathe, I can barely think. I spend most of the day out on the fire escape just running through everything that I could have done differently, everything that I should have done to make sure this kid stayed alive."

"Linds, you can't think like that. Losing this baby was not your fault. I'm sure Danny told you that, at least."

Lindsay nodded slowly. "And I want to believe him, really I do. But… I don't know, I can't, I just can't."

Stella pulled Lindsay's now rigid form into her side, hugging her tightly and feeling her own tears pool at her eyes. Despite the uncomfortable prickling sensation, she sniffed and pushed through them, remaining strong.

"Stella? Do you think… I mean, is it possible that I lost this baby because I survived in the diner? I was the only girl who didn't die and now my little girl's died instead…"

"No," Stella said with quiet conviction. "No, I don't think that for one moment."

Lindsay nodded but said nothing.

* * *

><p>"Here, I know it's still pretty earlier but why don't you get on into bed? You look shattered and I know you haven't slept at all today." Stella held back the covers and helped Lindsay slide between the sheets. She tucked the younger woman in, pushing her hair back from her forehead. Lindsay's face was blotchy and tearstained, her eyes and nose strikingly red against her white pallor.<p>

"D'you think I'll be better tomorrow?" Lindsay asked her voice weak from the crying and talking.

"I hope so." Stella's phone began to buzz and she checked it before smiling at Lindsay. "Get some rest."

Pulling herself up from the bed she exited the guestroom, pausing in the doorway to throw a final reassuring smile over her shoulder before shutting the door firmly behind her. She hastily answered her phone before it rang off.

"Danny," she breathed. She listened to his tirade of questions and demands, barely listening as she focused on the near hysteria in his voice and the emotions of the woman lying in her guest bedroom. "Danny, listen. She's not in a good shape at the moment. I'm worried about her and I think she needs time away from everything to sort herself out and to come to terms with the miscarriage. She's tried really hard to be ok with everything that's happened because she thinks that's what you want, and I'm not saying that her assumption was right or wrong but it's definitely made things worse. She's buried her feelings for yours and Lucy's sake and it's been at the sacrifice of dealing with her own feelings. She's seriously blaming herself for what happened and she's kept a lot of what she's been feeling from you, Danny. I need you to trust me because I am going to do everything in my power to help Lindsay. She's told me that she really does love you, Danny, and I know she loves Lucy too but she's scared that if she doesn't sort herself out then none of that will matter because she won't be able to be your wife or Lucy's mother… No, no Danny, you haven't failed but it _is_ a lot worse than what you thought…"


	13. Chapter Twelve

**Disclaimer: **The characters of CSI: NY do not belong to me however this story is of my own and should only be used after permission has been asked and given. No copyright infringement intended and no profit is being made.

**Summary: **Danny and Lindsay are going to learn that sometimes you must lose, in order to gain.

**Notes:** As usual a big thank you to _webdlfan, MesserFamilyFan100, Guest _and _Claire-Louise89_ for reviewing chapter eleven.  
>I know this update is a little later than I've been updating recently but that's because I've spent most of the time writing out a plan this week which I'm pretty excited about. I've got loads of ideas so hopefully you'll enjoy everything that's in store for the Messer's.<p>

**The Parent's Apple**

When Stella's apartment had caught on fire, Lindsay had offered the older Detective her spare bedroom and it was during that time Stella had learned that Lindsay was a bright and pleasing host who sang in the shower and made amazing French toast. Her current lack of singing was more telling than Stella wanted to admit. The old, spunk Lindsay was missing and instead replaced with a withdrawn and quiet version of the woman she knew. This wasn't the first time Stella had seen Lindsay like this, she was reminded of how Lindsay had been prior to testifying against Daniel Cadence in Montana. Lindsay was painfully guarded of her emotions and feelings so it had taken a lot to extract anything from her but that first overspill had created a closer friendship between them. Stella was worried however that Lindsay had never quite learned how to open up in the same way to Danny; their relationship was, until recently, sound but both Danny and Lindsay were stubborn and preferred to bury their own feelings for the benefit of those around them.

Stella heard the shower turn off from the open bathroom window overhead and sighed; she'd missed her friend in the last couple of years and hated that their first meeting in so long should be clouded with such sobriety. Whenever Stella had entertained the idea of the Messer's finally making good on their promise to visit and it was always filled with more fun and laughter. She'd take the family of three to all of the sightseeing places, whispering in Lucy's ear that this was where the princess from _The Princess and the Frog_ had lived – knowing it would delight the little girl who was Disney-crazy.

Stella pushed her foot away from the porch decking, rocking the seat swing and sipping her coffee. The porch and its swing had been a perk of the house; one that she hadn't exactly bargained on and yet found herself enjoying. Each time she had a late start at work Stella would take her morning coffee out to the back porch and sit on the gently rocking chair. New Orleans was different to New York in many ways, the humidity and near-tropical climate being just one of them, and although it had taken some getting used to Stella had been able to carve out a new home, place and life for herself. Leaving New York had been one of the hardest choices she'd ever had to make and yet she couldn't bring herself to regret it.

And right now, the move was proving most useful. Lindsay could be a flighty person when trapped and it seemed almost obvious now that Lindsay would try to run. If she hadn't been living in New Orleans then where would the younger woman have gone? Stella doubted Lindsay would have gone back to Montana and the idea of her wandering alone whilst trying to figure herself out made Stella thankful that she was only a short flight away.

The porch door creaked open and Lindsay stepped out, holding a mug of her own steaming coffee. She gave Stella a half smile and the older woman set her foot on the wooden floor, stilling the seat. Lindsay sat down, legs tucked beneath her and sipped at the coffee.

"Hey, I was going to check on you if you weren't up in the next fifteen minutes but then I heard the shower going."

Lindsay hummed as she nodded. "I haven't slept in this late for ages."

"I'm not surprised what with having a three year old at home," Stella commented. She noticed the way Lindsay stiffened, as though waiting for a real scolding for running away and abandoning her family. "I haven't got work until later this afternoon so how about I take you around town, show you all the best places New Orleans has to offer."

Lindsay shrugged and nodded. "Sure."

As she took another sip of coffee, Stella studied Lindsay discreetly and noticed that she looked more worn down than she'd ever see her friend before. Even before the trial Lindsay had kept some sense of self about her but here was a woman who Stella barely recognised, reserved to the point of almost being a stranger. Perhaps it was a backlash of shedding so much emotion the day before or maybe it was embarrassment at letting herself be seen as weak but Stella hoped that this was the worst for they said that things could only get better.

* * *

><p>Danny crashed noisily through the bracken, forging a path towards the Fallkill Falls water feature in Prospect Park. Mac was crouched at the water's edge, photographing a waterlogged body which bobbed with the flow from the waterfall.<p>

"They weren't kiddin' abou' Fallkill Falls, huh?"

Mac looked over his shoulder and smiled at the approaching Detective's quip. He took a leather wallet out of their victim's pants pocket and flipped it open, retrieving a sodden driver's license. "Matthew Hayes, 31. Lives in Colorado…" Mac pulled out a family photo. "Also looks like he had a wife and two children."

He passed the wallet, license and photo back to Danny who placed them in an evidence bag. Mac took the meat thermometer out of his kit and plunged it into the victim, calculating the reading. "Temperature puts our TOD at about seven hours ago."

"A'right, so what's our vic doin' in the park five o'clock this mornin'?"

"Sneakers, sweatpants, basketball jersey…" Mac listed. "It looks as though Matthew Hayes was jogging when he was killed."

Danny looked around him. "Kinda off the beaten track, wouldn't ya say?"

Mac stretched out of his crouch and revolved on the spot. Danny followed his lead and the two Detectives scoured the surrounding area with scrutiny. They headed towards the waterfall, climbing the slope until they were stood at the top. The waterfall was hugged by large rocks and the water disappeared between them, curving away. The slope behind the waterfall was steep and led towards a path on a higher level.

The Head of the Crime Lab stepped over the rocks and resumed another crouch, scrutinising a dark stain. Danny followed, also crouching beside his boss before opening his kit and retrieving the relevant materials. He passed the scalpel to Mac who scraped it across the rock, pulling off a fleck of the dried substance. He took the smear slide from Danny and dropped the fleck onto it before Danny carefully spritzed the slide with luminol.

"Positive for blood."

Danny rotated on the balls of his feet. There was a trail which led from the top of the slope to the rocks at the bottom, the muddy ground unsettled in a long stripe. "There's a disturbance here; perhaps Matthew was attacked on the path and fell down the slope, hit his head on the rocks and ended up in the water."

In his mind's eye Mac could see their victim toppling down the hill and over the waterfall, hitting his head on the way down. He nodded at the possibility. "Means this could be our secondary crime scene and we need to work from the top down."

Bagging the used smear slide as evidence, they locked it away in Danny's kit before returning to where their body had landed. A couple of Sid Hammerback's coroners had arrived to transport the body back to the ME's office. Mac gave them the approval to take the body before turning to Danny.

"Have you heard from Lindsay?"

Danny sighed and used his forearm to wipe at his brow before answering. "No. I spoke to Stella last night and she said that it was pretty bad."

"When Lindsay said she needed time off work I thought that it was because she was coming to terms with everything," Mac admitted.

"Me too, or at least I hope so. Now I'm not so sure." The coroner brushed past him as he prepared the body for transportation. Danny stepped back, sighing again and Mac could see the strain upon the younger Detective. "Lucy told me last night that Lindsay cries a lot when she thinks Lucy isn't listenin' and I'm not home. I didn't even know."

"You can't blame yourself, Danny."

"Well who else is there to blame?"

"How is Lucy feeling about all this?" Mac asked, worried for his goddaughter.

"I don't think she fully understands, to be honest. She asked me where Mommy was and I told her that she was visitin' Auntie Stella in New Orleans and that she might not be back for a while. That's when she asked whether she'd gone because of all the cryin' and we talked about how Mommy's just very sad at the moment and when she feels better she'll hopefully come home. I hate that Luce is caught in the middle of all of this."

"She's a resilient kid, Danny. She'll cope, and if not then you know you're not alone in this – you have family and friends who would do anything to help you."

Danny nodded. "I just want my wife back."

"Detective Taylor, we're ready to take the body now," the coroner interrupted. Mac oversaw the transportation of the body, keeping one eye on Danny as he turned away to compose himself.

* * *

><p>Sid Hammerback hummed merrily to himself as he inspected the wound of their newest victim. One of the coroner's that had brought the body in had informed him that the victim had been identified as Matthew Hayes and that Detective's Taylor and Messer had found him in Fallkill Falls, the waterfall in Prospect Park. Using tweezers, Sid extracted a piece of secondary transfer trace from the wound and dropped it into a petri dish before setting it aside. Satisfied that the body had been amply studied and all useable trace collected, the ageing ME looked around for an assistant to take the evidence upstairs to the 35th floor lab.<p>

Sighing to himself at the sudden lack of assistants, Sid stripped away his gloves and unsnapped his glasses, settling them against his chest. Passing through the morgue, he searched for his newest junior assistant and finally found her talking to the coroner who'd brought the body in more than forty five minutes ago. As he neared, he could hear pieces of their conversation.

"…she's left him, the kid too. Gone to New Orleans and no one knows when she's coming back," the coroner was saying, obviously enjoying the rapt attention he was receiving. "Always knew it was too good to be true. I mean, the Messer's were always bound to break up sooner or later – especially with _his_ track record."

The coroner had jerked his thumb upwards when referring to Danny. The assistant mortician shook her head. "But he didn't cheat did he, they lost a baby."

The coroner shrugged carelessly. "Perhaps that was just the tip of the iceberg."

Satisfied that he'd planted the seed of doubt in his friend's mind, the coroner set off down the corridor and Sid retreated back to the morgue. Anxiously fiddling with the glasses around his neck, he processed everything that he'd just heard. Even casting aside what he knew was petty speculation and rumours; he still couldn't deny that the condition looked bleak for the small family. And it seemed that due to the lab rumour mill, their situation was about to get worse.

"Oh dear."


	14. Chapter Thirteen

**Disclaimer: **The characters of CSI: NY do not belong to me however this story is of my own and should only be used after permission has been asked and given. No copyright infringement intended and no profit is being made.

**Summary: **Danny and Lindsay are going to learn that sometimes you must lose, in order to gain.

**Notes:** Thanks guys for reviewing the last chapter; _webdlfan, Guest, MesserFamilyFan100, dannyandlindsayforeva_ and _Clare-Louise89_. _Guest, _whoever you may be :), thanks for the long review – you've given me an idea for later which I'm now storing away.

**The Parent's Apple**

"…I heard they're getting a divorce and he's having sole custody of their child…"

"…apparently she left him without even saying goodbye, I don't care what's happened, that's plain cruel…"

"…oh wake up! - 'perhaps she just needed to get away' – she's not coming back. They're finished…"

Danny kept his head down, his jaw rocking and his fist tightly clamped around the pen in his hand as he signed reports, ignoring the stares of those passing by. The scathing remarks he'd overheard so far whispered across his mind, teasing him with their painful callousness. If he ever saw that weasel of a coroner again then he'd wring his neck. White hot anger was bubbling in his stomach; he didn't know what was worse, the rumours that he and Lindsay were divorcing, or the way she was being portrayed as the bad guy for leaving him and Lucy. Yes, he was ashamed to admit that in his darkest moment he'd been furious and resentful of Lindsay for leaving but he'd soon pushed those feelings aside and realised he couldn't blame her for coping in her own way. It had broken his heart when Stella had said that Lindsay felt she needed to sort herself out before she could be a wife and mother again and he knew that no one in the lab would understand that unless they knew what she was going through.

There was a soft knock on the door and Danny growled in frustration, ready with a retort for whoever was disturbing him. Jo stood in the doorway, a steaming coffee in each hand.

"Mind if I come in?" the soft tone thickened her accent.

Danny shrugged sullenly. "It's your office too."

He watched as she entered the office and placed one of the coffees onto his desk, noting that it was made to his preference. She dropped down into the chair closest to his, Lindsay's chair, and turned to face him.

"What do you want Jo?" his tone was hard but she could hear the underlying defeat.

"Mac has spoken to the lab techs, he's told them that it's not their job to gossip and that if it was then perhaps they should look someplace else to work. He hinted at there being very serious consequences if he heard anything further."

Danny nodded wordlessly. She took a sip of her coffee and Danny did the same out of politeness, even though the liquid scolded his throat and churned in his stomach.

"We're all behind you, y'know – the both of you."

"I know."

"And we'll help with Lucy whenever you need us to."

"I appreciate it."

Jo nodded before pushing up from the chair, taking her coffee with her as she prepared to leave. She reached the door before Danny saying her name stilled her and she turned back to face him.

"Er, thanks… for the coffee and all," he said with a small amount of difficulty.

"You're welcome," she said easily, her expression communicating that his message was understood.

* * *

><p>"Daddy! Lookit what I drawed today." Lucy proudly waved the sheet of paper in front of Danny, eager for his approval. Danny chuckled, bending down to press a kiss to his daughter's head.<p>

"Lemme get in the door first, sweet pea, and then I'll take a look."

"Okays but don't be too long," she ordered before running back into the living room. Danny deposited his coat and shoes into the entrance hall cupboard and kept his mind purposefully blank so that he wouldn't be transported back to the night before Lindsay left.

He began to follow Lucy into the living room when Alba stepped into the hall, buttoning her coat up as she approached him. "I made macaroni and cheese, Lucy's already eaten but I left you some in the oven to heat up. I'd better go or I'll miss the bus."

She kissed Danny's cheek before bustling past him and out the front door. He watched her go, none too happy that she was using public transport to travel between Staten Island and Manhattan. They'd had the same argument for years as he insisted that he could take her home but she'd always rebutted every point he said by claiming that he she was more than capable of looking after herself and that he was needed at home with his two girls.

"Daddy, c'mon already, I'm waiting!" Lucy called from the other room.

"Lucy, we don't whine in this house," Danny reprimanded as he walked into the living room, giving her a stern look.

She opened her mouth to protest before snapping it shut, her eyes dropping to the floor. "I sorry Daddy, I not mean to whine, I just want you to see my picture so much, 'specially as Mommy won't."

Danny hesitated, the retraction of his reprimand on his tongue, but he knew that he couldn't let Lucy's temporary loss of her mother be an excuse for sloppy behaviour. He was determined to give Lucy as normal a life as possible and that included punishments, reminders and warnings for bad behaviour.

"It's a'right, consider this your first warnin'," he said.

"Three strikes and you's a time out."

Danny chuckled. "Somethin' like that, now let's see this picture you drew."

Lucy took his hand and dragged him over to the couch, he sat down and she climbed into his lap before placing the sheet of paper on her knees and needlessly smoothing out the crinkles that only she could see. The paper was portrait and it had a thick green line running across it and sprouting from the ground was a tall building with many windows. From each window was a smiling face with a detached waving hand.

"We gots to draw what our mommies and daddies did so I drawed the lab and everyone in it," Lucy explained. She pointed to the various faces. "That Sid and that Adam and that Uncle Flack and that Doc Hawkes and that Aunt Jo and that Uncle Mac and that you and that Mommy. You gots a big love heart round you 'cause you got big love in your heart."

"Oh wow Luce, it's brilliant, well done. Reckon we should put this one on the fridge?"

"I dunno, you think Mommy would like us to send it to her?" Lucy asked.

Danny hesitated as he had so far been under the impression that Lindsay didn't want him to contact her at all. "Actually, I think she'd like it more if we put it on the fridge for now and then when Mommy comes home you could show it to her yourself."

"Oh, ok. When will Mommy be home? Will she be home in time for the summer holidays 'cause I got big plans for us."

Danny smiled sadly at his daughter and brushed her hair off of her face. "I don't think so Lucy, I don't think she'll be home for a while yet."

"Oh. I go put my picture on the fridge now." Lucy scrambled out of his lap and ran into the kitchen, he could hear her dragging her stool across the floor and hoped she didn't leave a mark.

"Hey, you want me to cook this mac'roni for you?" she hollered.

"No, not after the last kitchen disaster!" he called back.

Lucy ran back into the living room, hands on her hips as she stamped her foot on the floor. "I did _not_ know you couldn't toast an egg!"

* * *

><p>Four and a half hours until she should wake up.<p>

Four hours and twenty nine minutes until she should wake up.

Four hours and twenty eight minutes and thirty two seconds until she should wake up.

Lindsay tore her eyes away from the alarm clock that was tormenting her. She stared up at the ceiling instead, tucking the comforter tighter around herself. She was exhausted having spent the morning and early afternoon with Stella exploring New Orleans and then cleaning the house in the afternoon and cooking dinner for when Stella arrived home shortly after eleven o'clock. They'd both been stifling yawns by the end of the meal and had decided to turn in for the night but that was two and a half hours ago and sleep was still yet to claim her. Although her body was bone weary, her mind was too wired and therefore sleep was proving impossible. Her thoughts buzzed like white noise, ever present and yet difficult to focus upon.

The bedside lamp was still turned on, casting long shadows across the ceiling and she spent time slowly tracing the outlines of the shadows with her eyes. Finally giving up on sleep, Lindsay pulled herself out of bed and remade it behind her. The strap of her duffle bag was slung over the corner of an armchair and she picked it off, digging her hand inside to tip out the tightly packed contents. Most of the clothes were wrinkled from being thrown in so unceremoniously and she winced at the idea of ironing all the creases out. Emptying the contents on to the bed, she opened the wardrobe and retrieved all of the coat hangers before using them to hang her clothes up.

She was halfway through the task when she did a double take at the t-shirt in her hand. It was one of Danny's, a dark green V-neck that he'd owned for years. She could distinctly remember the first time she'd seen him wearing it; she'd been appreciating the way the shirt seemed to cling to all of his muscles in the most alluring way and how the colour offset the tone of his skin and the highlights of his blonde hair. He'd looked up from whatever he'd been doing at the time, flashed her a cocky grin and she'd looked away, blushing profusely as she realised she'd been caught staring. At the time she'd thought it was merely an infatuation with the guy who irritated, amused and fascinated her in equal measure but now she could freely admit that she'd fallen for him – and hard.

Lindsay dropped the t-shirt back on to the bed before gathering the rest of her possessions and putting them away neatly. Once she was done she climbed back into the bed, pulling the blankets around her and snapping the light off. In the dark she gripped Danny's t-shirt close to her chest, inhaling the scent which still lingered in the folds of cloth and finally drifted off to sleep.


	15. Chapter Fourteen

**Disclaimer: **The characters of CSI: NY do not belong to me however this story is of my own and should only be used after permission has been asked and given. No copyright infringement intended and no profit is being made.

**Summary: **Danny and Lindsay are going to learn that sometimes you must lose, in order to gain.

**Notes:** Apologies for the slight delay in uploading, I've had a rather demanding week with moving out of university halls and into a house (A HOUSE!) and because I'm HT I've had so much work to do for bills and the such. Then to top that off it was my Dad's birthday yesterday so phew! I've been busy, busy, busy! Unfortunately the busy-ness continues next week too but as I'm a night owl you may get updates just pretty late.

A huge thank you to _Laurzz_, finally my mystery reviewer has been identified! Thank you so much for the long reviews, you've given me some great ideas and inspiration to continue writing and I'm glad I can now officially name and thank you.

Thank you, also, to everyone who reviewed the last chapter: _Clare-Louise89, dannyandlindsayforeva, MesserFamilyFan100 _and _laurzz._

* * *

><p><strong>The Parent's Apple<strong>

Stella adjusted the phone so it rested in the crook of her shoulder, leaving her hands free to toss a salad. She was listening intently to the person on the other line but also keeping one ear out for the return of her new roommate. Lindsay had left to get some last minute groceries for their dinner and Stella had taken the opportunity to make this phone call.

"…don't get me wrong, I love having her here – I mean she cooks and cleans daily, not to mention it's nice to have the company but she doesn't belong here. She belongs at home with Danny and Lucy. Lindsay always seemed to have that zeal for life and it's like it's been zapped out of her. I have to be honest with you here Mac, I think she's suffering from depression. She's showing all the signs and at the moment it doesn't look like she's on the way to recovery."

Mac sighed into the phone. He was at work, looking out over the lab as he spoke to Stella. Lindsay had been in New Orleans for over a week and it didn't seem like she was planning on returning anytime soon. _"Tell me what's wrong with her, and be specific."_

Stella hummed as she made a quick mental list of Lindsay's symptoms. "Ok, so she hardly eats anything and mainly just picks at her food. Sometimes she'll sleep a lot, well into the morning, and other times she'll get hardly any sleep at all and no matter how much sleep she gets, she's always exhausted. She can get pretty irritable but it's mostly aimed at her, she's really hard on herself and if something goes wrong then she can get pretty upset about it. I'm just worried Mac, I'm terrified that she may one day do something and then at the same time I know that's ridiculous because this is Lindsay and she's not like that, but then on the other hand she's another depressed woman who's capable of feeling and doing anything."

"_Are you saying you think she's possibly suicidal?"_

"I don't think she is," Stella said with firm conviction. "I think she's just very confused and upset at the moment. When I look at her sometimes it's like she's lost and she doesn't know where to go next."

"_If the depression worsens then I think you'll need to contact a professional. You can't deal with this on your own."_

Stella sighed. "I know, I know. I just… look, you know how much Lindsay hates talking to therapists and I don't want to subject her to something that she really can't stand."

"_But Stella if it's for the best…"_

"I know," she repeated. The conversation had come to a close and her tone turned gently teasing, "I don't think we've spoken this much in ages. What is it, two phone calls in just over a week?"

"_I'm ashamed to say that things got in the way. Every time I thought of phoning you something else would come up and then another thing and then another until it seemed too late to phone,"_ he admitted. Although not exactly pining, she did sometimes miss their friendship and she briefly wondered if he thought of her as much as she did of him.

"It is never too late for a phone call, Mac Taylor."

"_I'll bear that in mind,"_ he promised.

They said nothing for a moment, needing no more words before Stella heard the door open and close. "Listen, that's Lindsay, I should get going."

"_Call me if anything changes."_

"I will."

They hung up without needing to say goodbye and Stella set her phone down, turning to face Lindsay with a large, cheery smile. Lindsay set the groceries on the counter, eyeing the phone.

"Who was that?"

"Just Mac."

"Oh, I thought that maybe… never mind." Lindsay gave her a smile which seemed too faint to be real. "What did he want?"

"He was checking in, he's worried about you."

"He needn't be; I'm fine."

"I think they're all worried about you," Stella began softly as Lindsay turned her back to put the groceries away. She looked over her shoulder, shrugging at the older woman.

"Like I said, I'm fine."

"So you weren't crying last night, then. Or the night before, or for every night this past week?"

Lindsay spun around, her posture defensive. "If this isn't going to work out then I can leave."

"And go where? Home? Because we both know that won't happen. You're not running away anymore Lindsay, you're going to stay here and get yourself together."

Lindsay turned away again and Stella saw her surreptitiously wipe tears off of her cheeks. She suddenly wished her tone hadn't been as sharp. She sighed and walked over to her friend, pulling her around by the elbow until they were facing each other again. Lindsay kept her head dipped low.

"Linds, you've got to fight this thing. You've got to stop telling everyone that you're fine and instead work at really being fine. When you first got here you were open and honest with me, but since then you've reverted to pretending that things are getting better when they're not. If anything, they're getting worse and I hate being the one who tells you this but you've got to know. You said you want to be the mother and wife that your family deserves, well then you are going to have to fight to be that woman again because it won't happen just because you will it to."

Another tear rolled down her cheek as she nodded despondently.

"Ok, well that's all I'll say on the matter then. C'mon, I've tossed the salad and all it needs is the secret recipe of the Messer's."

Lindsay smiled weakly and began to prepare the salad dressing. She kept her back to Stella, - the first rule when creating any of the Messer's secret recipes – unaware that she was being silently studied. Stella knew that her friend still resided somewhere within, buried beneath all the guilt and anguish.

* * *

><p>Danny scooted further up the bed, letting his back rest against the head board as his legs stretched out before him. He was sitting on top of the comforter, papers and forensic journals spread around him as he used the laptop resting on his thighs to complete an overdue report. He wasn't one to bring work home with him - both he and Lindsay had been against it, deciding that their home life was just that - but Mac had hinted that if the report wasn't handed in first thing the following morning then Danny would be restricted to lab work until it's completion. It wasn't that he was opposed to lab work per se, but he enjoyed hitting the streets and taking down a suspect. He was three quarters of the way through, having sent Lucy to her grandparent's so he wouldn't be disturbed, when the home phone on his bedside cabinet began to chirp. He pushed the laptop away and reached for the phone, answering with his usual, clipped professionalism.<p>

"Messer."

"Oh hello, is Mrs. Messer-Monroe available, please?" an unrecognisable, Irish voice asked.

"Er, no, she's out of town at the moment. I'm her husband though; can I ask what this is about?"

"Hello Mr. Messer, my name is Helen Gillick. I hope this isn't a bad time but I would like to talk to you about the recent miscarriage your wife endured," Helen began. Danny felt a lump rise in his throat. When he didn't respond she pressed on, "I know this is a very difficult time for your family and I apologise for disturbing you but I would like to offer my help and support. I'm not sure if you were aware but I wrote to you recently to tell you that your daughter has been cremated and buried within the Hope and Faith garden."

Danny thought of the stack of unopened letters, currently sitting neglected on the kitchen table, all of them bearing Lindsay's name. "Sorry, I haven't exactly kept on top of things – letter wise."

"Completely understandable," Helen assured him. "The hospital gave me your contact information because I am a patron of theirs. You see, Mr. Messer, my husband and I opened the Hope and Faith hospital nearly seven years ago after I miscarried our son at twenty two weeks. Shortly after the miscarriage I found that the hospital had disposed of him as clinical waste without consulting either me or my husband. We sued the hospital and although fairly compensated, we realised that the money would neither return Sean to us nor repair what the hospital was possibly doing to those who had lost their children. We therefore decided to use the money to open the garden within the grounds and since then it has been a burial site for the parents who do not wish to take their child home with them due to it being too difficult or upsetting."

"So you're sayin' that our kid is buried in there?" Danny brushed away a stray tear.

"Yes, your daughter is in there now. Each child has a small plaque dedicated to them but at the moment we don't have a name for your daughter so we're waiting to place the plaque with her," Helen told him gently. "Would you like to name her?"

"I don't know what Linds would want." He glanced across at her empty side of the bed, so cold and barren without his wife lying there and his heart broke all over again. _Lindsay._ The name suddenly came to him easily and he was saying it before registering the words. "Lydia. Her name is Lydia Messer."

* * *

><p>Their argument from the evening before played heavily upon Lindsay's mind as she descended the stairs the following morning. Although both she and Stella had quickly moved on from it, Lindsay couldn't deny that some lasting feeling had been left behind. She knew that Stella was only saying what she needed to hear and yet the feeling of being attacked from her long-time friend still lingered, clawing at her.<p>

As Lindsay reached the bottom stair she could head two voices having a quiet conversation. Walking towards the source, she paused in the open entryway to the living room as the second, suddenly distinctive voice merged with its owner.

Stella stood, looking sheepish and avoiding Lindsay's eye whilst their guest remained seated, perfectly unaffected.

"I need to get to work." Stella picked her pre-prepared bag and slung it over her shoulder. "I won't be back for a while so you two can take as long as you want to talk."

Lindsay threw a reproachful glare at Stella as she passed without another word. The younger woman turned towards their unexplained guest who gestured to the seat that Stella had vacated. Lindsay crossed the room and sat down rigidly. The emotions conflicted plainly across her face as the silence stretched between them.

"What are you doing here?"

"I believe I could ask you the same," Kathleen Monroe replied.


	16. Chapter Fifteen

**Disclaimer: **The characters of CSI: NY do not belong to me however this story is of my own and should only be used after permission has been asked and given. No copyright infringement intended and no profit is being made.

**Summary: **Danny and Lindsay are going to learn that sometimes you must lose, in order to gain.

**Notes:** Again, sorry for the delay everyone. This should be the end of all the busy-ness and I've got a few chapter's all penned out and ready to be modified and then go so hopefully the quicker updates should be back on. As usual, a big thank you to _MesserFamilyFan100, dannyandlindsayforeva _and_ Clare-Louise89_ for reviewing the last chapter.

* * *

><p><strong>The Parent's Apple<strong>

Lindsay silently regarded her mother, the tension between them was palpable which, considering their usually steady relationship, was surprising. Kathleen was the first to surrender in the silent battle of wills, deciding that firstly her explanation was more demanding and secondly the silence wasn't helpful. She was here to talk to her daughter and find out how she was feeling and what was going on. "Danny phoned us. He's worried about you. He told us about the miscarriage and your subsequent disappearance. He phoned again a few nights ago and told us that you were staying with a friend in New Orleans so I asked for the number and spoke to Stella. I asked if it wouldn't be too imposing if I came over here to talk to you and she said that it would be fine. That's a good friend you have there."

"I know. You needn't have come-"

Kathleen cut her off gently, "if you say 'I'm fine' then I'll definitely know you aren't."

Lindsay graced her with a weak smile.

"I spoke to Hilary," Kathleen began. Lindsay tilted her head and looked at her wryly; Hilary was the wife of Jeremy, her eldest brother, and a psychiatrist in Montana. As lovely as her sister-in-law was, Lindsay always felt under scrutiny whilst in her presence. "I told her everything that Stella had told me and she thinks you're suffering from depression but she doesn't think it's severe as postpartum depression."

"Thanks Dr. Mom."

"Don't be cute, Lindsay," Kathleen scolded lightly, smiling despite herself. "She suggested that you spoke to someone but I knew you wouldn't go for that. So instead I thought I should come out here and talk to you; I have something to show you, something that I'm hoping may help."

She picked her purse up from the floor and dug her hand inside, pulling a Polaroid photo out. She smiled at it wistfully before holding it out to her only daughter. Lindsay rose to take the photo, sitting beside her mother on the two-seater couch. The Polaroid showed both of her parent's from years ago; they were crammed on to a hospital bed and smiling down at a new born within their arms. Lindsay felt her heart thud against her ribs. There were three other photos similar to this one which hung on the stairs wall in the Montana ranch; the first of the eldest twins, Jeremy and Nicholas, the second of her bother Mark and then the third of her. This was a photo she'd never seen before.

"His name was Christopher and he was born March 3rd, 1976. The twins were only three and Marcus was eighteen months so they don't remember that I was ever pregnant. Christopher was our son for all of twenty minutes before the doctor's took him away, it had happened to all of my children so I wasn't too alarmed. I always remember that he was the first child that looked like me; the eyes, the hair – everyone else had inherited your father's blonde hair and green eyes but he was dark like his mama. I'd been dozing and it was about two hours later when a nurse came in to break the news that Christopher had been born with a lung defect. We were allowed to hold him as he died. I'll never forget how helpless I felt as I held my little boy and watched the life ebb away from him, knowing that I could do nothing to save him."

Kathleen didn't cry, her tears had dried a long time ago and Lindsay sat, watching her mother in silent shock.

"We buried Christopher in the far back field, confident that the boys wouldn't go that far and then we moved on with our lives. We didn't talk of him again. I'm not saying that was the right thing to do, in fact I think it could have made things somewhat worse, but you know your father – he'd rather not talk about these kind of things. I think he passed that on to you."

Lindsay bit her lip and gave a small nod.

"I didn't think we'd ever have any more kids and then four years later you came along. You were everything we'd always wanted and more. And as you got older and you looked at me with your dark eyes and all that dark hair I just knew that a part of Christopher was living on with you. We didn't plan you Lindsay, in the same way that you won't plan your next child, but when he or she comes along you'll realise you've been waiting for them for a very long time."

Lindsay brushed away the tear that had slipped down her cheek. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be silly, you didn't know and that was the way we wanted it to be. I'm telling you now because I need you to know that things will get better."

Lindsay sighed sadly. "I shouldn't have left, should I?"

"You should have done anything that you needed to," Kathleen assured her firmly.

"Danny's going to hate me."

"Danny is _not_ going to hate you. He'll understand why you felt the need to leave and he'll know that when you come back you'll be good and ready."

"But Lucy-"

"Will understand when you explain it to her." Kathleen reached across and tucked Lindsay's hair behind her ear. Lindsay looked down at the photograph in her hand and she thought of her own miscarried daughter.

"Why is she dead?" her voice cracked. "I want her back."

"You don't get to have her back, honey." Kathleen placed her hands on either of her daughter's shoulders, ensuring that Lindsay faced her. "You need to take an active role in your grief. If you don't overcome this then you'll never be able to go back to Danny and Lucy."

"I don't think I'm very good for them," Lindsay admitted.

"You're not a bad person, Lindsay. You didn't make this happen and you certainly didn't do anything wrong. No matter how hard you want to believe that you could have stopped it the simple truth is that you couldn't – believe me, I know what I'm talking about."

Lindsay inhaled slowly and Kathleen could almost see the guilt and self-loathing slowly receding from behind her eyes. Lindsay's lower lip trembled and Kathleen brought her youngest child into her arms, cradling her tightly against her chest as she began to quietly sob. For a moment she was transported back to seventeen years ago and the last time she'd ever held her daughter this way; the following morning the then fifteen year old had locked all of her emotions firmly beneath her control, never to be spilled again.

* * *

><p>"Yo Adam, briefing room."<p>

Danny strode past the AV lab as the lab tech jogged out to catch up with him. "Hey man, uh…how you doing? I mean… what with… you know, uh, everything that's going on and all. You doing alright? Well, not alright, but you know… and Lucy… she ok?"

Danny flashed a smile at the bumbling tech. "I guess we could be better but we'll be a'right, thanks for askin' buddy."

Adam smiled in relief, glad he hadn't offended his friend. "No problem, oh and hey, if you ever need-"

Danny clapped Adam on the in thanks. "I know, thanks man."

Adam realised that Danny had been offered so much support in the last few weeks that he was probably spoilt for choice. He wasn't too surprised, knowing that the team – a team that he'd been lucky enough to be included within, despite his role as a lab tech – had a lot of respect and responsibility for each other. They all wanted the best for their friends and could rely on the others whenever they needed them.

They'd reached the briefing room and parted ways, sitting on either side of the specially designed table. Danny dropped the pad that was tucked beneath his arm on to the table and opened it to a clean page, flicking through the pages of scrawled notes as the other members of the team entered the room. Once the briefing room was full and Jo, the last to enter, had shut the door, Mac began. The seat beside Danny, everyone seemed to note without saying, was left empty as though a reminder that its usual occupant was still within their thoughts. A looping sketch of a flower had been doodled in the margin of Danny's paper some weeks previously and he wrote the current date beside the stem.

"…I'm expected in court in three weeks for the Matthew Hayes case," Mac was saying and Danny began to pay attention. During the course of their investigation, they'd eventually learnt that a young woman, Victoria Kenner had been the almost-victim of a rape by her ex-boyfriend who'd attacked her as she walked through Prospect Park to work. Matthew had told her to get out of the park, unaware that he rescuer was about to lose his life. She'd reported the attempted rape at her local police precinct but it wasn't until Don started making inquiries into the murder that the connection hadbeen made. The case had become top priority and with Victoria's help they'd been able to track down the ex-boyfriend and charge him with attempted rape and the murder of Matthew.

"That reminds me, Hawkes if you check your schedule, you'll receive a must appear for next week. The _Harley Quinn,_" she rolled her eyes, "case is finally going to court."

Hawkes scribbled a note down, throwing a thanks at Jo. There was a knock on the glass door and Sid rose to intercept whoever was interrupting the briefing. Danny cast a glance over his shoulder and immediately recognised the red-haired man as the coroner who'd spread the gossip about himself and Lindsay. Danny gripped the pen tightly in his hand, his knuckles turning white and he forced himself to look forward instead of back at the man behind him. He briefly heard Sid excusing himself for the autopsy of a new body but as the briefing continued he could barely concentrate, his head filled with white noise.

It wasn't long before his counterparts began packing their belongings away; he rose and left with a forced calmness and fluidity. Making his way directly to the locker room, he slammed the door open and glared at the lone lab tech who quickly departed before making his way over to his locker. Drawing his arm back, he began to repeatedly slam his fist into the metal locker door until all the anger bled out of him.

Finally spent, he exhaled slowly and shook his hand, trying to relieve some of the pain which was already setting in. His knuckled were busted and bloody. He knew that Lucy was bound to notice them and that Lindsay hated it when his anger became so controllable that he unleashed it upon himself. He walked to the sinks, turning the cold faucet on full and pushing his hand beneath it. The water stung and yet he embraced the pain, accepting it. Looking up, he finally noticed that Mac was stood over his shoulder in the reflection of the wall mirror.

Danny turned the faucet off. "Don't."

"A few years ago you would have lashed out at that guy without thinking of the consequences."

"A few years ago I had a lot less to lose."

Mac nodded and Danny turned towards him. "You've come a long way. I'm proud of you."

Danny snorted. "Yeah, sure."

Mac ignored him, turning to leave. "Make sure you stop the bleeding, I don't want you handling evidence if you're going to contaminate it."

Danny finally allowed a crooked smile to break through. "Thanks, boss."


	17. Chapter Sixteen

**Disclaimer: **The characters of CSI: NY do not belong to me however this story is of my own and should only be used after permission has been asked and given. No copyright infringement intended and no profit is being made.

**Summary: **Danny and Lindsay are going to learn that sometimes you must lose, in order to gain.

**Notes:** Hi everyone, thanks so much for the response on the last chapter. This one is longer than the last to show my gratitude and also, as usual, I'm going to thank _webdlfan, laurzz, MesserFamilyFan100, Clare-Louise89, alexindigo_ and _Ditto123_ for reviewing the last chapter.

* * *

><p><strong>The Parent's Apple<strong>

Stella entered her home that evening to hear quiet laughter coming from the kitchen. She followed the sound and paused in the doorway, smiling as she observed the way mother and daughter flawlessly moved around each other whilst cooking dinner. She leant against the doorjamb and realised that this was one relationship she would never experience unless she had a child of her own. Lindsay was smiling and shaking her head as she stirred the contents of the pot on the stove.

"I'm not telling you a thing."

"You can at least tell me if the reputation surrounding Italian men holds true," Kathleen shrugged as she shredded lettuce.

"I don't even want to know," Stella said, announcing her arrival. Lindsay looked up and flushed crimson, throwing a glare at her mom whereas Kathleen laughed heartily. Stella was impressed to see that the tension within Lindsay seemed lesser than that morning. She sniffed appreciatively. "Something smells good."

"One of the Monroe classics, Boot Kickin' Cowboy Stew," Lindsay explained. "It's a ranch favourite."

"If it tastes as good as it smells then I can see why," Stella commented.

"Take a seat, it'll be finished soon. Did you want a drink?"

"I'll get it," the Grecian woman offered. Although it was a tight space with the three of them bustling in the kitchen, they worked well around each other, laughing and joking. Stella prepared their drinks whilst Kathleen set the table and Lindsay oversaw the simmering of their stew. As the final few minutes of cooking time drew closer, Stella watched with amusement as Lindsay and her mom argued over the pot.

"Don't worry about it, I can do it."

"No, it's alright, you've done enough. Go and sit down," Lindsay suggested. "I'll be done in a few minutes, anyway."

"Lindsay, get away from that stove and sit down," Kathleen finished firmly, shooing her towards the dining table.

Lindsay huffed dramatically before walking the length of the kitchen and dropping into a chair. She rolled her eyes at Stella and muttered, "I always get thrown out of the kitchen."

"That's because you always use to stick your fingers into the food to 'test' it," Kathleen called over her shoulder. She took the pot off of the stove and ladled the stew into three equal portions before carefully balancing the bowls and taking them to the table. Setting them in front of each person, they began to eat the prepared meal. Stella hummed her approval.

"This is good. Have you ever made Danny this?" she inquired.

Lindsay snorted. "It's called Boot Kickin' Cowboy Stew, the only way I'd ever make Danny this is if I wanted to be hazed relentlessly until the end of time."

Kathleen caught Stella's eye and there was a silent moment passed between them. Stella hadn't intentionally brought Danny up yet she was pleased to see that Lindsay hadn't reacted badly at the mention of her husband. They continued to eat, talking companionably as Kathleen asked about their jobs, friendship and lives in New York.

Once dinner was finished, Lindsay stacked the bowls together and began placing the dirty cutlery and crockery into the dishwasher. Lindsay pushed the buttons and waited for it to start up before pulling back and admiring the machine.

"I could do with one of these," she admitted enviously, "although I could also do with a house and a proper kitchen."

Stella nodded. "Growing up in New York I never thought I'd say this, but I really don't see me going back to live in an apartment now."

"Whereas I don't think Danny particularly cares whether it's an apartment or a house, so long as it's in New York," Lindsay laughed and Stella joined in.

"He is a city boy through and through."

The three women moved into the living room where they put a DVD into the player. Lindsay sat beside her mom and Kathleen noted without commenting on it that Lindsay was slowly falling asleep. They were halfway into the movie when Stella looked across from the other couch and realised her friend was fast asleep.

"She's out for the count." Kathleen had noticed Stella looking at her daughter too.

"I'm guessing she had an emotional day."

Kathleen gave a half smile. "You could say that. We did a lot of talking; she admitted this afternoon that she misses Danny a lot and whilst she still believes removing herself from that situation was for the best, she also knows that she shouldn't have cut off all contact completely."

"Leaving her cell phone behind was quite the statement," Stella agreed.

"It did kind of tell Danny to stay away," Kathleen further added. She looked down at her sleeping daughter and suddenly it was yesterday that she was taking her new baby girl home from the hospital. "She's not a bad person; she just doesn't know how to deal with her emotions sometimes. She grew up way too soon and she always felt as though she had to hide her feelings in case they hurt the people around her. I know she definitely hid her feelings in order to make me happy - or at least what she thought would make me happy."

"It must have been a difficult time... seeing Lindsay after her friends were murdered, I mean."

Kathleen graced her with a small smile. "One of the hardest times of my life. I can't say for sure if that was the first time she'd ever hidden her feelings, but I can tell you that that was the first time she made a conscious effort to keep everything she felt to herself. She thought she was tearing the family apart and so one day she said she was fine and she's been saying it ever since."

"If you knew that she was lying about being fine then why didn't you force her to tell the truth?"

The older Monroe woman chuckled. "Have you met my daughter? She's stubborn as a mule. If she said she was fine then she wouldn't admit to being anything different. I know I probably coulda _and_ shoulda tried harder to understand her and to let her know that it wasn't her fault that she was feeling that way but... I'm ashamed to admit that I was relieved when she started telling people that she was fine." Kathleen wiped at her suddenly moist eyes. "If Lindsay was fine then that meant I hadn't failed as her mama, and I can bet you that Danny feels the same way about being a husband. Lindsay broke down just the once and then the next day it was as though nothing had happened, she was cold and distant and there was this wall that she'd constructed overnight which was just… impenetrable, I guess. She rebuilt her original persona around the wall and you could almost believe that she was the same person but I knew differently; the night she went to the diner she was giggling about boys and summer camp and after the diner she was suddenly thinking about college and getting out of Bozeman. You probably wouldn't notice it unless you'd known her before but Lindsay was different after that night and although she tried to act like the girl I once knew, I could tell that there was something different to her; an edge which would never leave. But then she came to New York…" Kathleen smiled wistfully, entrapped within her memories. "My husband and I were worried about Lindsay moving to the other side of the country and yes, we knew that Uncle Freddie was only a short drive away, but for the majority of the time she'd be alone. Perhaps we were narrow minded but you've got to understand that we've only lived in Bozeman for our whole lives whereas Lindsay suddenly wanted to live in the big city, away from her friends and family. We worried that maybe she'd crash and burn within the year and yet every time we spoke to her on the phone she sounded more happy and at ease that she'd ever been in Bozeman. She was always talking about the team and about how they'd welcomed her and pretty soon we realised that she'd carved a complete new life for herself in New York. She was happy and at ease."

"I bet one name kept cropping up out of all the team members," Stella said with a grin.

"Hmm, one Danny Messer was mentioned a time or two more than the others," Kathleen chuckled. "You know, all of Lindsay's ex-boyfriends lived in town, grew up with horses and cattle and understood why wheat fields were beautiful in their own simple way and yet it's a city boy who's never ridden a horse or milked a cow that understands her above all the rest. He's good for her."

"She's good for him too. I've known Danny a long time and sometimes he can make the worst decisions but since meeting Lindsay he's really cleaned up his act and stepped up to be with her. He cares a lot for her and would do anything within his power to make her happy. We have this terrible, awful job and yet those two managed to find each other despite the gravity which surrounds them. They'll get through this. They're stronger than most couples out there," Stella assured her. "And if it's any consolation, this evening she seemed a lot better than I've ever seen here since she arrived in New Orleans."

* * *

><p>Danny stirred his coffee first clockwise and then counter clockwise. The pot had recently broken and until it was replaced they had to make the coffee from scratch. He'd made the mistake of not fully dissolving the grains the day before and he was keen to not make the same mistake twice. Danny took a tentative sip and winced. Whilst it was better than the day before, he still longed for the pot to be replaced. If he'd had more time, he would have gone down to the cart outside the lobby but foreign fibres were calling and if he wanted to make it home tonight then he was limiting the time on his breaks.<p>

He looked up as Hawkes entered, his brow furrowed deeply and his mouth set in a firm line.

"Yo, what's up Doc?" Danny asked with a chuckle. The look that Hawkes shot him caused the smile to slip from his face and it was replaced with genuine concern. "You a'right, buddy?"

"I've just been in court." Hawkes loosened his tie. "Let's just say it didn't go too well."

Danny crossed his arms over his chest and leant back against the counter. "Wha' happened?"

"It was the _Harley Quinn_ case; you know the girl that threw a pipe bomb in the bodega? Yeah, well the defence was all over the case like a rash and when they couldn't find anything wrong with the evidence the attorney decided to pick apart the chain of custody," Hawkes spat. He was beyond furious but looking at Danny he suddenly realised, too late, the mistake he'd made.

"Yeah, so wha' happened?"

Hawkes hesitated, wondering how much to reveal to his friend. He inhaled slowly so as to calm himself down and keep his tone even; he knew that Danny would find out sooner or later and it was better that it came from him. "The defence's argument was that the first Detective handling the evidence was later rushed to hospital and therefore the chain of custody has been compromised."

Danny nodded slowly, his brow furrowed as he tried to follow Hawkes line of thought. In a rush of Technicolor he vaguely remembered Lindsay kissing him goodbye on the morning of the miscarriage, her words penetrating his sleep befuddled brain in bursts of 'bodega', 'bomb' and 'two fatalities'. Hawkes nodded sympathetically, recognising that Danny had picked up on what he'd been trying not to say.

"He's arguing that Lindsay's report is missing from the documentation and that her signature isn't on any of the paperwork. He's also suggesting that the initial collection and analysis of the evidence is questionable because, as Lindsay was miscarrying at the time, her work could be full of human errors." Danny opened his mouth furiously and Hawkes pressed on. "I assured the court that I have full confidence in Lindsay's work but he was really dragging his heels on this one. He knows that the case is sound but he's hoping to sway the jury in any way possible."

"Yeah, and he's using my wife's miscarriage as his basis," Danny said tersely. "Ya know wha', maybe I should go down there; give him my own account of that day."

Hawkes looked upon him sympathetically. "The prosecution called upon the judge to have the defence retract his claims based on Lindsay's miscarriage and it was. If anything I think he turned it more in our favour because the jury weren't buying it; Lindsay's work was flawless even as she was miscarrying and they can't doubt that."

"I still can't believe that SOB used our miscarriage as a way to get his client off though. It's beyond sick."

"I know, man," Hawkes sighed.

"I'm tellin' ya buddy, never get married."

Hawkes suddenly looked sheepish. "I think it's too late for that now." Danny looked up, frowning and Hawkes couldn't stop the embarrassed grin that lit up his face. "Camille and I are getting married. I finally asked her a few months back."

Danny gaped at him for a moment, speechless. "What… how… I had no idea."

"No one really does, you're only like the second person in the lab that I've told – after Mac, of course. I figured there was no point to even trying to keep a secret for that guy." Hawkes' observation gained a chuckle from Danny. "I know it's pretty soon but we're getting married in the autumn, just get it over and done with."

Danny laughed. "If you want it over and done with then just take her to city hall."

Hawkes grinned. "I suggested that but she still insisted on the church and white wedding dress, even if it is a small affair."

Danny clapped his friend on the back. "Congratulations man, I'm really happy for you."

Hawkes grinned before excusing himself so he could debrief Mac on the trial. Danny watched him go, hoping that the happiness he was barely concealing lasted for a long time.

* * *

><p>The bottom step to the stairs creaked and Lindsay looked up from the book she'd been reading. She was curled up on the couch, a blanket draped over her lap and her feet tucked beneath her. The novel was Stella's and although it was a little too romantic for her tastes the storyline was easy enough to get lost within.<p>

"You look nice," Lindsay told her friend as Stella entered the living room.

"Oh, thanks." Stella gave her an uncharacteristically shy smile and revolved on the spot, showing her one shouldered blue satin dress. She touched the back of her styled hair and Lindsay detected a nervous tension within her friend.

"Going somewhere nice?" Lindsay asked, a teasing grin spreading across her face.

Stella laughed; the tension breaking. "I'm going on a date. There's this guy from work and he asked me out, quite a few times actually and I finally said yes."

"What's he like?"

Stella winked, "I'll let you know afterwards. Are you go to be ok here on your own?"

"Are you crazy? Of course I'll be fine. Where is your mystery man meeting you?"

"Actually he's waiting outside already," she admitted.

"Well then go," Lindsay shooed. "Don't keep him waiting too long."

Stella grinned and said her goodbyes before leaving. Lindsay bookmarked the page and set the book down; she was proud of Stella, knowing how large a step this was for her. As far as she was aware, this was the first possibly serious date Stella had gone on since Frankie Mala. Frankie had left some deep scars, deeper than he even probably thought were possible. Stella had been very cautious about the men in her life since shooting her ex-boyfriend seven years ago. She had lingering trust issues and yet Lindsay had noted that Stella's date was picking her up from her house. She knew that following the Frankie incident, Stella had a strict rule about never letting a man know where she lived but this guy was clearly something different if on their first date he was picking her up. Lindsay gnawed at her bottom lip; if Stella could overcome her fears then why couldn't she?

She reached across the table beside the couch and picked the house phone up before dialling a number from memory. It dialled once, twice, three times and she considered hanging up before the gravelly voice she loved so much finally answered.

"Hey, it's me. Please don't hang up."


	18. Chapter Seventeen

**Disclaimer: **The characters of CSI: NY do not belong to me however this story is of my own and should only be used after permission has been asked and given. No copyright infringement intended and no profit is being made.

**Summary: **Danny and Lindsay are going to learn that sometimes you must lose, in order to gain.

**Notes:** Hi all! So I did want to get this up a lot sooner but it seems my social life was suddenly thriving and the conversation was so difficult to write that I had to do it in short bursts. Anyway, I hope this reunion was well worth the wait – it's been seven chapters since Danny and Lindsay were last together (eight since they last interacted)! I'm a little proud of myself for holding out, haha!

A big thank you to _laurzz, webdlfan, rhymenocerous, MesserFamilyFan100, Claire-Louise89 _and_ dannyandlindsayforeva_ for reviewing the last chapter!

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><p><strong>The Parent's Apple<strong>

"You thought I'd hang up?"

Lindsay sank back into the couch with a sigh. She could hear the strain on his voice and knew that this conversation was going to be a difficult one. She wished she hadn't jumped to the assumption that he wouldn't speak to her; it had set the tone of the conversation wrongly and now she was paying for it.

"I don't know. I wouldn't've blamed you if you did."

"I'm not gonna hang up." His words were a promise that she wasn't going to force him to be the bad guy. As the silence stretched his frustration began to surface. "In fact, I'd quite like to hear what you gotta say for yourself. You fancy explainin' to me why you just left, Lindsay? 'Cause I sure as hell would like to know. Did you even think abou' how I'd feel in the mornin' when I found out you'd gone? I was worried sick abou' you. I had to hear it from Mac that you were in New Orleans and that was only 'cause Stella had the decency to call him – which is damn more than you did. What the hell was I 'spose to tell Lucy when she kept askin' where Mommy was – did you even think abou' that?"

"I'm sorry, I wasn't thinking straight-"

"You were thinkin' straight enough to leave your phone behind so I couldn't contact you. You were thinkin' straight enough to not go to Montana where I was bound to look for you," Danny argued.

"I didn't plan this, ok? I only came to New Orleans because I didn't want to face my parents. And don't you dare suggest that I don't care about Lucy because I love her more than anything and you know that, and although you may not believe it I love you too."

"I…" he faltered. Despite his frustrations, his anger was beginning to dispel. He sighed, scrubbing a hand down his face. "I know you love me and I definitely know you love Lucy. I just don't understand how you could leave us."

"I thought it was for the best. And in some ridiculous, roundabout way it's because I love you both that I had to leave you. I wasn't coping – I think you and I can both admit that – and because of that I wasn't being the wife or mother that you and Lucy deserve. I'm not saying that this was the only reason why I left but I did realise that if I didn't leave and sort my head out then I'd never be able to be a good wife and mother again."

"Lindsay, you have never been anything less than a fantastic mother to Lucy and wife to me. You gotta know that."

"Would a fantastic mother and wife lose a baby?" she asked softly.

"Ya know that has nothin' to do with it," he told her firmly.

"I do now, but at the time… I really blamed myself for everything that had happened. I felt as though our marriage was hanging by a thread because of me and that was why I was so desperate to be fine when really I wasn't. I buried my feelings as best I could and then that night… the last night I was home… I knew that you'd realise what was wrong and make me talk about things, things that I wasn't ready to face. The miscarriage… it was still so raw but I didn't want to admit that it was still affecting me; I didn't want to admit that I was failing to move on for yours and Lucy's sakes. So I ran. I know it sounds like crap but I honestly wasn't thinking straight at the time. All I knew was that getting away for a while would help and that if I stayed then I would have continued to fail – and that was something I couldn't bear to do to our family."

Danny wished it hadn't taken two months for Lindsay to talk freely to him. "I didn't expect your grief to go away overnight, Lindsay. I just wish you'd spoken to me about it. I mean how come you could tell Stella all that you were feelin' but not me? I'm your husband."

"I know you are; and that's why I couldn't tell you. I bottled it all up and by the time I came to New Orleans it just all spilled out to Stella. I knew that you were hurting already but you were trying to be strong for the both of us… I didn't want to put all of this added pressure on you by letting you know how I was feeling. It didn't seem fair to lay all of it on you."

"But it seemed fair to leave me alone with our child in the middle of the night?" he asked bitterly.

"No, I guess that wasn't fair either," she admitted sadly.

Danny sighed and ran a hand through his hair before scratching the back of his neck. His tone softened, "Lucy said you'd been cryin' a lot."

"I…" Lindsay faltered, a lie placed on her tongue before she sighed, brutal honesty was needed in this conversation. "I didn't realise she knew."

"She's a pretty intuitive kid. She gets it from you." Danny smiled at the soft snort of laughter Lindsay gave. "So why were you cryin' so much."

Lindsay transferred the phone to her other ear. "I don't know, to be honest. Every time something went wrong, even if it was something small like the pasta was too hard when I served dinner, I just seemed to take it really hard. I was convinced that every little thing was my fault. I know now that those were the warning signs that I was still caught up in the grief but at the time I was convinced that there was something wrong with me; I was so angry at myself and all I could think about was everything that I could have done and should have done to prevent the miscarriage."

Danny could hear the emotion rising in Lindsay's voice. "There wasn't anything that you could have done, Lindsay." He heard a small sniff on the other end of the line. "C'mon Linds, don't cry. Bein' a mom doesn't give you the superpower of always bein' able to stop the inevitable. Nothing you did caused the miscarriage and there was nothing you could have done to prevent it either."

"I know," she admitted in a small voice. She sniffed and when she spoke again her voice was stronger, "I know, really I do. I spoke to my mom and she told me that my parents had another son between Marcus and me and he died shortly after being born. Knowing that my mom went through something similar, if not worse, suddenly made me realise that I could get through this, that _we_ could get through this. They have one of the strongest marriages I've ever known and I'd be lying if I said I didn't want to be like them but they never spoke of their son again once he died. They never shared their feelings or dwelled on the grief. Now that I know that, I've realised that they don't talk to each other about the hard things and so I've learnt to do the same. I left in the first place because I dreaded talking to you about my feelings. We always avoid the conversations that we don't want to have until the moment's passed and the conversation is irrelevant." He heard her inhale shakily, gathering courage. "If our marriage is going to work, and I mean really work, then we have got to start talking to each other otherwise… otherwise I don't see it lasting."

"But…" it was Danny's turn to falter as he realised what she was saying. Did she really think they would end in divorce?

The silence stretched between them before Lindsay broke it, her voice quiet. "I think we both need time to think about what we want."

"Wait…"

"I'll phone you in a few days' time."

"Lindsay?"

"Yeah?"

"…I love you."

"I love you too, Danny."


	19. Chapter Eighteen

**Disclaimer: **The characters of CSI: NY do not belong to me however this story is of my own and should only be used after permission has been asked and given. No copyright infringement intended and no profit is being made.

**Summary: **Danny and Lindsay are going to learn that sometimes you must lose, in order to gain.

**Notes:** So I hate to write this on here because I'd rather it be private however I'm afraid that whoever left the review only signed in as an anonymous guest therefore I can't contact them directly, but I feel as though I deserve my own say. I appreciate all manners of constructive criticism however I feel that the guest review was bordering on more of a flame from the tone of the review so I just wanted to clear some things up from what was said.

You said in your comments that Lindsay is being portrayed as self-absorbed and selfish in this fanfiction for leaving her child behind but I have to admit that to an extent I largely disagree. You claim that 'as a mother, I think there is no way to justify…' however being a mother doesn't make every woman the same and I think it's true to say that every person deals with grief and pain in different ways. Perhaps it hasn't come across as clearly as I would have liked but my point throughout this fanfiction has been that Lindsay felt like an inadequate mother because she couldn't cope with the grief. She cares about Lucy so much that she has taken herself away from her daughter so that she doesn't disappoint Lucy and cause her to react in a bad way when older due to learned behaviour. Now personally, I wouldn't think that sounds self-absorbed. You also said that she should have told Danny before she left and I agree but Lindsay wasn't thinking straight and now she's seen the error of what she did – you have to remember that even a fictional character is human and therefore capable of making mistakes, even if that character is a mother. In _The Lovely Bones_ the mother leaves her two children behind and moves to California (I think) for nearly a decade because the grief of losing her daughter is too much to handle. And yes, as a reader you may think she's selfish but you also are open to understanding why she felt so trapped and felt the need to leave. You may think that no mother would do that to their children but the truth is that grief can completely change a person – perhaps Lindsay was being a little selfish but it's because it was what she needed to move on. Was it the wrong choice? Maybe. But as I said, she's allowed to make mistakes.

Ok, so I'm glad that's over and I apologise to everyone who had to read that. I was really debating about whether to write anything or not because I don't want to come across as a writer who whines at every criticism however I felt I was owed my own explanation seeing as the reviewer didn't log in and I just wanted to clarify what they didn't seem to be getting.

Also, I wanted to give a huge thank you to _Laurzz_ who said the kindest things and acted as a very lovely friend. You rock, chica!

And now to the nice bit, because one bad review doesn't cancel out all the nice ones, so a big thank you to _MesserFamilyFan100, Ditto123, dannyandlindsayforeva, RandomTVFan30, Claire-Louise89, bookworm_ and _Laurzz_ for reviewing. It especially meant a lot this week! :)

And finally – man this is turning epic, sorry guys – I can't completely take credit for what Lucy does later in the chapter. It's actually based on Babytard of the Shaytard's blogs which I freakin' love to watch!

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><p><strong>The Parent's Apple<strong>

Stella had just finished brewing her morning coffee when the sound of the front door opening caught her attention. She looked up, intrigued as Lindsay walked in. A thin sheen of sweat glistened across her skin and she was dressed casually in a tank, sweatpants and sneakers.

Stella quirked an eyebrow at her younger counterpart. "Jogging?"

Lindsay nodded as she crossed to the fridge and took out a chilled bottle of water. "It was a lot harder getting back into; although to be honest I haven't been since I found out I was pregnant with Lucy. I had to stop when I reached the park because I was so hot."

"It does take some getting used to," Stella agreed knowing that the near tropical climate was a big change compared to New York.

Lindsay pulled the cap off of her bottle and took a long swig. "So how was your date last night?"

Stella grinned. "It was good. He took me to dinner and we went dancing. He had two left feet and kept stepping on mine but it was fine."

Lindsay smiled knowingly. "It sounds as though you like this guy."

"I think I could grow to like him," she replied guardedly, the old insecurities surrounding romantic attachments still present.

"Where'd you meet him?"

"At work, he's a Homicide Detective at the Precinct," Stella explained.

"Oh so he's like Flack?" Lindsay asked and Stella laughed.

"Only in rank and title, otherwise he's completely different. He's really funny and he makes me laugh but his humour is more general compared to Flack's-"

"Smart ass comments," Lindsay supplied and Stella grinned again.

"Exactly. He's a great guy; his name's Jackson and he's been divorced for three years plus he has an eight year old daughter so he completely understands about bringing baggage into the relationship. We've been friends for a while though so he knows all about Frankie and Drew Bedford trying to get to Mac through me and in return I know all about his ex-wife and daughter. He's completely different to any other guy I've ever been with."

"How so?"

"It's as though all of my exes seem so 'New York', you know? They were concerned with being stylish and being at the latest new art scene or going to the opera whereas Jackson is more concerned with keeping it real, I guess. He did splash out on a yacht though and, other than his daughter, it's his pride and joy. He loves the outdoors and I've never been big on sailing but hearing him talk about it actually makes me want to go."

Lindsay smiled at the awakened excitement in Stella's tone. She was happy for her friend, recognising that Stella needed someone who challenged her and made her try new things but also who was steady and grounded. Stella seemed to pull herself back together though as she asked, "so what about you? How was talking to Danny?"

Lindsay's smile dropped and she bit her lip. "It was ok."

Stella tilted her head to the side sympathetically. "It didn't go so well, huh?"

"I did most of the talking. Sometimes I could hear that he was so angry and other times he was really trying to be understanding. I told him that I'd ring him again soon but that we needed time to think about our future as a married couple. I told him that if we didn't learn how to talk to each other then I didn't really see us lasting," Lindsay admitted. "It's just hard. I love him so much and I want us to be together more than anything but I don't want us to go back to hiding things from each other."

"That's understandable," Stella nodded thoughtfully. "But if you ask me kiddo, and this is just my opinion of course, I'd say that if the two of you decided not to stay together then you'd both regret it. Lindsay, you light up every time you see him and it's the same when he sees you. If the pair of you throw it away then it'll be the biggest mistake. I know you need trust and honesty and openness in your marriage, and I respect that, really I do, but you and Danny need each other even more."

Lindsay nodded sadly. "I don't want to lose him."

"Then you need to let him know that you're not giving up."

* * *

><p>As Stella had taken an SUV from work, Lindsay was free to use the jeep for her own personal use. She planned on filling it up with gas a thank you to Stella for letting her use the vehicle and set out on her way to town. Aside from that first day when Stella had taken her into New Orleans, Lindsay had barely left the house so hadn't been able to explore the city. She followed signs as she drove towards the heart of the city, rolled the windows down and even tuned the radio into an old rock station similar to the kind which would play in hers and Danny's car.<p>

'Crazy, Crazy Nights' by _Kiss_ was playing and Lindsay turned the radio up a notch, smiling at the fond memories of listening to the band with Danny in the car and around the house. The wind whipped her hair back and she sighed, letting the bad feeling that had resided in the pit of her stomach begin to dissipate. For the first time in months Lindsay felt as though she was doing more than just existing.

* * *

><p>"…and now Lucy's playing a game on the computer," Alba finished explaining as she adjusted the purse strap on her shoulder.<p>

"Ohh Ma," Danny groaned. He finished hanging his jacket in the hall closet before turning back to the older Messer. "You know I don't like Lucy bein' on that thing."

Alba rolled her eyes, surprised at how old fashioned her son could be. She knew that Lindsay was more open to Lucy being on the family computer because she recognised that Lucy was born in the age of technology whereas Danny was insistent that Lucy's mind will turn to mush if she's allowed anywhere near the computer. "Relax, _mio figlio_, she perfectly balances going on the computer with doing other things such as going to the park, or playing with her toys or watching the princesses on the TV."

"A'right," Danny conceded, reluctant to admit that his mom was right, though he did grace her with a sheepish smile. She leant up and kissed his cheek, called a goodbye to Lucy before Danny walked her to the door. "Be safe, ok?"

"Anyone tries anythin' with me and I'll clout them," she told him fiercely and Danny laughed, knowing that his mom probably would. He waited until she'd disappeared into the elevator before shutting and locking the door. He could hear Lucy quietly talking to herself in the other room and let the curious father in him take over. Lucy was at the age where she was starting to get self-conscious if she realised that her parents were watching her play and so she rarely explained her make believes games with them unless she wanted either parent to join in. He stood behind the doorway of the living room, listening to his three year old.

"…and then I takes this one and I do this… ok, see me? Yep, like this. It's my likid eyeline and it goes on the eyeline cause that's what it's called… then see this, this is my lemon lickstip and it goes on here… it maked my lips big and yellow. See, like this…"

Danny groaned before walking into the living room. "Lucy, I hope you haven't got into Mommy's make up again."

The little girl turned in the computer seat to show him what was grasped in her hands. "I not, see? It my crayon make up 'torial." Danny chuckled, looking at the wax crayons in her hand. He bent down and cupped the back of her head, pressing a kiss to the crown. She pointed at the screen. "See, Mommy watchin'."

Danny looked up at the screen, surprised to see Lindsay looking back at him. She gave him a sheepish smile. "Hey. We must have left Skype on and she ended up video calling me… well, Stella, but I answered."

"And my Mom seems to think there's no harm in her knowing everything about technology," Danny grumbled and Lindsay gave a chuckle.

"Hey guys, you're interrupting my crayon 'torial," Lucy cut in petulantly.

Lindsay grinned before rearranging her face. "Right, sorry. Carry on."

Danny pulled out the second computer chair and sat in it, watching in amusement as Lucy continued with her "'torial" whilst Lindsay watched, enthralled. When looking at them together – even if only through a computer screen – Danny could see how Lindsay was as devoted to Lucy as the youngster was to her mother. Lindsay gave her young daughter her complete rapt attention, listening carefully to everything she had to say about 'eyeline', 'lickstip' and 'brusher'. She put the last crayon down and tilted her head to show different angles, puckering her lips to the camera as Lindsay hid her giggles behind her hand and Danny looked on in horror.

"So that's the um… stop of my 'torial on lookin' pretty," Lucy concluded. She grinned through the camera. "Did you like it mama?"

"I loved it, baby girl," Lindsay told her enthusiastically. "You do so well and look so pretty, too!"

"T'anks," Lucy beamed. The small girl looked down into her lap and when she looked up again her smile had vanished. "Why you not in'ere, mommy?"

"I'm seeing Aunt Stella at the moment," Lindsay explained gently. "You remember Stella, right?" Lucy gave a vigorous nod. "Well I'm in New Orleans with her, visiting."

"Like 'cation?"

"Yeah, like a vacation," Lindsay agreed.

"When you gonna come back?"

"I'm not sure, hopefully soon."

"Hey Luce," Danny cut in, capturing his daughter's attention. "I need to speak to mommy for a bit so d'you think you could go and get your pyjamas on and brush your teeth so you're ready for bed."

"Ok! Bye Mommy, love you."

"Bye Lucy, I love you too."

"Love you more."

"And I love you most," Lindsay replied with a little grin as they recited the words from _Tangled_.

The three year old seemed to contemplate this for a moment. "Nope, not poss'ble!" and with that, she jumped down from the revolving chair and raced towards the bedroom and bathroom to ready herself for bed. Danny swapped seats so that he could see the computer more directly, chuckling.

"It's good to see she hasn't changed," Lindsay admitted.

Danny nodded, smiling at his daughter's playfulness. "I didn't even think about usin' Skype to talk to ya. It's good to see that Lucy seems to have a good common sense."

"I wouldn't go that far," Lindsay teased, smirking.

"Nah, you're probably right. Though after that display I hope we're both agreed that she ain't ever gettin' a YouTube channel," he said.

"Oh yeah, agreed."

"I hope to never see her poutin' like that ever again," he said. Lindsay smiled as her husband's overprotective streak flared.

"What are you going to dear when she's a teenager and the world's against her?" Lindsay teased.

Danny exhaled noisily. "Emigrate…? Don't worry, I'll take you with me." Lindsay laughed again but as Danny's expression sobered she knew what was coming. "Have you had a chance to think since last night?"

Lindsay nodded. "I did. Did you?"

"Yeah, yeah I did some thinkin'. Look," he leaned closer to the screen as their conversation turned personal. "You wanted space and I gave it to ya but I'll be damned if I'm that guy that sits on his ass and watches as his marriage slips through his fingers. I know that you and me are good for each other and if we've gotta start talkin' to each other then yeah, let's do it."

Lindsay leant back in her chair, fiddling with two rings on her left hand. "I wish it was as easy as that… I want to talk about things, Danny, things that happened a long time ago and maybe they shouldn't be brought up again but we talked about them in the first place and I think now is the time to do it."

"A'right yeah, sure. What do you wanna say?"

"I want to talk about Rikki Sandoval."


	20. Chapter Nineteen

**Disclaimer: **The characters of CSI: NY do not belong to me however this story is of my own and should only be used after permission has been asked and given. No copyright infringement intended and no profit is being made.

**Summary: **Danny and Lindsay are going to learn that sometimes you must lose, in order to gain.

**Notes:** This conversation was in my head for a while but whilst writing I just happened to be watching 'Hung Out to Dry' at the time – extra brownie points to anyone who spots why this is ironic! :)

A big thank you to everyone who reviewed the last chapter, it felt nice to have a little bit of Lucy fluff but now we're back to the heavy stuff. So, thanks to _Laurzz,_ _rhymenocerous, Guest, ditto123, MesserFamilyFan100, Rebandmel, Clare-Louise89, dannyandlindsayforeva_ and _alexindigo. _

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><p><strong>The Parent's Apple<strong>

Danny's hands formed a steeple over his nose, his forefingers pressing into the corners of his eyes as he tried to reign in his emotions. He hadn't said anything, too stunned by Lindsay's request, and he suddenly wished that they weren't having this conversation over Skype where Lindsay was free to witness his heaving emotions. He cleared his throat, trying to sound collected when he next spoke. "We've talked about this."

"No, we haven't. Not really. I mean we talked about the… you and her, but what about everything that came with it?" Lindsay sucked in her bottom lip, also drawing back her fast swelling emotions. "For me, that was the moment when we stopped talking to each other," she admitted. "When you came out to Montana, after the trial, when we went back to my hotel room… we just talked for hours and I told you things that I had never told anybody before. You were my best friend but suddenly I realised that I was willing to let you in, to let you be more; you were there and willing to listen. When Ruben died, I knew that it was going to hit you hard, especially as you were there at the time, so I'd hoped that I could return the favour to you. I wanted to let you know that although I wasn't exactly good at that kinda thing I was still ready and willing to listen to you but… you didn't want to talk, at least not to me."

Danny sighed regretfully, "Rikki… she just, she understood-"

"_I _would have understood," Lindsay insisted and Danny realised belatedly that it was true; hadn't Lindsay been telling him only a few months before Ruben died how she'd blamed herself for the deaths of her friends? Her guilt had been parallel to his own and yet he'd been blind to it, concentrating instead on his own grief. "You refused to talk and you pushed me away… and the worst thing is that I've now done the same thing to you."

A tear slid down her cheek and Danny pressed his fingertips to the screen, longing to catch it. Lindsay roughly pushed the tear away and Danny, feeling his emotions building, pinched the bridge of his nose.

"I trusted you, I was in love with you and you just…" her voice cracked with emotion as she remembered that difficult time. Danny watched her lower lip tremble, hating himself for ever causing it. "That day in our office you just sat there whilst I poured my heart out and you were so _indifferent_… that's when I realised I was more invested in our relationship that you ever were and… I have _never_ been that person before."

"I know," Danny sighed. "But I didn't do it to hurt you in the same way that you didn't go to New Orleans to hurt me."

"No," she agreed, "but I also didn't sleep with someone else."

"If I coulda taken that back then I would, you know I would. I made a mistake but you forgave me for it," he reminded her and she nodded.

"You're right, I did, and when you promised me that it'd never happen again I believed you because I knew that you meant it. I know that you'll never hurt me in that way again but every time you don't talk to me about something it takes me right back to that moment." She knew that this was hurting him and that with every ounce of strength she gained, he weakened a little more before her but she couldn't stop them from having this much needed conversation. "When you were in the wheelchair you told me that you had a sixty percent chance of walking again -"

"I didn't want to worry you," he insisted, exasperatedly

"And I told you that what worried me was you feeling that you had to lie to me," she replied, matching his tone. "When your badge was stolen by Shane Casey you never wanted to talk about it and every time I suggested you tell Mac you'd brush the subject off as though it was nothing. And then _I_ ended up having to deal with the consequences." She dragged a hand down her face, throwing away the flashing images of that night. The lingering picture of Lucy being held in Casey's arms with a gun pointed at her still haunted Lindsay. When she spoke again, her voice sounded defeated. "And then after Casey was gone, it was me who wouldn't talk to you. I made out that I was fine and it wasn't until you went to the department therapist that you knew something was wrong. We _don't_ talk to each other," she reiterated sadly.

The defeat in Lindsay was rubbing off on Danny. He exhaled slowly, running his hands over his face and through his hair. "It's not easy, Linds. My old man taught me and Louie that it was a weakness for Italian men, for _Messer men,_ to show their emotions. Feelings were for women and we didn't mix with that shit. I ain't sayin' that's right but that's what I've been taught. I wanna tell you these things but it's hard when I know that I shouldn't be burdening you with all of my crap, _especially_ when you've got your own stuff to deal with. We just… _Messer men_ don't open up."

If they were having this conversation in person then Lindsay would've reached across to take his hand. "Danny, you _are_ opening up. You've just done it." Danny scratched the back of his neck, suddenly uncomfortable and Lindsay tipped her head to the side, regarding him. "Don't you dare stop now," she teasingly warned.

He cracked a smile and exhaled, feeling a little lighter. "I know, deep down, that I shoulda gone to New Orleans by now and I shoulda forced you to talk to me but I was…" he inhaled slowly, gaining strength, "scared. I was scared that if I went out to New Orleans then you wouldn't see me, or if I phoned Stella and asked her to put you on the phone then you wouldn't talk to me. I've been hidin' behind the excuse that I have Lucy to think about and so I can't contact you when really I've been too scared that you'll blame me for the miscarriage."

Tears had risen in Lindsay's eyes and she gave a shaky, watery laugh. "I've been worried that if I spoke to you I'd hear in your voice that you blamed _me_ for the miscarriage," she admitted.

"You're kiddin' right?" he exhaled loudly.

"See what I mean about how we need to start talking to each other?" she gently prodded.

"I guess we've had a bit of a communication breakdown, huh?"

They smiled at each other shyly before the patter of tiny feet caught Danny's attention. He looked over his shoulder as Lucy ran into the living room, dressed in a pair of princess pyjamas. The small child kissed her father before blowing kisses to her mom through the screen.

"Night Mommy, I love you."

"Night baby, I love you too. Sleep good."

Lucy returned the way she'd come and Danny promised to come in later to check on her before turning back to his wife. Their usual routine was to have a bedtime story for Lucy before she fell asleep but Danny was reluctant to leave Lindsay when they were finally in a semi-good place. Even Lucy seemed to sense that it would be better for her parents if she went to bed without fuss whilst they talked.

Lindsay watched her go and sighed wistfully. "I've missed her so much."

"She's missed you too," he told her. "I've missed you as well."

"Oh yeah?" a smile stretched across Lindsay's face. "How much?"

Danny chuckled. "Enough."

"I've missed you too," she admitted, the sincerity plainly displayed across her face. Danny fiddled with his dog tags, the metal clinking against each other.

"So when are you thinkin' abou' comin' home?"

Lindsay exhaled slowly, taking the time to word her answer correctly. "I don't know. I want to, really I do, but I need to know that it's going to be the right choice for all of us. If I come back too soon and we end up arguing all the time then what kind of life will that be for Lucy? Can you understand that?"

Danny nodded. "Of course I can."

* * *

><p>Lucy had already been asleep for an hour before Danny crept into her room to check on the youngster. He bent down to kiss her goodnight and stroked a hand over her head as she mumbled sleepily. "Ssh, go back to sleep."<p>

"Ssh, go back to sleep."

"Daddy, is Mommy coming home?"

"Soon," Danny promised easily. "Real soon."

He gave her a final goodnight kiss before leaving the room. The conversation he'd had with Lindsay that evening still lingered in his mind, beginning with the painful conversation about Rikki Sandoval and ending with him teasing his wife about whether she'd phone him tomorrow to tell him that his cat was in her garden. They'd ended with shared smiles, the first in three months.


	21. Chapter Twenty

**Disclaimer: **The characters of CSI: NY do not belong to me however this story is of my own and should only be used after permission has been asked and given. No copyright infringement intended and no profit is being made.

**Summary: **Danny and Lindsay are going to learn that sometimes you must lose, in order to gain.

**Notes:** A big thank you to _laurzz, MesserFamilyFan100, dannyandlindsayforeva, alexindigo_ and_ bookworm_ for reviewing the last chapter!

* * *

><p><strong>The Parent's Apple<strong>

A heat wave had engulfed New York City as August slowly rolled along. A bead of sweat ran down Danny's spine as he prepared his and Lucy's lunches for the day. It was only 8am and he already knew that today was going to be long and hot. To make matters worse, the air conditioning in their apartment was broken and the landlord was currently vacationing in the Caribbean and couldn't deal with it, leaving Danny and Lucy in irritable moods. Lucy blew her fringe off of her face as she stood by the counter, watching her father prepare her lunch. She was feeling particularly grumpy because Danny had to work and although she was being babysat by Ellie Danville – a treat as the teenager often spoiled her – Lucy wished her daddy was looking after her during the summer holidays.

"Why you go work?" Lucy asked for what felt the hundredth time.

"Because I have to Luce, I've told you this."

"But _why_?"

"Cause if I don't work then I'll get into trouble with Uncle Mac and then I won't get paid and then I won't be able to pay the bills or rent or for food or for anythin' else in this damn apartment."

"You said a swear," Lucy informed him sullenly. Danny said nothing as he continued to spread peanut butter into Lucy's sandwich. She pressed on relentlessly, "we don't say swears in this house."

"Well I'm allowed to cause I'm a grown up," Danny lied.

"Nu-uh, that a tall story. Mommy says no one allowed swears." When Danny didn't reply, Lucy took that as a small victory. She stood on her toes and looked at the sandwich he was making. "What that?"

"Peanut butter and jelly." He pressed the two slices of bread together and cut them down the middle.

"I don't _like _peanut butter and jelly."

"Yes you do, you had it for lunch last week," Danny told her incredulously.

"I don't like it no more. And you cut it wrong; Mommy cuts it twice in little triangles."

Danny sighed, amazed at how fussy Lucy could be at times. "Well then I'll cut it again so that you have little squares, a'right?"

Lucy stamped her foot in frustration. "No! I don't want squares."

"Lucy, don't use that petulant tone, please."

She balled her hands into fists at her side and shook them angrily. "You don't do nothin' right!"

"Lucy, what did I just say?!" he suddenly shouted at her, the heat making him uncomfortable and angry. "Ya know what; I've had enough of your attitude, young lady. I think you deserve a time out – go and sit on the chair!"

Her face screwed up in anger and it burst out of her. "You're so stupid and mean! You made Mommy run away! Cause she didn't like you. I wished she taked me too!"

Lucy turned and fled out of the kitchen and down the hall into her bedroom where she slammed the door shut behind her. Danny resisted the urge to run after her, he was so angry and hurt by what she said that he wanted to yell. He was also taken aback; Lucy was usually such a well behaved child but he supposed the strain of everything had finally begun to take its toll on the three year old. He scrubbed his hands over his face, letting himself begin to calm down. He could understand why she was acting out but he still didn't think she should go unpunished for stropping and taking on a sudden attitude.

He took a deep breath and counted to ten before releasing it slowly, a technique Lindsay had taught him, and then returned to Lucy's lunch. He cut it first into quarters and then twice more into eighths so that Lucy would have many small triangles. He finished packing her lunch into the _Dora the Explorer_ lunchbox before setting it on the counter. Wiping his peanut butter sticky hands on the dish towel, he then walked out of the kitchen and down to Lucy's bedroom where he knocked softly before entering.

Lucy was lying beneath her bed, buried under the duvet she'd pulled down and sobbing in earnest. Danny's knees cracked loudly as he crouched down and pulled the duvet back, revealing her tearstained face.

"Hey sweet pea," he started softly.

"I not your sweet pea no mores. I said naughty things," Lucy said, burying her face in her arms.

"Oh baby, you'll always be my sweet pea. I'm sorry I yelled at ya, I shouldn't've lost my temper, but you said some really hurtful things Lucy that weren't nice."

Lucy lifted her head up as much as the bed would allow and hiccupped. "I'm sorry daddy. I don't mean those things. I just really sad that you gotta work. And I really miss mommy."

Danny opened his arms and Lucy crawled out from under the bed and into his lap, hugging him hard. He cradled her close to him, kissing her head and pulling away the hair which had stuck to her face from the tears. He shushed and rocked her gently before standing awkwardly and carrying her out to the living room. He sat her down on the little, plastic time out chair in the corner of the room.

"I'll be back in three minutes."

She hiccupped again before nodding and the tears began to slow. Going into the kitchen, he set the oven timer for three minutes before taking the time to clean away their breakfast things. He was putting the last bowl away when the kitchen timer began to electronically beep. Turning it off, her re-entered the living room where Lucy was still sat forlornly in her chair, head bowed and hands resting in her lap. He was glad to see that the tears had stopped. He crouched down before her and she slowly raised her head upwards, meeting his gaze.

He reached out and tucked a lock of hair behind her ear. "I'm really sorry I yelled Lucy, the truth is I miss Mommy too and it's making me sad. I shouldn't have taken it out on you."

"I'm sorry. For everything I said a'fore and for being meanie."

"C'mere." Danny opened his arms and Lucy fell into them, she wrapped her own arms around his neck, hugging him tightly. "I promise to do better next time."

He pulled back and stroked a thumb down her cheek. "Go wash your face and brush your teeth then we'll get ready to leave for Jo's house. I heard that Ellie was so excited that you were coming that she's planned a special day for you both."

In an instant the young girl's face lit up. "Really?"

Danny gave a warm nod. She released him and ran out of the living room to quickly get ready to leave. Danny watched her go, smiling to himself as he saw how much her demeanour had changed at those few words. He stood up again, feeling guilty for allowing his temper to get the better of him; his own father had always been quick to shout and that had damaged their relationship. He knew that he was still working on getting the right balance when disciplining Lucy but he was determined to be nothing like his father. As Danny had grown older, their relationship had strengthened but there was still this underlying resentment which he never wanted Lucy to feel.

* * *

><p>"You sound beat," Lindsay said down the phone later that day.<p>

Danny tucked the desk phone into the crook of his neck before stretching; raising both his arms above his head and settling back into his office chair. "I feel it. I'm only halfway through a double shift which, by the way this case is turning out, will probably roll into a triple. I'm tellin' ya Linds, the temperature in the city rises a little and suddenly everyone goes crazy," he sighed into the phone. "A taxi driver ran a red light and hit a school bus which tried to swerve outta the way and ended up goin' straight into a hot dog cart, completely ruinin' it. So then the taxi driver, school bus driver and hot dog cart owner started brawlin' in the street and before you know it, strangers are bein' dragged into the fight and we end up with three bodied – _none_ of which are the taxi driver, school bus driver or hot dog cart owner. It's a mess. Adam is back logged with evidence so we can't even arrest the people responsible but at least the three who started it have been arrested." He finished on a weary sigh. "Plus I yelled at Lucy this mornin' after she had a tantrum so it's just been a crappy day."

"It sounds as though you need a break," she said. She felt guilty, knowing that the pressure would have been less on him if she'd been at home and work.

He hummed and gave a chuckle and she smiled, picturing him settled in the chair behind his work desk with his eyes shut as he took a few moments to himself.

Lindsay was overcome with a sudden burst of boldness. "Why don't you come out to New Orleans?"

Danny sat up straighter in his chair, more alert than a couple of minutes ago. "Wha'?"

"When things have settled back down at work, why don't you come out here for a few days? You're owed some time off and I'm sure Mac wouldn't say no unless something huge came up. I'd ask Stella and make sure she was ok with it, of course."

"I gotta admit, a few days off does sound pretty good but… I mean, are you sure? I know you don't wanna rush things."

"I know but… Danny, I miss you," she admitted. He smiled to himself.

"Sorry I er, I didn't quite get that."

She smirked into the phone. "I said I miss you!"

"A'right, a'right, no need to yell," he laughed. "So you wanna see me, huh?"

"Do you not want to see me?"

"Well… I don't know…" he heard a growled 'jerk' over the phone and laughed again. "Of course I wanna see you again. I'll have to wait until this case is over with and then I'll talk to Mac about takin' some time off."

"Good," she said with a smile. "Because the sooner you get out here, the sooner I'll be on the plane home with you."

He paused for a moment, his heart bursting with joy. "I'll be holdin' you to that."

"I'm counting on it, cowboy."


	22. Chapter Twenty One

**Disclaimer: **The characters of CSI: NY do not belong to me however this story is of my own and should only be used after permission has been asked and given. No copyright infringement intended and no profit is being made.

**Summary: **Danny and Lindsay are going to learn that sometimes you must lose, in order to gain.

**Notes:** I am so happy to have finally made it to this chapter. There was so many times when I wanted to cop out and have Danny jump on a plane but I knew it would be a heck of a lot sweeter if I could just hold out long enough. Well, without further ado, I finally present the reunion. _Yay!_

Thank you to everyone who's reviewed so far and those who reviewed the last chapter, _MesserFamilyFan100, webdlfan, Ditto123, dannyandlindsayforeva, alexindigo_ and _Clare-Louise89. _

* * *

><p><strong>The Parent's Apple<strong>

Danny stared hard at the seatbelt sign, willing it to turn off. He was impatient to get off of the aeroplane and on to solid ground again; Danny hated flying. He only used planes because they were easier, took less time and were sometimes cheaper than any other mode of transport. Yet no matter how many times he took a flight, the fear of what could happen still consumed him. It had only been a three and a half hour flight, going to Montana had taken longer _and_ he'd had to change flights in Colorado, but at least then he'd been half delirious with exhaustion. He didn't like to talk about his fear but Lindsay had broached the subject once, correctly guessing that his fear stemmed from seeing first-hand the kind of devastation a plane could cause. He hadn't needed to say anything else as she gathered him in her arms, holding him tight in an understanding way.

As the seatbelt sign finally clicked off, Danny unclipped his with a satisfying clunk and began gathering his things. As soon as the flight attendants announced that they were free to leave the plane, he was already up and heading down the aisle towards the exit. Danny was overcome with anticipation as excitement and nervousness battled for predominance within him. After three months, he was finally going to see Lindsay – without a computer screen, cell phone or over a thousand miles separating them.

Since Lindsay had invited him to spend time in New Orleans, the past two and a half weeks had dragged by despite talking daily. Danny had found that as the date neared he'd been torn, one half of him desperately wanting to see Lindsay again whilst the other half was cautious. It wasn't until the night before that he'd finally broached this topic and admitted to Lindsay that he was worried; he'd expected her to be put out or offended but to his surprise, she'd laughed that she'd been feeling the same. They'd agreed that it was simply the nerves talking and Danny had smartly stated that they needed to simply take it easy, see how things went without putting too much pressure upon them. He knew that they both wanted the trip to be a success but if they expected perfection then they'd feel the blow even worse if something went wrong.

He'd left Lucy at his parent's house and for the most part she'd been happy to be spending time with them. There was one incident a few nights ago where she'd run to him, teary eyed and exclaiming that she wanted to see Mommy too. He'd spent time reassuring the small child that she'd see Mommy soon and that whilst he was away, Nonna had made a lot of plans for them to have fun. She'd perked up at the thought of having fun with Nonna and Poppi, even cheekily asking if he'd bring her a present back which he'd laughed heartily at. The truth was, she was going to be given the greatest present she could ever ask for, but Lucy didn't know it yet.

Lindsay was accompanying Danny back home on the Sunday, ready to surprise their daughter with her return. They knew that a surprise would make the reunion all the more sweeter and the decision had come shortly after Lindsay suggested Danny took a break; she knew that the miscarriage as well as looking after Lucy as a single parent had taken its toll on Danny and whilst she'd had time to heal, her husband hadn't. She wanted this time to be about him; getting stronger and rekindling what they once had before returning to their daughter. Danny didn't seem to begrudge her for leaving even though he had every right to and she therefore wanted to provide him with his own time where he could focus solely upon himself.

As it was mid-week and the Louis Armstrong New Orleans International Airport was usually fairly quiet, Danny was off of the plane and through baggage claim within fifteen minutes. Wheeling his suitcase through the airport he headed towards the arrival lounge where Lindsay had previously told him she would be. He craned his neck, trying to catch the familiar sight of his wife but was blindsided by a large family who dawdled in front of him. Finally veering to the left and clearing the walkway, he finally spotted Lindsay. She'd clearly already clocked him because she was looking directly into his face with a dazzling smile and bright, whisky eyes. When they locked eyes it was as though a sigh of relief passed through them, taking all of the pain and anguish that had divided them away. They both wore scars but they were exposed to the other, an old memory and feeling which had been buried but not forgotten.

He began heading towards her and his face stretched into a grin as he realised she was holding a cardboard sign which said MESSER in thick, black letters. He reached her and they stood in silence for a moment, looking each other over and memorising every detail to memory. He made the first move, releasing the handle of his suitcase and pulling her into his arms. They moulded together perfectly, taking a moment as they breathed evenly and inhaled the intoxicating scent of the other. One of her arms snaked around his waist whilst the other went limp, the forgotten sign hanging in her hand. He tucked her hair behind her ear before curving his head into her and pressing a soft kiss to the highest point on her cheek bone.

"I've missed you so much," he admitted, his voice gruff with emotion.

She looked into his face, her eyes shining. "I know what you mean."

He reached a hand up, his fingertips skimming over her features before cupping her cheek. "I love you, Lindsay Messer."

She smiled and inclined her head towards his hand, pressing a kiss into the centre of his palm. "I love you too, Danny."

He felt as though he couldn't get enough of touching her, making up for the three months apart. His hand ran down her arm and to her hand, entwining their fingers. He took his suitcase handle in the other hand and they began making their way through the airport.

Without consciously thinking, Lindsay began talking, slipping easily into his familiarity. "You should see Stel's car; it's a Jeep Wrangler Rubicon which you think just wouldn't be Stella's kinda car and yet she absolutely loves it – it's not amazing, I mean it's pretty chunky plus it'd work a helluva lot better off-road than on but it does look pretty awesome."

Danny smiled at her enthusiasm, he loved when she talked 'car'. For some reason he always found it incredibly sexy that she could hold a conversation with any vehicle enthusiast and know what she was talking about. It was one of the things that had first attracted him to her, along with her feisty attitude and their surprisingly long list of shared interests including comic books and football.

"Is she lettin' you use it then?" Danny asked as they exited the airport.

"Well she has a second car from work that she uses more frequently. The jeep's usually just sitting around so she told me to take it when I needed it," Lindsay explained to him. "I've been filling it with gas for her as a thank you. She's done a lot for me these past few months."

"She's a good friend," Danny commented. He knew that it had been hard for both Stella and Lindsay when the former had taken the job in New Orleans and their friendship had been stretched into long distance, and yet they'd kept in frequent contact so that Stella was still an integral part of their lives.

"She is," Lindsay agreed. She led him towards a large black vehicle with _Rubicon_ stretched along the front corner of the hood. Danny gave a chuckle.

"Wow, you weren't kiddin'. This was definitely not the kinda car I woulda pictured Stella in."

"She said it made her feel bad-ass in the show room," Lindsay laughed with a shrug. "I suppose that's one way to choose a car."

Lindsay helped Danny load his suitcase into the trunk of the jeep before they got in on either side and Lindsay turned the key in the ignition. Strapping himself in, Danny took the time to look around the interior and appreciate the model. "It's not bad. Has Stella ever actually been off-road in this thing?"

"She says she has but I don't think accidentally reversing into a ditch really counts," Lindsay said with a grin which Danny shared.

"How're things going with what's-his-name?" Danny asked.

"Jackson? Good, I think. They've been on four dates so far and he even kissed her on the porch the last time he brought her home." Lindsay could still vividly remember Stella coming home, looking flushed and giddy. They'd stayed up for hours, talking about the date and analysing the kiss like teenagers at a slumber party, giggling about whether Stella _like-like_'d him or not.

"Have you met him yet?"

Lindsay smiled as Danny's protective streak flared. "Not yet, but I _think _we're both going to meet him this weekend. I'm pretty sure Stella wants us all to go out together." She gave Danny a reproachful look. "Please be nice."

"Hey, if he's good for Stel then I'll be nice as pie but if he's no good…" the threat trailed off menacingly but Lindsay laughed, reaching across to tweak his nose playfully. She always thought it was adorable when he was trying to be the big, bad, tough New Yorker. Danny ducked away from her fingers before attacking them with his mouth, trying to gnaw at the digits. She laughed, pulling her hand away before he bit down on them. Lindsay rested her hand back on the steering wheel but he reached across, taking her left hand in his right and knotting their fingers over the middle console. She smiled at him, biting her lip as he flashed a grin in her direction before concentrating on the road again.

She knew that she couldn't kid herself that their lives would be without struggles, but for now she was living in the moment and happy with how carefree things were. Perhaps, she mused, they were right when they called New Orleans the Big Easy.


	23. Chapter Twenty Two

**Disclaimer: **The characters of CSI: NY do not belong to me however this story is of my own and should only be used after permission has been asked and given. No copyright infringement intended and no profit is being made.

**Summary: **Danny and Lindsay are going to learn that sometimes you must lose, in order to gain.

**Notes:** This was one of those chapters where I couldn't not add a little bit more. It gets rather fluffy so I hope you enjoy. Fluff always makes me thing of pink candy floss, so apologies if anyone's teeth rots and falls out by the end!

Huge hugs to _webdlfan, dannyandlindsayforeva, MesserFamilyFan100, alexindigo, rhymenocerous, Clare-Louise89_ and _Laurzz_ for reviewing the last chapter!

* * *

><p><strong>The Parent's Apple<strong>

"Are you going to help me or not?" Lindsay asked over her shoulder. She was stood at the guest room closet, packing Danny's belongings away whilst he lounged on the bed, both hands behind his head. He gave her a lazy smile and noncommittal shrug.

"Honestly? Nah, probably not."

She returned back to her task, muttering a quiet 'jerk' which he laughed at, throwing a pillow at her back. "C'mon Linds, ya know I ain't good at this kinda stuff."

"No, you're better at remembering steak sides and sport stats, right?" she sarcastically retorted, an eyebrow quirked.

"Steak sides? Sport stats? Nope, they're not ringin' any bells. Birthdays, however…" he slowly crawled off the bed, a smirk in place as his body tensed, ready to spring. "Anniversaries on the other hand… now, they're more my kinda thing."

Lindsay held up a finger, her face full of warning. "Don't-"

His grin cracked as he leapt across the room, grabbed Lindsay around the waist and tackled her on to the bed. They landed in a mess of tangled limbs as he held her down, tickling her sides mercilessly as she shrieked and squirmed. Pinned beneath him, Lindsay managed to free one hand which she used to pinch what she liked to call his 'love handles'. He flinched, laughing before holding each of her wrists in his hands. He worked his mouth, gathering the saliva and she glared up at him.

"Danny, don't you dare!" her voice held a serious warning and he grinned before swallowing the spit he'd managed to accumulate. She shook her head, her face scrunched up. "You're so disgusting."

He grinned triumphantly. "I always used to win fights by spittin' on Louie."

"You're lucky I grew up with boys so I'm used to your manly, gross ways."

They laughed together but it trailed off as they realised that this was the closest they'd been to each other in months. Danny's hands slackened around her wrists and he pulled on a lock of her hair.

"It's gettin' long," he commented, for lack of something better to say.

She nodded. "I should get it cut again really."

"Nah, I like it this way." He twirled the lock of hair around his finger before releasing it, watching as it sprung back.

She looked up into his face, smiling softly. "Danny?"

"Hm?"

"Are you gonna kiss me, or what?"

A grin cracked across his face. "I was thinkin' abou' it."

"I ain't getting any younger…"

"A'right, hold your horses. I gotta make sure I do this right," he told her.

"Danny… just kiss me."

"As you please, Montana."

Neither knew why the old nickname slipped out, but it caused a delicious warmth to spread through the both of them which only intensified as Danny crashed his lips down upon his wife's. He'd been planning on kissing her in the airport, letting the time apart fuel his burst of passion which would have rivalled any movie-style airport reunion kiss. However upon seeing Lindsay waiting for him, the realisation that the hard part was mostly over had blasted every other thought from his mind. She was there, he was there and their marriage was far from over; it was in a rush of sound and Technicolor that he'd realised his life wasn't going to turn out as bleak as he'd once thought.

He was glad he'd held out on kissing her because as their lips slanted against each other now, he knew that it was the perfect first kiss. They kissed slowly and sweetly, a shadowing memory of their early days as lovers where they'd spent hours on his or her couch, learning everything there was to know about the others mouth. They hadn't known then that they were building the roots for two lives which would be entwined together, constantly falling and flourishing through time. His tongue swept inside her mouth, savouring the distinct taste of Lindsay. She softly whimpered against his lips and he pulled her even closer, one hand still tangled within her hair. Her palm rested upon his chest, feeling his thudding heartbeat through the material of his shirt and knowing that it belonged to her.

They separated gradually before finally parting, breathless and satisfied. Danny kissed the tip of Lindsay's nose and she scrunched it up in a familiar and natural gesture. He pressed their foreheads together.

"Babe, if we don't stop now then we ain't never gonna leave this room. Now personally, I wouldn't mind that at all, but I know you got other plans so we better get movin'."

"You're right," she agreed with a small sigh. Lindsay kissed his chin before sitting up and rolling him off of her. She stood up so she wouldn't be tempted to give in again and began straightening her dishevelled clothing. She could see in the mirror that her hair was mused and lips were swollen from kissing him. She caught his smirking face watching her and bit the inside of her mouth.

She quickly finger-combed her hair whilst Danny got up, feeling languid and at ease. He stretched and yawned before noticing his green t-shirt neatly folded on one of the pillows of the bed. He walked over to it and picked the t-shirt up. "Hey, I've been lookin' everywhere for this."

Lindsay turned around, her expression inquisitive before noticing the t-shirt in his hands. A blush spread across the apples of both of her cheeks and he smiled to himself. "I packed it by accident and then one night when I couldn't sleep I realised that the shirt helped me to relax… because of the way it smelt."

She felt suddenly self-conscious, saying it aloud and the blush grew, creeping down her neck. Danny smiled to himself, glad that he could have been of some comfort even if he wasn't around. Sniffing the t-shirt and judging it as clean, he began unbuttoning his blue oxford shirt. Letting the shirt drop on to the bed before also pulling off his customary wife beater, deeming the climate too hot for more than one shirt, Danny dragged the green t-shirt over his head. His hair stuck up in spikes from the collar of the shirt and he gave her a huge grin, causing Lindsay to laugh and shake her head.

He gave a one armed shrug. "I thought the smell might be fadin'."

"Well I was kinda hoping to have the real thing from now on," she reminded him. "You ready to go?"

"Sure. Where're we goin' to?"

"Stella's given me this whole list of things that we can do, but I was thinking if you were hungry then we could grab a bite to eat first."

"I could eat," Danny answered.

"You could always eat, you're like a machine," she laughed. "C'mon, let's go."

As they walked out of Stella's guest bedroom, he ended with his parting shot of, "I'm Italian, of course I've always gotta eat."

* * *

><p>As Stella had suggested, Lindsay took Danny to a deli where they grabbed some sandwiches before heading to Audubon Park so they could eat outside. She brought the blanket from the trunk of the jeep and laid it down on the grass for the both of them to sit on. As they ate, they talked about what Lindsay had missed whilst she was away. The topics began light hearted with Danny filling Lindsay in on how Lucy was and she laughed with him as he told her of the youngster's more unusual antics. The conversation shifted to the Lab and after talking generally about their friends, he began filling Lindsay in on the gossip which had hit the lab about the two of them.<p>

Lindsay picked at the last bit of her sandwich and sighed. "I'm sorry I wasn't there whilst you were dealing with all of this."

"Linds, I understand; a'right? You needed time away and I get that now. You don't need to keep apologisin'," he told her. He reached over and pulled her across the blanket towards him so Lindsay was sat between his legs. He rested his head on her shoulder and nudged at her cheek with his nose until her frown turned into a smile again. "Did gettin' away help?" he waited until she nodded. "Then that's all that matters. You're better now and you're comin' home with me, stronger than before. We've even realised what we needed to fix in our marriage and are settin' out to do that. This wasn't a mistake and we're not gonna treat it like one."

She leant back into his chest and Danny wrapped his arms around her. He couldn't deny that for a person who doesn't cuddle, he didn't half enjoy cuddling both of his girls. They watched the world go by, content for the moment and he pressed a kiss to her cheek. "Ya know, I was contacted by a woman a while back who told me that she was the founder of a garden in Angel of Mercy for miscarried children. She said that her baby had been disposed of before she and her husband had decided what they wanted to do so, in order to stop this happen to other couples, they created a garden for the children to be buried within. She said that our little girl was gonna be buried in there."

Lindsay gave a wistful smile. "That's nice, knowing that she's somewhere safe."

Danny nodded. "She asked me for a name to go on the plaque where she's buried. I er… I called her Lydia."

Lindsay turned in his arms, the shock registered across her face. For a moment she looked as though she was going to say something but then stopped, unable to form the words. They sat for a moment, frozen in time before she reached up and pressed a sad, tender kiss to Danny's mouth. A tear slid down her cheek and he tightened his hold upon her as their lips slowly melted against one another in healing grief. She pulled back and brushed the tear away.

"Thank you."

"You're welcome," he answered simply.

She settled back against him, another piece of the grief cracking and pulling away. "My mom had a baby that died a few hours after it was born. He came between Marcus and me but I never knew about it and the boys didn't remember her ever being pregnant. I can't explain why but knowing that she'd been through something similar, and even worse, made me realise that if she could get through it then so could I. What she told me ultimately helped me to put everything behind me and finally move on. I haven't needed my mom for a long time because I've always been the person that does it alone and yet this time round she was just what I needed, and what's more she was there when I needed her."

"That's good," Danny agreed quietly; it was simple and direct as he knew Lindsay would want it to be.

Lindsay's relationship with her mom was good and they were fairly close, yet Danny had always felt that there was something missing. Growing up after the diner incident, Lindsay had felt as though she was tearing her family apart as they worried themselves about her. She'd carefully constructed barriers which had quietly shut her family out before convincing them that she was fine and holding them at arm's length. Danny was glad to see that through all this heartache, there'd still been a ray of something good as it had given Kathleen Monroe the opportunity to break through her daughter's defences.

Lindsay's soft lips on the hinge of his jaw brought him back to the present and he grinned cheekily. "Ya know, we should not see each other more often if it then means I get lavished with kisses when we do see each other again."

Lindsay rolled her eyes and laughed. "Yeah, well you'd better not get used to it because in a few days' time you'll be competing against our ridiculously cute daughter who'll have that ridiculously cute smile on her ridiculously cute face and then I won't wanna know you."

"Oh is that so?" he laughed.

"Uh-huh, I'm afraid you'll be traded in for a much smaller and adorable model."

He pinched her sides. "You're lucky I love you so much."

"Luck has nothing to do with it, mister," she counteracted.

With their lunch finally finished, they decided to get up and see what else New Orleans had to offer. Danny folded the blanket up whilst Lindsay balled up their trash and took it to the nearest garbage can. When she returned Danny was already draping the blanket over his shoulder and holding her purse out for her to take. She slung the purse over her shoulder and took his free hand and they leisurely walked back through the park.

"This is a nice place," Danny admitted.

"Better than New York?" Lindsay teased.

Danny puffed up in indignation. "Nothin' beats New York."

She grinned as they continued down the sidewalk and crossed the empty street. A sign ahead of them indicated that they were nearing the _Audubon Zoo._ Danny gestured to it. "Did you know that's supposed to be one of the top ten zoo's in America?" Lindsay raised an eyebrow at him and he flushed a little embarrassedly. "I might've read a New Orleans guide book before comin'."

Lindsay smiled to herself, glad to see that Danny was taking this as a real vacation for himself. "We can go in, if you wanted to."

He agreed and led the way towards the entrance down the street. Lindsay caught a smile on his face, but couldn't quite interpret it. It wasn't until they'd paid for their tickets and had entered the zoo that the smile became apparent. Danny wrapped an arm around Lindsay's waist, pulling her close so he could murmur in her ear.

"Hey, wanna go make out by the Tiger Exhibit?"


	24. Chapter Twenty Three

**Disclaimer: **The characters of CSI: NY do not belong to me however this story is of my own and should only be used after permission has been asked and given. No copyright infringement intended and no profit is being made.

**Summary: **Danny and Lindsay are going to learn that sometimes you must lose, in order to gain.

**Notes:** A big thank you to _dannyandlindsayforeva, MesserFamilyFan100, rhymenocerous _and _Myriad-13_ for reviewing the last chapter!

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><p><strong>The Parent's Apple<strong>

"Hey, anyone home?"

Stella's call was punctuated with the shutting of the front door, both of which travelled up into the guest room where Danny and Lindsay were lying on top of the bed clothes. It had been a surprisingly exhausting afternoon as they'd strolled around the zoo, thoroughly enjoying the white tiger exhibit, before leaving when it closed and returning to Stella's house. Their host had still been at work so they'd gone upstairs with the intention of changing into more comfortable clothing but instead had collapsed onto the bed together. Lindsay was lying against the pillow with Danny's head cushioned on her chest, her fingers running through his hair.

"We'll be down in a minute," Lindsay called back. She gave Danny's hair a final rustle. "C'mon, we'd better get up."

He groaned drowsily before dragging himself up from the bed. He was in the comfortable, languid state before falling asleep but seeing Stella again propelling him into movement. He scrubbed his hands over his face to wake himself up before turning to Lindsay and offering her a sleep-filled grin, his hair was stuck up at odd angles and Lindsay giggled, imaging him as a young boy with crooked glasses, messed up hair and grazed knees. She was suddenly and almost overwhelmingly hit with the longing to have a son who was a miniature Danny in an NYPD baseball cap and Mets jersey.

Danny stroked her cheek, bringing her back to the present. "You a'right?"

"Hm? Yeah, yeah I'm fine," she assured him. The truth was that she was fine; a son or another daughter coming would be ideal but for the moment she was content with her husband simply being stood by her side, the pair of them happy.

She took his hand into her own and led them out of the bedroom and down the stairs. From the hall they could hear that Stella had company and judging by the happy tone of her voice, they both could guess who the guest was. They followed the sound of Stella's laughter to the kitchen and she looked up as they neared, letting out a cry of delight. Lindsay pushed Danny ahead of her so he could intercept the welcome hug from Stella.

The elder woman squeezed him tightly before pulling back so she could see him clearer. She gave his cheek an affectionate pinch. "It's about time you got yourself out here."

He gave a sheepish grin. "It was well worth the wait."

Danny looked over his shoulder at Lindsay who smiled shyly back. Pulling away, Stella bit back a smile of her own. Over the past three months Stella had seen Lindsay as her lowest before slowly rebuilding her confidence but there had still been something held back. It was only now, in the presence of her husband, that Stella could see the return of the Big Sky County smile and bright eyes that Lindsay was known for.

She returned fully into the kitchen and the couple followed, Danny casually slipping an arm around his wife's waist. As they entered the kitchen they saw that a man was stood by the counter, pulling groceries out of a plastic bag.

"Lindsay, Danny," Stella began with a huge smile, "this is Jackson. Jackson, these are my two friends that I've been telling you about."

Jackson wiped his hands on the dishtowel before crossing the kitchen to shake each of their hands – Danny giving an extra squeeze of warning. Lindsay had to bite her inner lip as both men seized the other up whilst trying to look as though they weren't. She caught Stella's eye who grinned and looked away. The younger woman could see what her friend had meant when she'd described Jackson as being a lot different to the usual men she'd been with in the past; he was tall and broad shouldered with blonde hair and soft green eyes, creased with laughter lines. His skin was naturally sun kissed and he looked completely at ease in tan cargo pants with a blue and white polo shirt.

"It's nice to finally meet you, Jackson. Stella's told me so much about you," Lindsay commented, breaking the two men's silent seize up.

"Likewise," Jackson replied pleasantly. He had the faintest hint of an Australian accent which rounded off his character. "When Stella first moved here I thought she was going to high-tail it straight back to New York, she missed it that much. I'm glad she stuck it out though."

"I think she is, too," Lindsay said cheekily. Her eyes cut to Stella who was smiling and blushing.

"Jackson's brought his barbeque over and we were thinking of grilling some steaks," Stella said, the change in topic obvious. She began assigning tasks and soon they were all busy preparing the meal; Stella and Lindsay were working on the salad and potatoes to accompany the steaks and Jackson was overseeing the grilling of the meat whilst Danny went down into the basement to get Stella's table and chairs for the patio. Stella was stood at the sink, washing the vegetables and placing them on the counter whilst Lindsay sliced into the lettuce. Lindsay looked across at her friend, noticing that she was watching Jackson through the kitchen window.

"He's a good guy," Lindsay commented. Stella looked away from her boyfriend and smiled, a little guilty about being caught. Lindsay smiled to herself, knowing the feeling well; even now she sometimes caught herself staring at her husband, her mind caught up in various thoughts. "It's obvious that he likes you and I think it's fair that to say that the feelings are mutual."

"He makes me happy," Stella admitted. "I think I'll keep him around for a while yet."

Lindsay chuckled. "I hope you do; it feels good knowing that you're not out here on your own."

Stella gave her friend a soft smile. "I'm not alone," she promised. "I've got a great team of people out here, they're not as good or as close friends as you guys but they're still nice people and they've got my back."

"I know, but all the same, it's nice knowing that in the future you might have someone to come home to," Lindsay said and Stella laughed.

"With our schedules I doubt there'll ever be a time when he's already home before me," Stella admitted. "We often work closely together and that's how we became good friends and then, you know, more."

She shuddered at the cliché of her words and both women laughed. There was a crash and a curse from out in the garden which caught their attention; Stella and Lindsay both hurried to the porch door to see Danny and Jackson wrestling with the table and chairs. Their laughter increased as they watched both men struggle before returning to their task in the kitchen without offering help.

"It's good to see them bonding," Stella chuckled.

"They'll be the best of friends after this ordeal," Lindsay joked.

They laughed and joked as they finished preparing the salad and potatoes before putting them into serving plates and carrying them outside. The table and chairs were finally assembled and both men were stood at the grill, drinking beer and laughing together. Stella winked at her friend before setting one of the platters down and rounding on the two men.

"You mean to tell me that whilst we've been slaving away in the kitchen you two have been stood out here, drinking beer and having a good time?" she demanded.

Danny spluttered in indignation, gesturing widely at the table and chairs. "You're… you're actually kiddin' me, right? Did you _see_ that thing down in that basement of crap you've got goin' on? It was half buried beneath junk and then when I finally managed to get it out here and get one of the chairs open, it snapped back and caught my hand!" he held up his right hand which was red and slightly swollen.

Stella resisted the urge to double check that he wasn't too injured. Instead she gave a nonchalant shrug. "You were probably setting it up wrong."

"Seriously Stel, that things a death trap, I-" he cut off, his eyes moving to over Stella's shoulder. She turned backwards to see that Lindsay was now setting the table, her head ducked as she avoided facing her husband. She turned back to Danny whose arms were crossed at his chest, his face set in suspicion. "You really are jokin', aren't ya?"

Stella looked back at him innocently. "What are you talking about?"

He inclined his head towards Lindsay. "I know Linds well enough to know when she's tryin' not t'laugh. You really had me goin' for a minute there!"

Stella let out a laugh. "I'm sorry; it was just too good an opportunity to miss. Really though, how is your hand?"

Danny waved off her concern. "It's fine. Actually," he stepped closer and lowered his tone so only Stella could hear him, "it really helped me and Jackson to, I don't know, have a laugh I guess. He's not bad. Not to mention Linds'll probably feel sorry for me and take good care of me," he ended. Stella laughed, nudging him in the arm.

Jackson's call that the steaks were finished broke the two friends away and Lindsay carried plates over to where the barbeque was set up. Jackson loaded the plates up with a steak each before they carried them back to the table and settled down to eat. Whilst everyone began serving themselves from the platters, Lindsay took Danny's injured hand in her own and inspected it for any lasting damage. Despite a few bruises and obvious swelling she was reassured that it wasn't a serious or permanent injury so they settled to dine whilst Danny caught Stella's eye and grinned triumphantly.

They ate in the summer evening, talking easily. Jackson joined the conversation seamlessly as though he was also an old friend and the foursome felt at ease in each other's company. Danny placed his knife and fork down before settling back in his chair, beer bottle in hand.

"So Jackson, are you comin' to Hawkes' weddin' next week?"

Jackson looked across at Stella, clearly bemused as she choked on her drink. She spluttered for a moment before clearing her throat and using a napkin to wipe her mouth. Lindsay shook her head at her husband, disappointed in his lack of tact.

"I'm sorry," he immediately started, "I didn't realise you hadn't said anythin'."

Stella dropped her napkin to the table and shook her head. "Don't worry Danny, it's alright." She turned towards Jackson, addressing him directly. "I'm sorry, I wasn't going to tell you because I didn't want you to think that I was trying to make you move too fast but a friend of ours is getting married next week and he put _Stella and Guest_ on the invitation."

"Oh, ok," Jackson said. He took another sip of his beer, the action a forced act of casualness to the three keen eyes of the crime scene investigators.

"This has freaked you out hasn't it?" The worry was clear in her tone. Danny sat in his seat, wishing the ground could swallow him whole whilst Lindsay pushed a cube of cucumber around her plate and avoided eye contact.

"No, of course not I just… would it be so bad for me to see your friends?" Jackson's tone was easy and Lindsay's head shot up in surprised as she looked between her friend and new boyfriend.

Stella looked flabbergasted for a moment before breaking into a smile. "You er… you want to come with me to New York for the wedding?"

Jackson flashed her a grin. "I'm game if you're willing to have me."

Stella nodded. "I'd love to have you come to New York with me."

Glad that a potential disaster had been averted, Danny released a breath of relief. "f I'm honest, I can't believe they're gettin' married so quickly; it was only just over a month ago that Hawkes was tellin' me he'd proposed. I can understand hasty weddin's though." He flashed Lindsay a grin.

"These two got married on a spur of the moment in City Hall," Stella explained to Jackson.

Lindsay smiled. "I think it was a pretty good spur of the moment though."

They began to wrap the evening up as Jackson admitted he had an early shift in the morning. He told Stella to keep the barbeque for now in case she needed it again over the weekend before saying goodbye to Danny and Lindsay, telling them that it was nice to meet them. Stella walked Jackson out and when out of earshot Danny exhaled nosily.

"How much did I screw up?" he asked, looking across at his wife.

"Not too badly," Lindsay reassured him. "In fact, I think you did them both a favour; Stella would have never asked to Jackson to come in case he thought she was rushing him and Jackson would have never asked to go for the same reasons. You made them realise that they're both at that point to become a little more serious." She stood and began collecting the plates to take them inside. "He probably knows that the people in New York are a big part of Stella's life so it'll be good for him to meet them all."

Danny followed suit, collecting the cutlery and following her into with it. They could hear Stella and Jackson talking on the front porch so Danny subtly shut the kitchen door, offering them privacy, whilst Lindsay filled the sink with water and together they began washing and drying the dinner things.

By the time Stella returned into the house they were nearly finished, Danny stacking the last of the dishes and returning them to the cupboard and Lindsay wiping the sides down. Danny gave an apologetic smile as Stella crossed the kitchen to him. She studied him for a moment and he resisted the urge to flinch, knowing that this woman before him certainly possessed the wrath of the Greek's.

She broke into a smile and shook her head, raising her hand to pat his cheek. "Jackson's going to see what he can go about the wedding. It's pretty short notice but he's willing to come." Danny relaxed and Stella smiled before looking around her kitchen, suddenly realising it was no longer in the state she'd left it in. "Hey, you guys aren't meant to be cleaning, you're on vacation."

"It's the least we can do," Lindsay said to her friend. "I mean you've housed me, my mom, now Danny… I'm sorry if I've turned your home into a hotel."

Stella waved her hand easily, batting away Lindsay's worries. "Don't worry about it; it's what friends do for each other. You did the same for me after my apartment burnt down." Stella stifled a yawn with her hand before checking the time on the wall clock. "It's getting late so I'd better turn in, I'll see you both tomorrow."

They said their goodnights before Stella turned and headed out of the kitchen. Lindsay hung the washing up cloth by the sink and turned to Danny. "I don't know about you but I can't think of anything better than to follow Stella's lead and head to bed."

"Good, 'cause I gotta tell you, I am wiped."

She chuckled before following him out of the kitchen; she wrapped her arms around his waist and rested her head against his back as they traipsed up the stairs. He placed his hand on top of hers.

"You've got prune hands."

She laughed. "Thanks for the compliment, babe."

He laughed and stopped at the top of the stairs to turn around and place a kiss on her mouth. "I love you, prune hands and all."

"I 'spose I love you too," she said with a chuckle. They continued to their bedroom and changed quickly before climbing under the covers. Without conscious thought, she slipped into his arms, resting against his chest as he placed his chin on the top of her head.

"Danny, thank you for coming out to New Orleans."

He kissed the top of her head. "Thank you for waiting for me to come out. Night, Linds."

"G'night."


	25. Chapter Twenty Four

**Disclaimer: **The characters of CSI: NY do not belong to me however this story is of my own and should only be used after permission has been asked and given. No copyright infringement intended and no profit is being made.

**Summary: **Danny and Lindsay are going to learn that sometimes you must lose, in order to gain.

**Notes:** Hello? *Taps microphone* Hello? Can everyone hear me? So er, I've kinda been away on this story for a while. I'm back at uni now so free time sometimes seems non-existent but I promise that I will continue with this story – even if the updates are a little slower than they were over summer. Rest assured that this fic is always in the back of my mind, nudging me to write some more so if you're still game then so am I because I still have plenty of ideas waiting to be written yet!

Also… this season… guh! I'm in love :) The amount of DL we've been getting, sans last night's episode, has been amazing and episode four… _woweee!_ So yeah, I don't want to bore you all with my season ramblings but if anyone fancies having a natter about season 9 then drop me a PM, I am definitely up for talking someone's ear off! :)

This chapter is a little longer than usual because, well heck, after that long break you deserved something more! And I'm hoping you'll enjoy the ending. Now, read on, lovelies!

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><p><strong>The Parent's Apple<strong>

When Danny awoke the following morning, he felt the most rested than he had in months. Cracking an eye open, he smiled sleepily as he spied his wife, stood at the foot of the bed. She hadn't noticed that he'd woken up yet and so he took the time to observe her. She was in front of the full length mirror, stood in profile with her hands lightly resting against her pyjama clad stomach. She bit her bottom lip and Danny could see the barely concealed pain in her eyes. He knew that she was better than before, could see and feel it for himself, but that didn't mean that she didn't bare scars. They both did.

She looked up and met his eyes through the reflection of the mirror. If she was startled to see him awake then she didn't show it. Instead smiling sadly, she said, "I'd look a lot different now, huh?"

Danny thought back to how she'd looked when she was seven months pregnant with Lucy. He rose up in the bed, resting his back against the headboard and opened his arms to her. "C'mere."

Lindsay willingly went to him, falling into his embrace. He placed a kiss to the top of her head.

"We're gonna be ok, aren't we?" she asked.

He didn't know if she realised it was the same question she'd posed the night after the miscarriage, when he'd found her at 3am sat up in their apartment. Danny held her tighter to his body. "Of course we are," he promised. An echo of his response that night however this time, the conviction was firm in his tone.

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><p>"Did you know this is the oldest farmer's market in America?" Lindsay asked as she and Danny walked through the French Market's entrance, hand in hand. They'd decided to visit it after she'd told him how amazing it was when she'd gone with Stella. "It's been operating since 1779 and it was moved to this site in 1791. Pretty cool, huh?"<p>

Danny nodded; his usual response when she gave him a piece of trivia. They passed a stall where an elderly woman was sitting, her gnarled hands clutched around her purse and her beady eyes following the passer-by's. Danny inclined his head towards the woman before leaning in close and murmuring in the whorl of Lindsay's ear, "D'ya think she's been here since it opened?"

Lindsay shook her head, smiling, and playfully hit him in the chest. He was still chuckling as she dragged him over to the elderly woman's stall. Hand-crafted jewellery was on display with a bold sign stating:

**Hand Crafted Jewellery  
>Two Necklaces for $40<br>Three Bracelets for $20**

_**Thieves will be prosecuted.**_

Lindsay was looking at the beaded bracelets, picking various ones up and comparing the colours before she finally settled on one pink, one turquoise and one green. She passed the three bracelets to the elderly woman whose eyes were fixed on two boys, looking at her displays. Working efficiently whilst still staring at the boys, she put the bracelets into a small paper bag and taped it closed.

The elderly woman cleared her throat loudly and menacingly. The two boys turned and looked at the stall owner whose eyes flicked to the sign, they read the bottom line before putting the necklace they'd been looking at back and slinking into the crowd. The elderly woman turned back to Lindsay.

"Eyes everywhere," she said in a rasping voice.

Lindsay smiled. Since having Lucy, she definitely knew that feeling. Her daughter, whilst mostly well-behaved, could sometimes get into situations which included a lot of cleaning up, mending or telling off. Lindsay handed the money over to the woman before placing the paper bag into her purse and turning back to Danny.

"I didn't think you were big on wearin' jewellery," he commented.

"It's not for me, it's for Lucy," she replied. "I thought she might like it for when she's playing dress up – oh, don't look at me like that. She likes looking pretty at her tea parties."

Danny exhaled slowly, trying not to think of his daughter dressed up in jewellery and, God forbid, make up. It had been hard enough when they'd relented and allowed Lucy to get her ears pierced, an experience he'd refused to attend for he knew that as soon as the first tear welled in his daughter's eye he'd want to take her and run – whether both ears had been pierced or not. He knew that he was often teased about his protectiveness of Lucy but she was his baby girl and nothing, or nobody, was allowed to hurt her. He was still insisting that she wasn't allowed to date for a long time; he'd been a player once and he knew what it was like to break a girl's heart without caring. He wasn't proud of his younger self, especially now that he had Lucy, but he supposed that his past gave him an advantage; he _certainly_ knew what teenage boys were thinking and he would _definitely_ be letting them know that he knew when they inevitably started coming round. He just hoped that he also didn't have the disadvantage of knowing how these boys could have hurt his daughter.

"Lucy's not datin' until she's _at least_ twenty one," Danny stated, his voice mildly strained. Lindsay slipped her hand back into his and gave him a gentle squeeze. She didn't need to know precisely where his thoughts had been to gather what they were about. She knew that they wouldn't be able to stop Lucy if she really did want to date, but they could always be there to pick up the pieces if any relationship did unfortunately go wrong.

They continued walking through the market, browsing the stalls and occasionally buying things that they could put to use. They purchased a handsome lamp for Stella as a thank you for letting each of them stay, although Lindsay's thank you went even deeper and she would let Stella know when the time was right.

It was nearing two o'clock when they left the flea market, having stopped at the end for something light to eat, and they returned to Stella's home knowing that she'd be finishing work within the next few hours. They were both looking forward to going out that evening with Stella and Jackson as an adult couple. When they went out in New York for dinner it was far and few between due to their busy work schedules and usually they had to pick a family friendly restaurant which would accommodate a three year old. Going out as a carefree couple was something they both needed; if nothing else, it would cement their rebuilt relationship.

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><p>When Stella had suggested that they wore comfortable and warm clothing for their evening out, both Danny and Lindsay had been intrigued. The elder woman had kept tight lipped, however, merely smiling secretively and promising that they'd have a good time. Now, as they sailed out of South Shore Harbour on Jackson's small sailing yacht, they could certainly say that she'd been correct.<p>

Stella and Lindsay sat together, enjoying the ride, whilst Jackson showed Danny how to work the tiller and rudder.

"How attached is Jackson to this boat?" Lindsay asked her friend.

"Very; why?"

"I was just wondering how mad he'd be if Danny managed to sink it," Lindsay replied. Stella grinned, casting a glance at the two men as they worked; Jackson was seamlessly explaining things to Danny whilst the latter had his face screwed up in concentration. The elder woman lent back on her forearms, soaking up the last rays of the slowly fading sun.

"I have to admit, this is pretty nice."

"I told you Jackson would be good for getting you to try new things," Lindsay commented, nudging her friend in the arm.

Stella gave a somewhat conspiratorial grin. "You'd be pleased to know then that tonight I shan't be coming home with you and Danny."

Lindsay's face broke with delighted surprise. "Oh really?"

"We figured that seeing how we'll be staying in New York next week, we'd better see how things go first."

"A trial run, huh?" Lindsay smirked and Stella rolled her eyes, her smile still in place.

"I hope you realise that this means you and Danny will have the house to yourselves tonight and for the majority of tomorrow…" Stella looked at Lindsay pointedly. Lindsay gave a small smile before looking across at her husband; he certainly did look good as he attempted to sail underneath Jackson's supervision. She turned back to her friend, biting the inside of her lip.

"We'll see."

* * *

><p>"What d'you reckon they're talking about?" Jackson asked, casting a glance at the two women as they sat together.<p>

Danny gave a noncommittal shrug. "Not sure, but it can't be anythin' good."

Jackson chuckled. "Surely they're not that bad?"

"Worse," Danny deadpanned before his face cracked into a grin and both men laughed together. Danny had definitely warmed to Jackson but his best intentions for Stella meant that he'd still be on the constant look out for any foul play.

Danny helped Jackson to drop the anchor before the latter excused himself and disappeared below into the cabin. It wasn't long before two slender arms wrapped themselves around Danny's waist and he smiled, inclining his head to see Lindsay better as she rested her chin on his shoulder.

"Hey."

"Hey. What're you doin'?"

"Nothin'. Just thought I'd come and see how you were holding up; the sea smell isn't bringing back bad memories is it?" she asked teasingly.

He rolled his eyes and chuckled. "As long as we don't need to be towed back by the coast guard, I'm sure I'll be fine," he retorted. "Jackson just showed me how to sail but I don't reckon it's somethin' I could properly get into."

She gave a shrug. "Tell him to take apart a Harley and put it back together for no reason at all and I'm sure he'd struggle to get into it, too."

He chuckled, acknowledging that she was the first and possibly only person who truly got him. He pressed a kiss to her cheek. "Are you happy?"

She gave him a soft smile. "More than I ever thought I could be."

They shared a chaste kiss before Jackson returned, carrying a large pot that was still steaming. Stella, who they realised must have accompanied him into the cabin, came behind him carrying bowls and cutlery. Jackson set the pot down and the others gathered around, taking bowls, knives and forks from Stella.

"I thought you couldn't come to New Orleans without trying authentic cuisine," he told them with a grin. "I made gumbo; chicken, because I heard that not everyone likes seafood."

Danny gave Jackson a quick smile, clearly appreciative of the gesture. The silent message was quick and masculine enough for both women to grin at each other behind their partner's back. The foursome served themselves from the bowl before settling down to eat and as Lindsay subtly watched her husband, she acknowledged that tonight would be the beginning of the end.

* * *

><p>She rubbed cream into her hands, massaging deep into the calluses which were a reminder of where she came from. Danny stood in the doorway of the bathroom; a towel wrapped low on his hips and water from his hair trickling down his back as he watched her, smiling to himself. It was domestic sights like these that he had grown to love, and perhaps Lindsay knew that and used it to her advantage but he'd never know, for he'd never ask.<p>

Whilst Danny had been in the shower after her, Lindsay had quickly dried her hair and removed any lasting remnants of make up before digging out the nightwear Stella had convinced her to buy during a shopping trip. It was a silk nightgown; long and classical whilst still hinting at an air of mystery and sexiness. She'd quickly donned the outfit with shaking hands before sitting on the ottoman against the wall and beginning her usual moisturising routine.

She'd managed to calm her nerves by the time he'd stepped out of the bathroom and was now waiting for him to make the first move.

Whilst she'd been musing, he'd taken the time to change into a pair of boxers. He was stalling, suddenly nervous as he realised what she wanted him to do and by putting on the boxers, he'd been able to gather his wits. Now that he was calm again, he stepped up to where she was sitting and slowly knelt down so he was at her level. He took the bottle of moisturizer out of her hand and set it on the vanity table next to her. She looked up at him through her lashes, smiling and hesitant but willing to unravel with him. He placed his hands on either side of her on the ottoman before leaning forwards and brushing his lips to hers.

They each sighed into the kiss, relaxing out of their semi-tense states with the realisation that this was something they'd done many times before with each other. They didn't need to feel scared, or worried, or hesitant.

Danny moved his mouth from Lindsay's lips to her jaw, kissing along the line in a well-practised manner. She smiled and her eyes fluttered closed in bliss as she revelled in the sensation of his lips on her skin and his hand on her thigh, skimming across the flesh. She instinctively parted her legs and he shuffled between them, closing the distance between their bodies. She brought his mouth to hers again for a sweet kiss which grew in hunger as they devoured the other's mouth. Her fingertips grazed across his collarbone, over his chest and down his abs until she reached the ridge of the waistband where cloth met flesh.

Neither asked whether this was what the other wanted because, unlike the last time, they both knew what answer they would receive. And so before Lindsay's hand slipped beneath his waist band, Danny pressed his lips to his wife's in a kiss full of promise; this was the final obstacle for them to overcome.

And finally, as they came undone together, they were fully healed.

* * *

><p><strong>So, how was that? Fancy making my day and reviewing? :D If there's any mistakes then I apologise, I did check through but I'm a bit rushed because fireworks are calling. Woo for firework night!<strong>


	26. Chapter Twenty Five

**Disclaimer: **The characters of CSI: NY do not belong to me however this story is of my own and should only be used after permission has been asked and given. No copyright infringement intended and no profit is being made.

**Summary: **Danny and Lindsay are going to learn that sometimes you must lose, in order to gain.

**Notes:** It certainly has been way too long. I hope this makes up for the time lost. Last night's episode – guh! – it just put me into such a writing mood! So happy right now, but here's to hoping it doesn't end up anything like this story. A huge thank you to _Dantana15, MesserFamilyFan100, myriad-13_ and_ Guest_ for reviewing the last chapter. Apologies for the wait!

* * *

><p><strong>The Parent's Apple<strong>

The weekend seemed to pass by sooner than Danny or Lindsay expected so that all too quickly it was Sunday morning and they were packing their belongings into Stella's car. The past two mornings Lindsay has woken feeling satiated as she lay in the arms of her husband; both content with each other and themselves.

Danny and Lindsay had spent Saturday morning in bed, talking for hours and exchanging lazy kisses like they had in their early days as lovers. Then in the afternoon they'd joined Stella and Jackson, both of whom wore secretive grins to match their own, as the two couples strolled through Jackson Square and the French Quarter – Jackson joking that the former was named after him. They'd dined out in town for the final evening before returning to Stella's home one last time. As Jackson and Stella had said goodnight, exchanging long kisses on the porch, the married couple had retreated to their bedroom with only thoughts of the other consuming them. Where the previous night had been slow and calm as they re-explored each other, the second night was full of passion and heat. They kissed feverishly, shedding clothing in a way that they hadn't been able to since having a daughter who could easily walk into their bedroom and find it in disarray.

Lindsay looked up from her task of securing the luggage in the trunk of Stella's jeep and smiled at her husband, somewhat shyly. They were finally going home. He held his hand out to her and she took it, glad to see that her need to be close to him wasn't one-sided. They'd spent a lot of time just the two of them during this long weekend and they each knew that the real challenges would come once they were back in the real world, with their daughter, jobs and surrounded by the team. She did, however, dread the return less than she thought she would – so long as Danny was like this, holding her hand and promising to never let go, then she knew they could make it. She knew she could make it. "Together we're stronger," he'd promised on a whisper the night before.

"Ready to go?" Stella asked once she'd locked up the house and greeted them by the car.

As Jackson was working for the majority of the day, trying to make up for some of the time he'd be losing whilst visiting New York, it was only Stella, Lindsay and Danny going to the airport. The trio climbed into the jeep, Stella and Lindsay in the front whilst Danny was left to amuse himself on the backseat. Lindsay hadn't said anything but Danny instinctively knew that, although happy to be returning home, she was struggling with the idea of leaving Stella behind again. The two women had formed a strong friendship, inevitable when working within such a testosterone fuelled environment, and although Lindsay was friends with Jo in the same way, the simple history behind their friendship wasn't there. Stella had been the first person Lindsay truly opened up to in the workplace, the first person to hold her new born daughter and the friend who'd dried any and all tears when hers and Danny's relationship had hit its rough patch. Looking back, it seemed almost inevitable to Danny that Lindsay would seek out her long-time friend when the need came for her to be comforted.

The ride to the airport was uneventful and they arrived in good time, parking in a short stay car park and dragging the luggage from the car until it was in a pile on the sidewalk. Stella had already told them that morning that she wouldn't go into the airport, relaying them with tales of errands. They all knew the thinly veiled secret however that none of them wanted another long and painful goodbye. The first had been hard enough. The second would be even worse. And no one wanted to think about the third that would soon be approaching in New York.

Danny wrapped his arms around his friend and placed a kiss on Stella's cheek. "Thanks for bringin' her back, Stel."

Stella pulled away and patted his cheek clumsily; if anyone had faith in him, it was her. Stella turned from him and wrapped Lindsay in a tight hug, the pair of them holding on to the embrace. Stella pulled back first and sniffed, fanning her face and laughing, "God, this is crazy; I'm going to see you again in a few days."

Lindsay nodded, her own eyes filling before they embraced again. "Thank you so much Stella, I can't even begin to explain how much you've done for me."

"You know I'll always be here, kiddo."

Lindsay nodded against her shoulder. They broke the hug and Stella guided Lindsay towards Danny who tucked her under his arm. She rested her head on his shoulder and he felt a small thrill as he acknowledged that he was finally the person who could comfort her.

"I better get out of here before I get a ticket but I hope you both have a good flight and ring or text me when you get home safe, ok?" she told them to which they agreed. She pulled herself away from them, walking backwards towards her car door as they said their final goodbyes and she got in before driving away.

Danny slung Lindsay's bag over his shoulder and took the handle of his suitcase in the other hand before leading them towards the airport entrance.

"Ready to go home?" he asked.

Lindsay looked up into his face, smiling softly and nodding. "Yeah, yeah I'm ready."

* * *

><p>Just over three short hours later, Danny and Lindsay were stepping out of the La Guardia airport and slowly making their way to the taxi rank. Lindsay shivered, having become acclimated to the warmth of New Orleans and Danny wrapped his arm around her shoulders. She smiled tiredly up at him before leaning up to press a quick kiss to the underside of his jaw. They found a free taxi and the driver helped them to stow their luggage in the trunk before they climbed into the backseat together.<p>

"Where to?" the heavily accented cabbie asked.

"Staten Island," Danny answered before relaying his parent's address.

Lindsay's heart gave a momentary thud of fear; on the one hand she was desperate to see Lucy again, but on the other she was dreading facing Danny's parents. How could she possibly explain to Alba why she'd run away and broken her son's heart? Whether he knew the internal monologue that was running through Lindsay or not, Danny managed to quell her fears by leaning across and pressing a kiss to her temple. She drew strength from him, and trusted in him to always protect and love her.

Danny's knuckles ran across her cheek before his hand opened to cup the side of her neck, his thumb stroking behind her ear. It seemed he couldn't get enough of touching her and she revelled in every small gesture that he gave.

"I can't quite believe you're back here," he admitted, his eyes clouded slightly with the reality of how their relationship could have played out.

Her fingertips, cool against his skin, encircled his wrist as she looked at him. She wanted to promise him that she was always going to return, that their relationship was always going to mend but false platitudes were unnecessary. The truth was that their marriage had been toeing the line since they'd lost the baby and reassurances now wouldn't change that. The miscarriage had jolted them; he'd been scared, and so had she.

"I know," she whispered to every unspoken thought that he was struggling to say.

"Do you?"

"Yes." He searched her eyes for any misgiving, finally deciding that she did indeed know what he was trying to say. He could now see that what he felt, she felt and that what he feared, she feared. They weren't together but separate anymore.

"We were… we were happy, weren't we? Before the… the miscarriage, I mean?" he asked, haltingly.

"Yeah, we were,_ really_ happy. It's just that losing…" here she swallowed, "Lydia, was one of the hardest things I've ever done and I wanted to go to you, really I did but… I don't know. First of all I didn't want to burden you and then I didn't think you understood, which I know now was wrong of me. I know that you were in pain too but I was so blind to seeing it… I was selfish, I was flawed and… and I'm sorry."

Danny shook his head. "Don't… don't say that about yourself. You were just… messed up, we _both_ were. I didn't want to face it, I didn't want to admit that I'd failed you and so we just kind've… fell apart."

"You have never failed me," she told him sincerely. He made a disagreeing noise in the back of his throat and she pressed on, "You've made mistakes, we both have, but you learnt from them and you did everything you could to make them right. Don't ever think you've failed me."

"I won't if you won't," he countered. She inhaled slowly and nodded before exhaling.

"I won't."

The cab pulled up outside Danny's childhood home and he pulled his wallet out to pay the taxi driver before they climbed out and retrieved their belongings. Lindsay looked up at the building, her trepidation battling against her reassurances from Danny. He took their luggage and Lindsay curled her finger into his back pocket, cautiously following him across the porch and through the unlocked front door.

"Ma, Pop? Anyone home?" Danny called as he dropped their belongings in the hall.

Feet thundered above them before Lucy squealed, "Daddy!"

The three year old ran half way down the stairs before stopping and staring in wonder at the mother she hadn't personally seen in three months. The little girl's mouth dropped open to form an 'o' as she took another tentative step down the stairs.

"Mommy?" Lucy asked, softly.

"Yeah baby, it's me, I've come home," Lindsay told her daughter, emotion catching in her throat.

Lucy ran down the last remaining steps and launched herself into her mother's arms, who was all too ready to catch the little girl. Lucy launched into a rapid-fire explanation, alternating between looking into her mother's face and snuggling against her. "Oh mommy, I misses you so much! I get taked for ice cream by Uncle Flack and I tell'd him that I sure do miss ya and he say not to worry and that you miss me too and that we a family so we all love each other. And Daddy, he miss you too and I so glad you stopped catchin' bad guys with Auntie Stella 'cause now you come home."

Lindsay held Lucy close, kissing her head and letting a few tears slip free. "I won't ever leave you again, Lucy."

"Did you misses me too?" Lucy asked, looking up at her with big, blue eyes.

"Every single day," Lindsay promised.

"I thought I heard a commotion," Alba said as she came down the stairs after her granddaughter. Lindsay adjusted Lucy so she was resting on one hip and looked up at her mother-in-law, her expression apologetic. Alba stopped in the hall in front of Lindsay and reached out to cup the young woman's cheek. "Everything sorted, now?" she asked, to which Lindsay nodded. The elder Messer woman smiled wholly, "good, you can come help me in the kitchen then."

Lindsay broke into a smile of her own and the family retreated to the kitchen, Lucy insisting that she be allowed to help as well. As Danny tried to break away into the living room where he could hear his father watching the game, Alba snapped her fingers and pointed at him.

"Oh no you don't, this is family time so get to helpin'!"

Danny gestured towards the doorway that led to the living room. "What about him?"

"Him?" Alba scoffed, "that great layabout is stubborn as a mule and as ugly as one, too. I'm not havin' my poor daughter-in-law puttin' up with what I have to put up with, ya better than that, so get." And she pointed over her shoulder to the vegetables that needed peeling and chopping.

Grumbling to himself, Danny started on the vegetables, taking them over to the table so he could sit down whilst peeling. Lindsay and Lucy were at the counter making pastry and Lindsay would smile to herself, watching how Danny inched closer to the door so he could hear the game every time his mother's back was turned.

"What'cha smilin' about, Mommy?" Lucy asked inquisitively, peering up into her face.

"I'm just so happy to be here with my favouritest little girl in the whole wide world," Lindsay responded. Lucy pointed at herself and Lindsay tickled her stomach. "Well of course you!"

The little girl giggled before whispering conspiratorially, "I'm happy to be with my favouritest mommy in the whole wide world, too."

"I'm you're only mommy in the whole wide world."

"That's what makes you the favouritest!" Lucy laughed as though it were obvious. Lindsay gathered Lucy into her arms once more, holding her close and promising to never let anything come between them ever again. She caught Danny's eye as he smiled at them, his expression a mixture of love and pride. She could deny that this moment was the best feeling in the world.

* * *

><p>"All snug, baby girl?" Lindsay asked as she tucked Lucy into bed that night. Lucy nodded, her eyes still a little too wild to suggest sleep would come soon. Lindsay sat on the edge of her daughter's bed and picked up the new book from the floor. "I got this for you whilst I was out visiting Stella; it was my favourite book when I was a child."<p>

"What is it?" Lucy asked, eager to be a part of anything that was to do with her parent's childhoods.

"It's called 'The Giving Tree'. D'you want to hear it for your bedtime story?" Lindsay asked and Lucy nodded ecstatically. "Ok, but you've got to promise to go to sleep afterwards, deal?"

"Cross my heart," Lucy promised.

Lindsay smiled before opening the book and beginning the story, her voice softer than silk, "Once there was a tree, and she loved a little boy. And every day the boy would come and he would gather her leaves and make them into crowns and play king of the forest. He would climb up her trunk and swing from her branches and eat apples and they would play hide-and-go-seek. And when he was tired, he would sleep in her shade. And the boy loved the tree… very much… and the tree was happy."

"Wow, that sound like what Grandpa say you do in 'tana when you a little girl," Lucy interrupted briefly.

"It does, doesn't it?"

"Uh-huh, he say you like playin' in trees."

"But the time went by," Lindsay continued, "and the boy grew older. And the tree was often alone."

"Oh no, that so sad."

"Then, one day, the boy came to the tree and the tree said: – 'Come, Boy, come and climb up my trunk and swing from my branches and eat apples and play in my shade and be happy!' –'I am too big to climb and play' said the boy. 'I want to buy things and have fun. I want some money. Can you give me some?' – 'I'm sorry,' said the tree. 'But I have no money. I have only leaves and apples. Take my apples, Boy, and sell them in the city. Then you will have money and you'll be happy.' And so the boy climbed up the tree and gathered her apples and carried them away. And the tree was happy…"

"That a good tree," Lucy commented.

"That is a good tree," Lindsay agreed. "But the boy stayed away for a long time… and the tree was sad. And then one day the boy came back, and the tree shook with joy, and she said: - "Come, Boy, come and climb up my trunk and swing from my branches and eat apples and play in my shade and be happy." – "I am too busy to climb trees," said the boy. "I want a house to keep me warm," he said. "I want a wife and I want children, and so I need a house. Can you give me a house?" – "I have no house," said the tree. "The forest is my house," said the tree. "But you may cut off my branches and build a house. Then you will be happy." And so the boy cut off her branches and carried them away to build a house. And the tree was happy."

"That's not very fair. Why'd that tree let the boy take her branches?" Lucy demanded.

"Because the tree wanted the boy to be happy and the boy thought that if he took from the tree then he'd be happy."

"We not allowed to take things though, we gots to share."

"You're right, we do have to share," Lindsay agreed, her tone praising.

"That boy not sharing?"

"No, he isn't."

"But the boy stayed away from a long time… And when he came back, the tree was so happy she could hardly speak. –"Come, Boy," she whispered, "Come and play." –"I am too old and sad to play," said the boy. "I want a boat that will take me away from here. Can you give me a boat?" –"Cut down my trunk and make a boat," said the tree. "Then you can sail away… and be happy.""

Lindsay cleared her throat as it caught with emotion. Lucy patted her hand and Lindsay smiled down at her daughter before continuing. "And so the boy cut down her trunk and made a boat and sailed away. And the tree was happy… but not really. And after a long time the boy came back again. –"I am sorry, Boy," said the tree, "but I have nothing left to give you – My apples are gone." –"My teeth are too weak for apples," said the boy. –"My branches are gone," said the tree. "You cannot swing on them. –"I am too old to swing on branches," said the boy. –"My trunk is gone," said the tree. "You cannot climb." –"I am too tired to climb," said the boy. –"I am sorry," sighed the tree. "I wish that I could give you something… but I have nothing left. I am just an old stump. I am sorry…" –"I don't need very much now," said the boy. "Just a quiet place to sit and rest. I am very tired." –"Well," said the tree, straightening herself up as much as she could, "well, an old stump is good for sitting and resting. Come, Boy, sit down… sit down and rest." And the boy did. And the tree was happy… The end."

Lucy smiled sleepily up at her mother. "I'm glad that tree loved that boy and gived him stuff. He shoulda helped her too, though."

"He should of," Lindsay agreed, nodding.

"When you gives me stuff I'm gonna give you such a big kiss," Lucy promised.

"Is that right?" Lindsay chuckled. "Well how about giving me a big kiss for reading you the story?"

Lucy willingly puckered her lips and Lindsay bent down so she could kiss her daughter.

"Why did you go away, Mommy?" Lucy asked, expressing for perhaps the first time, a suspicion that helping Stella fight the bad guys wasn't the full story.

Lindsay sighed. "Sometimes people think they have to go away so that they can be happy again, like when the boy in the story thought he'd be happy if he sailed away."

"But he wasn't happy?" Lucy questioned.

"No, he wasn't. I did get happy again though," Lindsay told her. "That's why I'm back now, because I'm happy whereas before I didn't think I would be. D'you understand what I'm saying?" Lindsay asked sceptically.

"I think so," Lucy responded on a yawn.

"Lucy, I want you to promise me that if you ever feel unhappy or upset in the slightest then you'll let me know, ok? No matter whether you think it'll upset me or Daddy, we want you to tell us. Sometimes people think they can't let others know that they're unhappy but that's not true. The worst thing is to keep all of your feelings inside and not let them out, so promise me, alright?"

"I promise."

"That's my good girl."

They said their goodnights, Lindsay waiting until Lucy had fallen asleep before standing and leaving her room. She met Danny in the doorway, unaware that he'd been stood watching them. He smiled at her easily and she returned it. He gathered her in his arms and kissed the crown of her head, inhaling her scent indulgently. It was moments like these that he'd never take for granted ever again.

"'The Giving Tree', huh? Ya know, you've given a lot over the years," he told her.

"I've taken a lot too," she reminded him.

"You wouldn't be human if ya didn't," he responded reassuringly. "Linds, I want ya to promise me that if you're ever feelin' unhappy or upset then you'll let me know, ok?"

She smiled against his chest, her lips quirking at his own unique replay of her words. "I promise."

He grinned. "That's _my_ good girl."

* * *

><p><strong>AN2:<strong> 'The Giving Tree' is written by Shel Silverstein.


	27. Chapter Twenty Six

**Disclaimer: **The characters of CSI: NY do not belong to me however this story is of my own and should only be used after permission has been asked and given. No copyright infringement intended and no profit is being made.

**Summary: **Danny and Lindsay are going to learn that sometimes you must lose, in order to gain.

**Notes:** It felt somewhat fitting to upload another chapter before tomorrow's finale - if this finale really is the last then I'll be glad at least that I was able to be here writing during the show's hayday and if it isn't then I hope everyone sticks around for season 10 (I know I certainly will be!) A mega huge thank you to, _Dantana15, LoveShipper, Ditto123, Myriad-13, Guest, Miny23 _and _Laurzz_ for reviewing the last chapter. Your kind words and continual support is the soul of this fiction, allowing me to continue writing.

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><p><strong>The Parent's Apple<strong>

Warm sunlight filtered through the curtains as Monday morning rolled around, slowly awakening the couple that had finally shared their marital bed again after four months. Waking nearly an hour before their alarm, Danny and Lindsay lay together with her back pressed to his chest and his arms wrapped securely around her. They were dozy and peaceful as Lindsay lazily traced patterns along his biceps. It didn't shame Danny to admit that he loved waking up beside Lindsay and whilst he'd been happy in New Orleans, it was here within their own home that Danny felt most content with his wife.

"How long d'you reckon it'll be before the little booger next door wakes up?" the rich timbre of Danny's voice was still husky with sleep.

Lindsay chuckled and looked across at the alarm clock. "About another ten minutes, fifteen if we're lucky."

"Fifteen minutes, huh?"

Lindsay grinned, hearing the smirk in her husband's voice even without seeing it on his face. "Uh-uh, not after last time when she almost walked in; you know, I'm surprised that kid of ours isn't scarred for life, what with all of the close calls."

Lindsay felt rather than heard the laugh as it rumbled through Danny's chest. "The majority of times we're only makin' out though."

"So?" she laughed.

"So it hardly counts. Now, if we were going at it hot and heavy between the sheets and she walked in… then I'd worry about somethin'."

Lindsay inclined her head towards him and pressed a kiss to his stubbled jaw. "I just love how romantically you talk about our love life."

Danny rolled his eyes and pinched her side playfully. "Yeah, yeah, very funny, wise ass."

She settled back against him with a contented smile and Danny brushed his lips against her temple.

"Don't think I don't know what you just did," he mumbled.

"Hm?"

"Changing the topic to try and distract me from morning se-"

"Mommy, hi! Hi, Daddy!"

The bedroom door opened with Lucy walking backwards into the room, her hair a tumble of curls and knots from sleeping. She was carrying a cup of lukewarm coffee in each hand, being extra careful not to spill any. Once inside the bedroom, she turned fully and grinned triumphantly at her parents.

"I made you your morning boost," she announced proudly. Walking to Danny's side of the bed, he took the mugs from Lucy and passed one to Lindsay as the little girl climbed onto the bed with them, burying herself between her two parents.

"Well thank you Lucy, but I thought we agreed you weren't supposed to use the coffee pot because it's hot," Lindsay gently reminded her daughter, trying not to damped the three year olds spirits but also trying to instil some safety into Lucy.

"I was extra special careful," Lucy promised. "I wore my special apron and everything."

Lindsay wrapped an arm around Lucy and pulled her close, kissing the top of her head. Whilst there was still the thud of fear that something could have gone wrong, Lindsay was proud of Lucy for accomplishing the task on her own. Their daughter was fast becoming an equally compassionate and giving little girl and Lindsay was loathed to change that about her.

"I go school and Daddy go work, what you gonna do today?" Lucy asked, stealing a sip of Lindsay's coffee.

"Well, I'm going to take you to preschool and then I'm going to run some errands because I can only imagine what Daddy's been feeding you," Lindsay teased good-naturedly, her fingers running through Lucy's tangled locks.

"Oh no, we been eatin' good, ain't we Daddy?"

Danny chuckled pressing a kiss to Lucy's hair. "That's my girl; but if you keep talking like that then you'll get a country accent like your mama."

Lindsay lent over Lucy to playfully slap at Danny. "Lucy, you think you could go and start getting ready for school?"

"Okay!" Lucy wiggled out from between them and climbed off of the bed, running out of the room and to her own bedroom. When she was gone, Lindsay turned to Danny and smiled smugly at him.

"Don't even say it."

"Say what?" she asked innocently.

"That you were right about her walkin' in here and potentially catch us in the middle of… ya know."

"Hm, see I _could_ have said it but it sounds so much better when you admit that I'm right," she told him on a smirk.

"Get outta here, wiseass."

Chuckling, Lindsay threw the covers back and they got out of the bed before remaking it together. "I was thinking of going into the lab today," Lindsay told Danny as she fluffed her pillow up. "I want to talk to Mac about returning to work."

"Ya think you're ready for that?"

"What do you mean?"

"I just don't want you to push yourself too soon," Danny admitted. Lindsay looked up and gave him a soft half smile, appreciating his concern.

They rounded the bed and she stopped him on his way to the shower, wrapping her arms around his waist and looking up into his face. She rose onto her toes and pressed a soft kiss to his mouth.

"I love you, babe."

"I love you too."

* * *

><p>In the years that she had lived in New York, the 35th floor lab had become an almost second home for Lindsay and yet she was now struggling to enter her workplace. She'd tried to walk purposefully into the foyer of the building that housed the lab a half an hour before but had stuttered at the doors, repelled back towards the courtyard that sat at the base. Currently sat on a bench, sheltered from the late August sunshine by a tree, she nursed a takeaway cup of tea from the nearby street vendor and tried to calm her nerves. Despite being unable to see the 35th floor from the ground, her eyes were transfixed on the structure of steel and glass.<p>

"Lindsay?"

The young Detective looked across as her name was spoken, smiling at the approaching figure. Newspaper and lunchbox cradled under his left arm and wearing a light sport jacket with a brimmed hat, Sid Hammerback looked relatively normal as he walked towards her and perched himself on the bench as well. Lindsay briefly wondered whether the people passing knew that it was this man who would tell their story if they were ever killed.

"What are you doing sitting out here?" he asked.

"I'm supposed to go into the lab sometime this afternoon and talk to Mac about returning to work," Lindsay answered. Her eyes trailed back to the building.

"And you're nervous about returning to the lab," Sid filled in knowingly. He could understand her reluctance to return to the place where she'd lost her child.

"This was the place where it all started to go wrong for us."

"Sometimes you just have to take that first step. Everything after that will come naturally."

"I sure hope so," she said. She gave him a crooked smile. "You've been married a long time, Sid. How'd you make it work?"

"I've also been divorced," he reminded her gently. He smiled at her in a knowing way, "you wouldn't be back if you weren't one hundred percent happy with Danny, and we both know that."

She gave him a full blown smile before turning and looking at her surroundings, her smile turning nostalgic. "This is where Danny proposed to me the first time. I said no." At Sid's politely raised eyebrow she gave a light chuckle. "I'm pretty lucky to have him, huh?"

Sid gave a laugh of his own. "I believe that every couple thinks that when really, they're both lucky to have each other."

* * *

><p>"Hi Honey, I'm Home!"<p>

"And suddenly I'm a 1950's sitcom wife," Lindsay responded on a long suffering sigh as she walked into the hall where he was stripping out of his jacket and shoes. He grinned and gave her a quick kiss.

"You watch too much TV."

She gave a shrug and pressed another kiss to his lips in welcome, the kiss developing into a smile.

"Lucy already asleep?"

"Yeah, she conked out about an hour ago so I put her to bed."

"How did your meeting with Mac go?" he asked, following her into the living room where they flopped down onto the couch together.

"It was fine. We decided that I'd start back next Monday."

"That long?" Danny asked with a frown.

"With so many people in the lab attending Hawkes' wedding, Mac's pretty stretched to cover shifts so he said that if I started back before this weekend then he couldn't guarantee I was able to take the time off," she explained. "But he did say that because it's beneath the six month mark I won't need to requalify for anything."

He could hear that she was pleased with Mac's decision but nudged her gently anyway. "I sense another but in there somewhere."

Lindsay smiled openly at him. "It was strange, being back in Mac's office again. The last time I was in there I was just in such a bad place and… it really drove home how far we've both come."

He took her hand in his, his thumb grazing across her knuckles. He nodded seriously. "We have."

His arm came around her and they both settled back into the couch, moulding together and content to watch TV together in a relatively normal setting. Their life seemed to finally be slowing down again and it was almost time for them to stop and smell the roses.


	28. Chapter Twenty Seven

**Disclaimer:**The characters of CSI: NY do not belong to me however this story is of my own and should only be used after permission has been asked and given. No copyright infringement intended and no profit is being made.

**Summary: **Danny and Lindsay are going to learn that sometimes you must lose, in order to gain.

**Notes: **I didn't originally intend for this chapter to go in the direction that it did and yet somehow it seemed to work better than I'd ever planned it so I was happy in that sense. This chapter kind've ran a course of its own and I just went with it so if it's actually terrible then I do apologise. There were a lot of things that I wanted to include in here and so it all kinda came together in a way that I wouldn't have expected it to but I preferred the edit to how it was originally written and I hope you all enjoy it too.

The chapter strays more into M territory but there's nothing too hard core… although it might be classed as soft core. I have to admit that I let the squealing girly version of myself lose a little bit in this chapter, especially during the Lindsay/Stella talk. I wasn't ever a huge Buffy the Vampire Slayer fan, but the squint-to-see-it Carmine implied reference was too good an opportunity to pass up. Also, there's a comedy club near my home that has a Motown night and as it's such a feel-good night, I just had to include a teensy aspect of it. Seriously though, if you ever get the chance to go to a Motown night then take it, it's so much fun!

Thank you to my reviewers: _Guest, Ditto123_ and _Myriad-13_ for your continued support.

* * *

><p><strong>The Parent's Apple<strong>

Three tables had been pushed together by the managers of the swanky upper Eastside restaurant to accommodate the team members, both past and present, as well as their partners. The meal, a pre-wedding event to welcome Stella, and in some aspects Lindsay too, back to New York had been arranged by Hawkes. He sat at the head of the table as host, his bride-to-be seated on his left and best man on his right. Sid, honoured to have been given the responsibility, had been walking around the ME's office with a puffed out chest for days as the wedding approached and his humble pride swelled. The quirky ME had asked Hawkes countless times whether he was sure about the decision before Hawkes had finally admitted that Sid had always been there for him, including working alongside him during 9/11, and that if he wanted anyone to stand beside him at the altar…

The former ME hadn't had to say any more for Sid to nod and smile, finally believing in his capabilities as best man. That didn't, however, mean that Hawkes wasn't a little apprehensive about the bachelor party which would be taking place the following night.

"…just the guys; drinking a few beers - playing poker or something," Hawkes suggested with an easy shrug. He held his hands up, tone firm, "no strippers."

"He won't be ordering any strippers if he knows what's good for him," Alice Hammerback said with a raised eyebrow.

Beside Camille sat Mac and Christine, their hands entwined beneath the table in an intimate secrecy as she turned to Jo and asked about the wellbeing of her two children. Since meeting, the friendship between the two women had blossomed out of their shared love for Mac Taylor; and whilst Jo's feelings were purely platonic, their desire to see him happy had cemented and bonded them both. Sat clockwise around the bottom table were Lindsay, Danny, Adam, Jackson and Stella - who had flown in for the wedding that morning – all of them relaying tales of the Crime Lab to the latter's boyfriend, remembering past cases and stories as though they had happened a week ago instead of years. Flack, seated between Stella and Jamie Lovato, occasionally inputted and to the trained investigators surrounding him, the casual arm draped over the newest Detective's chair spoke volumes.

Hawkes stood, raising his glass and waiting for the general chatter to simmer down. "I just wanted to say thanks for all coming here tonight; it's great to see so many of your faces – both old and new-"

"I hope you're not suggesting some of us have old faces," Stella cut in, grinning.

The table gave an appreciative chuckle before Hawkes continued, "You guys mean a lot to me and I'm thankful that you're all here to celebrate with Camille and myself as we take this next step together." He smiled down at Camille whose face was shining with delight and adoration. Despite the initial thought that perhaps Camille was badly influencing Hawkes, it was clear to see that she cared for him deeply and they were happy together. "I'm surrounded by such amazing and caring people and I just want to say thank you for always having my back and being there when I've needed you."

The group toasted to Hawkes, smiling at each other as they recognised that his humble words were true – they all were lucky to be surrounded by friends that cared so deeply for them. Small tokens of affection erupted around the table, catalogued by the keen eyes of the investigators and generating content smiles.

Danny cupped the back of Lindsay's neck, she had pulled her hair up in a clip which left the skin exposed and the touch was comforting to them both. Turning towards him, she smiled and they shared a chaste kiss. Whilst it had remained unsaid, those closest to the couple were thrilled to see them both on equal footing again, collectively believing they appeared stronger than ever before.

Chatter broke out once more with the arrival of food and a waiter politely offered to take Hawkes' camera and photograph the group. In a single flash they were encapsulated in time, beaming faces telling the story of how happy they'd been that night.

* * *

><p>"Hey, what're you doing out here?"<p>

Stella turned at the sound of her friend's voice, smiling warmly as Lindsay approached. Once the meal had finished, the group had headed to Cozy's, having too much of a good time to let it end. The small, round tables that usually littered the bar during the Wednesday jazz session had been cleared and a dance floor erected in the space whilst an ageing DJ played Motown records from the main stage. Lindsay had left Danny with Flack, the pair of them belting out The Supremes' 'Baby Love', to seek out Stella who had disappeared minutes before.

"I just needed some air, it was getting too hot in there," Stella explained. She leant against the railing which hugged the stone steps down to the basement entrance of Cozy's. Lindsay lent her hip against the railing, arms crossed around her torso to keep warm as she faced her former boss. Stella smiled wistfully. "I used to come here all the time to hear Mac play. I remember hearing him play the night he received the letter from Peyton, saying she wouldn't be returning from England – and now look at him, he seems so… _happy_." She turned to Lindsay. "He is in good hands, isn't he?"

"I think so," Lindsay nodded. "Christine's nice, she's patient, and she seems to really get him, y'know?"

Stella smiled. "That's what I've always wanted for him."

"I-I used to think that maybe you and he would…" Lindsay trailed off, sensing that she didn't need to complete the sentence for Stella to know what she wanted to say.

"He'll always mean a lot to me but… this worked out better in the end," Stella reassured her and Lindsay felt as though a secret fear had been eased. She had seen both Stella and Mac separately with their chosen partners and believed that they were happy but it was only tonight when they were together that she could see that perhaps they really had made the right choices.

"Do you ever regret moving to New Orleans?" Lindsay asked.

Stella released a sigh. "I do miss it here; I see all of you guys and how close you are and know that I'm not really a part of that anymore, I see Lucy on Skype and realise how much I'm missing out on as she grows but… no, I can't say that I regret moving for one moment. It was the right choice for me. And Jackson…" she smiled beatifically, her eyes far off. "Well he certainly sweetens the deal."

The two women giggled together, feeling light hearted and giddy. "He is quite the catch," Lindsay admitted.

"Like you can talk Miss-'I just tamed the NYPD's bachelor of all bachelors'," Stella teased and Lindsay grinned ducking her head.

"Ok, so we both did good," she amended.

Stella chuckled, linking her arm through Lindsay's. "And what's the deal with Flack and Detective Hottie?"

Lindsay snorted. "This isn't an episode of Grey's Anatomy."

"Alright, McCountry. Seriously though, you must've noticed something."

"As a matter of fact I did but I don't know what's going on, they seemed… close. It's kind've nice to see Flack like that with a woman again," Lindsay commented. They exchanged a sober half smile before Stella sighed, resting her head on Lindsay's shoulder.

"This is fun, I feel like we should be in our pyjamas, eating our weight in ice cream whilst the Buffy pilot plays in the background."

"Any chance I can gate crash that party, I'll even bring the trashy magazines?" Both women looked over the railing as Jo announced herself, walking out of the club and up the steps to join them. She was giving her easy, Southern smile – the one that had won over the majority of the lab within a few short hours. She addressed Stella, "I don't think we've been properly introduced although I've heard a lot about you of course."

"Likewise."

"Let me guess, two pathetically lonely full-grown men sent you to look for us?" Lindsay asked on a grin.

"There might have been a general wondering as to where the both of you had gotten to, although as I left they were racking up for a game of pool in the corner so I suppose they weren't too cut up," Jo answered, grinning herself.

"Honestly, men; they claim to be the 'big, tough strong ones' but as soon as they lose sight of their partner they begin bleating like a lamb," Stella claimed, rolling her eyes. The three women all shared a laugh, having each had their fair share of experiences with men.

"You're staying at the Trump International, aren't you?" Jo asked conversationally. "I heard that place has an amazing spa."

Stella beamed. "I think you and I are going to get along just fine."

"Actually, why are you staying at a hotel? Danny and I have a spare room that you and Jackson could have used – Lord knows, we owe you for housing us," Lindsay said.

"So now that's you, Hawkes, Flack and even Sid who have offered to home Jackson and I," Stella laughed heartily. "I appreciate it, really I do, but did you honestly think I was going to pass up the opportunity to stay in a flashy hotel? Perhaps if it was just me coming to the wedding then I would have stayed with one of you guys but when Jackson offered to come as well I figured we might as well spend a little time and money on indulging ourselves."

"I think we all know what that means," Jo chortled, winking at Lindsay. They both laughed and Stella shrugged.

"Well I was just about to invite you both to the spa in the hotel for a day of pampering, but maybe I shouldn't bother now."

"Oh please, at least you're regularly gettin' a little somethin'-somethin'. I need to travel over 3,000 miles to get a little of anything!" Jo exclaimed and the three women chuckled together before Jo gave an exaggerated shudder. "Alright, enough chit-chat, let's get back inside before we freeze to death."

They made their way back down the steps and into the club, blasted with a welcoming warm air flow and the opening verse of 'Hey. Mister Postman'. Hawkes and Camille, Mac and Christine, and Sid and Alice were all still dancing whilst Danny and Jackson played a game of pool in the corner, observed by Flack and Lovato who were still looking friendly.

The trio made their way over to the pool table where Danny was lining up his shot; Jackson rested on his pool cue and opened up his free arm as Stella approached, curling her into his side. She looked up and smiled at him once snug against his body and he grinned back before pressing a kiss to her upturned lips. Lindsay looked between them to Mac and Christine who was dancing considerably slower than the upbeat song would indicate, their heads inclined towards each other as they spoke in soft tones; yes, she thought amicably, they'd definitely made the right choices.

"Hey, where's Adam?" Lindsay asked Danny.

"'said somethin' about meetin' someone; by the sounds of it he was gonna get lucky," Danny replied distractedly as he took his shot, the ball sailing towards the pocket but hitting the felt corner and rebounding away. He glared accusingly at Lindsay. "You put me off my game!"

"Oh please, you were off your game long before I came along," she teased.

Jackson stepped up to the table and pocketed his final ball before aiming for the black eight. Lindsay wrapped her arms around Danny's waist from behind and rested her chin on his shoulder. He turned his head towards her and pressed a kiss to her cheek, grinning.

"What's up with you?"

"I'm just pretty happy right now," she admitted.

He looked around the room at all the smiling faces. "I think we all are."

"C'mon," she took his hand and dragged him towards the dance floor.

"We've not even finished the game!" he protested.

"Babe, there ain't no way you're winning this one."

Danny sighed and rolled his eyes, giving the cue to Flack before allowing Lindsay to pull him over to where the other couples were dancing. He tugged on her hand, pulling her into him and wrapping his arms around her before swaying to the music. She laughed as he nudged at her with his nose before kissing the hollow behind her ear. They were cocooned in the happiness of their friends and for a while easily forgetting the struggles they'd faced for the past five months.

* * *

><p>They fell through the front door, lips latched and hands frantic as they moved to shed clothing. Danny pulled away the clip Lindsay had managed to wrestle her short tresses into, letting the curls loose for him to run his fingers through. She pushed him back into the door, shutting it with their combined body weight, and kissed him with bruising intensity. They parted only long enough for her to tug his t-shirt over his head before coming together once more. One hand gripped her hair whilst the other rested in her lower back, pulling her flush against him; the coils in their stomach's already tightening with anticipation. She could feel his arousal pressing against her and she reached down to roughly stroke him through the fabric of his pants.<p>

He hissed and held on to one of her wrists, stilling the action. "Babe, I'm not gonna last much longer if you keep doin' that."

She responded to him between kisses. "Well you'd better," –kiss. "Hurry," –kiss. "It up," –kiss. "Then."

Pulling away and retreating backwards through the apartment, she kicked her shoes off and left them where they were – a sure indicator to Danny that this was no longer his quiet playful wife but the sexy temptress she occasionally morphed into. She wore a smirk as she grabbed the hem of her shirt, pulling it over her head and throwing it at him. He grinned as it fell three feet short and then nearly swallowed his tongue as she unclasped her bra whilst disappearing around the corner. If her earlier ministrations hadn't nearly pushed him to the edge, then the current images of a very naked and very ready Lindsay splayed on their marital bed would have. Thankful that his parents had offered to babysit Lucy for that night and furthermore suggested taking her straight to preschool in the morning, Danny securely locked the apartment's front door to ensure that not even the Super would be able to get in before following his wife in all of her mischievous glory.

* * *

><p>"Wow. That was…"<p>

"I know."

They lay in each other's arms, breathless, sweaty and fully satiated.

"They sure know how to ride out in the sticks."

She gave a weak chuckle and he pressed a kiss to her temple. "How's your head?"

"I'll survive," she shrugged, the dull throb in the crown paling in comparison to how gratified she was. Their hands were clasped and she rubbed her thumb over his wedding ring; the last, and ultimately unsuccessful, attempt at making love in this bed weighed heavily on her mind. "I'm glad we got this second chance."

He brought his hand up to run across her hair before cupping the side of her neck. "I'll take every single chance I'm given if it means that in the end it's you and me."

She pressed a kiss to his chest. "I know. Me too."

Danny gripped her upper arms and tugged her onto him so she rested with his leg pressed between hers, their chests rising and falling in synch. They kissed slow and sultrily, exploring each other's mouth with teeth and tongue. His hands rested on her hips, thumbs stroking the soft flesh whilst she braced herself on her elbows and ran her hands through his hair.

He grinned against her mouth and wagged his eyebrows. "You wanna go again?"

"I thought you'd never ask…"


	29. Chapter Twenty Eight

**Disclaimer: **The characters of CSI: NY do not belong to me however this story is of my own and should only be used after permission has been asked and given. No copyright infringement intended and no profit is being made.

**Summary: **Danny and Lindsay are going to learn that sometimes you must lose, in order to gain.

**Notes: **Hey! This is possibly the longest chapter yet but there was just so much that I wanted to fit in so I hope you guys enjoy. A big thank you to _Dantana15_ for reviewing the last chapter! There'll be a further author's note at the end.

* * *

><p><strong>The Parent's Apple<strong>

"Are you and Mommy goin' out again?"

Danny finished pulling his t-shirt over his head before turning towards his daughter; she stood in the doorway of his and Lindsay's bedroom, balancing casually on one foot and tilting her head with a frown puckering her brow.

"I am but your mommy's staying home with you tonight," he replied.

"Oh." Lucy seemed to brighten considerably at the prospect. "What you doin'?"

"I'm going to Hawkes' bachelor party," he explained, threading his belt through the loops of his jeans and fastening it securely around his waist. "Me, Uncle Mac, Uncle Flack, Sid, Adam and a few others are going to celebrate before he gets married tomorrow."

Lucy scrunched up her nose. "Why?"

"Because it's a special tradition people do for their friends," Danny answered.

"Mommy not go?"

"No, only boys go to a bachelor party."

"What me and Mommy gonna do?"

"I don't know, Luce, you'll have to ask her."

Lucy turned and ran back down the hall, shouting the same question to her mother. Danny smiled and shook his head; although he tried to deny that Lucy got her occasional rambunctious behaviour from him, he knew deep down that he had often driven his mother crazy with his general loudness whilst growing up. He and Lucy were both lucky in a way that whilst they were sometimes double the trouble, they had a wife/mother who was a helluva lot more patient than his own Ma had been.

He grabbed his wallet, keys and phone, shoving them into his back pocket before pulling his leather jacket on as Lindsay walked into their bedroom with Lucy on one hip, having intercepted the small child in the entrance hall.

"Flack just buzzed, he's downstairs and waiting for you," Lindsay told him.

"He said if you're still doin' your hair then don't take all day about it," Lucy chirped happily.

Danny rolled his eyes and Lindsay hid her grin in Lucy's hair. "Yeah, like _he_ can talk."

Slinging his overnight bag over one shoulder, he crossed the room and placed a smacking kiss on each of their puckered lips before heading out. Lucy rested her head on Lindsay's shoulder with a sigh, her hand pressed to her mother's collarbone.

Lindsay jigged her gently. "What's up, baby?"

"Nothin'."

"Doesn't sound like nothing," Lindsay pressed.

"Just feels like _forever_ since it was just you and me and Daddy," the three year old admitted.

"I know." Since returning from New Orleans, the small family had only been able to spend snatches of time together before Danny went to work or after Lucy returned from school. The pre-wedding celebrations had also kept them fairly busy as they socialised with friends and colleagues. "Daddy hasn't got to work on Sunday so how about the three of us do something extra special, sound good?"

"Okay! That sound fun," Lucy agreed enthusiastically.

"Then it's a date. Now, go put your pyjamas on and then meet me in the living room," Lindsay instructed. Lucy scrambled out of her mother's arms and ran to her bedroom as soon as her feet touched the carpeted floor. Lindsay also quickly changed into her pyjamas before pulling the comforter off of the bed and retreating back to the living room. The hide-a-bed had been pulled out of the second couch and Lindsay draped the comforter over it as a finishing touch before turning to survey the room; the lights were turned down and the surround sound turned up, transforming their homely living room into a cinema suite for a girly sleepover.

"Oh wow!" Lucy exclaimed, her face shining as she ran into the living room. "We have fun tonight?"

"Well I hope so," Lindsay chuckled. "I picked out a DVD for us to watch and there's even a bowl of popcorn in the kitchen."

"I get it!" Lucy offered as Lindsay had anticipated the young girl would. Lucy ran into the kitchen, using her stool to reach up and flick the switch so that light flooded the room, squealing in delight as Stella was revealed. Lucy jumped down from her stool and crashed into Stella's legs. "Aunt Stella!"

"Hey Lucy-girl!"

She cuddled the three year old close to her for a moment before Lucy dragged her by the hand into the living room, only having a moment to quickly grab the forgotten bowl of popcorn.

"Mommy, lookit who was hidin' in the kitchen!" Lucy announced enthusiastically, smiling the grin she'd inherited from her mother. "What'cha standin' in the dark for, Aunt Stella?"

"Well I was being a surprise, wasn't I?"

Lucy giggled as Stella tickled her sides and they settled on to the hide-a-bed together. As the majority of Stella's holiday would either be taken up by the wedding or spending time with Jackson, she and Lindsay had decided that morning whilst pampering themselves in the hotel spa that Lucy would benefit from having a night solely dedicated to the young girl that thought the world of her pseudo Aunt but rarely got to see her. Lindsay put the DVD into the player before climbing in on the other side of Lucy, cocooning her in the middle and wrapping her arms around her daughter so that she could press a kiss to the top of her head. Lindsay supposed they were spoiling Lucy with all of the added attention and special treats that she'd been promised but as the young girl had suffering the worst from the aftermath of the miscarriage because she still couldn't fully understand what was going on; Lindsay thought she deserved some undivided attention.

Lindsay reached across to the coffee table and took one of the nail varnishes from the assortment of colours, holding it out for Lucy to see. "Did you want me to paint your nails so they matched your dress tomorrow?"

Lucy nodded, holding out her hands in a well-practised manner and Lindsay set to work on them, her hands steady from years of handling delicate evidence. Stella watched them both, smiling as she saw that having a daughter had definitely opened up Lindsay's softer and more feminine side, balancing out her other tomboy tendencies. The young girl was soon engrossed within the film and Lindsay stroked a hand down her baby soft cheek; another child might've been nice, but she'd come to realise that she wouldn't trade what she had for anything else in the world.

* * *

><p>The apartment was already bustling with activity as 9.30am peaked on the Saturday morning, four and a half hours before they were due to attend the wedding of Sheldon Hawkes and Camille Jordanson. As Danny had stayed at Hawkes' the night before and then gone in to work the early shift with Flack and Adam, the apartment was free for Lindsay, Stella and Lucy to prepare for the wedding. The level of productivity continued at a steady stream throughout the morning until a quarter to twelve when Jackson arrived, greeting Stella with a morning kiss as she opened the front door to him.<p>

"You have no idea how difficult it is to hail a cab whilst carrying a dress," he mumbled against her lips and she laughed, taking the garment bag from him. They caught up quickly, Jackson expressing how much he'd missed her the night before and she scoffing before walking further into the apartment. Jackson looked around, taking interest. "So this is what a New York apartment looks like huh? It's nice."

"Oh yeah," Lindsay agreed, walking into the living room from the direction of the kitchen. "We even have a lovely view of the apartment next door."

Jackson chuckled appreciatively before noticing the three year old that hovered by her mother's legs, peeking out at him shyly. He smiled and gave her a single wave. "Hey there."

"Lucy, this is Jackson, he lives in New Orleans with me," Stella told the small girl who took a tentative step forward, trusting her pseudo Aunt. Stella stooped down and picked Lucy up so that she could greet Jackson more easily. "You gonna say hi?"

"Hi, Mr. Jackson."

"It's nice to finally meet you, Lucy, your Aunt Stella talks about you _all_ of the time," he told her.

"That's 'cause I'm her favouritest little girl in the whole wide world," Lucy responded giggly, relaying the words Stella had spoken to her many times before.

Jackson gasped in faux surprise. "You're not kidding?"

Lucy buried herself in Stella's hair, peering out at Jackson and still giggling. Stella smiled as she watched them both interact, seeing a small glimpse of the Jackson that his daughter knew – she was yet to meet Southerly but Jackson's display here made her more eager to see this other side of him when it was his own daughter he was entertaining.

"Aunt Stella," Lucy caught her attention in a carrying whisper, "is Mr. Jackson your boyfriend?"

"You know," she responded, tapping her chin and pretending to think. "I think he might just be. What d'you say Luce, is he a good boyfriend?"

"Um," she turned to Jackson, "do you kissy lots?"

"Yeah, quite a bit," he laughed.

"Do you make her laugh?"

"I do."

"And do you really really love my Aunt Stella?"

"Lucy," Lindsay scolded, laughingly, worried that her daughter had perhaps just put her friend's on the spot.

"No, it's ok," Jackson replied before leaning close to the young girl. "Yeah," he stage whispered, "I think I really do."

Stella bit her lip at his words; they hadn't said it to each other yet but the innocence of her pseudo-niece had thrown the words from his lips and she found that it didn't scare her as it might have in the past. The last few days in New York had really cemented their relationship and there had been moments when she'd gazed up at Jackson with a feeling that she now knew was, indeed, love.

"C'mon Lucy, let's go finish doing your hair," Lindsay said quietly, gently taking her daughter out of Stella's arms. A barely concealed smile flashed on her lips as she caught Stella's eye before retreating out of the living room, giving the couple an ounce of privacy.

"You don't have to-"

The rest of Jackson's words died on his lips as Stella took the last step towards him and pressed a tender kiss to his lips. "I love you too," she responded, not needing him to voice the exact words for her to accept them.

In the other room Lucy looked at her mother's face in the reflection of the mirror as Lindsay brushed the knots out of her hair. "What'cha smilin' a'fore Mommy?"

"Nothing," Lindsay responded easily. She leant forward and pressed a kiss to the top of Lucy's head, the smile still playing in the corner of her mouth. "You're a little minx sometimes."

* * *

><p>Danny slipped into one of the last remaining seats in the pew beside Lindsay, breathless and dishevelled. The church was almost completely full and he was glad that his wife had saved a place for him. He threw a grin at Lucy who sat between Lindsay and Stella, kicking her feet and gazing around the church in wonder, before he leant in to place a kiss on Lindsay's cheek.<p>

"Hey, I thought you weren't going to make it," she told him, the relief evident in her tone.

"We nearly didn't," he admitted, gesturing to where Flack and Adam were both squeezing into aisle seats. "It took nearly two hours for our suspect to finally crack, blaming _Martians_ for the reason he bludgeoned the little-old-lady-next-door-neighbour to death. When we finally got back to the lab, changed and then were on our way here we got caught in traffic for forty five minutes because according to the radio a civilian was trying to mow down a traffic patroller and then to make matters worse-"

Danny lifted his pants leg up and Lindsay stifled a snigger behind her hand as she saw he was wearing his converses.

"I must've left my shoes at Hawkes'," he grumbled.

"You're here now," she replied soothingly. Reaching across, Lindsay straightened his tie so the knot sat straight at the hollow of his throat before smoothing down the lapels of his jacket. He flashed her a grin of thanks and she smiled back weakly, melting; it was a rare occurrence to see Danny dressed so formally, bar the chucks, and Lindsay wasn't ashamed to admit that she certainly thought the attire flattered him. The fitted charcoal grey suit with blue shirt and tie complimented his skin tone and drew out his azure eyes. Each time he threw a smile her way, a thud of longing hit deep.

"You look real nice," he murmured in her ear, having caught her staring. She flushed bashfully and bit her bottom lip; a compliment from Danny was unlike any she was ever received before – although he didn't flood her with well-practised pretty phrases like some of her exes had, he managed to successfully and truthfully compliment her in a way that never made her doubt his words. One admiring comment from Danny was all it took to banish all of her insecurities for a while.

She turned to Lucy, talking quietly to their daughter as the curious youngster asked questions, and he took the time to really drink all of Lindsay in. In the years that he had known her, he had only ever seen her wearing a dress a handful of times. The first time would always remain the most memorable, however; a dimly lit subway, blue fabric that shimmered as she carefully picked her way along the tracks, a band beneath the bust which accentuated all of her assets and the raw, unexplainable burst of jealousy as she admitted that she'd been at the opera, hidden behind an easy quip. He'd always appreciated seeing the dress but it had pained him to know that the dress was for someone else to appreciate and perhaps even to take off. That had been the first time that he'd been conscious of his growing attraction for the Montanan native. Other moments seemed to click into place; holding her hand for a moment too long after they interviewed a potential witness, watching her from across the lab and then seeking out her company so he could learn what new discovery had put such a smile upon her face, and most-tellingly, the refusal to call her anything but 'Montana' which had started out as light hazing but morphed into an endearing nickname reserved only for him. He hadn't meant to fall for the new girl but he had, and hard.

This time the dress was Kelly green rather than blue but this did nothing to stop him from admiring every inch of the material that covered his wife. It was round-necked and sleeveless with a cinched waist and billowing skirt which fell to mid-calf. The delicate chiffon dress fell over a satin sheaf, giving a slight shimmer to the outfit. Her legs were long and slender, tucked into black heels that she had slowly become accustomed to wearing over the years. The green highlighted the different shades to Lindsay's hair which was down and tucked behind one ear, naturally curling under at the shoulder. It was her eyes that he was mesmerised by though; caramel, coffee and whiskey all blended into one rich colour which oozed with warmth and happiness. He found himself getting lost within them every time he happened to catch her eye, the rest of the world falling away in a single moment that was entirely for them.

She stopped talking in Lucy's ear and turned to him, catching his smile. Reaching up, she pressed her index finger to the centre of his chin and grinned warmly at him. He smiled back, neither needing words to convey how they were feeling.

The opening chords to Pachelbel's Canon in D Major began and a hush fell across the church as heads swivelled to face the back doors for the wedding party to begin their descent; Hawkes' youngest cousin walked down the aisle, two rings placed on a pillow he carefully held. Passing their aisle, he flashed a toothy grin at Lucy who had clamoured into her mother's lap for a better look and who giggled in response, hiding in Lindsay's neck shyly. Danny's biceps flexed uncontrollably and Lindsay bit her bottom lip to keep from laughing. The three bridesmaids and groomsmen followed; Mac holding himself stiffly as he escorted Camille's seventeen year old sister down the aisle. The guests rose to their feet as Camille came next on the arm of her father, dressed elegantly in a long ivory gown and smiling beatifically, her shining eyes fixed on Hawkes as he stood at the front with Sid by his side. Camille's father kissed her cheek before handing his daughter to the groom who swelled with unabashed pride. He took the hand of his bride; mouthing 'you look beautiful' as together they stepped up to the priest.

Already slightly misty-eyed, Lindsay sought out Danny's hand and knotted their fingers together.

* * *

><p>The wedding reception took place in a Harlem youth centre on the block where Hawkes and Camille had grown up; it was a place that had encouraged them as youngsters to socialise somewhere other than on the streets that had swallowed many of their childhood friends. The centre had been completely decorated and transformed by the people who ran it and had known Hawkes and Camille since they were children, allowing the couple to celebrate in a venue that held far more sentimental value to them both than any high-end fanciful hotel in Manhattan could provide.<p>

The room had been split down the middle with small tables for guests to sit at taking up one half and a dance floor on the other side. As the afternoon had progressed into the evening, a DJ had taking residence at the top end of the hall and was playing songs typically found at a wedding reception. The bride and groom had performed their first dance together as Mr. and Mrs. Sheldon Hawkes before others had joined them on the dance floor, basking in the love of their two friends.

Dropping down into the seat at the table she'd shared with her husband and co-workers, Lindsay released a disgruntled grunt. "I just overheard some snotty nosed little lab tech complaining in the toilets about how they didn't waste any expenses on this 'dump'." He face twisted disdainfully. "Honestly, I think it's sweet that they decided to have the reception here – it obviously means a lot to them both."

Danny took a swig of his beer. "Places like this are highly underrated but can end up saving kid's lives."

"Did you used to have a youth centre like this that you'd hang out at?" she asked.

"Nah, I was too much of a schmuck to realise the benefit of these places back then," he admitted. "I had ball though and that kept me pretty much on the straight and narrow – for a while at least. Louie… well he never had anything like that, he was already in too deep from an early age and nothin' coulda saved him in the end."

Lindsay placed a comforting hand on his forearm, knowing how difficult it was for him to talk of his brother. He flashed a grin at her, showing that he wasn't going to wallow before holding out his hand for her to take. "Wanna dance?"

"And have my toes stepped on?" she teased.

"C'mon," he rolled his eyes and dragged her over to the dance floor where they joined the others all dancing to the upbeat song. Near to them Lucy was standing on the feet of Jackson, having overcome her initial shyness around the Australian detective. Danny tensed jealously and Lindsay squeezed his hand, smirking, he turned his attention back to her and shrugged before laughingly dipping her to the floor and back up again.

Lindsay gestured to where Hawkes' cousin was stood, looking forlorn without his playmate. "I think our girl is a heartbreaker," she commented.

"Must get it from her mom-oof!" Danny laughed, winded after Lindsay elbowed him in the ribs. She shook her head at his cheek and he grinned before swaying on the spot with her, singing softly and purposefully badly so that she would laugh.

"They've come a long way, huh?"

Stella turned, realising that she wasn't the only one surveying the couple out on the dance floor. Resting against the bar beside her was Christine, the one person Stella had never expected to approach her. It wasn't that she didn't like the woman – she didn't know her well enough to judge either way – she was just wary of her, in the same way she'd been wary of Jo before they got to talking.

"I know I haven't known them nearly as long as you have, but they're both very close to Mac's heart and it's killed him to see them going through something that he can't fix," Christine admitted.

"Well, he is Mr. Fix-It around here," Stella joked before realising she may have sounded too bitter. "Sorry, I just mean-"

"It's ok," Christine answered, smiling. "I get what you mean. I suddenly get the impression that this is just as hard for you as it is for me."

Stella released a laugh on a sigh, relaxing more into her usual self. "I think it comes with the territory of caring for someone."

"I was terrified when I had to meet everyone," Christine admitted before releasing a chuckle, "in fact; I was so determined for everyone to like me that I bought horses, princesses _and_ learning toys for Lucy's third birthday. Danny told me I was definitely welcome back, Lindsay fretted that I'd spent way too much money and Lucy… well, she just played with everything."

Stella nodded, laughing. "So _you're_ the horsey-princess-block lady."

"Guilty."

"You don't need to worry, from what I've heard, everyone thinks you're perfect for Mac," Stella assured her. Christine smiled, relieved and touched to hear it from his longest friend. It was strange for the blonde to think that whilst this woman had been his confidant for years, it was her who had known him the longest due to Mac working alongside her brother.

"He's lucky to have so many people that look out for him," Christine told her genuinely.

Stella looked out across the youth centre at Hawkes and Camille, smiling in a way that was reserved for all newlyweds; Danny and Lindsay who held Lucy between them and danced with the giggling girl; Sid and Adam who appeared to be having a friendly debate about something; and finally Lovato and Flack who were conversing at the table as friends on the cusp of something more. She smiled as she look at them all, knowing how far they'd come in the years that she had known the majority of them and then even more so since she'd left.

"The lab," she began, "it becomes your second home, and the people within it your family. Mac is so much more than just a boss; he's something different and special to each and every one of us. He looks out for all of us and in return we look out for him. We're all lucky to have each other."

Mac and Jo arrived out from the crowd, laughing together before greeting the two women. They talked briefly before Mac led Christine out to the dance floor, leaving Stella and Jo behind. Stella let her eyes rest on the Messer's once more, smiling wistfully. She turned to Jo and bumped her gently to get the Southerner's attention.

"Thanks for being there for Lindsay when I can't be."

"Me?" Jo laughed, pointing to herself. Whilst she had doled out her fair share of advice over the years to the younger woman, she hadn't felt particularly helpful during the last few months when the young couple had hit their rough patch.

"You don't know what you are, do you?" Stella asked amusedly. "You're the mother, you're the person she needs for advice on Lucy and marriage and being a working mother. You're there when her own mom isn't. You help her a lot."

"So do you."

"I know," Stella agreed and both women laughed, lightening the sober moment. "Will you do me a favour, just look out for her when I'm back in New Orleans, ok? It makes me feel better to know she's being left in capable hands."

"I think I can do that," Jo agreed. "Though I think we need a drink to cement this agreement."

She turned to signal the bartender and Stella laughed before following suit; Jo was definitely the type of woman she could get along with.

* * *

><p>The night was dying down and only a few last couples remained on the dance floor; the others too tired or too drunk to remain standing. Hawkes and Camille had already left; ready to begin the new chapter of their lives together as man and wife. Lindsay rested her head on Danny's shoulder, tiredness starting to make itself known but safety was found within the arms of her husband.<p>

"Do you regret not gettin' alla this?"

"All of what?" Lindsay asked, lifting her head slightly to see into Danny's face better.

"Ya know, a proper wedding; church, dress, actual guests, a real honeymoon," he listed off.

"Honestly? No." At Danny's raised eyebrow she continued. "Ok, so maybe growing up I wanted the big white wedding but… Danny all of that changed the night of the diner; I didn't have the three perfect bridesmaids' anymore who knew what I'd wanted since the age of five. And besides, I'd always wanted a quiet wedding but a quiet wedding means picking and choosing who you invite and that would always mean stepping on someone's toes because, let's face it, we both have pretty big families. Maybe a dress and some time spent on just the two of us would've been nice but that doesn't mean I would change a thing because in the end it was you and me, together and married and… nothing else mattered."

He captured her lips in his own, glad that the secret fears he'd harboured for a long time had been put to rest. Maybe someday they could renew their vows and they could do it all properly the second time round but to know that it wasn't at the forefront of her mind as a huge regret was something he could live with. He'd always think though, _maybe someday._

"I think it's time to go," Lindsay admitted. He followed her eyesight to their table where Lucy had fallen asleep in Flack's lap, the Detective scowling as Jo insisted on taking a photo whilst Lovato looked on, clearly amused.

"How long d'you reckon it'll be before Jamie and Flack do something about their feelings?" Lindsay inquired.

"Who's to say they haven't already?" he countered and she looked up into his face, surprised.

"You know something," she accused.

He grinned and shrugged. "Something might've happened at a ping pong hall," he answered, his face twisting with amusement when he revealed the location. Lindsay bit her lip and cast a look over at the two Detectives, she couldn't deny that she was happy for her friend who seemed to have found happiness with a woman again. When Lindsay had left, Lovato had been relatively new to the team still, but it was nice to see that she'd been integrated into the fray – especially as Flack's partner.

Lindsay lent up and kissed Danny's cheek. She rested her chin on his shoulder as they finished dancing to the song; behind them was Stella and Mac who were dancing slowly together as well, for a moment Lindsay thought Stella looked as though she were about to cry but Jackson smoothly cut in and the smile was so brilliant on her friend's face that Lindsay guessed she must've imagined the momentary sadness. Revolving on the spot, she was amazed to realise that so much had changed over the recent years – especially when it came to relationships – except for her and Danny… and perhaps Sid and his wife.

"What're you chuckling about?" Danny asked a smiling lilt to his voice.

"Nothing," she smiled. "Just life."

* * *

><p><strong>AN2: **Basically, I have the next year at least of this story planned out in which there'll certainly be ups and downs for our favourite family, some angsty and some fluff-riddled, but I'm very aware of perhaps dragging the story out for longer than necessary so I was wondering what everyone's opinions were. I know that with the possible end of the show fanfiction for DL has become pretty scarce so either this could be seen as good that it's keeping a small amount of them alive, or perhaps better off done and dusted. Should I continue writing this and use the plan I have already or should I start to think about wrapping it up and sticking a big old 'The End' sign on it? I'd love to hear some feedback from anyone who's been keeping up with this story.


	30. Chapter Twenty Nine

**Disclaimer: **The characters of CSI: NY do not belong to me however this story is of my own and should only be used after permission has been asked and given. No copyright infringement intended and no profit is being made.

**Summary: **Danny and Lindsay are going to learn that sometimes you must lose, in order to gain.

**Notes: **Flack/Lindsay takedown rules, OK? :D I hope you enjoy the fun mixed in with the angst, and even the healing. I really quite enjoyed writing this chapter so I hope you like it too. Apologises to anyone who may actually live at the address within this chapter, I just plucked one off of Google maps so if this really is your home – how freaky would that be? – then I am in no way insinuating that illegal activity goes on here.

* * *

><p><strong>The Parent's Apple<strong>

Lindsay signed the last page of the final document with a flourish, glad to officially be working back within the lab again. Mac had overseen everything, reiterating his points from their meeting the week before about how she wouldn't need to be reaccredited because she was beneath the six month mark but also adding that if he noticed her waver at any time and thought she couldn't handle it then he'd sign her up for mandatory counselling. Although she'd paled at the prospect, Lindsay had bit her tongue and nodded, recognising that this was Mac, their boss, Head of the Crime Lab and the man responsible for upholding the integrity of their workplace.

Reassuring him that she wouldn't be back if she wasn't ready, he nodded and gathered all of her paperwork into a pile, locking it away in his desk before his face softened.

"How was yesterday?" he asked. "All Lucy could talk to me about at the wedding on Saturday was how excited she was for mommy, daddy, Lucy day."

Lindsay grinned. "It was good; we took her to Coney Island and played on the beach, she really enjoyed it."

"I'm glad to hear it," he told her.

"Did Stella and Jackson get on their flight okay?" she asked. "We were sorry we couldn't be there to say goodbye to them."

"They understood," Mac firmly reassured her. "And yes, they got on the flight fine. Now go on, get out of here before I have to start questioning what I'm paying you for."

She smiled one last time before leaving his office; she would have liked to question him about the moment she'd witnessed between him and Stella at the wedding but supposed it wasn't her business to pry. Her whole body hummed with barely contained excitement as she walked down the halls of the lab with renewed confidence. Stopping by the office she shared with Danny and Jo, she picked her badge up from the desk top and attached it to her hip with pride, as though replacing something that had been missing before seeking out Adam with the hope that the lab tech might have something for her to work on.

She found him in the AV lab and he smiled as she entered. "Oh hey Linds, it's uh, good to, y'know, have you back… in the lab, I mean. Not in general. Well yeah, in general also, but I've seen you already so mostly in the lab."

She smiled at him sweetly. "Have you got anything for me?"

"Bored already?" he joked before scooting his chair over so she could sit beside him and see what was on the screen. "This came in this morning; small time, local documentary maker was found stabbed to death in an alley. His latest project was about the harsher side of New York so, as you can guess, he's been filming quite a bit of illegal activity."

"I bet that didn't make him popular," she commented.

"His camera was found stamped to oblivion."

"That sends out a pretty clear message."

Adam chuckled. "Yeah, fortunately for us though, the memory card on the inside was still intact so I'm currently reviewing the footage and pulling out any faces before running them through the database."

"Sounds like our perp wasn't the smartest of the bunch then," Lindsay remarked.

"The hard part'll be shifting through the database names to find the real dummy."

She laughed softly before Adam sent the files across to her computer so they could work simultaneously. Within the first shot there was a drug deal with five different people involved and Lindsay smiled as she realised that when she'd asked for some real work, she hadn't been disappointed.

* * *

><p>Lindsay's eyes itched with tiredness from staring at the computer screen for too long; she and Adam had compiled a list of names that covered two sides of A4 and they were waiting for Flack to arrive so he could check up on each of their potential suspects. Her five month vacation from work had left her feeling slower than before and she felt as though she needed more time to readjust from the Big Easy to the New York minute.<p>

Flack breezed into their office, looking pleased to finally have some sort of breakthrough on the case. "What've you got for me?"

"What haven't we got?" Lindsay countered as she handed the sheet of paper over to him. "Names, addresses, known associates, known associates addresses, parole officers and yep, you guessed it, parole officer addresses. We categorized it, starting with those that have missed their last parole meeting and then… well, it just goes alphabetically."

Flack chuckled, looking between the sheet of paper and her. "You look like you could do with gettin' outta here for a few hours. What d'ya say? Wanna come bang on a few doors with me?"

"Do you even need to ask?" she laughed, standing from the seat she hadn't moved from in the last three hours. She stretched, popping what felt like every joint in her body before they bid their goodbye's to Adam and left the AV lab.

"Where to first?" Flack asked as they reached the elevator and he pressed the call button.

Lindsay, who now had the sheet of paper back in her hand, checked it before replying. "Trey Clacton."

The doors opened and a few people stepped out before they boarded, Flack hitting the button for the garage and chuckling amusedly. "Ah Trey and I go way back, we're old friends."

"This should be fun," Lindsay nodded as the door slid shut.

* * *

><p>"…and don't forget, you ring up your parole officer to arrange another appointment and this time don't break it or I'll be ridin' your ass," Flack warned before the apartment door was slammed in his face. Lindsay crossed Jesse Spiel off of their list.<p>

"Who's next?" Flack asked, popping his neck as they walked down the dingy corridor.

"Leo Davies, 1937 Hunt Avenue, Bronx," Lindsay listed off. "Last seen by his parole office two months ago."

"How many more are there?"

Lindsay quickly counted off the last remaining names, flipping the page over as she went. "Sixteen."

Flack groaned. "Okay, how 'bout we do one more and then grab a bite to eat?"

"Depends; does this next place count as one more or the one afterwards?" she asked.

"Why would the one after this one count as one more? That'd be two more," Flack countered, amazed that they were having this conversation yet again.

"Not if you think that this one we're about to go on is already in the process of being done, therefore you'd finish this one and then go to one more place and that would be the one more before the bite to eat."

He pushed open the building's main door, pausing to let her exit first and giving her a pointed look. "Ya know, your logic fails to register sometimes."

"So you've pointed out, _numerous_ times before."

They climbed into the SUV and Flack turned the key in the ignition, sighing to himself. "We've got footage of all of these guys doin' dodgy dealings, not to mention a facial recognition programme that actually picks them out as our suspects and yet we can't do a damn thing except slap them on the wrist and remind them that they have to check in with their parole officer?" Flack questioned, grousing. "That's one messed up system."

Lindsay shrugged, a sympathetic smile turning up the corner of her mouth. "The DA seems to think we need to focus on the murder and that we can pass the other information over to the beat cops. Adam said he'd get on with it whilst we run down each of the suspects."

Flack continued muttering under his breath, unhappy that so many of the perp's they'd seen today had violated their parole in multiple ways and yet were able to continue with their day as though nothing was wrong. The rest of the ride passed with Lindsay's listing out the names of the remaining suspects and Flack trying to put faces to each of them, offering Lindsay background details if he recognised any names. They pulled up outside a three storey, terraced house, identical to those in the row with an American flag swinging on a flagpole out front. Half a block down young children were playing on the sidewalk, riding tricycles in a circle and overseen by a grandmother who sat on the top stoop, peeling potatoes.

Climbing out of the car, Flack pressed the button on the fob to lock up before walking beside Lindsay towards their next suspect's home. He indicated the flag with a jerk of his head. "Very patriotic."

"I wonder why it's hanging at half-mast."

They took the steps up to the front door, Flack taking the lead whilst Lindsay hung back and he rapped loudly on the plastic door. The curtains in the front window twitched and Lindsay pointed it out to Flack before he hammered again, issuing a verbal warning this time.

"Leo Davies, NYPD, open up."

They heard a crash from within the house followed by scrambling and the sound of a lock clicking into place, Flack took a step back before bringing his leg up to kick the door in. It took a few tries but finally the door splintered open, hanging pitifully on its half broken hinge. Leo Davies, a scrawny twenty five year old could be seen running through the house towards the back exit.

"Cut him off round the back," Flack ordered before running into the house after Leo. Lindsay flew back down the concrete steps and sprinted to the end of the block, rounding the corner of the final house before turning into the narrow back alley that was nestled between the houses on either side.

Flack meanwhile chased Leo straight through the living room and dining room where a large stash of cocaine was laid out across the table, waiting to be cut. He supposed that answered Lindsay's question as to why the flag was at half-mast; it was a sign to say Leo had the drugs in. Flack burst through the back door and ran down the concrete steps into the garden as Leo stumbled before dusting himself off and continued to run. He hopped over the chain link fence and took a left turn down the alley, only to run straight into Lindsay who had his t-shirt up and over his head before he could do more than give himself over to her. Wrestling him to the ground, she pressed her knee into his back and brought his hands together behind him as he bemoaned not being able to see with his face covered.

She looked up at Flack, slightly breathless but otherwise unshaken and he grinned at her. "It's good to have you back."

* * *

><p>Leo Davies sat up straighter in his chair as Flack entered, manila folder in one hand and cup of coffee in the other. "I want to write a complaint about that bitch cop–" he began, punctuating himself by pointing at the interrogation room windows with all of his fingers except his middle extended "–assaultin' and nearly suffocatin' me."<p>

"Yeah yeah, we'll get right on that that," Flack answered unconvincingly, his tone bored as he sat on the other side of the desk. He threw the folder down onto the top with a slap and flipped it open, taking his sweet time to read through the first page whilst taking a sip of his coffee. He looked up at Leo, his smile dazzling. "This is quite the résumé you have for yourself."

"Pfft." Leo sat back in his seat; rolling his eyes and shrugging one side of his jacket back up from where it had slipped down to his elbow.

"No really." Flack sat back in his seat, reading from the list. "Two charges of aggravated assault; one charge of aggravated assault with a deadly weapon; three… no wait, _four_ charges of selling and distributing an illegal substance; well your mother must be really proud."

"Hey you leave my mama out of this, dog."

"So we've already got you for the possession of a Class A drug–"

"Drugs? You be clownin', dog. I ain't doin' no drugs. It's you and that bitch cop, you set me up with the gear after she assaulted me," Leo insisted, folding his arms across his chest.

Flack snapped his fingers. "Hey, white and nerdy, you call me 'dog' or my partner a 'bitch cop' one more time and I'll stick verbal assault on to your arrest sheet as well."

Leo sucked on his front teeth, remaining silent and sullen.

"Now as I was sayin', we've already got you for the possession of a Class A drug but I'll let the Office of the Special Narcotics Prosecutor deal with that–"

"The who?" Leo asked, cutting over Flack again.

"The Office… of the Special Narcotics… Prosecutor," Flack replied slowly. "Normally they don't deal with little snots like yourself but I called in a favour; you see, you might be relatively small fry but the amount of coke we found on you suggests that you were planning on upping the ante. But like I said, I'll leave them to deal with the drugs… what I want to talk to you about is the murder of Andy Falloon."

"Andy who-now?" Leo shrugged before sitting forward and pressing the tip of his finger to the table. "Sorry, I don't know any Andy."

"Sure you do, Andy's been hangin' around your neighbourhood recently."

"Look, I told ya, I don't know nothin' about the murder of the camera guy."

Flack grinned and pointed his finger at Leo. "Now who said anything about him being a camera guy?"

Leo shifted in his seat. "I watch the news."

Stroking his chin, Flack pretended to think for a moment. "Nope, pretty sure Andy's murder hasn't made the news yet. So that means you must be clownin' me… dog. See, now here's the thing; that 'bitch cop'" Flack used air quotations marks, his tone low and conspiratorial, "well she's a pretty smart lady and she found the knife used to stab Andy Falloon taped to the back of your toilet tank and, well you won't believe this part," Flack shifted in his chair, his tone taking on a giddy lilt, "your fingerprints just happen to be all over it."

From the observation room Lindsay grinned as Mac squeezed her shoulder in a friendly way. "You did good today, Lindsay."

She smiled up at him. "I couldn't have done it without Flack."

Whilst she might have enjoyed to have been in on the interrogation, she couldn't fault Flack's act at all – he knew exactly when to be tough, sympathetic or downright condescending with a suspect and it worked every single time. They continued to watch as Flack finished laying out the evidence for Leo, holding his hand up once he'd finished to silence the twenty five year old as he tried to protest his innocence.

"You save that one for the jury, we'll see you in court," Flack finished, standing from his chair and swigging the last of his coffee as he exited. A few moments later the door to the observation room opened and Flack sauntered in, a grin stretched across his face.

"I hope that felt as good to watch as it was to actually be in there."

* * *

><p>"So what's this I hear about you and Flack gaining all of the glory when it was Jo and I that spent the morning in a dank alley when it was raining, collecting all of the evidence?" Danny asked as he entered the break room.<p>

Lindsay turned from her task of fixing herself a coffee, grinning at him and shrugging. "I guess you just didn't find the right evidence," she responded innocently.

He rolled his eyes. "Yeah, that sounds about right."

Checking that no one was around, he crossed the room before wrapping an arm around her waist and drawing her into him so their faces were inches apart. "Hey."

"Hey," she smiled, her hands coming up to hold onto his biceps.

"You done for the day?" he asked.

She nodded. "Ready when you are, although I did just pour myself a coffee."

He reached behind her and rifled through a cupboard before producing a travel mug, holding it out for her. She tilted her head at him, clearly unimpressed before sighing and obligingly pouring her hot coffee into the container. He chuckled and pressed a kiss to her temple, knowing that she preferred her coffee in a proper mug because it felt like she could sit and enjoy it rather than constantly being on the go.

"I'll rinse this out whilst you go grab our things?" she suggested. "Meet at the elevator in five minutes?"

"Sure, don't be late; I don't want Mac to stick us with another shift before we get the chance to leave."

She chuckled. "Why, have you got a hot date planned that I don't know about or something?" When he smiled softly but didn't answer she frowned, calling out to him as he turned and walked away. "Daniel Messer, what are you up to?"

She sighed to herself as he refused to answer, putting the travel container down and picking up her personal mug to wash out before returning it to the cupboard. Wiping her hands on a towel, she left the break room and made her way towards the bank of elevators, waiting for only a few minutes before Danny turned up. He helped her into her jacket and slung her bag over her shoulder before silencing her unasked question with a kiss as she opened her mouth. She closed it and narrowed her eyes suspiciously at him, trying to decipher what it was he had planned but having no ideas before they stepped into the elevator together.

The subsequent journey in the elevator and then in their car was silent, her hand resting atop his on the gear shift as he drove them towards his intended destination. He chanced a glance at her, noticing her furrowed brow as he pulled into the car park of Angel of Mercy and then parked. He switched the ignition off and turned to face her as she looked around, worry etching itself on to her face.

"What is it? What's wrong? Is someone hurt? Are you ok? Lucy–"

"Babe, babe!" he called, louder the second time so that she would listen to him. "No one's hurt; as far as I'm aware Lucy is at her friend Angela's house for a play date and there's nothing wrong with me so don't panic."

"Geez Dan, you scared the life outta me," she admitted, taking a deep breath to calm her heart rate.

"D'ya know what date it is today?"

"Er yeah, it's the second of October or something," Lindsay answered, still confused as to why they were sat in the car park of a hospital.

"Yeah, exactly. It was sometime this month that you should have given birth," he told her quietly. She didn't say anything but sucked in her bottom lip and swallowed almost imperceptibly. He reached over and stroked the back of one of his fingers down her cheek. "I think it's about time we visited our daughter."

Lindsay nodded, the movement small and jerky. They got out of the car and he took the time to lock it with the key rather than the fob, gathering himself for a moment. He hadn't meant to pull Lindsay's good mood away from her, and nor had he wanted to ruin the end to her first day back at work, but he was sure that this was something they needed to do together before real life intercepted and they forgot to visit the child they'd never known.

Lindsay had her back to him as he rounded the car and Danny wondered whether she would retreat into herself again, even if only momentarily to guard herself from this pain. He was proud, therefore, when she reached for his hand once he was stood by her side and together they crossed the parking lot towards the hospital's main entrance. Once inside, they didn't ask for help but instead followed directional signs, keeping this moment private for just the both of them. They eventually reached the garden which was a courtyard with the walls of the hospital looming on three of the sides; plaques lined the flowerbeds and they were amazed at how many people had suffered the same terrible loss as themselves. It was a small and comforting reminder that they weren't alone in this struggle and that people had been there before them and would continue to be there after them, too. Although they were looking for that one special name, they took the time to study each plaque and the name engraved upon it. Eventually they stopped at a name they knew well.

_Lydia Messer, 05.19.2012_

Lindsay lent into Danny's side, his hand still grasped tightly within her own as she rested her head on his shoulder and let the last few tears of grief slip from her eyes. He kissed the top of her head, his own tears pooling within his eyes as he reminded himself that they were going to be okay. A fine rain started to fall but they remained in their embrace until he felt Lindsay shudder beneath him. Looking down, he was surprised to find her softly laughing through the tears.

She looked up at him and shrugged, the amusement apparent but heartbroken too. "Why is it that when the majority of important things happen to us it seems to rain?"

He cupped her cheek, his thumb stroking what could have been tears or rainwater. "It must be a Montana thing."

* * *

><p><strong>AN2:** It sounds like the majority of you would like to see this story continue so that's what I intend to do :) I hope you're all ready for the ride, it's going to be a bumpy one to say the least.


	31. Chapter Thirty

**Disclaimer: **The characters of CSI: NY do not belong to me however this story is of my own and should only be used after permission has been asked and given. No copyright infringement intended and no profit is being made.

**Summary: **Danny and Lindsay are going to learn that sometimes you must lose, in order to gain.

**Notes: **Firstly I have to apologise for not thanking people in the last chapter who reviewed the chapter before that one, especially as you all helped me in my decision with this story. So, thank you to _Guest 1, S, Dantana15, Catty, Ditto123, brendanakai, JavaJunkie4evr_ and _Guest 2_ for reviewing chapter twenty eight and _Dantana15, Ditto123 _and _S _for reviewing chapter twenty nine.

I know I've previously said that I have the upcoming year all mapped out but that's now changed, I've just spent the last few days (yes, I was procrastinating from writing my journals for uni! _le sigh_) properly planning out the next two years in the life of the Messer family so I hope you all enjoy!

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><p><strong>The Parent's Apple<strong>

"Psst, Danny."

"Hm, wha'?" Danny jerked awake, disorientated and bleary eyed as he rolled over to face Lindsay. He squinted against the light that was pouring into the bedroom through the gap in the curtains. His hair was spiked up on one side and flattened down on the other. Lindsay giggled to herself, suddenly seeing what he must have looked like as a little boy. "Babe, what is it?"

She snuggled close to him. "Happy birthday."

Danny chuckled lowly, the sound reverberating through his chest and against her cheek. "You woke me up for that?"

"Not just that, I've got presents too," she shrugged.

He held her close. "I thought I said I didn't want anything this year, I have everything that I could ever want right here… and in the next room, of course."

"I know but… look, just humour me, okay? I really wanted to get these things for you."

"A'right," he smiled, pressing a kiss to her temple before shuddering. "Your feet are cold."

"Uh-huh, that's why I'm trying to warm them up on you."

He laughed again and rolled his eyes, wondering why some things never changed – even on his birthday. Lindsay pressed a kiss to his chest before pulling out of his arms and twisting away from him so she could pull his presents out from where she'd stowed them beneath the bed. He watched in amusement as she struggled, stretching and groaning with the exertion of reaching for them before finally resurfacing; her face was flushed but she looked triumphant. He grinned and sat further up the bed, resting his back on the headboard whilst she faced him and crossed her legs, the wrapped packages in her lap. Danny felt guilty knowing that she'd gone to so much trouble for him but also a little thrilled to know that she would never put this much care and effort into any but him… and maybe Lucy. He reached out to cup her cheek, his fingertips lightly tracing her skin in wordless appreciation and she turned her head, nuzzling her mouth into his palm playfully and grinning. She may not have known where his thoughts were but her every action spoke of the volumes in which she loved him.

Arranging the presents in her lap, she ensured they were in order of importance before passing them to him one by one. He almost felt as though he was cheating by doing this without Lucy who loved to watch people open presents almost as much as she liked receiving them herself, however Lindsay's excitement and anticipation was something that he wanted to bask in privately; just the two of them as man and wife for a while.

He tore into the first package, laughing heartily at the t-shirt he'd jokingly pointed out to Lindsay sometime in the week. The burgundy fitted round neck had a hand drawn '#1 at everything' slogan written on it. He folded it and dropped it on the bed before Lindsay passed him the second present which was a four-piece chrome shaving set.

He grinned at her, jutting his chin out. "What, ya trying to say that I need a shave?"

"Hmm, maybe just a trim," she replied teasingly, a smirk flashing through her smile.

She passed him the third present and he ripped it open, knowing they were shoes before he even got the wrapping off due to the constant clunk as they moved. His eyes widened as he read the brand name across the top of the box, looking up at Lindsay with wide eyes before pulling the lid off. The brown work boots were a pair he'd been admiring for a while but never bought due to their costly price tag.

"Linds, these must've cost a fortune!" he exclaimed.

"I shopped around on the internet and got a really good deal," she assured him. "Anyway, what does it matter? You wanted them didn't you?"

He shook his head in disbelief before leaning across to press a kiss to her lips, pouring his gratitude into her. "Thank you, babe."

"I've got one more present for you," she told him, her eyes caught between delight and lust. She moved quickly to straddle his lap and he laughed, holding her at the hips.

"What happened to worrying about Lucy walk in?" he asked, raising his eyebrows. She leaned close, her lips barely brushing his as she spoke.

"I locked the door last night."

She pushed his tank up so it rested beneath his armpits before kissing his chest and dipping lower. He sucked in a breath, his body tensing as she disappeared beneath the covers, her fingers tugging on the tawny hair which dipped beneath his sweats. He tried to think of something other than what his beautiful wife was doing to him. He tried to think of baseball facts, New York Crime rate statistics and the National Anthem but there was one thing that kept penetrating his mind and her name was Lindsay Messer.

* * *

><p>Pushing the sleeves of the bulky pink dressing gown up, Lucy balanced on her dresser and stood on her tiptoes so she could reach the top of her wardrobe where her mommy had hidden the birthday present for Daddy. Wobbling slightly, she threw her hands out to maintain balance before stretching up and finally pulling the bag of presents off inch by inch. Finally wrapping her arms around the bag, Lucy jumped down from the dresser with a thump and ran to her bedroom door, throwing it open. Her parent's bedroom door was already open so she ran through the apartment, looking for them and eventually stopped in the kitchen doorway. The three year old giggled into her hand, trying to remain quiet as she watched her parents. The radio was playing quietly and they were dancing, a dishtowel in one of her mommy's hands as she was dipped to the floor by Daddy, laughing delightedly.<p>

Lucy giggled again as her daddy pecked her mommy's lips before returning her to her feet. He grinned at Lucy.

"Hey, sweet pea."

Lucy ran to him and he hoisted her up into his arms, accepting the squeeze hug happily. "Happy birf'day!" she held the bag out. "Here, I gots ya this!"

"Oh thanks Luce! You think I should open them whilst Mommy finishes making breakfast?" he asked and Lucy nodded vigorously.

"Yep! I thinks I'm hungry."

Lindsay chuckled before leaning over to give Lucy a good morning kiss. "How does cut up watermelon sound?"

"Yummy!"

"Alright pumpkin, you go sit with Daddy at the table and show him his presents okay?"

"I can do that." Lucy scrambled down from Danny's arms and pulled the chair out from the table before indicating to it. "Sit, Daddy."

Danny obliged and Lucy passed the bag of presents to him. "This from me."

Taking the presents out, he exclaimed over each one and thanked Lucy as she gave him a description of what it was and why he had it. He listened intently to each of her explanations whilst Lindsay watched from the stove, smiling at their father/daughter encounter. She finished cutting the watermelon into chunks and set about pouring drinks for each of them.

Lucy climbed up into Danny's lap and placed her face close to his, studying him intently. "You don't look none different."

"Well I'm glad," he laughed.

"How old are you today?"

"Too old," he answered seriously.

"You're silly; you're not old – Granna and Gran'pa and Nonna and Papi are old and Unc'a Mac is nearly old but you's not."

Both parents laughed at their daughter's unintended joke and she pouted at them, clearly not impressed. Lindsay brought the plates to the table and set them down in front of father and daughter before going over to get the drinks. Lucy stayed in Danny's lap, biting into her watermelon as Danny worked around her to eat his own breakfast. Lindsay dropped into the chair beside them, reaching up to occasionally run her fingers through Lucy's hair absentmindedly.

"What we gonna do today?" Lucy asked around a mouthful of watermelon.

"Lucy," Lindsay chastised. "Don't talk with your mouth full, please."

"Oh yeah, I forgot," Lucy said, doing the same thing again. She chewed quickly and then swallowed hard before trying again. "So what we gonna do?"

"What d'you mean what're we going to go? You're going to school."

Lucy looked horrified at the prospect. "But it's Daddy's birf'day!"

"I know but that doesn't mean you can't go to school; me and Daddy both have to go to work still."

"Well that's impossible!" Lucy exclaimed unbelievably as she picked up another piece of watermelon and bit into it. Danny and Lindsay looked at each other over her head, biting back times. "So we not-" Lucy began before catching her mother's eye and hastily swallowing, "so we not gonna do nothin' today?"

"Well not nothing, after you go to preschool Nonna's going to pick you and take you to their house and then when Mommy and me finish work we'll go to their house and we'll all have dinner together," Danny explained.

"Ohhhhh! Okay!" Lucy licked up the watermelon juice that had dribbled down her arm and beneath the sleeve of her dressing gown.

"I think someone's going to need a bath before they go to preschool today," Lindsay commented.

"No thank you," Lucy replied on a shrug.

"Lucy you have sticky juice running down your arm and all over your face, you're having a bath," Lindsay told her firmly.

She opened her mouth to protest but Danny cut in before she could. "Lucy, listen to your mommy," the sternness of his tone told her it would futile to argue.

"I have bath today," she said instead on a sigh.

"Thank you Lucy, if you want I can even put some bubbles into the tub for you too."

Lucy's face lit up at her mommy's compromise. "Can I have a bath toy too?"

"Alright, but just one," Lindsay told her. "If you're finished with your watermelon then go pick out your toy and I'll be there in a minute."

"Okay! Happy birf'day Daddy!" she placed a smacking kiss on his cheek before jumping down.

Danny waited until Lucy had left the room before grimacing and wiping his wet cheek that had transferred from Lucy's watermelon juice covered mouth. Lindsay chuckled before leaning across and pressing a kiss to his cheek also.

"Happy birthday Daddy."

Rising from the chair, she shrieked as Danny swatted at her backside before turning around and going to swat him around the head.

"No, no hitting the man whose birthday it is!"

She frowned at him before breaking into a grin and leaving the kitchen, Danny following behind her. He pulled her in for a breath taking kiss and she smiled goofily at him before heading into the family bathroom whilst he went to their bedroom for a shower in the en-suite. Lindsay turned the taps on for the bath and waited until the hot water kicked in before putting the plug in and adding a generous amount of bubble bath. By this point Lucy ran in, her Ariel doll tucked under one arm and watching in awe as the water falling from the facet turned the liquid into bubbles, clapping in delight.

Lindsay tested the temperature of the water before turning the taps off once the tub was filled, stripping Lucy down and lifting her into the water. The young girl immediately began splashing around, dunking Ariel into the water and letting her swim before jumping out again.

"Mommy, are mermaids real?" Lucy asked conversationally as Lindsay began to scrub at her skin.

"I don't know," Lindsay replied honestly. "Some people have claimed to see them but I guess we'll never know either way. They're as real as you want them to be."

It was the simple answer that she and Danny gave whenever their curious daughter questioned fiction, myth or legend. Although they didn't want to lie to her, they also didn't want to limit her imagination at such a tender age so they instead encouraged her to think for herself; even if in years to come she decided to stop believing in mermaids, toys that came to life when adults and children left the room and frogs that turned into handsome princes, it would be her own decision to make.

"Think I could become a mermaid?"

"Well I hope not because then you'd have to live in the sea and Daddy and I couldn't visit you."

"Oh," Lucy contemplated this answer for a moment. "I just 'tend to be mermaid in bath then. You gotta wash my hair now, huh?"

"Yeah, you ready for this?"

"Uh-huh, just not in the eyes, 'member?"

Lucy shut her eyes tight as Lindsay scooped up water in a jug and poured it over her hair, one hand cupping over her daughter's face to protect her from water and soap. She'd learnt to do this with her nieces in Montana so doing it with Lucy was almost like riding a bike; a skill that you could stop doing for a while but never forget. She massaged the children's shampoo into Lucy's hair, taking her time and making Lucy giggle as she gently shook her head.

"Mommy!" Lucy implored on a giggle.

Lindsay proceeded to wash out the soap before leaning forward and pressing a kiss to the tip of Lucy's nose. "There you go, all squeaky clean."

Lucy started making mouse noises as Lindsay lifted her back out of the bath and wrapped a towel around her. "What're you doing?" she asked, frowning.

"Squeakin'!"

"Oh," Lindsay laughed, towel drying Lucy. The little girl was definitely good for a laugh. "Go on then, Squeaky, go pick out an outfit for school and I'll come dry your hair for you."

"Okay! Don't let Ariel go down the plug hole!"

Lucy ran out of the bathroom and Lindsay shook her head in amusement, hoping that the little girl she loved more than life itself would never change.

* * *

><p>Danny shifted his stance, getting comfortable as he ensured he was standing on the three metre mark before aiming the glock at the slab of gelatine and firing. With a resounding bang, the bullet shot out of the gun and hit its mark. Danny walked over to examine the outcome, pushing a rod through the gelatine to measure the depth of penetration. He recorded his findings, adding them to the growing list of different measurements before comparing them to the notes from Sid's autopsy report, a grin stretching across his face as the results corresponded with the ME's findings.<p>

"Someone looks as though they have good news," Mac announced from the doorway.

Danny turned around fully, grin still in place as he passed the paper with his results on to his boss. "Ballistics report confirms that your victim was stood three metres away from the shooter when he was shot."

Mac quickly skimmed over the results before nodding and heading out. "Good work, Danny. Oh, and happy birthday."

Danny grimaced. "Yeah, thanks."

Mac left, chortling at Danny's reaction whilst the younger Detective began securing his evidence, contemplating how he was another year closer to turning forty. As the clocked inched towards half past one, Danny took his lab coat off and hung it on the wrack by the door before exiting the ballistics lab and going in search of his wife. They'd arranged to have lunch together so he walked towards their office where he could see her emerging, already shrugging her jacket on.

"Hey," he smiled as they approached each other, meeting in the hall.

"Hey babe, I was just going to message you, I'm not going to be able to make it to lunch, I just caught a scene with Jo," Lindsay explained apologetically.

"That's alright," Danny replied. As much as they wished it didn't, work would always sometimes come first and it was something they had to live with; they were just lucky that they had the same job and so understood when the other needed to cancel plans. Lindsay especially didn't want to slack off as she'd only returned three weeks ago. "Reckon you'll be able to make it out in time for dinner?"

"I'm gonna try real hard," she promised. "I might be late though so you'll have to go on ahead without me."

"Okay, go on then, get outta here; the sooner you crack the case the case, the sooner you'll be able to leave."

Lindsay gave his hand a brief squeeze and placed a quick kiss to his cheek before turning and heading towards the elevators whilst he walked into the break room. The doors slid open and Hawkes stepped out as she boarded. "Hey! How was your honeymoon?" she asked in passing.

"Good thanks," Hawkes replied, smiling easily. It was clear to see that married life was still suiting him so far. "I'll tell you about it later," he promised as the doors slid shut.

He walked to the break room as he still had time before his shift started and met Danny who was pulling a container of pasta out of the fridge. Danny turned upon his entry and grinned at him. "Hey buddy, how you doin'?"

"I'm alright thank you, what about you though, birthday boy?"

"Yeah yeah," Danny rolled his eyes having had his fair share of hazing throughout the day.

Hawkes chuckled and clapped Danny between the shoulder blades. "Happy birthday, man."

* * *

><p>Lucy stood on the porch of Danny's parent's house, the front door behind her thrown open so Alba could see her through the hall and in the kitchen. She could remember a time when she could throw her sons out into the front yard without ever having to worry about them; it wasn't that they were particularly safer but just that everyone had been ignorant to the dangers out there. She smiled as she watched the back of Lucy, jumping up and down and waving, and guessed that her parents had pulled up outside the house.<p>

"Hey, where's Mommy?" Lucy asked, frowning in disappointment as Danny climbed out of the car and walked up to the house.

Danny gave a half-laugh, surprised by his daughter's reaction. "Am I not good enough or something?"

"It's not that…" she trailed off, looking behind as though hoping Lindsay would suddenly pull in another car or materialise out of thin air.

Jogging up the steps to the porch, Danny crouched down at the top so he was level with the three year old. "What's up, Luce?" he asked, concerned by her behaviour.

Lucy was chewing on a finger, her eyes wide with fear and worry in equal measure. "Nothin'."

"Hey," he coaxed softly, gripping his hands around her upper arms and gently tugging her around so she would face him. "Lucy, what's the matter?"

"Mommy's gone away again, hasn't she?" Lucy asked in a small voice.

"What? No, of course not! Mommy's just been kept behind at work because she's busy doing something with Jo," Danny explained hastily. "She'll be here later, that's all."

"You promise?" Lucy asked sceptically.

"Of course I do, sweet pea. Mommy's not going away again, okay? She's here to stay this time."

"For-_ever _-ever?"

"Yeah, forever and ever. You don't need to worry about her leaving anymore, a'right?" he said, jolting her softly to make sure she listened to him.

Lucy nodded, her finger coming out of her mouth. "Okay."

He grabbed her and rolled her into his arms, curling her towards his mouth so he could blow raspberries across her tummy. Lucy squealed in laughter, begging him to stop because it tickled whilst he walked them into the house.

"What's that? Do it again, Daddy? Okay!"

"No, no, stop!" Lucy pleaded breathlessly. They reached the living room and Danny flipped her through his arms so she was stood upright once more. Lucy wobbled on the spot, shaking her head and throwing her arms out for balance. "Woah, I be dizzy!"

Danny cupped the back of her head and pressed a kiss to the top of her head, his fingers running through the locks that had turned darker over the years. At the moment her eyes were still blue but there were tinges of green in them that made him think Lucy would ultimately end up being brown haired and brown eyed like her mama.

"Papi, you see me go uppa-down?" she asked, running over to her grandfather who sat in his chair, shelling peas.

"I did, ya know I used to do that with your daddy when he was a young'un like you." Clemenza paused in his task, putting the knife on a shelf out of reach of little hands before pulling Lucy into his lap.

"You did?" she asked, eyes wide and shining.

"Yep, every time I came home from work and he was awake he'd run to me and I'd flip him over and he'd say 'again! Again, Pop!' and I'd do it over and over until we were both worn out," Clemenza told her.

Danny was sat on the sofa, untying the laces of his boots and hiding his face. He vaguely remembered his father doing the same to him when he was younger but it had been so many years ago that he hadn't thought about it until now. The most he ever remembered about his father growing up was that he'd work long shifts as an NYPD beat cop for the majority of the time and then when he was home he didn't like to be disturbed much. He'd always had a strained relationship with his father, although not as strained as his father's relationship with Louie had been, and it had only been rekindled through his father stepping up to be the grandfather that he'd never been as a father. Watching his father with Lucy had somehow mended what had been lost between him and his father.

"Daddy, we go uppa-down again?" Lucy asked from where she was settled against her papi.

"How about we go out in the backyard and play?" he suggested.

"Yes, please!" Lucy placed a great smacking kiss on Clemenza's cheek. "Buh-bye Papi, see ya later!"

She scrambled down and ran out of the room. Clemenza reached for the knife again and continued to his task of shelling peas. As Danny passed he patted his father on the shoulder wordlessly before carrying on after his daughter. His ma stopped him in the kitchen to give him a hug and then warn him not to get a cold by going outside without any shoes on and he rolled his eyes, kissing her cheek before following Lucy.

Lucy was on the grass, practising her 'handy wheels' as she liked to call them where she'd lean forward and put her hands and head on the ground without taking her feet off of the floor before standing back up and clapping her hands. Since watching the Olympics over the summer the three year old had been obsessed with becoming a gymnast, even begging him on more than one occasion to be enrolled into a gymnastics or tumbling class with her friends from school but he'd been hesitant; it wasn't that he didn't want her to have a hobby or something to be passionate about, it was just that he knew all too well how devastating that hobby was when it was ripped away from you. His own baseball career had ended in tears and he didn't want the same thing to happen to his daughter. He'd briefly mentioned it to Lindsay and she'd suggested letting Lucy go to the classes as an extra-curricular activity and then when she was older they could consider the possibility of her taking it further if she was still interested and was well-rounded both academically and socially. She'd joked that for all they knew, Lucy might stink at gymnastics but it was something to try if she really wanted to.

"Lookit, Daddy!" Lucy ordered before doing the handy-wheel again. She came back up, clapping her hands excitedly and Danny smiled, nodding.

"Well done Lucy; that was really good!"

She giggled before holding her hands up, asking to be picked up. Danny obliged, picking her up and then tossing her into the air before catching her again. Lucy screamed in delight, asking for the trick to be done numerous times before Danny had to return her to the ground, breathless from the exertion and feeling a small, familiar twinge in his lower back. Since recovering from the shooting, his back hardly gave him any more trouble but the occasional ache reminded him of how careful he had to be.

They went back into the house as it started to get dark and Alba was setting the table for dinner. Clemenza's peas were already on the table, steaming gently as the front door opened and a familiar voice called out,

"Hey, sorry I'm late!"

"Mommy!" Lucy ran out of the kitchen and down the hall to where Lindsay was stepping out of her shoes.

Lindsay wrapped her arms around her daughter. "Hey baby, did you miss me or something?"

"Yep, but it's okay because Daddy sweared you come back," Lucy told her seriously.

"Well Daddy was right then, wasn't he?"

"Uh-huh, c'mon quick; it dinner time!"

Lucy ran back towards the kitchen, a constant ball of energy, whilst Lindsay removed her jacket and hung it on the hook. She followed her daughter and sat down with everyone else just as Alba was placing the last bowl on the table, ready for them to serve themselves. Once they were all seated, Clemenza raised his beer bottled and directed it at Danny.

"To Danny, happy birthday, son."

"Thanks, Pop," Danny responded quietly, appreciating the gesture. Lindsay rubbed his lower back, almost as though she knew that one; he had over-exerted himself today, and two; the emotion within him was simmering down after his father's words. They began serving themselves, Lindsay fixing a plate for Lucy before herself and Alba struck up a conversation.

"Did you get any nice presents today, Daniel?"

Danny caught Lindsay's eye, the smirk hidden behind a glass as she took a sip. He picked up a piece of bread, taking his time to swallow and arrange his features as he nodded. "Yeah, I got one or two that were particularly nice."

His ma might have suspected something, but only because she'd had years of training to see through his butter-wouldn't-melt smile.


	32. Chapter Thirty One

**Disclaimer: **The characters of CSI: NY do not belong to me however this story is of my own and should only be used after permission has been asked and given. No copyright infringement intended and no profit is being made.

**Summary: **Danny and Lindsay are going to learn that sometimes you must lose, in order to gain.

**Notes: **Sorry about the delay in uploading, I've had this chapter and the next written for some time but the one after that is proving slightly tricky so I've been trying to overcome that block. As soon as that chapters out of the way it should start to flow a bit more easily again.

Thanks to _Madison Bellows,_ _Danatana15_ and _Miny23_ for the reviews of the last chapter!

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><p><strong>The Parent's Apple<strong>

Danny wiped his hands on the dishtowel before throwing it over his shoulder as he crossed through the apartment towards the front door. Despite half expecting it throughout the afternoon, the buzzer that had sounded moments ago had startled him and so it was with an amused lilt to his voice that he answered the people before, pressing down on the intercom's button.

"Hello?"

"Hey, it's me. Can you buzz us up?" Lindsay's static laced voice sounded back at him.

"Yeah, sure." He pushed the door open button and unlocked the front door, leaving it open by a fraction – a trait he'd forbidden Lindsay from doing after a certain time of night, even if she was expecting someone – and then returned to the kitchen to deposit the dishtowel. On the way he did a quick assessment of the apartment, ensuring that everything was still in an acceptable state after Lindsay had stayed up well into the early hours of the morning cleaning and tidying. It wasn't that he didn't trust Lindsay to clean properly but rather knew that their lively daughter had a knack for leaving a path of destruction in her wake.

"Hey, we're home!" Lindsay called as she entered the apartment. The sound of overexertion followed her words and he went to the apartment's front door to greet his wife and their weekend guests.

Kathleen and Robert Monroe stood behind their daughter, the bags and suitcases that they'd packed for the trip in hand whilst Lindsay carried hers and her mother's purses. She'd gone after work to meet them at the airport, overjoyed that they were coming to stay with them for the Thanksgiving weekend. He went to greet them, taking the bags out of their hands and placing them on the floor in the entrance hall before being pulled into hugs and handshakes with his in-laws. The patter of tiny feet announced Lucy's arrival before she rounded the corner and skidded to a halt in front of the foursome.

"Granna! Gran'pa!" Lucy shouted in exuberance, her face shining delightedly.

"Lucy!" Lindsay admonished gently. "Inside voice only, please."

"Oh okay, ssh." She pressed a finger to her lips to signal that she was going to be quiet.

"Shouting inside the house must've been something that she inherited from you," Robert said, his eyes twinkling with amusement.

Lindsay rolled her eyes playfully, a smile still firmly in place. "I only shouted to be heard over all those damn boys." Lindsay turned back to her daughter and smiled encouragingly at the three year old. "Lucy, are you going to come out and say hello to your Grandma and Grandpa?"

"Hi Granna, Gran'pa, hi. I Lucy."

"Well of course you are!" Kathleen responded with a laugh as she stooped down and pulled Lucy into a hug, peppering her face with kisses. Spinning the little girl underneath her arm, she scrutinised her granddaughter and Lucy giggled as she was fussed over. "And you're such a pretty little girl, too."

Although there had been plenty of phone calls, photographs sent to and fro, and Skype calls, nothing could have prepared the Montanan grandparents for seeing their distant granddaughter from their only daughter for the first time. Robert in particular seemed at a loss for words as he crouched down to greet the young girl.

"You know, I'd say you look just like your mama did when she was your age," Robert told Lucy, recovering quickly from his fascination. The little girl looked up at her mother with such unabashed adoration, obviously pleased with the comment, that Lindsay's heart swelled and her mouth grew into a wide smile. Robert leant in close to Lucy, whispering conspiratorially into the whorl of her ear. "Later, I'll tell you some stories about your mama when she was a little girl."

"Dad," Lindsay groaned and he chuckled before straightening up and throwing an arm out to wrap around her shoulders. "They'll be good stories, I promise. We'll save all the bad ones for your brothers' children and hope that someday they'll do to them what you kids did to us."

Lindsay grinned, already having mental flashbacks to the multiple times throughout her childhood that she and her brothers had caused her parents grief. Although they'd never been particularly bad children, they had certainly been… experimental, and trouble had definitely accompanied them as though a fifth sibling.

Danny, having enjoyed stepping back to watch his wife and daughter interact with his in-laws, now returned to the conversation. "I'd love to hear some of those stories too but how about for now we put your bags into the guest bedroom?"

"I'll show you where you's sleepin'!" Lucy announced, always looking out for opportunities to be helpful.

The four adults gathered all of the bags together and followed Lucy down to the guest bedroom where she flung herself on to the bed and sat cross legged, bouncing on the comforter. "This is your room," she told them. "My room is next door, it pink and has lotsa toys in'ere and you can play with them if you wanna but you should really ask first but I share so it okay. Mommy and Daddy's room is at the end. It's not got so many fun things in'ere but I guess if you wanna play with some borin' grown up things then they might have some stuff for you. You be safe here and if you have a bad dream then just call for Mommy and she'll come get the vampires outta your room and give you snugglies."

"Hey Luce, why don't we go make lunch together so grandma and grandpa can put their stuff away?" Danny suggested, figuring it might be nice for Lindsay's parents to settle in without having a little girl chattering at them.

"But I play with Granna and Gran'pa," Lucy protested softly, her brow puckering sadly.

Danny swiftly changed tactics. "Oh okay, you can stay here then if you want. I just thought you'd rather help me in the kitchen rather than doin' boring stuff in here such as foldin' clothing and puttin' them in drawers."

Lucy contemplated her father's words for a moment before nodding resolutely, her mind made up. "I make lunch with you." She scrambled down from the bed, messing up the sheets as she did so, before taking Danny's hand and leaving the room. "Bye Granna. Bye Gran'pa. Have fun foldin' and stuff. Mommy will teach you how to do it real good."

Danny gave his wife a cheeky grin before pulling the door partway closed so Lindsay and her parents could have an ounce of privacy from the bubbly child. Lindsay remade the bed whilst her parents chuckled and exchanged long glances before giving Lindsay the same look, heads tipped in amusement.

"I know, she's just like me," Lindsay waved off the silent comments.

Kathleen shook her head in amusement before putting one of the suitcases onto the bed and unzipping it. "She clearly thinks your supermom, capable of excelling where mere mortals only ever achieved mediocrity."

"Well I had a good coupl'a influences," Lindsay replied easily.

Robert chuckled before pulling her into a one armed hug again. "C'mere, kiddo."

He and the boys had never been overly affectionate with each other as Jeremy, Nicholas and Marcus had always preferred hugs from their mom whilst growing up but Robert's softer side had been pulled out of him with the birth of his daughter who'd taken to snuggling against him, following him around the ranch as he worked and sitting in his lap throughout her childhood. The arrival of Lindsay had proven to him that he was capable of the same level of fondness that Kathleen doled out daily and even now, over thirty years later, Robert still allowed his affection for his daughter to pour through whenever they were in contact.

"How're you holding up?" Kathleen asked, searching her daughter's face.

Lindsay felt her father tense beside her and sighed, knowing that she had worried them both in the last few months. Despite talking to them regularly on the telephone, she always knew that they wouldn't be satisfied until they were able to see for themselves how she was really doing. Even hearing it from Danny couldn't appease them.

"I'm fine," she told them before laughing at their sceptical expressions. "No, really, I am. I'm better than fine; I'm… well I'm good. I'm happy."

They looked at her intently for a moment more and she resisted the urge to roll her eyes; she knew they were only worried about her but it was moments like these that reminded her why she wasn't living so close anymore. She would never say that her parents were the cause of her leaving Montana but their constant worrying definitely didn't help as it put her on edge, therefore making her doubt her capabilities and affected her self-belief. After a moment they both seemed satisfied for they broke into smiles and nods.

"So you gonna help us with the '_borin' stuff in 'ere such as foldin' clothin' and puttin' 'em in drawers'_?" Robert asked, putting on a New York accent.

"I love you and all Dad but your New York accent stinks - and that means _a lot_ coming from me," Lindsay told him seriously.

Robert chuckled and tweaked her chin. "I don't know sweetheart, you've definitely got a bit of _New Yawker_ peeking through there."

She rolled her eyes before slugging him in the arm and putting on her own terrible accent. "_Get outta here!_"

"You get out of here, or else we'll never get this stuff put away," Kathleen chuckled, swatting at her youngest child.

Lindsay laughed, ducking away from her mom's hand. "Alright, alright, I'm a-gettin'." She walked out of the guest bedroom, intending to go and help out in the kitchen when she stopped in the doorway and looked back at them. "I'm glad you're both here."

She ducked out of the bedroom and headed down the hall, leaving the family she'd been born to and seeking out the family she'd carved for herself. She found them in the kitchen and threw her arms around Danny from behind, resting her chin on his shoulder. He looked into as much of her face as he could see.

"What's this for?"

"Nothin'. I'm just really really in love with you."

"Oh yeah?" he grinned. "Well that's good 'cause I just happen to really really be in love with you too."

"Daddy, stop bein' cute with mama and come sir this – my wrist is gettin' tired!" Lucy complained.

Danny obliged, peeling away from Lindsay's arms and walking over to the counter that Lucy was perched on. He poked her on the nose before taking the spoon and bowl out of her hand. "And you, madam, you're really really _lucky_ that mommy and I are so in love with you," he teased.

"Nu-uh, you're the lucky ones _because_ you gots me to love!" she announced to the general amusement of both parents. For someone so young, Lucy had definitely inherited enough sass from each of her parent's that she had a capability with wordplay that would never have usually occurred to a child her age. Danny turned to Lindsay to look for support but she merely shrugged, grinning.

"She's got you there."

"Yeah, yeah," he sighed. "Like mother, like daughter."

"Hey!" Lindsay laughed, picking up the dishtowel and whipping him on the butt. Lucy howled with laughter whilst Danny turned around, looking affronted. She gave him a wink. "Don't mess with a Messer, babe."

* * *

><p>Lucy was in her element. Hoisted up onto her daddy's shoulders and eating a hot dog from a local street vendor, she hardly paid notice to the ketchup that had leaked from her bun and hit the tip of her shoe. Her mouth was hanging agape with wonder as she watched the large character balloon inflate to its full size. Chewing the final bite of her hotdog absentmindedly, she clapped her hands together as the balloon finally took shape.<p>

"It 'Hello Kitty'!" Lucy squealed. "Daddy, daddy see 'Hello Kitty'?"

"Yeah, I see it, Luce."

"Angela have a notebook with 'Hello Kitty' on. I tell Angela that I see her for real when I goes to school. Mama, lookit 'Hello Kitty'!"

Lindsay smiled at them as she approached with her mom and Danny lifted Lucy up and over his head before placing her on the ground. Lindsay handed him the take-away cup of coffee that she and her mom had gone to buy and he took a grateful sip of the hot beverage. Lindsay drank from her hot chocolate, gauging the temperature before giving it to Lucy with the instruction that she drink slowly and hold the cup with both hands.

Danny tucked Lindsay under his arm, warding off some of the November chill that was still penetrating through the thick layers of coats, hats and scarves. Another balloon started to inflate and Lucy jigged on the spot in excitement; despite the youngster's pleading, they'd decided to not attend the Macy's Thanksgiving Parade which attracted over two and half million people every year but had compromised by going to watch the Thanksgiving Day Parade Balloon Inflation on the afternoon before the parade – an idea shared by many others judging by the amount of people currently lined around the American Museum of Natural History.

They'd taken the grandparent's through Central Park, smirking as they marvelled at the "little piece of nature surrounded by concrete!" before going to watch the balloon inflation for an hour and a half. The show would go on until 10pm but it was getting dark, colder and Lucy kept rubbing at her eyes – a sure indicator that she was getting tired.

"Lucy, are you nearly ready to leave?" Lindsay asked, her own tiredness creeping in.

Lucy turned to face them, frowning. "But there's still b'loons to watch."

"I know Luce but we've been here for a long while and it's time to go home now, honey," Lindsay responded.

"No, I don't wanna go!" Lucy wailed, dragging out the vowels. "I wanna stay here!"

"We can't stay here, baby. Daddy's got to get ready to go to work soon or else he'll be late and Uncle Mac will tell him off," Lindsay calmly replied.

"I want to stay and watch!" Lucy argued. Her face was screwed up in anger and her whole body tensed as she stamped her foot.

Lindsay crouched down so she was at Lucy's level and gripped her upper arms in a firm but gentle hold. "Lucy, I know you've had a really fun day and don't want it to end but I said it's time for us to go home because you're tired and crabby. Now, you can either get into the stroller and we'll go home now or you can continue to whine and you won't get to watch the parade at all tomorrow – it's your choice."

Lucy nodded although her head was bowed and a few tears dribbled down her cheeks. "I get in stroller now."

"Good choice, sweetheart."

Lindsay carefully wiped the sad tears off of her daughter's face before picking the three year old up; she didn't cuddle her yet for it would counteract with the discipline that she'd just had to administer. Lucy continued to cry softly, her chin resting morosely on her chest as Lindsay placed her into the stroller and strapped her in. The youngster turned her face into the fabric, too sad that they were leaving the balloons behind.

Lindsay straightened up and gave the empty hot chocolate container to Danny. "Babe, can you put this into the trash for me, please?"

"Sure." He gave her a chaste kiss, knowing that whilst it was sometimes unavoidable, disciplining Lucy was something that she disliked just as much as he did – especially as their daughter was usually so sweet-tempered. Back in his bachelor days he had looked upon tantruming children with disdain, viewing them as nuisances and the caregivers as irresponsible however he now understood that even the seemingly most perfect parents and children in the world would have their moments. He took all of the empty cups over to the garbage can whilst Kathleen hesitantly approached her daughter, looking concerned.

"Everything alright?"

"Hmm?" Lindsay looked up from her task of rearranging the diaper bag in the basket beneath the seat of the stroller and smiled easily at her mom, shaking her head. "Oh yeah, everything's fine. Lucy's just overtired and in need of a nap."

Kathleen was impressed with how collected her daughter was, having already brushed the moment off rather than breaking down in frustration. "You handle her really well," the eldest Monroe woman told Lindsay earnestly.

Lindsay gave a bashful grin, waving off the comment. Although it never hurt to be praised on the way she was raising her child by someone other than Danny, she was still embarrassed by the attention.

"Thanks."

Danny returned from his trip to deposit their trash and Lindsay began pushing the stroller back the way they had come, following her parents who had become old pros at navigating their way through the busy Manhattan streets. Danny threaded his arm through Lindsay's and she rested her head on his shoulder, thankful that they were united. Peering into the stroller, she was unsurprised to find that Lucy was already fast asleep and predicted that when the three year old woke up again she would be back to her usual bubbly and funny self.

* * *

><p>The transfer from the stroller to the bed had been easy enough and Lucy slept solidly for three and a half hours. Danny had left for work over an hour ago and now that it was approaching dinnertime Lindsay knew that she needed to wake the youngster up or else she wouldn't sleep that night. Walking into Lucy's bedroom, she took the time to really study her daughter; no longer was she the tiny baby with fair hair that fit into the crook of her arm and gazed at her with wide, crystal blue eyes. Lindsay crossed the room in semi-darkness, guided by the nightlight to Lucy's bed and crouched down beside it. She stroked her daughter's still baby soft cheeks and watched as her eyelids fluttered before finally opening. The frown of confusion was replaced by a sleepy smile as she locked eyes with Lindsay, yawning and stretching.<p>

"Hey baby," Lindsay began softly, "did you have a good nap?"

Lucy nodded, the remnants of sleep slowly ebbing away. "I dreamed 'bout mermaids and princesses and a pet sea horse."

"That sounds like a really good dream," Lindsay told her. "It's almost time for dinner but first of all we need to have a talk about your behaviour earlier."

"I bad, huh?" Lucy asked shamefully.

"You were pretty naughty," Lindsay agreed gently. "When Mommy and Daddy tell you to do something you have to do it without arguments, otherwise it makes us all very sad. I know you didn't want to leave the balloon show but it was getting late and we'd been outside for a long time. When Daddy and I tell you to do something it's not because we're being mean and don't want you to have fun but because we have a good reason behind it, okay? So, what're you going to do next time?"

"Listen to you and not make arg'ments," Lucy responded.

"Good girl. Now c'mon, you have to sit on the naughty chair for three minutes."

"Okay," Lucy nodded, climbing out of the bed and dragging her feet across the bedroom and down the hall towards the living room, Lindsay following behind her. Kathleen and Robert looked up and greeted her on the way but Lucy shook her head sadly at them.

"Sorry Granna and Gran'pa, I gots some thinkin' to do," she informed them seriously before walking over to the chair in the corner and sitting on it.

"Can't she do it later?" Robert asked, feeling sorry for the three year old as she sat with her head bowed and her hands clasped in her lap.

Lindsay tilted her head at him before responding. "Nope, we have to keep to the routine," she replied lightly.

Although Lucy wasn't constantly in trouble, she and Danny was firm in trying to keep the structure of punishment the same. That wasn't to say that they didn't occasionally slip up but they tried to right their mistakes fairly early. The only times the routine altered slightly was if Lucy was in need of a nap and so they'd interject naptime into the structure, or if they were out in public so Lucy would have a stern talking to before the following punishment of sitting on the naughty chair would commence once they got home.

Lindsay reached the kitchen and set the timer on the oven for three minutes before taking a wet cloth and wiping down the kitchen sides. She picked the sack of flour up and returned it to the cupboard, noting how empty it was before adding 'flour' to the post-it note list of groceries on the fridge door. Scanning through the list with a critical eye, Lindsay knew that she'd have to go to a supermarket soon as opposed to the local bodega so she could do a proper shop.

"Honey, what're you doing?" her mom's disembodied voice called from the other room.

"I'm just quickly cleaning the kitchen before we eat," she responded, stacking up the used cookware and putting them by the sink.

"I told you that I'd do that seeing as I made the mess."

"You cook. I clean. Those are my rules."

Her parent's chuckles reached her ears and she smiled to herself. Lindsay's protestations about this being a vacation for her parents had fallen on deaf ears as Kathleen had offered to cook dinner and Robert had gone through the apartment, accomplishing any little 'do-it-yourself' jobs that were quick and easy. Whilst she liked to pretend it was annoying that they were doing it, Lindsay was also a little relieved as it meant she and Danny could cross a few things off of the seemingly never ending list of things they needed to do.

The oven timer buzzed and Lindsay left the kitchen, returning to the living room and her disgraced child. She had to bite back a smile at how pitifully woeful Lucy looked, knowing that she had learnt her lesson.

"Okay Luce, time out's over. Now c'mere and gimme a cuddle."

Lucy giggled as she jumped up from the chair and ran into her mother's arms, hugging her around the waist and resting her chin on Lindsay's tummy.

"Sorry I be bad."

"You're not bad, Lucy, just a little naughty sometimes," Lindsay told her seriously but the affection in her voice seeped through. "I love you so much, Lucy."

"I love you more," Lucy grinned and Lindsay chuckled.

"And I love you most."


	33. Chapter Thirty Two

**Disclaimer: **The characters of CSI: NY do not belong to me however this story is of my own and should only be used after permission has been asked and given. No copyright infringement intended and no profit is being made.

**Summary: **Danny and Lindsay are going to learn that sometimes you must lose, in order to gain.

**Notes: **Well, I think I speak for everyone when I say that I'm just a little bit heartbroken. I fully intend to carry on writing and I strongly urge others to as well because personally I'm not quite ready for this to be over. I just want to take this moment to thank everyone who has ever taken the time to check in with this fiction, and any of my other works for that matter, and say that whilst a part of me regrets never breaking into this fandom earlier, I definitely don't regret joining all of you guys. So thanks guys!

Huge thank you to, _MesserFamilyFan100,__ webdlfan, Dantana15 _and_ ellie_ for reviewing the last chapter! Part two of Thanksgiving is for you folks :)

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><p><strong>The Parent's Apple<strong>

If Lindsay had thought that Thanksgiving this year would be horrifying with three strong willed women trying to take control in the kitchen then she was thankfully proven wrong. It was as though Danny's mom and her mom had mutually decided to let her be the master of the kitchen, offering help but never arguing with her decisions. As Alba had offered on Danny's birthday to bake and bring her speciality pies for the dinner, Lindsay had let her mom make the stuffing and green bean casserole like she did back home each year therefore combining the traditions of both families.

The Monroe's and Messer's had greeted each other as though old acquaintances, the men instantly launching into discussions of football and exchanging fishing tales whilst the women began discussing the different dinner specialities that they had prepared. Danny, Clemenza and Robert stayed in the living room, happy to peel and cut vegetables on the condition that they were still allowed to watch the Thanksgiving Day football whilst Lucy waltzed around the apartment in her princess dress and tiara, waving delicately and pretending she was in the Macy's parade that she'd watched with rapt attention that morning.

"So is this your usual set up for Thanksgiving?" Kathleen asked when it was just she and Lindsay in the kitchen.

"It depends really," Lindsay admitted. "Sometimes we go out to Danny's parents on Staten Island or they come here, sometimes it's just the three of us or sometimes Lucy's godfather joins us – although this year he's spending Thanksgiving with his girlfriend, Christine." Lindsay finished mashing the potatoes. "I know you feel like you're missing out, Mom…"

"Hey, that's enough of that; I have more than enough grandbabies at home. I can't deny that I miss seeing you and Lucy and Danny regularly but I'd rather you be here and happy than back in Montana and… well, you know."

Lindsay started pressing a stick of butter into the potatoes with a wooden spoon. "The first Thanksgiving I spent in New York," she recalled with a smile. "The majority of us were on shift and so the team all brought in a different dish each and we had dinner in the break room on paper plates. It was the most unconventional Thanksgiving I'd ever had and yet," she released a small, breathless laugh, "it made me feel the most at home since moving to New York."

Kathleen squeezed Lindsay's forearm and smiled affectionately at her daughter. "I'm glad you're happy here."

Lucy ran into the kitchen at that moment, her tiara lopsided and one of the sleeves of her princess dress hanging off one shoulder as she grinned at them.

"Don't you look beautiful," Kathleen commented.

"I princess. Wavin' in parade."

"Well Princess, how about folding these for me?" Lindsay asked, holding the napkins out.

"Okay!" Lucy took the handful of napkins from her mother and crossed the kitchen, climbing up into a chair and folding them in half before placing them on the table. Danny and Robert had gone down to the basement that morning and grabbed the extra chairs from storage to use for the family dinner. Once the napkins were in place, Lucy scrambled down and went to the drawers to begin setting the table, taking the plates two at a time as she wasn't allowed to carry too many things at once.

Alba returned from talking to Danny – the Santa float in the Macy's parade had reminded her that she needed to ask what Lucy would want for Christmas – and joined Lindsay and Kathleen in putting the finishing touches on dinner before serving the dishes on the table. Calling the others into the kitchen, they all settled into seats as the men entered and commented on how good the food smelt. As head of the household, Danny picked up the carving knife before Clemenza or Robert could begin the awkward argument about who should carve the turkey, and set to work on cutting the meat and placing it on the plates. Serving themselves from the many dishes, they sat back to eat together and although they were all crammed around one table with elbows occasionally knocking, the combined family enjoyed the meal, laughing together.

Danny rested his arm on the back of Lindsay's chair, grinning at her briefly as she leaned in and pecked his lips before they re-joined the on-going conversation surrounding them.

…

"Poor bambino's completely tuckered out," Alba commented with an affectionate smile as she returned from tucking Lucy into bed. Lindsay and Kathleen were sat on the couch together, photographs, frames and albums surrounding them as Lindsay caught Kathleen up on everything that the photo's showed. They'd banished the men to the kitchen, telling them that they were to clean up everything seeing as they'd barely helped in cooking the meal, and the tones of the three women had suggested that arguing would be futile. Alba joined them on the couch and pulled one of the photos closer to take a better look, smiling as she studied her beaming granddaughter.

"That was from Halloween last month. We took Lucy and her preschool friend Angela trick or treating; Lucy went as a princess – in fact, she wore the dress that she was wearing today – and Angela went as a ballerina," Lindsay explained. Her expression was soft as she also looked at the photo of Lucy with her best friend.

"What's this one?" Kathleen asked, pulling a framed photograph closer to her.

"That was us at our friend Hawkes' wedding. We managed to stop Lucy from running around for two minutes to get the photo," Lindsay chuckled. "It's one of my favourites."

Both Alba and Kathleen could see why, even though neither would admit it. They could see from the differences in the other photographs that this was the first snapshot of the family since the miscarriage and the newfound strength within the couple shined through. Danny and Lindsay were sat together, their chairs turned away from the table behind them, and his hand was slung casually around her waist whilst Lucy stood between them. The trio smiled up at the camera as though concealing a secret that only their small family would know.

Clemenza, Robert and Danny traipsed out of the kitchen, complaining about how exhausting the washing up had been mainly because they knew it would rile their wives up. The latter two dropped on to the recliner and second couch whilst Clemenza picked up his jacket and shrugged it on.

"Ready to go?" he asked his wife who pulled herself up from the couch. Clemenza gave Alba her coat and she slipped into it before slinging her bag over her shoulder. They said their goodbye's, the two older mother's checking that they'd exchanged numbers, before gathering the leftovers Lindsay had prepared for them and heading out. Lindsay rose to her feet despite their protests and followed them to the apartment's front door to see them out, accepting kisses on the cheek and promising to contact them soon.

Returning to the living room, she was surprised to find only Danny and her father left. She looked around the room with a quizzical frown before turning to Robert. "Where's Mom?"

"On the fire escape," he answered.

She gave him a reproachful look and he shrugged before she crossed to the window that led to the fire escape, climbing out on to it. Kathleen was stood leaning against the railing, taking a drag on a cigarette before withdrawing it from her lips and exhaling slowly. It had turned even colder since sundown and it was chilly out on the fire escape.

"I take it the nicotine patch isn't working," Lindsay commented as she straightened up, wrapping her arms around herself.

Kathleen glanced at her before sighing and turning back to the railing. "Please don't start, Lindsay."

Lindsay lent with her back against the barrier, her elbows resting on the railing. "I don't get it, Mom; you were a nurse for crying out loud! How could you work in a hospital for so many years, see the amount of damage those things do and still want to smoke them?"

"Lindsay, I've tried giving up – you know I have. Nothing seems to work. Anyway, back when I was working at the hospital _everyone_ was smoking them – believe it or not, people used to think cigarettes were good for you."

"Yeah, well they don't anymore and you shouldn't either." Lindsay flicked away a tear of frustration that had rolled down from the corner of her eye. "Y'know soon it's going to be too late, right?"

Kathleen said nothing and Lindsay pushed away from the railing, knowing that arguing with her mom wouldn't stop her from smoking, and climbed back into the apartment. She walked past her husband and father who were engrossed in the NFL game and went to check on Lucy. The little girl had kicked off her blankets and was sleeping with one arm thrown above her head, the other wrapped around her favourite stuffed toys in a death grip. Lindsay smiled to herself before walking over to replace the blankets, tucking them in around her little girl once more. Brushing her hair back, Lindsay lent down to place a soft kiss to Lucy's forehead, being careful not to wake the three year old as she slept soundly.

"Linds?"

Lindsay turned around and smiled at Danny as he stood in the doorway, one arm braced above his head against the frame. He gave her a half smile and she sniffed before crossing the room and stepping into his space, pulling his arms around her. He chuckled lowly and kissed the top of her head.

They stayed embraced together for a moment, her sighing softly as she regained her composure and him keeping his arms tight around her. Even without telling him what had happened on the fire escape, he could guess as to how she was feeling. "Look, I get that you don't like it but you can't stop people from smoking, even you're mom – and nagging her won't help."

"I just hate that she does this to herself. I know that she's tried giving up and all but sometimes I think that she doesn't try hard enough and that makes me feel so angry," she admitted. "I wouldn't ever do anything to harm myself in a way which would hurt you or Lucy."

"I know ya wouldn't," he reassured her. "But I also know that that's not what your mom is doing."

Lindsay sighed and rested her cheek against his chest. She mumbled, "I know she isn't…"

Danny could understand what she meant; although Kathleen wasn't actively doing anything to hurt Lindsay, the fact she wouldn't give up smoking still inadvertently hurt her daughter as she worried about the repercussions. Danny pressed his lips to the top of Lindsay's head and she closed her eyes automatically, already feeling some of the tension beginning to drain from her body. She was flush against his chest in a stronghold and she rested her head on his shoulder, inclining her face into his neck as her eyes remained closed.

"What made you quit smoking?" she murmured against his skin conversationally.

Danny cleared his throat and shuffled from foot to foot awkwardly before finally admitting, "You."

Lindsay looked up, resting her cheek on his shoulder and gave a soft laugh. "What?"

Danny looked anywhere but into her face. "I knew how you felt about smokin' and figured you wouldn't give me a chance unless I quit," he told her honestly. "I had one or two relapses before we got together but since we've been a couple I haven't smoked."

She smiled up at him, touched by his gesture. She was impressed by what he'd done for her but even more so appreciated how he hadn't used his decision to try and influence her into dating him. She pressed her finger to the middle of his chin. "What did I do to deserve you?"

"Nothin'. You were just you."

Grinning, she reached up to press a soft kiss to his lips before he pulled away with an open smirk. Taking her hand, they slipped out of Lucy's bedroom and shut the door behind them before retreating to the living room. Robert had moved so he was sitting on one of the couches with Kathleen and they looked up as the younger couple entered the room. Lindsay gave them both a half smile; although she still wasn't happy about Kathleen's smoking habits, Danny had helped to ease her frustration and worry.

Taking the second couch, they curled up together to watch the rest of the football game with her parents. Danny's arms tightened around Lindsay and he nudged at her ear with his nose so that she would give him her full attention before beginning with what had been on his mind since dinner.

"Ya know, I've been thinkin', this place – it really is too small for gatherings like this. I mean, although we made it work, the seven of us crammed into that kitchen and around the table was pretty ridiculous."

"Okay," Lindsay answered slowly, frowning and wondering where Danny was going with this topic of conversation.

"So I thought maybe we should start thinkin' about gettin' a bigger place."

"You know our lease for the apartment isn't up for another eight months right?" she asked.

"Yeah, I just reckon we shouldn't stick around in this place next year but find somewhere bigger for us," he told her.

She nodded. "Okay, we'll think about it – I mean, we've got a while yet."

Danny chuckled and digged her in the ribs, making Lindsay squirm and laugh. "Yes, I know we've got a while yet wiseass but I thought about it today and wanted to share."

"Alright, alright, we'll think about it!" Lindsay conceded.

Danny stopped tickling her ribs and they settled back into the couch together, eyes fixed on the screen once more. They caught each other's eyes and grinned however as they heard Robert mutter 'just like teenagers' to Kathleen who hummed in amused agreement.

…

Despite the brief spat between Lindsay and her mom on the evening of Thanksgiving, the rest of the weekend passed pleasantly and so on Sunday when the Messer's said goodbye to Robert and Kathleen at the airport, it was amid many tears. All of the guilt Lindsay harboured over her choice to leave Montana and instead make a life for herself in New York resurfaced as she had to say goodbye to her parents yet again. They hugged her simultaneously, cocooning her in a similar way that she and Danny often did to Lucy, whilst she choked back tears. Lucy was already crying, having picked up on the emotions of the adults around her and also not understanding why her 'Granna and Gran'pa' had to leave.

Kathleen and Robert hugged their youngest child close to them once more before passing her into Danny's arms who cradled both Lindsay and Lucy to him. He shook Robert's hand and lent forward to press a kiss to Kathleen's cheek before hugging his girls close as they watched the Monroe's walk through the terminal towards the departure lounge. Lindsay laughed through her tears as she saw how Lucy was looking at her, trying to gage whether she could continue crying or not. She wiped Lucy's tears away before reaching up to brush her own away and smiled at her daughter to show that it wasn't too bad.

"I miss Granna and Gran'pa," Lucy said sadly.

"I know, I'm going to miss them too," Lindsay replied. "But hey, they wouldn't want us to be upset now, would they?"

Lucy shrugged. "Um… no?"

Danny nodded. "That's right, they wouldn't. And Daddy was thinking that we could all go for ice-cream but only if we all have big smiles on our faces," he inputted teasingly before laughing heartily as Lindsay and Lucy both broke into identical grins. "C'mon then, let's go and find an ice-cream parlour."

Sufficiently perked up, the family exited the airport and were hit with a blast of cold air; Danny could have regretted his suggestion for ice-cream however he knew that both of his girls weren't privy to the idea that the cold dessert was purely seasonal.


	34. Chapter Thirty Three

**Disclaimer: **The characters of CSI: NY do not belong to me however this story is of my own and should only be used after permission has been asked and given. No copyright infringement intended and no profit is being made.

**Summary: **Danny and Lindsay are going to learn that sometimes you must lose, in order to gain.

**Notes: **Really glad to hear that people out there are still determined to keep the fandom alive! This chapter took a long while – and actually was a reason for the long delay a few weeks ago –because I wanted to get this finished before posting the new chapter back then. I decided to go for some case work in this chapter (something I've never really done before, at least not in a published piece) and so whilst it was difficult, I kind've had a bit of fun with it. Apologies if anything is incorrect. The balance of casework and personal life had to mash together in this chapter therefore it's much longer than usual but I hope you enjoy anyway!

Special thanks to _MesserFamilyFan100, S, Dantana15, webdlfan, Ditto123_ and _Clare-Louise89 _for reviewing the last chapter!

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><p><strong>The Parent's Apple<strong>

Danny took the carton of milk out of the fridge and shook it with an aggravated sigh. Only a few pitiful inches of milk resided at the bottom. There wasn't enough for him to use and he could never understand why Lindsay didn't finish the milk when last using it – it was a pet peeve that they often joked about but today the idiosyncrasy of his wife grated on his already raw nerves. It was as though they'd woken up arguing, their moods foul as they snapped at each other throughout the morning.

"We need more milk," he stated grouchily as Lindsay walked into the kitchen.

"Then add it to the grocery list and I'll get some more this afternoon," she answered shortly. He crossed his arms over his chest and watched as she pocketed her phone and attached her badge to her hip before picking her jacket up from the back of the chair and slipping into it. "Lucy's lunch is in the princess lunch box on the top shelf of the fridge. You'll need to leave here no later than seven thirty. I've been called to a scene so I'll see you later."

"Linds–"

"I'm going to be late." She pressed a quick kiss to his stubble roughened cheek – a habit that would never be broken, even if they were irritated with each other – before leaving. She strode purposefully down the hall, taking the stairwell rather than waiting for the elevator, and not stopping until she was buckled into the Avalanche with the engine running. Gripping the steering wheel tightly in both hands, her knuckles turning white, she inhaled slowly and sniffled back the tears that were clogging her throat. Expelling the breath slowly, she swallowed before pulling the SUV out of the underground parking garage and onto the street.

Switching the radio on to drown out the deafening silence within the department-issued vehicle, she drove to the crime scene in an almost daze as she battled her way through early morning mid-town traffic. The clock on the dashboard flipped another digit so it read 06:48 as she parked two blocks away from the crime scene, taking a final deep breath to compartmentalize before pulling out of the SUV with her kit and locking the door behind her. The growing crowd was surprising for this time of the morning, even for New York, and she edged her way through them before finally reaching the yellow crime scene tape emblazoned with DO NOT CROSS. Lindsay smiled politely at the uniformed officers who held the tape up for her to pass under whilst also keeping the crowd at bay; she had to push her way through an equally large crowd of officers and civilians alike as they all gathered within the cordoned off area, the latter wearing pyjamas and shivering in the December weather.

Passing Flack, Lindsay gave him a quick, sympathetic smile as he tried to reason with an angry couple who were speaking without pause in their tirade about not being allowed back into the building. Lindsay entered the Four Seasons hotel and followed the general bustle towards the elevators which took her up to the TY Warner penthouse. An officer punched in the access code and the doors opened on the top floor which Lindsay stepped out of and into the most expensive suite she had ever seen, her mouth dropping open in appreciation; it wasn't so much the room itself which had impressed her as it was too fanciful for her tastes, but rather the incredible view of New York City – even on a dreary, December morning.

The view of the city including the Empire State and Chrysler Building's, was obscured however by a grand piano by the window which their victim was slumped over. The male vic had a bloody gash to the top of his head and blood had matted his brown hair as well as streaked down his face, soaking the shoulders of what would have been a pristine white shirt. Jo circled the victim, photographing every minute detail that she could fine.

Crossing the room, Lindsay was careful of her footing as a smashed wine glass lay scattered across the floor whilst another stood on top of the piano, a smudged pink lipstick print on the rim. A streak of red wine marred the expensive carpet from where the glass had dropped. Lindsay set her kit down and cracked it open before pulling out a pair of latex gloves which she slipped on.

Jo looked up from her work and smiled at Lindsay's arrival. "Morning."

"Don't remind me," Lindsay groused with a tired smile. She straightened up and joined Jo beside the victim. "So what've we got?"

"Bruce Myers, 23. Multi-millionaire and co-owner of that phone app that lets you turn your car lights off if you think you've left them on. He was supposed to marry Milan Estanov later today in one of the most publicised weddings of the year; she's been informed and is currently with friends and family trying to avoid the paparazzi."

"I take it the press will be all over this one?"

"Like the plague; that's why the whole hotel has been evacuated – so that we can try and head off anyone who tries to come snooping up here. Mac's already at the lab trying to ward them off. I spoke to him earlier and he sounded frazzled, apparently his phone hasn't stopped ringing all morning," Jo informed her.

"Everyone wants the exclusive," Lindsay commented dryly. "Who found the body?"

"Frankie Cox," Flack announced as he entered the penthouse suite, having finally managed to escape from the screaming couple downstairs. "Best friend and business partner to our vic. Apparently Cox got a call from the caterers for the wedding early this morning tellin' him they'd been snowed in and were stuck in Chicago so he came round here to tell Myers, only to find him like this. Cox says he checked for a pulse, ran into the bathroom to heave and then dialled 911. I bet the poor kid thought the issue with the caterers would be his biggest concern today. Accordin' to the other guests and staff, no one saw or heard anythin' but then I wouldn't 'spose nothin' different when you've got the whole top floor to yourself."

"What I want to know is how the killer got up here in the first place," Jo said. "You have to know the access code to even get onto this floor."

"Suggests that the vic might've known his killer," Lindsay inputted.

"D'you know if Myers had any enemies?" Jo asked Flack.

"Twenty-three year old multi-millionaire marrying _the hottest_ supermodel known to mankind? Yeah, I'd say he had a fair few grudges against him."

Jo rolled her eyes. "Any of those grudges capable of murder?"

Flack grinned. "I'll ask around, see what I can find out."

He exited the penthouse suite again and the two CSI's set to work, Lindsay taking the scene whilst Jo worked on the body. She documented every single shard of glass that lay on the floor before bagging it for transportation back to the lab. It was slow, repetitive and fiddly but this was the kind of work that she loved to do. Once finished within the main room, she moved on to the others including the bathroom and bedroom, categorically examining the scene. A now cold bath had been drawn and burnt out candles stood around the room on shelves whilst in the bedroom rose petals lay scattered across the bed and an empty ice bucket stood on the bedside cabinet. Bagging each of the rose petals, she pulled back the bed covers before drawing the curtains of the bedroom. Taking her torch out of her kit, she affixed the light filter to it before scanning the bed for any bodily fluids.

Jo entered the room, pausing just inside the doorway. "The coroners from the ME's office have come to take the body away," she told Lindsay. "What're you looking for?"

"Semen or vaginal fluid," she answered distractedly before standing up and switching her torch off. "There aren't any traces."

"You don't sound particularly surprised," Jo commented.

Lindsay swept a hand in front of her as she spoke. "There were rose petals scattered all over the bed, an ice bucket on the bedside table, a drawn bath and candles that had burnt out which would all suggest a romantic setting, right? But then the rose petals were still intact and there was nothing actually in the ice bucket suggesting that whoever put them here never made it to the bedroom. The two wine glasses, one with a lipstick smear, suggests a struggle or argument between a man and woman." Lindsay held up an evidence bag, inside was a document that had been shredded by hand. "I also found this torn up paper in the bedside cabinet drawer, I don't know what it is yet but I'll hopefully be able to figure it out back at the lab."

Jo nodded, absorbing the information. "I haven't been able to find the murder weapon so maybe Sid's autopsy report will deduce something that helps in our search."

It was close to 9 o'clock before they closed their kits, gathered their bags of evidence and left the penthouse suite with a final sweeping glance to ensure they hadn't missed anything. Rain had started to fall from the steel grey clouds overhead, hammering against the large windows as though capable of breaking through them. Once down on street level, they divided the evidence evenly before returning to their respective SUV's for the drive back to the lab. Lindsay put the evidence and her kit into the trunk before in the driver's side. Rain lashed at the windshield, covering her from the outside world and she breathed slowly in through the nose and out through the mouth. She'd received a text message from Danny whilst working the scene where he'd stated that they now needed bread as well and his lack of warmth had seeped through with clipped sentences. She was too exhausted to continue fighting with him and yet it seemed impossible for her to let go of her hurt, instead allowed the frustration to talk for her.

Turning the key in the ignition she shook off the feelings for the moment; she and Danny would be fine, they'd come too far not to be anything different.

* * *

><p>Jo entered the layout lab, donning a lab coat and untucking her hair as she approached Lindsay who was stood by the layout table that was covered in evidence, boxes and bags. The petite Detective was diligently shifting through the load from the scene, categorically examining everything.<p>

"I've just got the autopsy report back from Sid; blunt force trauma was the official COD. The wound was crescent shaped so I've just been in reconstruction trying to recreate the wound pattern with objects typically found in a hotel suite and finally came to the conclusion that it was the Four Season's most expensive bottle of champagne that was used as our murder weapon. It retails at fifteen hundred dollars."

"Pricey," Lindsay commented.

"Interestingly," Jo continued, "our vic's toxicology report came back clean; no drugs or alcohol in his system."

"And yet there were two wine glasses in the hotel room," Lindsay inputted, her brow furrowed.

"Perhaps he was killed before he had a chance to drink anything," Jo shrugged. "What've you got here?"

"What haven't I got here?" Lindsay joked. She indicated the evidence that had been laid out as it had been split between the rooms of the suite. "I dusted all of the rose petals that had been strewn across the bed as well as the empty ice bucket and they matched each other, however there wasn't any hits in AFIS and the prints _weren't_ a match to our victim, Myers. So I moved on to reconstructing the smashed wine glass and managed to pull an infra-red palm print off of it which _did_ match Myers and from the way he was holding it, I can confirm that it was him who threw the glass."

"Okay," Jo nodded, "so maybe there was an argument and in a fit of anger he threw the glass at whoever he was arguing with."

"Right. On the second wine glass I swabbed the rim for DNA and it came back as female, again, no reference in CODIS, however I did manage to print the lipstick left on the rim and found that it was Beautilicious 006 Glowing Sunset – it's a pretty cheap lipstick that's sold in local drug stores which doesn't seem to fit with anything else in this case.

"Maybe Myers had another woman who wasn't as high-class as the rest of his life," Jo suggested. "Could be an affair… maybe even a prostitute. Mac's trying to subpoena the security feeds from the hotel because when Flack asked for them the manager refused claiming there's an issue with the privacy of the other guests." She picked up the paper that had been found torn in Myer's suite but carefully pieced back together. She rose her eyebrows. "Prenuptial agreement?"

"That's the document that I found ripped up in Myers' bedside cabinet. It hasn't been filled in but Myers may have given it to his fiancée and she didn't take it too well."

"Certainly worth a trip to go and see her."

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><p>Shifting uncomfortably in her winter layers, Lindsay felt a bead of sweat trickle down her spine as she stood within the overly warm spa treatment room. Milan Estanov reclined in a chair, clad in only a luxury white robe as a beautician gave her a pedicure. Her eyes were closed in a look of almost pure bliss and Jo shifted from foot to foot, irritated that Milan seemed so at ease with herself despite it being less than twenty four hours since the supposed love of her life was murdered.<p>

"Sorry Milan, but you don't seem particularly affected by the death of your fiancé," Jo said stonily.

Milan sighed and opened her eyes. "Leave us," she told the beautician who immediately stood and wordlessly exited the treatment room. She turned to the two Detectives who wore equally unimpressed expressions. "You think I don't care that Bruce is gone? Bruce meant everything to me. This treatment was the last present he gave to me before the wedding – being here is a reminder of the kind and generous person that he was. He may have had a lot of money but he had an even bigger heart and it was the _latter_ that I fell in love with. His money meant nothing to me."

"His money meant something to him though, didn't it?" Lindsay inputted, sensing the opportunity. She pulled the folded piece of paper out of her pocket and passed it to Milan; the reconstruction of the torn document had been photographed and brought as a print out for the interview. "We found this destroyed prenuptial agreement in Bruce's hotel room. Did you know he was planning on giving this to you?"

"This is a blank document, what makes you think Bruce gave it to me?" Milan questioned.

Lindsay's eyebrows rose in response. "Bruce had a considerably larger fortune than you did."

"And that's exactly why _I_ gave these papers to him. I wanted Bruce to sign them to prove that I wanted him and not his bank account. It was a week ago in Bruce's hotel room – the last time I saw him in fact," Milan chocked for a moment before recovering, her tone steely, "if you don't believe me then ask his lawyer Terrence Mott, he works at Bowling, Mott and Sons. he was present at the time."

"We will," Lindsay told her, her tone firm despite her sudden misgivings.

"Bruce was so angry when I gave these to him; he flat out refused to sign them and then tore the document to pieces. Bruce believed in me – even if no one else did."

"Thank you for your time," Jo told Milan as she and Lindsay began to back out of the treatment room.

Pausing in the doorway, Lindsay turned back to the supermodel. "One more thing, what lipstick do you use?"

Milan frowned but answered anyway. "Anything from the Elixir range, I'm their front woman so I'm paid to wear their brand."

Lindsay nodded. "Thank you. I'm sorry for your loss."

"Not as much as I am," Milan replied softly.

Once back inside the cab of the Avalanche, Lindsay pushed the hood of her coat down and shook off rain water from the short walk outside. "What d'you think?"

Jo gave a hesitant sigh. "I think Milan has a strong façade but behind it she's a distraught woman mourning the loss of the man she loved."

"Do you think she was telling the truth about the prenup?"

"We'll have to talk to Bruce's lawyer but yes, I think she was," Jo admitted as she started the car and navigated her way out of the parking lot for the spa and treatment centre.

"Me too," Lindsay agreed. "I'll check but I think she was telling the truth about the lipstick too."

* * *

><p>Pushing the door open with her back, Jo entered the office she shared with Danny and Lindsay with her arms full of folders. Danny was sat at his desk on the phone, his face full of exasperation as he switched the phone to his other ear and she tried to block out the obviously private phone call.<p>

"I don't know… yeah well… look, my case has just gotten a new breakthrough… probably late… No, no I get that… yes, I do… no it's fine, take it… I can get the subway back… no but… _Lindsay–_" Danny pulled the phone away from his ear so she wouldn't hear his growl of frustration before returning it. Tipping back in his desk chair, he scrubbed a hand down his face whilst listening to her. "Okay, fine… No… I said I'd do it, didn't I? Yeah. I will… a'right… I love you t–" he sighed as he was met with the dial tone, placing the phone back into the cradle carefully so that he wouldn't slam it down. A part of him was embarrassed that Jo had heard one side of the argument between him and his wife but the other simply didn't care what she or anybody else thought. He couldn't even remember what had started them off this time, only that it had started bad and gotten progressively worse as the conversation continued. He wasn't just irritated with Lindsay now, he was downright mad.

"Did you ever used to piss your husband off without ever really knowing why?" he asked conversationally, breaking the resounding silence within the office.

"Not really, you see when Russ and I went to marriage counselling I got to hear about all of my faults with back-breaking clarity," Jo answered. Danny gave a wry chuckle. "I take it you and Lindsay aren't doing so great at the moment."

"What gave it away?" he asked dryly. He sighed and cracked his neck. "I don't know, to tell you the truth. We seem to be arguing a lot lately and it's like we can see what we're doin' to the other person but we can't seem to stop ourselves. We've been through so much that ya'd think we'd be past petty fights – obviously not."

"Going through rough patches and coming out stronger doesn't exonerate you from falling into the same relationship traps as everyone else, Danny. Fights happen, whether you're the worst suited couple in the world or the best. The difference is whether you talk things out or not."

"Well I thought that _was_ what we were doin' now… but, well, now I ain't so sure," he admitted. "I just thought we were past stuff like this."

"No one ever really is. We all let our faults get the better of us sometimes."

"Yeah, I guess you're right." Danny gave her a half smile, thankful that she'd listened whilst he unloaded. Having a person in the lab who'd been there with a marriage before certainly helped. "Thanks, Jo."

She shrugged. "I'm only telling you what took me years to learn."

* * *

><p>"…and know what else we did today? We learnted a new song on account of it bein' Christmas and all. It goes like this; Little Jack Horner, sat in a corner, eating his Christmas pie, he stuck in his thumb and pulled out a plumb and said, 'What a good boy am I!'" Lucy sang to a made up tune. She clapped her hands together, grinning, and Lindsay smiled back at her through the rear-view mirror.<p>

They drove out of the city towards the large grocery store, the seemingly never-ending list of groceries tucked into Lindsay's purse, and she was hoping the store would be quieter as it was mid-afternoon on a weekday. Lindsay preferred the larger store to the local, more convenient bodega from across the street due to the reasonable prices and the items she could buy in bulk however the cost to drive further meant it was only worth going to the larger store if she needed many items.

"What else did you learn today?" Lindsay asked.

Lucy thought about it for a moment before announcing, "Ooh, I learnted that I do _not_ like playin' jump rope. I got it caught on my foot and fell over and my knee hurted."

Lindsay nodded seriously however she knew that Lucy wasn't the kind of child to shy away from activities because they'd caused injury before. She was certain that if Lucy was invited to play jump rope tomorrow, she wouldn't say no to her friends and instead would play with even more determination and gusto than originally.

Lindsay pulled into the parking lot of the grocery store and circled it, trying to find a space that was close enough to the entrance that she and Lucy wouldn't have to struggle too much with their purchases once they'd finished in the store. Settling for a recently vacated spot, she pulled the Volvo into the space and switched off the ignition before unbuckling her seatbelt and turning to face Lucy. The youngster smiled happily, swinging her feet and giving Lindsay a little wave.

"Oh, hi mommy."

"What're the rules?" Lindsay asked seriously.

"No grabbin', whinin' or yellin'," Lucy recited.

"That's right, I want you to be a big girl when we get into the store, okay?" Lindsay asked and Lucy nodded vigorously. She climbed out of the car and opened Lucy's door, reaching in to unbuckle the three year old before settling her down onto the floor. Lucy hopped from foot to foot whilst she waited for Lindsay to grab her purse and lock up the car. Lindsay frowned as she turned to her daughter. "What's the matter? D'you need to use the potty?"

"Nope. Gettin' all the wrigglies outta me. Won't run away in the store now," she explained.

"Oh," Lindsay laughed, shaking her head. She took Lucy's hand and they walked across the parking lot to the entrance of the store, Lindsay grabbing a shopping cart as they made their way inside. "Luce, d'you want to sit in the cart or walk?"

She pondered the question for a moment. "Cart, please."

Hoisting Lucy up and into the seat in the cart, Lindsay then pulled out the grocery list from her purse as well as a pen, ticking off the items as they found them in the store. She steered the cart into the fruit and vegetable aisles. "Right, do you want normal mashed potato or sweet mashed potato with your dinner tonight?"

"Fries."

"No can do, chickabiddy, it's either normal or sweet mashed potato."

"Oh. The sweet kind."

Lindsay grabbed the two different sacks of potatoes and loaded them one after the other into the cart. Leaving Lucy to occupy herself for a moment, Lindsay perused the aisle, picking up all of the fruit and vegetables that she would need whilst keeping one eye on Lucy as she waited for Lindsay to finish. Arms laden with groceries, Lindsay let them all tumble into the cart before pushing it through the store once more. Lucy swivelled round in her seat, either oohing or yucking at the choices.

They walked down the aisles leisurely, talking to each other to pass the time and Lindsay felt as though she was catching up with every thought and feeling that had ever consumed her three year old. She grabbed shampoo and conditioner as well as deodorant and tampons, dropping them onto the pile of shopping almost distractedly.

Half of the list was conquered and Lucy was happily entertained by inspecting her fingernails when they encountered their first real hiccup of the afternoon. They were passing the children's toy section when Lucy happened to look up, her eyes instantly going round and her mouth popping open in wonder as she stared up at the doll that was displayed as on offer.

"Mommy, lookit that dolly! Can I have it? Oh please, oh pretty, pretty please? Such a lovely dolly, Mommy. Please Mommy, please can I get it?" Lucy begged, pointing at the doll and extended her arm towards the toy as though her life depended on it. "I'll look after her and love her lots and lots. She must be so lonely up there all by herself. She needs lovin' from Lucy. _Please_ Mommy!"

"Hey little girl," Lindsay cut in gently, ending Lucy's pleading. "What's rule number two?"

"No whinin'," Lucy answered sadly. She gave the doll a miserable wave. "Bye lovely dolly."

Dropping forwards, Lucy rested her forehead on the handlebar of the cart and let out a few long suffering sighs. Lindsay had to bite back a smile at her daughter's theatrics. She cupped the back of Lucy's head and pressed a kiss to her hair.

"I'm sorry Luce, I know you wanted the doll but we're not getting toys today. Thank you for being a big girl though, sweetie."

"That okay," she mumbled back.

In truth, Lindsay didn't want to buy the cheap doll that was being displayed because she already had another doll in mind for Lucy's Christmas present. She'd ordered a _My American Doll_ from the website a few weeks before that was designed to look specifically like her daughter. She'd also gone a little overkill with outfits and accessories for the doll as well but defended the purchases to Danny by claiming they were an investment as buying accessories in the future meant Lucy's birthday's and Christmases were now set. Placated for the time being, she'd not let him in on the fact she'd also bought many other presents for Lucy this year – it wasn't that their daughter was particularly spoilt (unless counting the amount of attention bestowed upon her by her many pseudo Aunts and Uncles), it was simply that Lindsay liked to make her birthday's and Christmases special as the youngster had to deal with two full-time working parents who had demanding jobs with long, unpredictable hours.

"So Lucy, are you excited about Christmas this year?" Lindsay asked, hoping to take her daughter's mind off the doll.

Lucy shrugged, her head still bowed. "I guess."

"You only guess?" Lindsay asked, feigning shock. "Well that's a shame because we have a really exciting Christmas planned this year."

Lucy looked up, her curiosity getting the better of her. "I do?"

"Mm-hmm, this year we're going to have a Christmas Eve party at Uncle Mac's house and everyone's going to be there."

Lucy's eyes grew wide and her face lit up. "Mac and Christine and Jo and Ellie and Doc Hawkes and Flack and Adam and Sid?" she asked in one giant breath.

Lindsay went through the list in her head, checking the people off. "Yep and Jo's son, Tyler, will be there as well as Hawkes' wife Camille, Jamie who works in the precinct with Flack and Sid's wife, Alice."

"Oh boy, that so many people!" Lucy exclaimed, her earlier sadness over the doll clearly forgotten about in the excitement of Christmas Eve.

"It is, isn't it?" Lindsay chuckled as they joined the back of the checkout queue.

"We got a lot of food, huh? I thinked we buy the _whole_ store today!"

"We do have quite a lot, don't we? That's Mommy's fault for not going shopping earlier," Lindsay admitted.

"It okay; me and Daddy have toast with jam on earlier and it was yummy. He say that I a smiley princess. I make all of his smiles come back after they gone away," Lucy explained. "I think his smileys went on 'cation like you did when your smileys went away."

Lindsay picked Lucy's hand up and opened it, placing a kiss in the centre of the chubby palm. She didn't say anything, but she was starting to think that maybe it was time for her to apologise to Danny.

* * *

><p>It was close to half past twelve when Danny finally made it home. The lights were all off throughout the apartment, suggesting that both Lindsay and Lucy had been asleep for hours, and the only sound was the hum of the refrigerator. Toeing off his shoes by the front door, he put his coat into the hall closet before padding through the apartment. He stopped at Lucy's room, peeking in on her and ensuring that she was still sleeping in her bed – a couple of times he and Lindsay had gone into the little girl's bedroom to find her playing with her toys sleepily, mumbling nonsense and with no recollection of the incident in the morning. Lindsay mentioned that her parents had occasionally found her in the same position as a child and that they should count themselves lucky that their daughter couldn't leave the house and wander into any nearby forests.<p>

The three year old was breathing deeply as she slept, her eyelids flickering in the low light cast from her wallflower nightlight, suggesting that she was dreaming of something that he hoped was good.

Creeping down to his bedroom, Danny tried to stay as quiet as possible as he entered and went to retrieve his sweats and t-shirt that were balled up beneath his pillow. If awoken, Lindsay could be cranky at the best of times but he had no idea how he'd fare against her today if she was still in the same mood as when they'd last spoken over the phone. He changed in the en-suite, brushed his teeth and then headed to bed, dropping his clothes in the hamper on the way. Pulling the covers back and slipping into them, he was mildly surprise when Lindsay scooted closer to him and settled herself on his chest. He could tell from the rhythm of her breathing that she was only half asleep now. Lindsay pressed a kiss to his shoulder and snuggled against him.

"Hey," he said quietly.

"Hey," she mumbled drowsily back.

"We gonna talk about what's been goin' on with you today?" he asked and she shook her head against his chest. "It wasn't really a request, Linds…"

She opened her tired eyes and looked into his face before sighing, this time it sounded like one of crumbling resolve rather than exasperation. As she pulled out of his arms, the protest that quickly rose was swallowed back down as he saw her reach for something on the bedside table before returning to his arms. She pressed the object she'd collected into his hands. He squinted at it, knowing that it was a long and thin cardboard box but unable to focus on the miniscule writing in the semi-darkness of their bedroom. _Home pregnancy kit_, jumped out at him.

His mouth went dry. "You're… you're pregnant."

"No. No, I'm not. I bought that yesterday thinking that I might have been but then it turned out this morning that I was just late…"

Saying it aloud for the first time broke something in Lindsay as she admitted that all of her brief hopes had been crushed once more. The first sob caught in her throat, wracking her chest and Danny gathered her tighter in his arms, dumbfounded but whispering the only words of comfort that could serve them both.

"It'll happen when it happens." This had become an almost mantra for them. As a couple they weren't trying for children at the moment but the hope was always there, something that couldn't be denied by either of them.

Lindsay clung to him, her knuckles turning white as she fisted his t-shirt and her face buried into his chest whilst she cried. "I want this so bad," she wailed.

"I know you do. I do, too."

"What's wrong with me?"

"Nothing," he stated firmly. "Baby, there's nothing wrong with you. I promise."

She didn't respond, instead crying loud, wrenching sobs that tore from her throat until she was finally spent both emotionally and physically. She fell into a fitful sleep and Danny waited for her breathing to even out before allowing himself to follow her into slumber. This time, however, he kept his arms tightly locked around her because this time he wasn't going to let her slip away again.


	35. Chapter Thirty Four

**Disclaimer: **The characters of CSI: NY do not belong to me however this story is of my own and should only be used after permission has been asked and given. No copyright infringement intended and no profit is being made.

**Summary: **Danny and Lindsay are going to learn that sometimes you must lose, in order to gain.

**Notes: **Hi all! I'm so sorry about the long wait, my laptop started breaking down (right when all of my end of year assignments were due in too, gah!) and so I had to send it off for fixing. I've been writing a lot of this longhand though so hopefully you guys won't have to wait quite as long for the next chapter. A big thank you to _MesserFamilyFan100, S, Clare-Louise89, Ditto123 _and_ Miny23_for reviewing the previous chapter. I hope this one is worth the wait!

* * *

><p><strong>The Parent's Apple<strong>

The heavy silence blanketed the bedroom, stifling the couple as they lay together in bed, both on their backs, a wide chasm between them broken only by their tightly clasped hands. She knew that he wanted to hold her close and never let go whilst he knew she was fighting her natural instinct to run - therefore they'd settled for a mutual, albeit equally difficult, middle ground. Recovering from the loss of their last child had been hard and neither had expressed a desire for more children and yet for a fleeting moment there had been a slight possibility which caused a great ache to resonate through them.

Lindsay usually accepted each monthly cycle without regret or anger, knowing that she and Danny weren't quite ready for a new child, but being late this time felt as though they were being teased by some higher power. The fear of the unknown had left her as she began to anticipate what it would mean for them if she'd been pregnant again before it had been snatched away once more.

She looked across at Danny as he slowly turned his head so they were facing each other. She gave a shy smile. "Sorry for crying on you."

"It's okay," he told her, the rich timbre of his voice comforting. She puckered her lips and he gave her a small smile before shifting closer and pressing an obliging kiss to her lips. When they parted he stayed close, resting is forehead close to hers. Her eyes were downcast, trained on his grandfather's dog tags that were always cool to the touch. "What're you thinkin'?"

She traced over the name on the dog tags. MESSER, STANLEY. Each letter meaningful and unique. The first word a name she had adopted for herself. She looked up into Danny's face. "We're not ready for another baby."

The steadiness to her tone would have surprised him if he hadn't seen it coming, wanted her to say it even. His own disappointment he could deal with - he'd been let down and even been letting himself down for years - but he couldn't bare to see the disappointment in Lindsay's eyes as she continually lost out on the one thing she wanted more than anything else; the one thing he seemed incapable of giving her.

"It'll happen when it happens," he repeated and she nodded, looking unconvinced but smiling anyway.

"Yeah."

"I'm sorry I was such a jackass yesterday," he admitted lowly.

"Well I'm sorry for turning you into a jackass, I know I wasn't being particularly easy to get along with," she responded. Danny ran a consoling hand up and down her arm, unsure whether he was comforting her or himself.

"Mommy! There's a snake in my room!" a voice wailed from the room next door and Danny chuckled, wondering how many more imaginary scary things could be in his daughter's room.

"I'll get it," he offered but Lindsay stilled him.

"No, I'll go. I know how much you hate snakes," she lightly teased, although her voice still held an inner sadness. He watched her go, figuring that maybe she needed the one child that she could have. He just hoped Lucy wouldn't be the last.

* * *

><p>"So I spoke to the lawyer of Bruce Myers," Jo announced as she backed into their office, a mug of coffee in each hand. She placed one in front of Lindsay who hummed her appreciation, taking a tentative sip of the hot beverage as Jo sat at her own desk. "He confirmed Milan's story about the prenup; he says he was in Bruce's hotel room sorting through some other matter when Milan arrived with the paperwork but, despite his advice, Bruce ripped the prenup to pieces and insisted they wouldn't need it. I didn't get the impression Bruce's lawyer wasn't too sure about his client's insistence."<p>

"Okay, so it confirms that Milan had nothing to gain by killing Bruce," Lindsay summarised.

"I wouldn't be so sure of that," Jo countered. "Bruce's lawyer let slip that Milan had been written into his will - she's set to inherit millions. However, my gut is telling me that Milan didn't do it - there's no evidence which places her in that hotel suite and she seemed genuinely cut up about the death of her fiancé yesterday."

Lindsay nodded. "I agree."

Jo sighed, sinking further into her desk chair. "So we're back to square one."

At that moment Adam entered the office, looking excited. He'd finally received the security feeds from the Four Seasons hotel that morning. "Hey," he greeted the two detectives. "I've just been trawling through the security feeds and I think I have something that you'd want to see."

"It's not more rich oldies getting up close and personal, is it?" Lindsay asked teasingly, having walked in on Adam watching a rich elderly couple making out in the elevator.

"Gah, no," he laughed nervously, blushing to the roots of his auburn hair.

Lindsay and Jo stood, following Adam out of their office and down to the AV Lab where he took a seat in front of his computer. Jo took the other remaining chair and Lindsay stood behind them both, all looking intently at the screen. Adam's fingers flew across the keyboard and they watched as he brought up an image of the interior of the elevator at full capacity with the time stamp of 20:09. The occupants of the elevator slowly filtered out, leaving behind one man who wore a suit and was tapping his foot out of either nervousness or agitation. He glanced up at the camera a couple of times before jabbing at the control panel, his back to the camera until he exited the elevator.

Adam paused the feed as the man walked out of shot. "I timed the progression of the elevator, working out that it takes seven seconds to travel between floors if no one boards or alights. So, using that as well as the length of time his journey takes, I've come to the conclusion that he exits into the penthouse suite. He stands by the elevator panel for a moment and his back blocks the camera so he could either be entering the code or overriding the system somehow - I'm not sure which."

"Nice work, Adam," Jo praised. "Can you get us a close up image of his face so we can run him through the database?"

"Uh, sure." Adam set to work pulling up a decent image of their new suspect. Pausing on one of the times he'd glanced up at the camera. Adam was about to select the image when Lindsay stilled him.

"Wait, I know that face." Picking up a tablet, Lindsay typed information quickly into the device before passing it to Jo. An online news article was pulled up, entitled 'Millionaire Wins Case Against Falsified Claim'. Jo handed the tablet back to Lindsay, urging her to continue. "When you came into the office earlier I was doing some extra background reading on Bruce, trying to find out if there was any evidence of a second woman who could be responsible for the rose petals and ice bucket. Instead, I came across this. Last month Bruce was taken to court for the unlawful dismissal of an intern who had worked for him and been overlooked for a permanent job - Bruce won the case however after telling the court that the intern had been aware from the start that a job at the end of his internship wasn't guaranteed. It says here that the intern tried to sue Bruce for - woah, seventeen million dollars."

"What was the name of the intern?"

"Oscar Greggs," Lindsay answered, enlarging the photograph of Greggs and handing the tablet to Jo for her to examine. She compared the two faces and nodded.

"It's definitely the same person," Jo concurred.

"Oscar Greggs," Adam announced, quickly skimming through the rap sheet that he'd pulled up on another computer monitor. "Twenty seven years old, living in Brooklyn. Priors for assault, substance abuse and petty theft - all of which happened seven to ten years ago. Since then he's been clean as a whistle."

Jo sat back in her chair, contemplating everything that they had gathered so far. "Alright, so we know Greggs had an issue with Bruce and we also know he visited him just after eight o'clock on the night of his murder after losing out on a huge payout. We also know that he has a history of violence. However the evidence is telling us that there was a woman inside the hotel suite that night but so far we don't know who she is. Have there been any women going in or out of the hotel suite?"

"No," Adam shook his head. "Not unless you count the maid's."

"Continue to watch the security feed and pay particular attention to any of the women going in or out," Jo instructed.

"You got it, I'll let you know if I find anything," Adam answered, instantly engrossed in his work once more.

Jo then turned to Lindsay. "I think it's time we paid Gregg's a visit."

* * *

><p>Lindsay stabbed at a piece of pasta with her fork before putting it into her mouth. She was sat in the break room with Danny, eating lunch together. He was working a robberymurder case with Sheldon and their suspect needed to sober up before they could interrogate him so they were taking a break. Lindsay and Jo's case had hit another infuriating dead end.

"How's the murdered millionaire case going?" Danny asked, taking a swig from his bottled water.

Lindsay groaned. "Not great. We thought we were on to something when we went to interview a guy who had a grudge against Bruce Myers and was seen going up to his penthouse suite the night before last but it turns out Bruce invited him there to offer him a job - apparently filing a law suit against him that demands seventeen million dollars is seen as 'ballsy'. Our suspect even had the voicemail from Bruce to prove it. It seems that everywhere we go we hit one brick wall after another." Lindsay stabbed at another piece of pasta fiercely and put it into her mouth.

Danny chuckled. "Don't worry, you'll get there soon."

"It's not that," Lindsay sighed. Danny tilted his head to the side and Lindsay obliged in telling him her true concerns. "The more I learn about this guy, the more I'm starting to wonder why he's dead. By the sounds of it, Bruce was a genuine, caring guy and yet someone decided to smash his skull in with a bottle of wine. Oh, and not just any bottle of wine I might add but a _fifteen hundred _dollar bottle of wine.

Danny gave a low whistle. "Pricey."

"I just don't know why someone would want him dead."

Danny sighed sympathetically; the 'why' was always the hardest, but especially for Lindsay who had never found out the why behind her friend's murders as Daniel Katums still flatly refused to admit that he was guilty.

He took her hand in his. "It's not our job to find out why; it's our job to find out _who_."

"I know," she agreed. She gave his hand a squeeze and smiled at him before picking up her own bottle of water and taking a sip. "You still up for coming tonight?"

"Ya kiddin' me? I wouldn't miss it for the world."

Lindsay grinned. "Good. Meet you by the elevators at six?"

"Sure," he nodded.

They lapsed back into a comfortable silence whilst they ate which was only broken by Adam entering the break room. He approached Lindsay, his contagious excitement from that morning in place again.

"I think I've found her."

The unabashed enthusiasm that flooded Lindsay's face was blinding. She turned to Danny and gestured to her half-finished lunch but before she could even open her mouth he was already speaking. "Go on, get outta here and crack your case. I'll sort this out."

She beamed at him. "Thanks, I'll see you at six."

He grumbled somewhat good-naturedly at how it was always Adam who interrupted their moments together as husband and wife. He picked her bowl up and scraped the leftovers into the bin before quickly washing it up in the sink and leaving it on the drying rack. At that moment Hawkes walked in, looking expectant.

"He sober?" Danny asked.

"You bet."

Danny picked his sandwich wrapped up and threw it in the bin, saving the last mouthful which he put into his mouth. "Let's go," he mumbled around his food.

Hawkes grimaced. "Nice."

* * *

><p>"Meet Hilda Gray, a nineteen year old maid who works part-time at the Four Seasons." Adam indicated the young woman dressed in a formal uniform, waiting in the elevator. She was carrying a wicker basket over one forearm.<p>

"A little late for housekeeping, isn't it?" Jo muttered, studying the screen carefully.

"When I said earlier that the only women regularly entering the penthouse suite where the cleaners it made me realise that perhaps it was the maid's that I should have been looking at all along," Adam explained. "Due to Myers' hectic schedule, the maid service is spasmodic without any real schedule however this," he zoomed in to one of the items in Gray's basket, "caught my attention."

The wine bottle was labelled as a unique Four Season's brand.

Jo sat back in her chair, satisfied that they were getting somewhere with this case at last. "She's taking in our murder weapon."

"Exactly," Adam nodded.

"She would have had access to where they store the wine and if she was caught then she could have just claimed that a guest at the hotel had requested a bottle," Lindsay inputted.

"I pulled up the staff rota and Gray wasn't scheduled to work the night before last," Adam informed them. "In fact, she wasn't supposed to be working for most of this week as she's only part-time however she's been turning up a lot to clean the penthouse suite."

"Time stamp puts her in Myers' hotel room around the time of death," Jo stated. "That's more than enough to bring her in for questioning."

"Well done Adam," Lindsay praised.

The lab tech flushed embarrassedly. "Oh, well, hey, I only worked with what you guys had already given me but, er... huh, thanks." He cleared his throat before turning back to the computer and pulling up a different screen. "If you're interested in bringing Gray in then I can tell you that her shift began nearly half an hour ago."

* * *

><p>The takedown of Gray had gone smoothly and their suspect was currently sitting in an interrogation room, stoutly refusing to answer any questions until her lawyer had arrived. Jo and Lindsay stood in the adjacent room, looking through the one-way mirror as Gray picked at a loose thread on the sleeve of her maid's uniform. Lindsay checked her watch and Jo glanced at her.<p>

"You okay? That's the third time you've checked your watch in ten minutes," the assistant supervisor commented.

"Oh, sorry, no it's fine," Lindsay told her easily with a smile.

"I can handle this on my own if you'd rather-"

"No, no," Lindsay interrupted. "Really, Jo, it's fine. I want to see the close of this case."

Even from beyond the grave Bruce Myers had affected Lindsay, his genuineness as a person appealing to her as she learnt more about him through the people who had known him well. Not seeing this case to the end would feel like letting their victim down. Lindsay followed Jo out of their room and into interrogation where Gray took one look at them before turning away in stony silence, glaring at the opposite wall. They each took a seat on the other side of the table and Lindsay wordlessly laid out photographs of the crime scene whilst Jo sat back and crossed her arms over her chest, watching Gray. The nineteen year old's gaze flickered down to the photograph of Bruce Myers, slumped over the piano with dark blood clinging to his skin and clothing.

"You cleaned Bruce Myers' hotel suite, didn't you Hilda? Even more than was necessary, according to the hotel records," Jo began, picking up a piece of paper and pushing it towards Gray. It was a copy of the work schedule rota. Jo tapped the sheet. "It says here that you shouldn't have been working the majority of last week and yet according to the security feed that we pulled from the elevator that leads up to the Ty Warner Penthouse Suite, you've been going up to the suite a lot recently to clean - especially on your days off."

Gray shrugged. "Mr. Myers was very particular about who he wanted cleaning his suite."

"Right – so if we went to your manager he would know about Bruce's special request for you to clean his suite?" Jo asked.

Gray pursed her lips, silent once more. It was clear that she was unable to stay completely silent though and that perhaps the confession was already there, burning to come out.

Lindsay pulled out another photo, it was the security feed from the elevator showing Gray on the night of Bruce's murder.

"That's you, the night Bruce was murdered and you're carrying the murder weapon. Why don't you tell us what happened?"

"I want my lawyer," Gray snapped.

"You'll be waiting a while, he's stuck in traffic. Why don't you tell us about Bruce? He was nice to you, wasn't he? He made you feel like you were special so it was a surprise when he knocked you back, wasn't it?"

"Mr Myers wasn't _nice_," Gray snapped. "I did everything for him and he treated me like I was nothing. I ran a bath, stole wine and champagne for us, put roses on the bed and then stripped naked and waited for him. I was a _gift_ and he treated me like I was nothing. I knew that he liked to play the piano so I sat on the stool, waiting for him but when he found me he was angry. He was shouting and he threw the bottle at the wall. Mr. Myers told me to get out and then said he'd be making a complaint to the manager in the morning. He made me feel used and dirty. I got dressed and when I heard him playing the piano I just lost it - before I knew it Mr. Myers was slumped over the piano and the bottle of wine was in my hand. I just gathered everything and left. It wasn't my fault, I swear."

Lindsay sat back in her chair, stunned. She shook her head in disbelief at their suspect. "_Mr. Myers_ was a good guy who wanted his fiancée more than the person who tried to sabotage everything he had."

Gray rolled her eyes. "Mr. Myers wanted me but got cold feet."

"Well we'll see what the jury thinks." Jo picked up all of the evidence and slid it back into a manila folder. Both of the detective's stood and left the interrogation room, disgusted with Hilda Gray but relieved that they had for justice for Bruce Myers and the others who had loved him.

"I'm going to go and speak to Milan, give her the news about Gray's arrest. Did you want to come with me?" Jo asked, gesturing towards the parked Avalanche.

"Ah, no – thank you. I've got somewhere to be," Lindsay told her. Jo gave her shoulder a squeeze before they set off in opposite directions.

* * *

><p>Lucy's classroom was abuzz with excitable preschools as they dragged their parents around, pointing out displays, work stations and named coat pegs. Danny was the unfortunate one who was being taken from place to place by his three year old who chattered a hundred words a minute at him. Lucy dragged him over to her table that she shared with three other children, Angela, Sophie and, to Danny's dismay, Cameron. Danny caught himself before he gave the youngster a death glare, knowing that Lindsay would give him a death glare of her own if she saw him. Glancing around, Danny realised he didn't know where his wife had gotten to. The pre-K parents meeting was so busy that he'd somehow managed to lose her.<p>

Looking over the heads of children and parents, he searched for Lindsay and eventually found her in the corner of the classroom as she talked confidentially to Lucy's teacher. To his surprise, Lindsay's head was bowed and it looked as though Ms. Hayward was squeezing his wife's forearm reassuringly, her head tilted in sympathy.

"Hi, you're Danny, right?" a voice asked. "Lucy's dad...?"

A woman swooped into Danny's vision and he blinked, refocusing on her face. Her bright smile and warm eyes stood out from mahogany skin and the many tiny plaits in her hair bobbed as she moved. "Huh? Oh Lucy's dad... yeah, yeah I'm Danny."

The woman beamed and held out her hand for him to shake. "It's good to finally meet you, I've only ever spoken to your wife before. I'm Angela's mom."

"Nancy, right," Danny nodded, smiling himself. "It's good to finally be able to put a face to 'Angela's mommy'."

"Likewise," Nancy laughed, showing her white teeth. "I was hoping to talk to you and Lindsay about Angela's birthday, it's shortly after the New Year and so we were hoping to have Lucy round for dinner and a movie if you both agreed."

"Uh, sure," Danny nodded. His gaze flicked over her shoulder to Lindsay who was now smiling and nodding as Ms. Hayward spoke to her. He looked back to Nancy. "I'd have to check with Linds but I'm certain it'd be fine."

"Great," Nancy smiled still broadly still. "I'll text Lindsay with the details. If you'll excuse me, I just saw my husband come in and I'm sure I've never seen someone look so lost."

She walked away from him and Danny crossed the classroom, heading towards Lindsay who had finished talking with Ms. Hayward; the preschool teacher was now surrounded by other parents, all anxious to hear how their children were coping in school. As he reached his wife, he gave her a concerned frown. "You a'right?"

"Not here," she muttered shortly before stooping down beside Lucy, giving the youngster a bright smile. "Ready to go, Luce?"

"You spoke to my teacher?"

"She said you were bright, funny and liked by the other kids," Lindsay informed her.

Lucy grinned before taking Lindsay's hand and hopping out of her chair, she turned back to wave goodbye at her friends before holding Danny's hand too as they made their way through and out of the crowded classroom. Walking down the hall, Lucy tugged on her parents hands and swung through the air before landing on her feet once more. She continued this out of the building and across the school yard, only stopping when they reached the Volvo. Danny climbed in, starting the engine whilst Lindsay helped Lucy into her car seat and buckled her in before walking round to her own seat. Once inside, Danny pulled out onto the street and began the slow journey back to their apartment. He glanced back at Lucy in the rear-view mirror to ensure she was occupied before looking to Lindsay.

"So what was that all about back there?" he asked, concern in his voice.

Lindsay glanced over her shoulder at Lucy, the youngster was humming quietly as she watched the city flashed past. She spoke quietly so as not to attract her daughter's attention. "Lucy told Ms. Hayward about the miscarriage. She was offering her condolences and told me that there were other parent's in the class who had lost children also."

"Did she tell you who?" he asked.

Lindsay shook her head fervently. "No, it wouldn't be right for her to divulge that sort of information."

Lindsay lowered the centre console separating them and took his hand in hers, giving it a squeeze before turning back to watch the road pass. Danny had briefly thought that Lindsay could perhaps confide in a person who had been through what she had - especially if they also had a child that was Lucy's age - however he'd dismissed the thought quickly, knowing that Lindsay wouldn't go for something like that. She was an intensely private person, even more so about her personal feelings and it taken a while for her to open up to him let alone someone else. He, Stella and occasionally Mac were the treasured few that Lindsay confided in but that had taken a long time for the trust to be built. He gave her hand another squeeze, knowing that if she wanted him to confide in then he'd happily oblige.


	36. Chapter Thirty Five

**Disclaimer: **The characters of CSI: NY do not belong to me however this story is of my own and should only be used after permission has been asked and given. No copyright infringement intended and no profit is being made.

**Summary: **Danny and Lindsay are going to learn that sometimes you must lose, in order to gain.

**Notes: **This one got pretty long because there was so much that I wanted to include. Without giving too much away, I should note that there are some sensitive, real life events mentioned in this one but it felt right to mention them as an indication that this is set in real time (well, real time six months ago) so please proceed with caution. I hope not to offend anyone. There's another note at the end in which I require so help. A huge thank you to _MesserFamilyFan100, Miny23, Madison Bellows _and _Dantana15 _for leaving reviews of the last chapter.

* * *

><p><strong>The Parent's Apple<strong>

Curled up on the couch, Lindsay muted the television that had been somewhat of a distraction during the phone conversation she was currently having. "…You don't need to get her anything," Lindsay continued with a chuckle, transferring the cell to her other ear. "She's going to be spoilt enough, trust me."

"I can't _not_ get Lucy something!" Stella said, indignation rising in her voice. Lindsay smiled, wondering whether the insistence to get a Christmas present was really for Lucy or whether it was to further fulfil Stella's insatiable need to shop.

"Just get her something small," Lindsay told her.

"Yeah, right," Stella snorted. "C'mon Linds, you're not being helpful." A distinct note of panic rose in Stella's moan. "What do girls like?"

Lindsay sighed knowingly, an amused smile adorning her features as she sank back into the couch cushions. "You never usually have trouble buying presents," she commented lightly. "Has this, by any chance, got something to do with Southerly staying with Jackson for Christmas?"

Stella sighed through the phone. "He's asked me to stay too."

"Okay," Lindsay replied bracingly, nodding. "And you're worried that she won't like you?" Stella's silence told her that she'd guessed correctly. "Stel, spoiling Southerly rotten won't make her like you, I'm afraid. If anything, she might realise that you're trying to buy her affection."

"So you think I shouldn't get her anything?" Stella asked.

"Not necessarily – but maybe get her something small; that way it shows that you're being affectionate and you were thinking about her but that that you were trying to make her like you."

"But I am trying to make her like me!" the older woman implored.

Lindsay laughed. "I know, but you need to let her make up her own mind about you. If she doesn't fall instantly in love with you then don't worry, sometimes people – especially children – are weary of strangers and newcomers. But that doesn't mean her opinion can't change. Just relax and be yourself."

Stella sighed and Lindsay could guess that she was nodding in resolution. "Okay, I'll give this 'being myself' think a go."

"What else is up?" Lindsay asked.

Stella grinned despite herself. "How did you know?"

"Call it mother's intuition."

"I don't know how Southerly will react to me being there at Christmas," Stella admitted softly. "Jackson hasn't had many partners since splitting with his wife – and none of them were introduced to his daughter. I don't know whether his ex-wife had seen anyone serious over the years, either. I don't want Southerly to think I'm the reason her parents can't get back together."

"Stel, you can't think like that," Lindsay said reasonably. "You're not the 'other woman' or anything like that. You didn't split them up; they did that all by themselves three years ago. If Southerly blames you then it is misplaced anger and something you'll need to overcome."

"But what if it was Lucy? How comfortable would you be allowing Lucy to meet Danny's new girlfriend?" Stella asked.

Lindsay hesitated; even hypothetically this thought trail was painful to follow. "I…okay," she relented, "admittedly, yes, it would be hard. But that would be completely different circumstances – I honestly can't put myself into that position because with every relationship it's different. Right now Danny and me are in love with each other but the same can't be said for Jackson and his wife. You said yourself that you don't know if Southerly's mother has had, or even is currently in, a serious relationship therefore you just have to take this Christmas vacation one day at a time and see what happens. You know you can always call me though, right?"

Stella smiled into the phone. "Yeah, I know. Thanks for listening, Linds," Stella said, her self-assured confidence returning.

Lindsay chuckled. "It's about time I started doling out some advice – God knows you've done it for me enough times in the past."

"It's what friends do for each other," Stella replied easily. "So," she began her new conversation thread, and Lindsay could hear her shifting into a more comfortable position. "How're you doing? Your text the other week sounded frantic. Did you take the test?"

The anticipation in Stella's tone caused a knot to form in Lindsay's stomach and she regretted, not for the first time, her rash decision to text Stella to tell her that she thought she may have been pregnant. "Uh, no, I didn't – it was a false alarm."

"Oh Linds, I'm so sorry kiddo."

"Hey, no, don't be silly; it's fine, really, Danny and I have agreed that we're not ready yet," Lindsay reassured her friend. "It was a nice dream for a while but everything's still too fresh at the moment. We've only just finished rebuilding everything from the last miscarriage – it wouldn't be fair to bring a baby into this sort of environment. Besides," Lindsay's tone brightened, "I already have a baby of my own and it's about time she had a little one on one attention – especially after everything that she was put through during that time."

Stella smiled at the mention of her pseudo-niece. "How is Lucy?"

"She's good," Lindsay nodded with a smile. "She's finally at the age where she associates Christmas with presents so she's pretty excited about that. We made some decorations earlier so I'll send you one – although please bear in mind that she's three and her motor skills aren't quite refined yet so if it looks like someone sent you a glittery ball of mess then you know why," Lindsay chuckled. There was a pause before she added, "Actually, I haven't heard of her for a while, and let me tell you, that's never a good thing with a three year old. I'd better go, make sure she's keeping out of trouble."

Stella laughed. "Alright, I'll let you go. Give Lucy a big kiss and cuddle from me. If I have any more meltdowns then I'll ring you for another verbal ass kicking."

"I'll shine my boots especially," Lindsay teased. "But seriously Stel, if you have real concerns then talk to Jackson about them – I learnt the hard way that talking really does help and I'm _still_ learning now. Just – don't make the same mistakes that Danny and me did."

"I'll try not to," Stella reassured her younger friend. They said their goodbyes before hanging up. A grinned Danny walked into the living room as Lindsay was pocketing her phone. He beckoned to her.

"Babe, come look at this."

Lindsay gave a puzzled frown before standing and following him to the family bathroom. A sense of foreboding settled over Lindsay and she hesitated, her frown deepening as Danny gestured for her to look into the bathroom. Peering around the doorway, she had to clap a hand to her mouth to stop from laughing aloud as she saw what had amused her husband. All of the white towels had been pulled out from the cupboard under the sink and laid across the floor to represent, Lindsay had to guess, snow. Lucy's toys had been lined up in pairs and knotted together with shoelaces whilst the little girl held on to the end and waved them about. Lucy herself was kitted out in willies, swimming goggles, mittens and what looked like three jumpers. She was swaying left and right on a cushion calling, "mush, doggie, mushy mush!"

The young mother pulled back before Lucy noticed her, fascinated once more by the imagination of children. She grinned at Danny. "Admit it; your little city kid is a country girl at heart."

"Yeah, yeah, just like her mama," he chuckled. Throwing an arm around her shoulders, Danny pressed a kiss to the crown of Lindsay's head.

She peeked around the doorway again and pulled her cell phone out of her pocket, angling it around the doorframe to photograph the three year old. Lucy looked up at the flash, her lips puckering in an indignant pout.

"Hey!"

"I'm just taking one for Stella," Lindsay told her imploringly.

"Oh. Take a proper one then!" she demanded, grinning at the camera.

"Don't do the cheesy grin," Lindsay gently chastised her, laughing.

"I'm not!" Lucy furiously insisted before returning to her huge smile again. Lindsay rolled her eyes before taking a couple more photos of her daughter. Movement in her peripheral vision caused Lindsay to look down the hall and she nearly doubled over with laughter. Danny had quickly donned a balaclava, Lucy's sunflower sunglasses and draped a knitted afghan over his shoulders to resemble a toga. He stepped around Lindsay and into the bathroom where Lucy screamed with laughter.

"Daddy!" she whooped.

"Move over, Snow Explorer." Lucy shuffled forwards and Danny crouched down behind her, his knees cracking as he made his way to the floor. Lucy seated between his legs, he covered her hands with his own on the shoelaces and rocked her from side to side calling, "woah!"

Lindsay recovered enough to snap a few more photographs before sending the best ones to Stella with a quick message; _I told you silence meant trouble!_

"You got room for one more?" Lindsay asked, pocketing her phone again and moving further into the bathroom.

"Yup!" the three year old moved forwards again and Lindsay slipped into the space between her husband and daughter. Once settled, she pulled Lucy's warm little body closer into her lap and for a few hours the small family were lost inside the little girl's imagination.

* * *

><p>Danny and Lindsay collapsed onto their bed later that night after tucking Lucy in. "Our kid sure knows how to play hard, huh?" Lindsay said.<p>

"Hmm," Danny mumbled incoherently into the pillow. He was lying on his stomach and moved his head so his cheek rested against the soft material. "I've got a twinge in my lower back from sitting on the floor for so long."

"How bad is it?" Lindsay asked, concern laced through her tone.

"It's fine," he told her.

He heard Lindsay open and shut the drawer to her bedside table before scooting closer and perching on his backside. She pushed his t-shirt up and over his head, leaving his lean back and broad shoulders bare. Over the years Danny may have lost some of the defined contours of his stomach but his shoulders and arms were still well sculpted – something, she wasn't ashamed to admit, that she enjoyed. Squeezing a small amount of lotion into her palm, she rubbed her hands together before placing them on his back and working her hands into the muscles, with a practised technique from when he'd been shot in the back and temporarily paralyzed three years ago. She paid particular attention to his lower back, her thumbs pressing into the bunched muscles until they released. She could feel Danny's body relaxing as he succumbed to sleep.

Her finger traced over the scar that bore reminder to how he'd nearly been taken from her and she bent to press a kiss between his shoulder blades. Climbing off of him and over to her own side of the bed, she switched the lamp off and pulled the comforter over them both before curling into his side.

"I love you, Danny," she whispered as he snored lightly. She smiled before settling down to sleep herself.

* * *

><p>Wordlessly, Mac switched the television set off with the remote before settling back in his chair. A horrified silence had settled in the packed conference room as CSI's and lab techs alike tried to process the news report they'd just watched which had outlined the events that were still unfolding in Connecticut. The terrified faces of the children as they were led out of their school was burned into the memory of many of those watching, whilst others had felt their stomach drop as they saw the anguished parents waiting outside the school grounds of Sandy Hook Elementary school, desperate to know if their children were safe or not.<p>

Lindsay's mind wandered to the doll that was hidden away in an out of reach cupboard, waiting to be put beneath the Christmas tree for the enjoyment of an imaginative and creative little girl. She couldn't help but wonder about the carefully and lovingly bought Christmas presents that parents would never see their children open, joy lighting up their shining faces. Were they already wrapped and waiting beneath trees or hidden away? Did they say 'Love from Mommy and Daddy' or 'From Santa'?

"I should probably go and ring Tyler and Ellie," Jo murmured, excusing herself quietly.

Lindsay rose on shaky legs and numbly walked out of the conference room, people easily parting as she exited. Danny watched her go, his longing to follow clearly written across his face. He caught Mac's eyes who gave him a curt nod.

"Go," Mac told him.

Danny nodded his thanks before getting up and hurrying after his wife. Exiting the conference room, he looked left and right as he crossed the lab, searching corridors, offices and work stations. Eventually he found her halfway down a darkened corridor, her back to him and her head bowed with a hand pressed to her mouth. Walking towards her, Danny placed a hand between her shoulder blades.

"Linds?"

She immediately spun round and fell into his arms, her face shining with tears. He held her close as she buried her face into his chest and cried. The trauma of her own past, mingled with the terrible events happening in Connecticut, as well as her fear for Lucy broke the carefully constructed barrier that was usually erected between herself and the rest of the world. Danny realised all of this and so gathered her closer, allowing Lindsay to cling to him as she let him be her pillar of strength.

Her tears slowly eased as the buzz of the lab picked up again, indicating that Mac had finished talking to his employees and dismissed them from the conference room. Danny tucked Lindsay under one arm, shielding her from the lab, and led her to the locker room. Jo was sat on the bench between the rows of lockers, her voice overly bright but her face a cracked mask as she talked to one of her children on the phone. Danny proceeded to the men's restroom despite Lindsay's weak protestations and shut the door behind them. He indicated for her to jump up onto the counter beside the sinks and she did so.

"It smells in here," she muttered and he chuckled, glad to see that her spirits were bruised but unbroken.

He went to a cubicle and grabbed a wad of toilet paper which he ripped in half. The first half he wetted from the tap and used it to wipe at Lindsay's face, cooling her heated skin whilst also ridding her of tears and any smeared mascara from her crying jag. The second half he used to pat her face dry.

She sniffled and gave him a watery smile. With someone so attentive looking after her, it was difficult to focus on her troubled worries. "Thank you. I seem to be making a habit out of crying on you," she said lightly but sighed deeply.

"You're my wife, Linds; I wouldn't want you crying on anyone else."

His arms rested on the counter on either side of her and she jumped down, boxed in by him. She gave him a shy smile and he ducked down to give her a quick, chaste kiss before leading them both out of the men's restroom. A male lab tech gave them a confused look as he passed them and entered. Danny looked down at Lindsay and winked as she bit her lip amusedly.

"I've gotta get goin' but I'll catch you later, yeah?" he said.

"Yeah, sure." She nodded and gave him a reassuring smile. Danny left whilst Lindsay walked over to her locker, opening it and checking her reflection in the mirror stuck to the back of the door. Jo hung up her phone with a weary sigh and Lindsay looked over her shoulder at the older detective, giving her a tentative smile. "You look how I feel."

"Tell me about it," Jo sighed. "Those poor children…"

"I know," Lindsay mumbled.

"Y'alright?" the Southern detective asked as she pushed herself up to standing.

"It's… difficult," Lindsay admitted hesitantly. "Stuff like this just reminds me of… back home, y'know? I know how difficult it'll be for those parents to move on from this – even the ones whose children haven't been taken away from them. I think sometimes we forget that once we've closed a case that doesn't mean the heartache is completely gone."

Jo reached out and gave Lindsay's bicep a firm, reassuring squeeze. "Looks as though Danny knows how to take your mind off of things though," she commented.

Lindsay smiled. "He really does." She indicated to the phone in Jo's hand. "Did you manage to speak to Tyler and Ellie?"

"Yeah, they'd both heard from friends – I caught Tyler as he was going between lessons and Ellie asked if she could have a friend stay round on Friday night so it sounds as though they're both fine." Jo nodded; obviously reassured from the brief contact she'd had with each of her children.

"I used to say I'd never have children," Lindsay admittedly quietly. At Jo's raised eyebrow she continued, "Seeing the mom's after my friends were killed was probably the second hardest thing I've ever had to see… I never wanted to have to go through that. But then Danny happened – and subsequently Lucy happened – and now I can't imagine _not_ wanting to be a mother. It's still hard at times but that little girl makes up for everything. She's just…" Lindsay broke off, a smile tugging in the corners of her mouth as she struggled to fully explain how much she loved her daughter.

"I know what you mean," Jo nodded. "Whenever I look at Ellie I wonder what her birth mom saw because it clearly wasn't what I saw. I fell in love with Ellie the moment I laid eyes on her, and maybe it wasn't entirely appropriate or professional, but I was going to do everything in my power to make sure she went to a good home – and maybe deep down I knew that home would be mine."

Lindsay smiled openly. "You did a good thing taking Ellie in, Jo. You probably just about saved her life – or at least saved her from growing up to make the wrong choices in life."

Jo was flattered by the compliment. "Thanks."

"You're welcome," Lindsay replied easily. She checked her face once more in the mirror and Jo studied her for a moment; the Southern detective remembered the conversation with Stella that she'd had at Hawkes and Camille's reception party about how she was the 'mother' to Lindsay, offering family and marital advice. It was good to see that the younger woman was starting to open up more, even if it was at a slower pace than a glacier.

* * *

><p>Lindsay found it difficult to concentrate during the remainder of her shift, the only thought getting her through was knowing that she'd be able to see her daughter once she was finished. There was a sobriety echoed throughout the lab as everyone's thoughts lingered on the tragedy that had befallen the many families in Connecticut. Lindsay herself had thought back many times to the last time she'd seen her daughter, wondering whether those last few seconds would have been adequate enough to be a lasting memory. Shift finally over, Lindsay wasted no time in gathering her belongings from the empty locker room and leaving the lab. Outside it had begun to lightly snow and so she pulled her coat tighter around herself, huddling into the warm folds of material as she headed towards the subway. As Danny's shift had ended before hers, Lindsay had insisted that he take the car so her husband could pick Lucy up from preschool with ease.<p>

She walked briskly for half a block but the burst of a car horn caused her to pause, looking up. Danny and Lucy were parked across the street, the engine running and the headlamps flooding the grey street with light. Lucy waved from the backseat, an exuberant smile lighting up her face and Lindsay felt the knot of tension that had settled in her stomach ease for the first time since seeing the news report that morning.

Lindsay crossed the road and pulled open the passenger door. Climbing in, she leant across to kiss Danny's cheek. "Hey. What're you doing here?"

"Pickin' you up," he shrugged easily. "We're goin' for a drive."

Lindsay gave him a suspicious look but didn't say anything. She buckled in her seat belt and turned halfway around to face her daughter. Reaching behind her, Lindsay took Lucy's sneaker clad foot in her hand, instantly calmed by the contact with her daughter.

"Hey baby, did you have a good day in preschool?" Lindsay asked and Lucy retold stories of playground games, lessons, a boy who got into trouble for picking his nose and home work that she had been set.

"My teacher said we had to pick a colour and count how many cars we see drivin'!" Lucy exclaimed as though this was the best homework to be given in the world. "So I picked pink!"

Lindsay nodded, having already guessed that her daughter would have chosen that colour. "So have you been counting?"

"Yah-huh, we sawed one already – didn't we, Daddy?"

"We sure did, sweet pea," Danny responded. His eyes were still on the road but his ears were open to their conversation.

"That's good, keep it up and ask me if you get stuck." Lindsay knew that Lucy would begin to struggle if she got past the number fourteen – not that Lindsay expected to see that many pink cars in New York. She turned back to face the front, releasing Lucy's foot as Danny joined the traffic entering the Queens Midtown tunnel. The evening was lighter that it would have been if it wasn't snowing, the sky churning slowly overhead.

"Ooh!" Lucy squealed, gazing open mouthed at the lights in the tunnel as they flashed past.

"So where're we going?" Lindsay asked her husband. Danny didn't answer, instead tapping his nose in a superior sort of way. She smirked at him. "Yeah, real mature."

She knew that when he wanted to, Danny could be very secretive, and if he had a surprise then he liked to sit on it until the opportune moment and no amount of coaxing, cajoling or demanding would make him tell her his secret. She settled back in her seat, enjoying the ride as she inhaled and then exhaled slowly, letting all of her worries go.

"How was work?" Danny asked lightly.

"It was…" she hesitated, unable – or possible unwilling – to let the natural 'fine' pass through her lips. "Difficult," she admitted. "I couldn't stop thinking about Lucy all day."

"Yeah, me too," Danny confessed.

Lindsay smiled at him, grateful to learn that it wasn't just her doubts and fears that had made it difficult to focus on something other than her daughter throughout the day. Danny gave her hand a squeeze; no matter how much he encouraged his wife to talk about the diner, how much he researched, empathised or tried to think it all through from his professional point of view, Danny knew he'd never be privy to that section of Lindsay's life.

She pressed the button on the radio, music from an old rock station filling the car as they emerged on the Queens Midtown Expressway and continued driving across the borough. Lindsay glanced over her shoulder, smiling as she saw that Lucy had fallen asleep in her car seat, her head dropped to her chest. They continued to drive for another half an hour, Lindsay's suspicions rising, as they drove down the Long Island Expressway and then crossed on to the NY106. Danny eventually pulled off of the highway into a more residential area and then paused at a crossroads, idling despite there being no other traffic.

Lindsay frowned at him and he grinned back before pointing through the windshield at the street sign.

"_Montana St.,_" she read. Lindsay looked back to his grinning face, her eyebrow raised. "You're kidding me, right? You dragged us all the way out here for this?"

He was pleased to see that her mouth was twitching despite her apparent annoyance. "Nah, this was just a coincidence – _Montana St._ in _Hicksville._"

She glared at him. "Very funny."

Danny pressed down on the accelerator and they continued down the street, taking a few more turns until they finally ended up where Danny wanted them to be. He parked up outside a white house on the corner with a chain link fence running around it. Lindsay looked around for something that stood out but nothing seemed to.

"You should wake Lucy up – she ain't gonna want to miss this," Danny told her and there was definite excitement in his tone.

Lindsay's suspicions had returned but she did as told, climbing out of the car and opening Lucy's door before gently waking her daughter up. Lucy blinked a few times before smiling sleepily at her mother and Lindsay felt her heart clench.

"Hi, mommy."

"Hey baby."

Lucy looked around, her eyes suddenly filling with tears. "Oh no – I didn't do my homework."

"It's okay, I counted for you," Lindsay lied. "Um, there were four pink cars. Now," she continued before Lucy could ask any questions about what the cars looked like, "how about we get out and see what Daddy's surprise is?"

"Ooh, yes!" the little girl exclaimed, sufficiently distracted at the prospect of a surprise.

Lindsay unbuckled Lucy from her car seat and then rather than setting the little girl on the ground, she rested Lucy on her hip. Danny locked the car up and led them towards the house they'd parked outside of. He opened the gate and they walked through before shutting it behind them and making their way to the front door. Danny knocked and then rocked on the balls of his feet, flashing Lindsay a grin as she frowned suspiciously at him.

A plump woman wearing a purple tie-dye t-shirt and holey jeans opened the front door, a pair of glasses on a chain hung around her neck. "You the Messer's? Thought you'd be here fifteen minutes ago," she said in greeting.

"Yeah, we hit traffic by the Queens Midtown tunnel," Danny explained apologetically.

"Well, c'mon in." She turned and retreated into her home, Lindsay frowning at her husband as he waved her in ahead of him. Lindsay followed the woman through her home to the conservatory where a pen had been set up and inside were–

"Doggies!" Lucy squealed. She scrambled down from her mom's arms and ran over to the pen, clinging to the cage and bobbing on the spot excitedly as she peered in. Two fawn Great Danes were inside the pen, surrounded by a litter of puppies, all wrestling and barking happily.

"You wanna get in?" the dog owner asked.

"Uh, sure." Lindsay climbed over the fence of the pen before lifting Lucy in after her. The puppies immediately swarmed towards them, all begging for attention as they nudged and licked them. Danny stood outside the pen, watching how Lucy coped with the dogs and how Lindsay's face lit up as she scratched behind their ears and played with them.

Lindsay looked up at Danny, a grin on her face as she waited for an explanation. He nodded to the dogs in the pen, his tongue darting out to wet his lower lip. "Pick one."

Lindsay frowned at him, looking at the woman and then back at her husband. "What?"

"Pick one," he repeated. "This is your Christmas present. I looked 'em up, they're American Kennel Club approved, three months old so ready to come home with us now and Great Danes are also excellent with children."

"I also haven't had their ears cropped because I think it's a pointless procedure," the woman added. Sure enough all of the dogs had floppy ears.

"But Danny," Lindsay breathed. "Look at them." She indicated the two full grown dogs. "I don't know if this is such a good idea – our apartment's pretty small, we don't have a backyard… we'd have to walk the dog daily otherwise it's just cruel."

"Look, we've already agreed that we're gonna look for a bigger place once the lease on our apartment is up, right? So maybe we'll also look for an apartment with a yard area. The dog's not gonna grow that big overnight, Linds."

One of the puppies kept nudging at her hand, licking and chewing her fingers until she scratched his back, causing his hind leg to spasm reflexively. She chuckled and continued scratching the 'saddle region' before eventually nodding.

"Alright," she agreed, breaking out in a brilliant smile. "Yeah, we'll get one. What time is it? We'll have to find a pet store that's still open and buy all of the–"

She broke off as Danny gave her a sheepish grin. "I might've already bought the stuff we're gonna need. It's all hidden in the spare bedroom."

"How…" she mouthed wordlessly for a moment. "What if I'd said no?"

"Let's just say I had a strong inclination that you'd eventually say yes if I had an answer for all of your doubts."

She smiled, shaking her head before turning back to the dogs. With a squeal, Lucy was tackled to the floor and her face was immediately licked by all of the puppies as they climbed over her. Worried that the little girl may feel overwhelmed, Lindsay strode over to where he daughter was and pulled her up, dusting Lucy off who turned to the puppies and pointed at them, her face stern.

"No doggies, no push Lucy over. Play nicely," she commanded authoritatively.

Lindsay crouched down in front of her daughter and asked, "Hey Luce, what d'you say about taking one of these puppies home with us?"

The little girl turned to her, face shining and her mouth popping open before she nodded enthusiastically. "Oh yes! Please mommy, let's take one home right now. Which one, mommy, which one?" she asked in a rush.

"Well," Lindsay picked up the puppy that had been demanding her attention since she'd stepped into the pen whilst his siblings had clamoured over Lucy. "How about this guy here?"

Lucy rubbed the puppy's snout which was black and he snorted into her hand, licking her small palm. Lucy giggled. "I like this boy."

"Me too," Lindsay nodded. She turned to Danny. "What d'you say Daddy?"

"Fine by me," Danny agreed. Danny went with the dog breeder to sort out all of the paperwork and to pay for the puppy whilst Lindsay and Lucy continued to play with the dogs. Lindsay crouched down beside the mother of the litter and gave her a friendly pat.

"We'll take good care of him," she promised on a murmur.

Lucy had a fun time rolling the ball and watching as he dogs scrambled after it and Lindsay was glad to see that the one she'd picked out was just as fun, loving and playful as the rest. Eventually Danny returned and Lindsay gathered their new puppy up before climbing out of the pen. Danny gave her the leash he'd just bought off of the woman and Lindsay secured it around the puppy whilst Danny picked Lucy up from the pen where she waved goodbye to all of the dogs. Once outside, the puppy strained on his leash as he tried to explore everything from the fence to the grass to the tree.

Lucy giggled. "He goin' potty."

Glad to see that the puppy was only urinating as they didn't have any appliances on them for picking up mess, the new proud owners of the Great Dane returned to their car.

"Can puppy sit in the back with me?" Lucy asked Danny as he buckled her in.

"I don't see why not."

Now that reality had sunk in that he was with new people and away from the litter that he knew so well, the puppy had begun to tremble and Lindsay gathered him in her arms. "You know, I think I might stay with him," Lindsay said before sitting in the back seat with the puppy nestled on her lap.

Danny gave her a smile, realising that she was already smitten before shutting Lucy's door and getting in the driver's seat. He looked at his girls through the rear view mirror, both of them fussing over the puppy as they stroked and talked to him. He grinned, knowing that this had been a good idea. Lindsay had needed cheering up and this was the best way to do so; he hoped that with a daughter and puppy to dote upon she could forget about all of her worries and even put aside the anxiety about having another baby. Danny started the car and they set off back for home with their new addition.

"We should start thinkin' about names for him," Danny mentioned from the front. "What about Harley?"

"As in Harley Davidson?" Lindsay asked sceptically. She looked into the puppy's face. "How about Giant – 'cause that's how big he's gonna get," Lindsay teased.

"Boom!" Lucy inputted and Danny grinned.

"I think that's an excellent name," he said, waiting for Lindsay's reaction.

"_Boom?!_"

"Or Boomer," he shrugged.

Lindsay scratched behind the puppy's ears. "I think you look like a Montana."

"That's a girl's name," Danny shot back, "That's _your _name."

"Okay, Bozeman."

"No."

"Is this my puppy or what?" Lindsay demanded petulantly, her eyes twinkling with underlying amusement. "Ace."

"Chuck."

"Buddy."

"Rocky."

"Ringo."

"Bacon."

"Bruno."

"Bolt."

"Syrup."

"Scotch."

"Mac."

He caught her eye in the rear view mirror and they both grinned before he shook his head at her suggestion. "He'd kill us. Okay, so far we've had Harley, Giant, Boom, Boomer, Ace, Chuck, Buddy, Rocky, Ringo, Bacon, Bruno, Bolt, Syrup and Scotch," he listed on one breath.

"And Bozeman," she added.

"We're not calling our dog Bozeman; we'd be the joke of dog walkers everywhere."

"Alright, so pick five names from the list that you like," she instructed.

"Fine; Harley, Boomer, Rocky, Bolt and Scotch," he said. "What names d'you like?"

"Bruno… Buddy… Ringo, Ace and Bolt."

"Well we both like Bolt, why don't we name him that?"

Lindsay looked at the puppy. "I don't know if I like it enough."

Danny sighed, realising that they would go in circles with this until an inspirational name hit them. "Alright, Lucy, what d'you think we should name the puppy?"

"Doggie," she answered simply.

"Right… yeah, thanks Luce, that's real helpful."

Lucy beamed. "Thanks," she said, too young to pick up on her father's sarcasm.

"Maybe we should sleep on it before we commit to anything," Lindsay suggested.

"Yeah but we'll have to decide soon or else he'll think his name really is 'puppy' or 'doggie'," Danny said.

Lindsay looked into the puppy's face and sighed. "Welcome to the family."

* * *

><p><strong>AN2:** So, there you have it, the newest addition to the Messer family is a dog! (Yes, I'm a sucker for dogs and _yes_, I did watch _Marley and Me_ around the time I was writing the plan for all of this.) What do people think the newest Messer should be called? I keep umm-ing and ahh-ing but nothing seems to fit, or it does fit for a couple of hours and then I change my mind. Suggestions welcome, either from the list or from your own imaginations!


	37. Chapter Thirty Six

**Disclaimer: **The characters of CSI: NY do not belong to me however this story is of my own and should only be used after permission has been asked and given. No copyright infringement intended and no profit is being made.

**Summary: **Danny and Lindsay are going to learn that sometimes you must lose, in order to gain.

**Note: **Unfortunately this chapter took a while due to its length, there was so much to get through that I had to keep adding and adding which meant I frequently hit a wall. The grand total is thirteen pages on a work document so apologies if your eyes start to cross whilst reading this! It was also a little unnerving at times to be writing a Christmassy chapter in June.

A big thanks to _MesserFamilyFan100, Dantana15, Kates89, Miny23 _and _liverpoolss _for reviewing the last chapter!

* * *

><p><strong>The Parent's Apple<strong>

Snow blanketed the ground as Christmas descended more fully on the city. Deciding the lab needed some festive cheer, Jo had taken it upon herself to deck the break room (the only place Mac would allow) in gaudy decorations so tinsel and baubles hung from the ceiling. The ginger and cinnamon homemade cookies that she'd left on a plate had gone down particularly well however many suspected that it had been Adam who'd eaten the majority of the sweet treats. The assistant supervisor had also forced the team into going ice skating at the Rockefeller Centre as a 'bonding experience'. Although busy, it had been a fun night and they'd all stepped off of the rink with shining, pink faces. Danny and Lindsay had easily lapped their colleagues, hands clasped as they rounded the rink; his ease on the ice was to be expected due to the NYPD vs. FDNY hockey games that he frequently participated in with Adam and Flack, whilst Lindsay's skills on the ice had been refined from years of playing broom hockey with her brothers on a frozen lake.

Schools finally closed for the Christmas break and Lindsay could count on one hand the amount of days that she or Danny had not relented and taken Lucy to the park, the youngster thriving at the amount she was allowed to play outside, unperturbed by the biting cold whilst her parents froze their asses off (something Danny had grumbled about before fixing his little girl with a bright smile as she called to him from the top of the slide). Hendrix, eventually named because _All Along the Watchtower_ had been playing on the radio as they emerged back in Manhattan from the Queens Midtown tunnel, also enjoyed frolicking in the snow with the three year old and they had kept up with him walking him daily. He was well trained and despite some rough wrestling, which included playful biting, Hendrix was a gentle dog despite his size. Danny – who had never owned a dog before – surprised Lindsay by often playing with Hendrix even when their daughter wasn't around and Lindsay was amused to find that he treated the dog like he was a son. They would wrestle together, rolling around on the floor and Danny often played rough because he knew the large dog could handle it and seemed to enjoy himself whilst they played.

Lucy was also smitten with Hendrix and Lindsay had blissfully teased her husband about how he was jealous of his daughter's affection for the puppy. Despite the little girl's vehement protestations, Danny and Lindsay had flatly refused to let Hendrix sleep in Lucy's room at night; there had been tears, a huge tantrum and a subsequent punishment that disallowed Lucy from accompanying Danny as he walked the puppy that night before the little girl weepily accepted their decision. Danny had had words with the youngster, reminding her than no matter how much she loved Hendrix the puppy was still her mom's Christmas present therefore Lindsay's final word was what counted.

Hendrix padded into the kitchen, his nails skittering across the tiled floor and tongue lolling as he went over to his bowl and lapped at the water. Lindsay looked over her shoulder at him, smiling affectionately. _'Okay,_' she mused, _'perhaps it wasn't just Danny and Lucy who were smitten with their new dog_._'_ Even Lindsay had found herself playing with the puppy and constantly scratching behind his ears whenever he asked for attention.

Lindsay wiped her hands on a dish towel as her husband entered.

"Hey, you almost ready to go?" he asked.

She looked around her sparkling kitchen. "Yeah, sure. Just lemme change," she said.

"Why, what's wrong with what you're wearing now?" Danny asked with a frown.

"I've worn this all day at work," she explained. "I just wanna freshen up. I'll be fifteen minutes, tops."

She went to move past him out of the kitchen but he stilled her by wrapping an arm around her waist and pulling her into his body. He planted his mouth on hers in a firm kiss. When they parted she smiled up at him shyly. "What was that for?"

"Nothin'. Just felt like kissin' you."

"Oh, well in that case…" she kissed him again.

He chuckled and swatted her butt, causing her to skip out of his arms with a shriek. "Go on, get ready," he instructed.

Danny followed her out of the kitchen but turned in the opposite direction and entered the living room instead. The room had been decorated tastefully in warm reds and holly greens, the Christmas tree standing in the corner with twinkling lights draped over the branches and presents sitting expectantly beneath it. Danny had fixed the porcelain star to the top of the tree as a household family tradition. All of the cards that they'd gathered from friends and family were strung diagonally across the room from the ceiling and Lindsay had lit scented candles, placing them around the room. Danny walked around the room blowing each of them out.

Lucy was sitting an inch away from the television screen on her knees, avidly watching a Christmas themed cartoon.

"Hey Munchkin, move away from the screen before you strain your eyes."

"Mm'kay," she mumbled distractedly, still fixated on the television.

He rolled his eyes before walking over and physically extracting Lucy from her spot on the carpet, flipping her over as he gathered her in his arms. She protested but he ignored her, dumping her headfirst onto the couch so that she had to roll over to right herself. Lucy crawled to the end of the couch so Danny wasn't blocking her view, instantly engrossed in the cartoon once more. Danny sighed before leaving her to it, walking to the cupboard by the front door to collect their shoes, coats and other winter accessories.

He took them back into the living room and dropped everything down onto the second couch before taking a seat to wait for his wife. No sooner had he sat down than Hendrix bounded into the living room and straight towards him, nudging at Danny with his wet nose. Danny relented and sat forward to scratch Hendrix's favourite spot behind his ears, the puppy tilting his head to allow Danny better access. Lindsay walked in, holding a couple of Tupperware containers and tossing her hair over one shoulder as she smiled at them all.

"Ready?" he asked.

"Ready when you are," she replied.

"C'mon then." He stood up and patted his leg so Hendrix would follow him out to the kitchen where the puppy stayed during the night and when they weren't home. His cage was beneath the kitchen table and a disposable absorbent pad had been put down for when he needed to "go potty" as Lucy liked to call it. Danny shut the safety gate that he'd recently had to reaffix to the doorway – prior to this it had been used when Lucy was younger but they knew that if they failed to use the gate then Hendrix would tear their home apart. Puppies, but especially Great Danes, were known for causing ruckus and chewing everything in sight and they'd made the mistake of not shutting Hendrixaway properly earlier in the week which had resulted in the corner of a rug being chewed up. Both Danny and Lindsay had been secretly pleased however as the rug had been a particularly ugly present from a great-aunt.

Danny returned to the living room where Lindsay was helping Lucy into her coat, buttoning it shut and forcing a hat down on her head. He stood in the doorway, watching them with a smile on his face as Lindsay tickled Lucy under the chin whilst the little girl giggled and squirmed. Lindsay pressed a kiss to Lucy's button nose before straightening up to don her own coat and scarf. Danny walked in and followed suit, casting sidelong glances at his wife as he did so.

"C'mon Luce," Lindsay said. "Let's go. We'll meet you down by the car," she told Danny. "Don't forget the presents."

They headed out, Lindsay carrying the plastic containers in one arm and Lucy's hand in the other whilst Danny double checked the apartment, ensuring all windows were locked and all energy sources switched off. He said goodbye to Hendrix who bounded around the kitchen excitedly before ducking beneath the table and settling in his crate. Danny left, locking up the apartment and took the stairs, jogging down them to the underground parking lot that was reserved for their building.

The radio played cheerful holiday songs as the small family drove to Mac's brownstone where they would be having a small, Christmas Eve gathering with the rest of the team. Lucy had been excitedly anticipating this day since her mother had mentioned the party when they'd been in the large grocery store a few weeks ago. Danny drove slowly through the ice slickened streets, flicking the windscreen wipers on so they brushed away the snowflakes that fell upon the glass. Although the snow on the ground was quick to turn grey and sludgy, the flurrying snowfall combined with the bright lights of the city was truly something to behold and even Lindsay who had grown up with powdered fields and a picturesque snow-capped ranch couldn't truly deny this – although she would vehemently refuse to address her appreciation if asked by her husband (but that was more to do with the light hearted rivalry they had between their hometowns).

Parking half a block away from Mac's home, they climbed out of the Volvo and grabbed the party things they were bringing. Tightening their coats around their bodies, they hurried down to the brownstone. Mac was quick to answer, ushering them into the warmth and hugging them each in turn before taking their winter layers and hanging them up by the door.

"Is anyone else here yet?" Lindsay asked as they followed Mac to the kitchen.

"Sid, Alice, Hawkes and Camille got here about twenty minutes ago, Don and Lovato five minutes before that," Mac explained, ticking people off on his fingers. "Jo and Ellie are just picking Tyler up on the way and Adam is bringing his girlfriend."

Lindsay caught Danny's eye as he smirked, giving him a censorious look before they stepped into the bright kitchen. Christine was pulling trays out of the oven and transferring cooked food onto platters. She looked up and smiled as they entered. "Hey guys."

"Hey." Lindsay held up the Tupperware containers that were stacked on top of each other. "I've got potato salad and chocolate brownies."

"I help maked them!" Lucy exclaimed, grinning brightly whilst Lindsay set the containers down on the kitchen island beside the rest of the food.

"Oh thanks you two," Christine breathed.

Danny held out the crate of beer that they'd bought the other day and left on the backseat of the car for tonight. "Where d'you want this?"

"I'll put it in the fridge," Mac said. "Did you want one now?"

"Uh yeah, sure." Danny took one, glad to find that it was cold from being in the car during the December weather.

"And you, Lindsay? We've also got red or white wine if you'd rather," he said, playing the part of a good host.

"Erm, I'll have a glass of wine actually – white please."

Mac began sorting her drink whilst Christine put the oven glove away and took her apron off. She opened the Tupperware box that Lindsay had brought and hummed her approval at the aroma. She smiled at Lindsay. "This smells really good," she said with aplomb.

"Oh." Lindsay smiled blushingly. "Thanks. I'm sure it's nothing compared to what you can rustle up," she said, referring to Christine's profession as a restaurant manager.

Mac passed Lindsay the glass of white wine that he'd just poured and grabbed a juice box for Lucy, piercing the top with the straw and then giving her the drink. Lucy happily slurped the juice without taking a breath. Mac led them into his living room where the rest of their friends were assembled, Christine following behind them. As well as the couch and two armchairs, Mac had brought his stools from the breakfast bar into the room and whilst awkward due to their height it was still beneficial to have more seats for the party. Don and Lovato were sat on two of the stools, inclined towards each other as they conversed and occasionally reached down to the coffee table where snack foods had been laid out. Hawkes, Camille, Sid and Alice were all crammed on to the couch talking animatedly and as the newcomers entered, everyone looked up to greet them.

Holding their drinks out of the way so they wouldn't spill, Danny and Lindsay found themselves caught up in a whirlwind of hugs, kisses and good wishes. Flack picked Lucy up and rested her on his hip, the little girl wrapping her arms around his neck as he held her out from his body.

"Well don't you look beautiful," he commented.

Lucy giggled and scrambled down so she could spin on the spot, showing off the outfit that she had picked out – with a lot of guidance from Lindsay – for the party. She wore a forest green velvet dress with capped sleeves as well as a pair of pearlescent satin pumps and a string of long beads around her neck. A headband similar in colour to her shoes pushed her honey hair back which fell in soft waves over both shoulders. If the outfit had been worn by someone much older then they couldn't have pulled it off but Lucy's acute adorableness shined through, especially when coupled with her button nose and dimpled smile.

Flack took Lucy's small hand within his much larger one and spun her under his arm a few times.

"I dizzy," Lucy said delightedly, swaying on the spot.

Flack swung Lucy up on to his hip and resumed his seat on the stool with her in his lap, picking up the conversation with Lovato as though there hadn't been any interruptions.

"They'd better be having a child friendly conversation," Lindsay said warningly to Danny who laughed before pulling her over to one of the armchairs. She sat down in it whilst he took the armrest, engaging conversation with Hawkes and Camille.

"How's married life suiting you? I don't think Hawkes has stopped grinning since your wedding in September," Danny told Camille whilst nudging his friend.

Camille smiled at her husband and there was a secret conversation privy to only them that passed between the look. She turned back to Danny. "We're good. Sometimes we have to negotiate things like whose turn it is to buy groceries or whose fault it is that one of us didn't receive our phone messages but then we step back and realise that it really isn't something worth arguing about."

"If that's all you're arguing about then you're doing marriage right," Danny said consolingly before they laughed.

Lindsay knew that Hawkes and his new wife weren't naïve enough to think that their marriage was blessed without its troubles but it was nice to hear that their honeymoon period hadn't quite finished yet. Being a newlywed was something Lindsay had very nearly missed; she'd had to leave for her pre-planned trip to Montana the day after marrying Danny and then once back in New York she'd gone into labour and so she and Danny had been thrown into parenthood. Danny's paralysis had also had its hand at putting an effective end to their newlywed bliss. However during her stay in Montana Danny had been suspended from work due to assaulting a potential suspect and he'd therefore flown out to Bozeman to surprise her (something that was becoming almost habitual). For the few weeks that they'd been in her hometown together they had lived their lives as any newly married couple might, even if they were expecting their first child within the month, and so they'd been lucky to capture something which otherwise could have been lost.

The doorbell sounded and Mac rose to answer. The commotion of arriving people easily filtered into the living room as they followed the ritual of depositing their winter clothing and then gathered drinks. Adam walked in first, beer in hand followed by Jo who threw an arm around his shoulders.

"Guess who I found skulking in his car," Jo announced to the room.

"What were you doin' in ya car?" Flack asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Making out with his girlfriend," Jo answered for him, grinning broadly. Adam blushed to the roots of his auburn hair, chuckling nervously at Jo's unabashed forwardness. She patted his cheek before gathering her children and bringing them into the fray with introductions and welcomes.

Adam shrugged helplessly before retreating to the kitchen where his girlfriend was lingering as she slowly poured her drink. She smiled shyly at him as he entered. "Maybe not the best way that I wanted to meet your work friends," she admitted.

Adam wrapped an arm around her waist. "Trust me, when they see you, they'll understand."

She ducked her head, a grin playing in the corner of her mouth before allowing him to steer her into the living room where everyone was gathered. Adam cleared his throat somewhat awkwardly and people turned to him. "Uh, guys… huh, hey, um, this is my Michelle… I mean, my girlfriend. This is my girlfriend, Michelle."

"Adam, you gots a girlfriend?!" Lucy exclaimed, wide eyed.

Adam laughed. "Sure do, Kiddo."

"Cool."

Adam led Michelle over to one of the last available seats that were near Jo, Mac and Christine. They were conversing quietly and so he didn't feel rude about giving his full attention to his girlfriend for a while, noting that her shyness had melted away and was replaced by the confident, witty person that he knew.

"So should we do presents now or later?" Mac asked.

As 'now' was the general reply, they settled around the room in a rough circle, Lucy returning to sit between her parents as they all producing presents from behind their backs it seemed. Secret Santa was less secretive amongst trained investigators however it was still an enjoyable tradition for the team.

"I don't know why we bother with Secret Santa," Flack grumbled, although deep down he did know the reason. "I mean, these two–" he indicated the Messer's, "–exchange presents anyway, plus they also give a present to Mac and vice versa because he's their daughter's godfather."

"And this year you'll be exchanging presents with Jamie," Danny added dryly.

"Exactly," Flack concurred before flushing. "I mean, er… yeah."

There was a smattering of stifled grins around the room. Jo waved her hand impatiently at Flack. "That's different. It's tradition whether you like it or not. Now, we could always send your present back…"

"Well I didn't say I didn't want it," Flack grumbled. "Just pointing out that we don't exactly stick to the tradition." It was true that in every family there was the resident holiday grump and in the crime lab family, the role was taken by Flack for 'balance', he liked to call it. He clapped his hands together. "So, whose gonna go first?" he asked in an overly bright tone, a flush still creeping up his neck from the inadvertent slip up.

Jo turned to Mac. "Why don't you go first as head of this… lab," she said, catching herself before saying 'family'. She bit back a smile.

Mac passed a neatly wrapped package to Lovato who accepted it with a smile and thanks. She tore into the paper to find a handsome personalised annual diary, the cover dating the day she joined the 1-2 precinct. She was obviously pleased with the gift from the big boss that held more sentimental value than she would have thought possible from him.

Lovato went next, giving Adam a bag which he tore into with gusto. He spluttered incoherently as he pulled out the items that she had bought for him. Whilst she didn't know the sweet but nervy lab tech too well, she'd gathered a good knowledge of him from Flack before shopping for what she thought he would find useful or interesting. She'd bought him a pair of winter gloves that had sensors in the fingertips for touch screen phones, a self-stirring coffee mug that he marvelled at and a Pac-Man racing twin pack that was remote control operated.

"This is cool! Cheers Lovato… er, Jamie."

Adam put his presents aside and pulled out a bulky present which he reached across to give to Flack. Flack ripped into it, pulling apart two different things. The first was an Irish coffee making set with a 'Luck of the Irish' mug which Flack laughed heartily at, and the second was a blank envelope that he shook two baseball tickets for the New York Empires when they played in the 2013 season out of.

"Oh nice one, Adam. Thanks."

Flack picked up a large bag and gave it to Danny, instructing him to pass the gift along to his wife. Lindsay pulled out the tissue paper that had been stuffed inside and then took out three presents from beneath, her smile widening at each gift. The first was a pair of knitted slippers, the second a selection of scented bath candles and the third a hot stone therapy pack.

She turned to Danny with a grin. "I think I know what you'll be doing tonight," she told him in a sing-song voice.

Danny groaned and gave Flack an unimpressed glare. "Yeah. Thanks, buddy."

"Ah quit ya whinin', I'm sure she'll repay the favour," Flack replied, wagging his eyebrows suggestively. He was determined to make Danny squirm in the same way that his best friend had done to him.

Lindsay cleared her throat warningly and gave a pointed look at Lucy as she sat between her and Danny, unperturbed by the people around her all openly laughing at the adult humour. "Anyway," Lindsay continued. She picked up her own neatly packaged gift and gave it to Jo. "Merry Christmas, Jo."

"Thanks, Linds." Jo took the gift and opened it, laughing as she took out each gift. The first was a desktop vacuum cleaner – to accompany the running joke that her desk was the messiest in the lab; the second a cookie stamp that said 'homemade' and the third a ceramic note pad with an erasable pen. "These are great," Jo laughed.

"I thought the last present would save the post-it note industry from running out," Lindsay teased lightly.

"Oh, but old habits die hard," Jo replied solemnly. She pulled a long package out from behind her back. "Okay, my turn. I had some help with this but I hope you'll like it."

Jo passed Mac the present and he opened it, looking suspiciously at Jo's eager face whilst doing so. He turned the gift over once it was unwrapped and a smile cracked across his face. It was a large wooden photo frame with multiple photos that showcased all of the important people in Mac's life - Christine and Mac at her family reception in the restaurant; a professional photograph of the team at Hawkes' wedding; Mac as a youngster in Chicago; Mac, Stella, Danny, Lindsay, Flack and Hawkes three Christmases ago when the latter four had filled in an elves; an old wedding photograph of who could only be Mac's parents; Danny, Lindsay and Lucy at Hawkes and Camille's wedding; and finally a photograph of Claire as she smiled over her shoulder at the camera.

Mac took them all in, knowing that Jo couldn't have gotten all of these photographs on her own; he guessed he knew now what she'd meant about receiving help. He squeezed Christine's hand before smiling at Jo. "Thank you."

"You're welcome," she returned. "Now, Mac's already gone so who's next?"

"I'll go," Danny offered. His face filled with a boyish grin as he gave Sid his present.

Sid opened it and pulled out a book of weird and wonderful facts, a pair of slinky eye glasses and a t-shirt emblazoned with 'I see dead people'. He chuckled appreciatively at the good humour of his presents and thanked Danny before passing Hawkes the gift from him. Hawkes took it, surprised at the weight, and glanced at Sid who was almost buzzing with barely concealed excitement.

"It's a little more than the budget allowed but I also wanted to thank you for granting me the pleasure of being your best man," Sid told him.

Hawkes smiled before tearing the wrapping paper off to find a square box beneath. He picked at the scotch tape before opening the box at the flap, marvelling at the gift concealed inside. It was a glass globe; half liquid filled with a black, spiky design shot through it. He turned it over in his hands, studying it carefully.

"It's an ecosphere," Sid explained. "NASA scientists created it so that you literally have a miniature universe sitting in your hand. That's salt water, shrimp and algae inside so you have a complete ecosystem inside the sphere. There should be a booklet in the box that explains everything further, including how to care for it."

"Thanks Sid, this is – wow. This is really great."

The scientists around him were all impressed with the gift from their quirky ME and even a little jealous of it, too.

"Okay, well um, I suppose it's time for the last present," Hawkes said, still a little dazed by his present. He picked up the final package and passed it to Danny who took it. "Here."

Ripping into the package, Danny shook the gift out and a used Rawlings baseball glove fell out into his lap. A small frown puckering his brow as he turned the mitt over, his eyes widening as he stared at the palm.

"How… I mean, how did you…?" he spluttered, dumbfounded.

Hawkes grinned in gratification. "My cousin's little league team went to the stadium and I was invited along, we met him and just got to talking and somehow your name cropped up."

"I… thanks, man. This is… thanks." Danny grinned at Hawkes before studying the mitt in awe. The baseball glove had been signed by Yankee's shortstop Derek Jeter. He passed it around, much to the envy of Flack and the distaste of hard core Met's fan Lovato.

"You know you coulda sold this on eBay and made money, right?" Danny asked his friend.

Hawkes shrugged. "This was much better."

Danny grinned, accepting the glove back from his friends and admiring it once more. Mac was glad to see that everyone had enjoyed their gifts; he had been very touched by Jo's gift as it had been sentimental and personal to him. Now that all of the Secret Santa gifts had been given out, Mac learnt down and picked up a princess bag that he passed to Lucy's whose cherubim face split into a huge smile. The little girl looked pleadingly up at her mother.

"Can I open it, Mommy?" she half-whispered, thrilled at her first Christmas present of the holiday.

"Sure, but just this one – when we go home you can't open anymore until morning," Lindsay told her firmly. "Got it?"

Lucy nodded vigorously before opening the present with trembling hands. She pulled out a tiny New York Yankees baseball cap as well as a set which included a bat, ball and mitt – all of which were pink and white. Lucy's mouth popped open in amazement.

She looked up at Danny. "Daddy, lookit - I gots a glove thing just like you!"

"Yeah you do, don't you?" Danny said to his little girl. "How cool is that, huh?"

"Will you play with me?" she asked breathlessly.

Lindsay's heart melted as she saw the look of pure adoration on Lucy's face reflected upon Danny's. His face softened as he nodded slowly. "Of course I will baby," he promised and Lindsay could hear the emotional catch of his voice as his daughter asked to be taught the sport that was close to his heart. He put an arm around her shoulders and gathered her into his side, pressing a kiss to the top of her head.

"I heard a rumour about what Hawkes' present was," Mac admitted, addressing Danny. "And so when we were out shopping and I saw the set, I knew that we had to get it for you guys."

"This is really good, Mac," Danny said. "Lucy, what do you say to Mac and Christine?"

Lucy jumped up and ran over to them each in turn, thanking and hugging them around the neck. She placed a noisy smacker of a kiss against Mac's cheek.

"That's alright, Princess. You're Daddy's one of the best around here so make sure you learn everything for him."

"I will," Lucy promised, nodding solemnly.

"Lucy, d'you want to give Mac our Christmas present?" Lindsay suggested.

"Okay!" Lucy ran over to her mom and took the final present of the evening from her before running back to Mac to pass him the gift. "From me and Mommy and Daddy."

Mac took the wrapped present and carefully opening it to reveal a wooden replica of the race car that Mac had admired as a child. He inspected every inch of the car, marvelling over the intricate details.

"Thanks," he said, bobbing his head in wonderment as he addressed them. His gaze was drawn back to the replica as he began studying it again.

"Okay, we could be sitting here for a while," Christine said with a laugh. "How about we eat?"

The group got up and headed to the kitchen to serve themselves from the many platters Christine had prepared that lay across most of the surfaces. Lindsay made a plate up for Lucy before serving herself.

"Make sure you all eat the brownies I made," Lucy insisted before adding offhandedly, "Mommy helped."

Danny nudged his wife in the arm playfully at their daughter's dismissal of her hard work. "Hear that? You helped," he teased and she shrugged easily.

"Well you can't have any until you've eaten your dinner," Lindsay told the youngster firmly. Lucy pouted at her mom but one raised eyebrow from Lindsay made the little girl retract her petulant expression.

"Okaaay," she sighed, dragging the word out to show that her mother's conditions were a burden.

Flack opened his mouth as though to try and sway Lindsay into letting the youngster have a brownie however one look from Mac made him shut it again; the head of the Crime Lab knew that it wouldn't be good for the young mother's authority to be undermined by her friend, no matter how good his intentions were.

"We're eating in the dining room," Mac told his friends. He herded them through to the rarely used room which had been used for storage until Christine had convinced him to clear it out for that evening's festivities. Christine grabbed a tray and went to retrieve their drinks from the living room, keeping note of where they had been residing so that she could ensure the correct person received the correct drink. The group of fourteen all crammed themselves around the table and Mac was further pleased that Christine had also convinced him to rent a large table and chairs set for this evening – something he hadn't realised was possible until Christine had given him the name of a friend who helped her during catered events.

Talk around the table was loud and full of laughter as they ate whilst regaling stories, bantering with each other and constantly switching topics. The well-functioning team kept the pace and those who weren't from the lab may have lagged if not for the encouragement to participate by the people around them.

"It's good to finally meet you, Michelle," Mac said amiably to the young girlfriend of his lab tech as other conversations carried on around them. He wasn't above realising it was this woman who had helped Adam through the trouble with his father.

The young woman smiled brightly, her shyness still taking its time to ebb away. "I've heard a lot about you and your lab."

"So, Adam's been giving away the lab secrets then, has he? I hope he hadn't divulged any case details with you as that could very well cost him his career," Mac stated, seriously.

"Huh?" Adam suddenly looked up from the chicken drumstick he'd been about to bite into, looking horror struck. He gave a nervous laugh. "Oh – you're kidding, right?" As Mac's eyebrows rose the nervous younger man gulped, his eyes widening as he took in Mac's stoic face. "Ha… _right_?"

Mac's face shifted very slightly. "Yes, Adam. Relax, I'm joking."

"Oh, phew – 'cause for a second there I was like _whaaaaaat?!_ I mean, c'mon, the boss-man's gotta be telling his new girlfriend everything about the lab now that he's _finally _got one and–" Adam broke off and gave another nervous chuckle at Mac's raised eyebrow.

Michelle patted his arm in a conciliatory way, saying in a stage whisper, "I think I know now what you mean about putting your foot in it all the time with the 'boss-man'."

Further down the table, they were talking about the Messer's new puppy. Flack was looking impressed. "…as in _Jimi_ Hendrix? That is one cool pup."

"We'll have to take our dogs out walkin' together sometime," Danny suggested.

"Yeah well no funny business, a'right? My girl's a lady and will be treated as such," Flack stated.

Danny snorted before turning to Lovato. "Watch out Jamie, I think you got competition with that one."

Flack blanched, glaring at his best friend and worrying that Danny had perhaps said the wrong thing and embarrassed his newly instated girlfriend. Lovato, however, appeared to be made of stronger stuff as she took the comment well, laughing it off easily.

"Don't I know it?" she replied, sending a teasing grin at Flack.

"So where's your lovely roommate?" Jo asked her son from across the table.

"She's home visiting her family for the holiday, now will you drop it?" Tyler replied with a raised eyebrow.

"Sounds like someone's got her mom-radar on," Lindsay commented lightly.

"Mom thinks Tyler and his roommate are a thing but he won't say," Ellie informed her, grinning broadly.

"Yeah thanks, El; how about we talk about the guy mom caught you kissing in the kitchen when you thought she wasn't home," Tyler said, eyes alight in mocking.

"Oh puh-lease, that was over before it even really started."

Lindsay grinned at Jo. "I can see that she picked up on some of your sass."

"Oh puh-lease, she was born sassy," Jo stated with a smirk, echoing her daughter's tone. Jo indicated to Lucy. "You wait until this one grows up and starts dishing out the cheek."

"No, stop, at the moment she's little and cute and it's going to stay that way," Lindsay said fretfully. "I'm going to get a drink, does anyone want anything?" she asked, rising to her feet. Suddenly bombarded with requests, she held her hands up against the tidal wave response and laughed. "I was only asking to be polite."

"I'll help," Hawkes chuckled, also standing.

"Did you want another beer?" Lindsay asked Danny. "I can drive back. I've only had one glass of wine."

"A'right, then yeah I will."

Lindsay took half of the requests, Hawkes taking the rest and they walked out of the dining room and into the kitchen to get the drinks. They worked seamlessly around each other, synchronised from years of working together in the lab.

"That was a good present that you gave Danny," Lindsay told him. She added teasingly, "I think he might love it more than me and Lucy put together."

Hawkes laughed. "Now you know that's not true." He shrugged humbly. "All I did was mention to Jeter that I had a work friend who'd nearly been a professional baseball player and the conversation just kind've snowballed from there. I started talking about Danny's wrist injury and then somehow his paralysis came up and – well, Jeter was impressed that he'd made it through so much. He just picked up his mitt, asked me for a pen and signed it before telling me to give the mitt to Danny." Hawkes gave a sheepish smile. "That's why I was asking around the lab, trying to swap for him for Secret Santa."

Lindsay gave Hawkes' shoulder a friendly squeeze. "Well you've made him very happy."

Lindsay, who was fairly accommodated with Mac's home, opened a cupboard and pulled out two trays which they set the full glasses on. Lindsay picked up the Tupperware of brownies and tucked the container beneath one arm before picking up one of the trays. She was about to return to the dining room when Hawkes took hold of her upper arm, stalling her.

"Listen, there's something that I wanted to tell you," he began, looking serious and nervous. Lindsay looked into his face, smiling curiously.

"Hawkes, what's up?"

"Camille's pregnant," he told her succinctly.

Lindsay's eyebrows rose before she recovered, smiling. "Well… congratulations. How far along is she?"

"Only a few weeks. We just… we're waiting to announce it to the rest of the team but I thought… I wanted to tell you and Danny first. I know it can't be easy–"

"Hey," she cut him off. "Don't, okay? We lost a baby – we're not going to begrudge anyone who manages to have one. It's fine. I'm happy for you – really I am."

Hawkes looked relieved. "I didn't want to make a bigger deal out of it that it really is but… y'know – I thought you guys should know before everyone else."

She rubbed a hand up and down his arm. "You'll make a great father, Hawkes. Just do me a favour, yeah?"

"Anything."

"Don't take six weeks to name the baby," she replied mischievously.

He rolled his eyes and she grinned before they took the drinks through to the other room which was a lot louder than the dining room. They passed out the glasses with the assistance of those still sat around the table. Once her hands were free, Lindsay put the Tupperware down onto the table and opening it, advising everyone to help themselves.

As he sat down, Camille touched her husband's wrist and he gave her an almost imperceptible nod. She smiled at him in relief and he tucked her under his arm, squeezing her close to him whilst one hand crept to her still flat stomach. They couldn't feel anything yet but to know that a tiny foetus was growing inside Camille baffled even the medically trained CSI.

* * *

><p>Danny returned to the living room from tucking Lucy into bed. The youngster had crawled into Lindsay's lap halfway through the evening and fallen asleep there, blanketed by the adult conversation surrounding her. When the party had simmered down, the Messer's left first – an occupational hazard when parents – with Mac walking them to their car, talking animatedly whilst Lindsay carried Lucy and Danny took their presents. Lucy hadn't woken up during the car ride, whilst Danny had carried her up to their apartment or even when he'd changed her clothing and put her to bed.<p>

The living room was lit only from the multi-coloured lights that were wrapped around the tree, casting long pools of light around the room from the corner. A space had been burrowed between the presents beneath the tree and Lindsay lay in the gap, her head hidden beneath the lowest branches with Hendrix curled up beside her; one hand, he could see, was idly stroking the dog's head. Danny leant against the doorjamb, his lips quirked up in a half smile as he crossed his arms over his chest and watched her. A few years ago he would have found this sight bizarre however it had become a yearly tradition – one that Lindsay had apparently done since she was a child.

"You could come and join me, y'know?" her muffled voice told him.

He chuckled and moved further into the room. "How did you know I was even there?"

"I heard you coming and then you stopped – plus you have a habit of voyeurism," she answered.

"Voyeurism," he scoffed.

"Don't think I didn't realise you used to watch me from across the lab when you were supposed to be working."

Danny felt his cheeks flush a little at the comment. The Montanan transplant had gotten so deeply under his skin and in such a short amount of time that he'd often found his gaze drawn to her when they'd merely been friends and colleagues. "Like you didn't used to look too," he muttered as he got to his hands and knees and crawled up next to her.

The space was fairly cramped with the both of them lying on their backs beneath the tree but it was also oddly peaceful. The different lights caused a hue to cascade over Lindsay, highlighting her beautiful face. He tucked a lock of hair beneath one ear.

"I wish you didn't have to work on Boxing Day," Lindsay murmured.

"We'll just have to make the most of tomorrow, won't we?" he responded and felt her nod beside him. He sighed and checked his wristwatch for the time. "We still have to set out the Santa presents, don't we?"

"Yeah – and we'll have to put out the milk, cookies and carrots for Santa and the reindeer," Lindsay replied. "Lucy's going to be annoyed that she missed that."

"Hopefully she'll be too preoccupied with the presents to really care."

"Hopefully," Lindsay concurred, snuggling closer to him. She nuzzled her nose and mouth against his cheek. "Camille's expecting."

"What?"

"Hawkes and Camille are having a baby," she reiterated. "He told me when we were getting the drinks - she's a few weeks along. They wanted to tell us first because of the… y'know."

"Yeah, I know." He nodded. "You a'right?"

She smiled at him. "Yeah, I'm fine. So it's their time and not ours – that's the way it goes, right?"

He tried to detect a lie through her words but couldn't so either she really was okay with learning that Hawkes and his wife were having a child or she had gotten better at concealing her feelings from him again.

"You wish it was us?" he asked softly.

"We're not ready," she told him resolutely. "That's what we agreed, right?"

He pressed a kiss to her temple. "Yeah, yeah that's what we agreed." He released a breath that he hadn't realised he'd been holding. Sighing comfortably, he dug his arm beneath Lindsay and scooped her into his side. "You wanna do Santa presents or milk and cookies?"

"Neither," she murmured. Lindsay pressed a kiss to his chest. "I just wanna stay here for a while longer yet."

* * *

><p><strong>AN2: **Sorry if the ending comes off as a little weak, I just enjoyed the image of them lying beneath the tree together.

Just a couple of contextual notes:

Seeing as Flack is a Yankees fan (as he's told Lovato in S9), I'm putting Danny as a Yankee's fan also despite Carmine's preference to the Met's. It just seems to make sense that they'd attend games together. Also, the New York Empires was the basketball team that Danny and Flack were watching in _Personal Foul_.


	38. Chapter Thirty Seven

**Disclaimer: **The characters of CSI: NY do not belong to me however this story is of my own and should only be used after permission has been asked and given. No copyright infringement intended and no profit is being made.

**Summary: **Danny and Lindsay are going to learn that sometimes you must lose, in order to gain.

**Notes: **I hope you enjoy the festive fun! Sorry about the delay but I've been super busy at the moment – it's also been a little disconcerting writing about Christmas in this boiling weather! Hopefully the next chapter won't take as long! A special thank you to _Dantana15, Daisy1966, MesserFamilyFan100, Miny23 _and _Sarah1406_.

* * *

><p><strong>The Parent's Apple<strong>

Lucy woke with a start. Sitting up in bed, she rubbed at her bleary eyes before giving a huge, stretching yawn. She couldn't recall what had woken her but now that she was awake she was too excited to go back to sleep. Climbing out of her bed, she picked her folded bathrobe up from the seat of the rarely used rocking chair in the corner and pulled it on. She tried knotting it around the waist like her mommy did for her but ended up just fiddling with the belt for a moment before dropping it with a shrug.

Wrenching her bedroom door open, Lucy ran down to her parent's bedroom which was much darker than her own nightlight lit room and quietly tiptoed over to where they were still sleeping. Lucy prodded her finger into Lindsay's eye and lifted the eyelid up.

"Mommy," she whispered. "It Chri'mas yet?"

"Lucy," Lindsay groaned, throatily. She blinked a couple of times, her eyes still too heavy to fully open and brought a hand up to rub at the headache that had formed behind her eyes. She and Danny had taken their time in lying beneath the Christmas tree the night before and it had been well after midnight before they'd gotten up to set out the presents and Santa treats. "What time is it?"

Lucy looked at the digital clock on the bedside table. "It have oh and a four and a two and a six."

She looked critically into her mommy's face. "Ya need your morning boost, huh?"

"Not right now – why don't you come up here and snuggle with me and Daddy for a while?" Lindsay suggested. Lucy climbed up and scrambled over Lindsay so she was in the gap between her parents.

"Hi Daddy," she whispered. He mumbled incoherently and rolled over with a soft snore. Lucy gave Lindsay a serious look. "He tired, huh?"

"Yeah, no kidding," she mumbled, burying back down into the covers. She felt light fingers on her face as Lucy traced over her features.

"Mommy?"

"Yeah?"

"I glad it Chri'mas."

"I know you are. I am too. Now go back to sleep, sweetheart."

Lindsay fell back to sleep first, lulled by Lucy's soothing touch, and the youngster soon followed. Her fingers ceased their repetitive motion and her hand dropped down to rest on Lindsay's collarbone as her breathing evened out and she fell back into dreams of mermaids and seahorses.

* * *

><p>"Oh wow!" Lucy exclaimed upon running into the living room. She'd stopped dead in the centre, her eyes wife and face shining as she took in all of the presents. The Santa presents had been added to Lucy's pile beneath the tree, each addressed as <em>To Lucy, from Santa and the Elves<em>. Lucy had taken the myth of Father Christmas at face value; whilst neither parent expected her to believe in it forever – they suspected her own innate curiosity and sense of logic inherited from both of them would eventually kick in – they also couldn't deny their little girl the right to believe in something and had therefore encouraged this aspect of Christmas. "He came," she whispered through her trembling fingers which were held up to her mouth.

"He sure did," Danny agreed. "Look."

He pointed out the half-drunk glass of milk that was on the coffee table beside a plate of cookies and carrot sticks which had been bitten into. Lucy ran over to inspect it, astounded.

"You know why he only drank half the milk, don't you?" Lindsay asked and Lucy shook her head, looking up at her with curiosity and wonder etched on to her face.

"No, why?"

"It's because Santa wanted to leave the rest for you to drink," Lindsay told her.

"So I grow up big and strong?" Lucy filled in, making her own assumptions.

Sensing an opportunity, both parents nodded eagerly. The little girl picked the glass up with both hands and drank the rest of the milk down in one go. Pulling it away and grinning at her parents, Danny and Lindsay both laughed at the milk moustache which dotted Lucy's upper lip.

Lindsay pulled the sleeve of her grey pyjama top down and used the material to wipe at Lucy's mouth. The youngster squirmed as Lindsay held her in place. "No, mommy, no wipe!"

"There, all done," Lindsay eventually told her struggling child. Lucy touched her face tentatively.

"I think you nearly wiped my face right off!" she exclaimed dramatically whilst Danny laughed.

Lindsay swatted at her daughter's butt. "C'mon, sit down here."

Leading Lucy over to the Christmas tree, they sat down on the carpeted floor and Lindsay gave Lucy her first gift. The little girl looked up at her daddy in askance who gave her a reassuring nod.

"Go on, take it; these are all for you," he encouraged.

Lucy took the wrapped gift from Lindsay and slowly opened it, ripping the paper in strips to slowly reveal a stack of brightly coloured storybooks. She held them up to Danny who had curled an arm around the youngster's waist and was sat with her snuggled into his side.

"What say?" she requested.

"It says _The Very Hungry Caterpillar; The Very Quiet Cricket; The Very Clumsy Click Beetle; _and _The Very Busy Spider,_" he read the cover of each book in turn.

Knowing that Lucy was easily preoccupied, Danny took the stack of books out of her small hands and placed them to once side before Lindsay gave the youngster her next present. Lucy tore into it with the same concentration as the last, squealing excitedly as the pink _Barbie_ convertible was revealed to her.

"He must've read my letter!"

Danny caught his wife's eye before hiding his grin in his daughter's hair as he pressed a kiss to the side of her head; they'd read her letter to Father Christmas and it had been an undistinguishable jumble of letters and numbers followed by an exceptionally long list of kisses. Thankfully they hadn't been relying on the list to know what their daughter would want for Christmas as she was fairly easy to buy for due to her eclectic tastes.

Next to be opened was a large aqua doodle mat which Lucy didn't fully understand but was excited over regardless as Lindsay explained to her the functions of the mat in basic language. The final present from Father Christmas was a chest full of dress up clothes and accessories which Lucy rifled through with gleeful abandon.

Gifts from family and friends followed – Tinkerbell light-up wings and a Tinkerbell tote bag with a detailed matching costumed folded inside from Nonna and Papi; Grandma and Grandpa had sent a personalised Minnie Mouse backpack with matching accessories of the cartoon character packed into it including a black headband with the iconic ears, a set of earrings, a water bottle, and a t-shirt and shorts set; Jeremy Monroe and his wife and children had sent an ice-cream play set and pack of wooden alphabet fridge magnets whilst her other twin brother's family had given Lucy a summery floral romper and pair of sandals; Uncle Freddie had dropped by earlier in the week to give them their presents and Lucy's was a Fold and Go barnyard; whilst Stella and Jackson had sent a caterpillar bowling set with a butterfly on the ball.

Lindsay pulled the final gift from the extended family out for Lucy, reading the attached tag. "This one is from Uncle Marcus," she said, referring to the youngest of her three brothers.

Lucy took the gift bag and opened it, pulling out a box. "Dora!" she said with a grin, instantly recognising the cartoon character from her favourite television programme and the reason why Lindsay had taught her a few Spanish phrases. "A mi'phone!"

Danny's eyes widened in horror, he leant across to read the description on the box aloud. "Dora sings at the press of a button and now he fans can sing-a-long with her in the amplified mic."

"He would have made sure we can take the batteries out," Lindsay muttered so Lucy wouldn't hear.

"Would he?" Danny asked sceptically. Marcus was currently unmarried and had no children of his own so he sometimes didn't appreciate that some presents would be better left unbought for the sanity of the parents.

"These next presents are all from Daddy and Mommy," Lindsay said, gaining her daughter's attention once more.

Lucy set the microphone to one side and waited for her last pile of presents. Lindsay handed her a large box which she tore into to reveal a _The Little Mermaid_ beauty set including a large, purple clamshell which closed with a clasp and had a mirror on the inside, a blue plastic hairbrush and a large comb clip for her hair which had a decorative flower on it. Lucy ran her finger over the plastic covering on the box.

"Oh," she sighed. "You put in my hair mommy so I look like my Ariel dolly?"

"Yeah I can do that, but later though, alright? We've still got more presents to open here."

Lucy's other parents from her parents included a plush Sebastian toy also from _The Little Mermaid_, a Quentin Blake designed art smock with a copy of Roald Dahl's _Matilda_ which was Lucy's first chapter book, and a leotard which Lucy stared at confusedly.

"For swimmin'?" she asked, tilting her head at Lindsay and then turning to Danny for answers.

"Lucy, this is a leotard," Danny explained to the three year old. "Mommy and me have agreed that after Christmas you can start weekly gymnastics lessons."

Lucy's mouth popped open in surprise as her head snapped between each parent. "Really? Oh, thanks Mommy, thanks Daddy!"

"You're welcome, sweet pea," he chuckled, placing a kiss to his daughter's temple. "Now, I'm pretty sure Mommy, that we have one last present, don't we?"

"You know, Daddy, I think we just might _and,_" she added in a conspiratorial whisper, "I think it

might be the _big_ present, too."

Eyes widening in delight at the prospect of receiving her best present, Lucy took the box that Lindsay carefully gave to her with trembling hands. Lucy lowered the present to the floor before pulling the wrapping paper off. If Lucy was eagerly anticipating this present then it was nothing to how Lindsay was feeling as she awaited her daughter's reaction; this gift had been the one that she'd found hardest to keep from her daughter but now the long awaited moment had arrived.

Lucy pulled off a large piece of the wrapping paper and stopped, staring into the dolls face that was smiling back up at her. There was a pregnant, silent pause before Lucy promptly burst into tears, hugging the box to her body and cradling it against her chest. Dropping the box, she climbed over it and fell into her mother's tight embrace before reaching out to her father who crawled over to enclose them both in his arms. He tucked her hair behind her ear and wiped at the tears that had streamed down her face.

"Do ya like the dolly, Lucy?"

"Y… yes," she hiccupped. "I love dolly."

"Did you want me to unwrap the rest of it?" Lindsay asked gently.

"Okay."

Lindsay turned Lucy around so she was sat in her lap and continued to unwrap the _My American Doll_, revealing that the present was much larger than just the roll. Lucy calmed down and Lindsay kissed the rosy apple of her daughter's cheek before opening the box and taking the doll out. Lucy took her in her arms and cradled her tenderly, her fingers tracing the dolls features in the same way that she had done to Lindsay that morning.

"She's got caramel hair like yours and blue eyes like daddies, and her ears are pierced like yours too," Lindsay explained, talking quietly into the tight whorl of Lucy's ear. Lindsay reached into the box and pulled the other items out. "We also got three different outfits for her to wear including a sweater and skirt set, a winter sport kit, and a butterfly pyjama outfit which–" Lindsay pulled out another, larger outfit, "–you have a matching pair of too."

Lucy stared at everything, feeling like the luckiest girl in the world. "This best Chri'mas ever," Lucy told her parents seriously.

Danny chuckled. "We're glad you think so."

"What're you going to name her, Luce?" Lindsay asked whilst their daughter stroked the doll's head lovingly.

"Autumn," she answered promptly.

"That's a pretty name," Lindsay said, reaching over to stroke the doll's cheek. "You have to look after her though because she was a lot of money.

Lucy nodded. "I will."

She rocked Autumn in her arms, whispering quietly to her. Not that Lucy had received all of her presents, Danny and Lindsay proceeded to open their own presents.

In lieu of Santa presents, they each exchanged stockings full of mainly inexpensive things such as earphones and candy as well as anything that the spotted and thought their partner might enjoy. The stockings were opposing Christmas colours of red and green and both had fluffy white rims. From his green stocking, Danny pulled out the _Bourne_ trilogy written by Robert Ludlum, a DVD of _Black Hawk Down_, an iPhone case with _The Flash _logo on it and a CD from a relatively unheard of band called Ceesau. Danny turned the CD over to read the track list on the back with interest as he enjoyed listening to bands that weren't necessary 'mainstream'. In Lindsay's red stocking she found two DVDs, the first _Jaws_ which provoked some bittersweet thoughts and the second _Breakfast at Tiffany's_ which banished all bad feelings, a couple of lip glosses and a CD of Lisa Hannigan's including the song that she liked but Danny could never fully remember the name of ("That one about the sea and some rocks, or somethin'," he would say.)

Lindsay gave Danny his presents in succession, beginning with the most ambiguous person until hers and Lucy's presents were left. Marcus gave him an American Express gift card, having been unable to tell exactly what Danny would want; a home brewing beer kit had been given to him from Nicholas and his family, whilst Freddie had gotten him a New York Yankee's jersey – he mused that people must think him obsessed with baseball, judging by the presents he'd received this year. Lindsay gave Lucy her present to her daddy which she handed to Danny with a flourish.

"It a cup, Daddy," she informed him before he'd even fully taken the gift from her.

Danny chuckled whilst Lindsay lightly scolded her daughter for telling her father what his present was. Lucy clapped her hands to her mouth in horror.

"Oh Daddy, I so sorry!"

"That's okay, Luce," he said forgivingly. "Just remember next time that you have to keep the secret for a tiny bit longer, alright?"

Lucy nodded emphatically. "I do better next time. Promise."

Danny opened the box and took the coffee mug out from the bubble wrap that had cushioned it, finding that it wasn't a mug that he'd been expecting; a drawing of Lucy, daddy and mommy (as such were labelled) had been printed around the mug and he immediately recognised the picture as one of those currently tacked to the fridge.

"Thank you, sweet pea, I love it," he told Lucy who collapsed into his arms with a giggle. He pressed kisses to her upturned face and then blew loud raspberries on her tummy until she screamed with laughter and scrambled away.

From Lindsay, Danny received a stereo docking station for an iPod or iPhone and a couple of pairs of Converse sneakers before she stood up and edged around to the back of the tree to get his final present from her. Smiling and frowning simultaneously, Danny waited for Lindsay to emerge and found himself speechless as she pulled from behind the tree a golf bag complete with a set of clubs. A large red bow had been tied around it and he scrambled up to his feel to inspect the clubs, marvelling silently.

"Oh God, thanks Linds," he eventually said, wrapping an arm around her shoulders and pulled her in to kiss her cheek.

Golf was a sport that he'd taken up with Flack after they'd worked the Urban Golfer murder case, although they played the more conventional game, but it was a rarity for them to play as it was costly for him to rent the gear. He hadn't realised that Lindsay had listened to his occasional complaints about how much money it was to play the game.

"Open the zip," she said. Following her indication, Danny reached down to the zipped up side pocket and opened it before pulling out a right-handed golfers glove in white and a bags of tees.

"Thanks," he said again.

Lindsay pulled a stack of presents towards them. "These are for the both of us."

Her eldest brother Jeremy and his family had sent them a hamper of Xbox games and DVDs. Lindsay was surprised that Jeremy's wife Hilary had allowed him to get them some of the more violent games – as a psychologist she was against games that promoted violence as she believed they affected the player's psych. From Stella and Jackson they'd gotten a fruit juicer and serving pitcher which would help them save money as they seemed to go through a lot of juice as a family. Clemenza and Alba had sent them a card in an envelope and inside was two tickets to the Cozy club to be used within the next thirty days which included a meal, Alba had also stated in the card that they would be happy to babysit Lucy for them overnight which was an added bonus – whilst they loved their daughter it was sometimes nice to have a break from their occasionally obstreperous youngster. Lindsay picked up a rather heavy present from her parents which was cylindrical and wrapped in brown paper; she leant forward and smelt the top of the gift before pulling back, beaming.

"I know what this is," she sang before ripping into the gift. A huge homemade cheese sat on top of a wooden cheeseboard which, judging by the look of it, had been made by her father.

Danny leant over to have a look and nodded appreciatively. "Nice," he said simply.

Before he was with Lindsay, Danny had never fully appreciated homemade things - he'd always figured 'why make it if you could buy it?' - however he now saw that there was a much larger sentimental value to something that had been made rather than bought (and it also didn't hurt that his in-laws were particularly refined in making things). He even appreciated the things his own parents made from scratch rather than bought which he had otherwise taken for granted.

"D'you want your presents now?" Danny asked.

"Sure." Lindsay and Danny switched places so he could give her the presents she'd received from family. Her pile was significantly smaller than his as she had already gotten Hendrix and all of his accessories as an early present - something she still couldn't quite believe he'd managed to hide from her for so long. Her uncle Freddie and his family had given her two panoramic canvases, the first showing a Montanan wheat field with mountains lining the horizon at sunrise and the second showing the New York skyline at sunset which she thought was a particularly nice touch. Nicholas's family had sent her a large print in rainbow lettering which said 'Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, it is about learning to dance in the rain' which Lindsay supposed Rachel had gotten for her; Nicholas's wife had been his childhood sweetheart and so she and Lindsay had grown up to be fairly close, the younger woman often turning to Rachel when she needed some sisterly advice. Rachel had also been present during the aftermath of the shooting and sometimes ended up being the voice of reason when her brothers and parents had been overbearingly protective.

Lindsay opened the present from Marcus and pressed a hand to her mouth to stifle a laugh. Marcus had sent her two rusty tin cans which were attached by a length of string.

"Um, good choice," Danny commented unsurely.

"These are from when me and Mac were kids. We used to hang these between our bedroom windows so we could talk to each other easily, especially at night when we were supposed to be sleeping. I can't believe he had these all of this time."

Danny smiled to himself as he listened to her talk of her childhood which wasn't plagued by death and heartache. He turned to Lucy who was still tenderly cradling her new doll. "Hey Luce, d'you wanna give Mommy her Christmas present from you?"

"Okay!" Lucy jumped up and ran over to Danny with her hands outstretched, accepting the gift from him before passing it on to Lindsay. "It a..." she caught Danny's eye and broke off from revealing what the gift was. Lucy pressed her finger to her lips and giggled. "Shhh."

"Erm, Lucy wrapped it," Danny said apologetically as Lindsay began pulling the abundant amount of scotch tape off of the crumpled ball of gift paper. Using her nail to slit it open, Lindsay finally pulled the paper apart and shook the present out until it landed in her palm. It was a white, purple and blue friendship bracelet with a silver rectangle inscribed with 'To Mommy, love Lucy x'.

"Oh thank you, Lucy," Lindsay praised the little girl, touched by the gift. "This is lovely."

She slipped the bracelet on to her wrist and tightened it whilst Lucy clapped her hands together happily.

"You like it?" Lucy asked.

"I love it," Lindsay assured her. She pulled the three year old into her arms and pressed a kiss to her bowed lips. "Now, how about you and Danny pick all of this wrapping paper up whilst I make a start on our dinner?" she suggested. Danny and Lucy wore matching disgruntled faces at being asked to help with a chore but agreed nevertheless. "Good, once you're done you can come into the kitchen for some breakfast."

Satisfied that the promise of food would get them to do their set task quickly, Lindsay left them and went into the kitchen where she'd set all of the food out on the kitchen table the night before.

Although it would be a mammoth task, she was convinced that the combination of hers, her mothers and her mother-in-laws recipes would create a good meal for her family. She'd thought that Lucy's first Christmas would be the most important but she was fast learning that she wanted these events that Lucy was starting to remember to be perfect for the youngster. Although she knew that perfection would inevitably fail sometimes, it didn't stop her from craving the best.

Danny and Lucy came traipsing into the kitchen, arms filled to overflowing with wrapping paper and making it very audible that they were hungry. _'Like father, like daughter,' _she mused before setting about grabbing things for a light breakfast.

* * *

><p>After their Christmas dinner, the family of three resorted to collapsing onto the couches in food comas whilst watching the succession of films that were being aired on the television. Lucy had so far played with the majority of her new toys however the way she kept Autumn close by at all times proved to Lindsay that it had been a good idea to buy the doll. She was currently settled on the second couch, Autumn resting in her lap as she watched the television with rapt attention as Father Christmas soared through the air in his magnificent sleigh and the music reached a climactic conclusion.<p>

Lucy waved at the screen as the credits began to roll. "Bye Santa. Thanks for presents."

Lindsay shared a grin with her husband before sitting up from where she'd been resting on his chest, rubbing at her tired eyes whilst stretching like the slinkiest cat. Her t-shirt rose to show an inch of mid drift and she saw Danny lick his lower lip in her periphery vision. She gave him a comfortable smile. "What?" she laughed.

"Nothin'," he replied, still smiling.

"You're incorrigible," she muttered censoriously, her smile belying her tone.

"I didn't say anything," he insisted, laughing.

"You know," she accused lightly. She turned away from him and addressed Lucy. "Hey Luce, d'you and Autumn want to get into your pyjamas?"

Lucy turned to her looking horrified. "I go bed _now_?!"

"Not just yet," Lindsay reassured her. "You can watch one more movie and then it'll be bedtime. I just thought you and Autumn might want to wear your matching pyjamas."

"Can you do our hair the same too?" the youngster requested.

"Sure." Lindsay chuckled before getting up whilst Lucy scrambled down from the couch, reaching back up to grab her doll. She took her mommy's hand as they set off to her bedroom.

Danny paused the television and waited for his girls to return, figuring they'd be displeased if they missed the opening of the next film. He yawned, knowing he'd have to go to bed pretty soon after Lucy. Although he didn't necessarily want to, Danny had been scheduled to work on Boxing Day and even though he'd rather be spending the day with his girls, Danny knew better than to dispute the scheduling with his boss. Whilst Mac tried to give him and Lindsay plenty of time off together, it would be unfair for them to take that for granted – especially as it would be at the expense of their colleagues and friends.

Danny listened to his wife and baby girl's muffled voices as they floated down the hall, the latter requesting that Lindsay styled her hair like her favourite Disney princess. He heard Lucy ask whether she thought her other toys would be jealous now that she had a special doll and Lindsay's soothing reply that they wouldn't be jealous because their main aim was to make her happy and so they all worked together to do that. He smiled to himself, amazed how Lindsay could create such believable stories for the youngster.

A squeak below him told Danny that Hendrix was enjoying his Christmas present. The Great Dane was chewing noisily on the brightly coloured ball. Danny reached a hand down and felt around until he was petting the puppy's head who didn't pause in his determination to chew through the rubber.

Lucy ran in, her bare feet padding on the carpet, Autumn held in her arms as she stopped in the middle of the room and rotated on the spot to show off the matching butterfly pyjamas that they both wore. Lucy and Autumn's hair had been pulled back into long French braids and Lucy had her _The Little Mermaid_ comb clip in her hair.

"Mommy says I can wear this until bedtime and then I have to take it out," she told him. "Do I look pretty, Daddy?"

"You look beautiful, sweet pea."

"Does Autumn look beautiful too?" Lucy demanded, almost as though it were more important to hear of her doll's beauty than her own.

"Er, sure."

Lucy crouched down to address their dog. "Look Hendrix, we look the same. But no eatin' her, got it?" she said seriously, pointing a finger at the puppy. He gnawed on the ball slower as though taking her seriously.

"You've got to remember not to leave her - or any of your toys for that matter - in any places where Hendrix might find them and start chewin' on them, okay? I'm sure Hendrix'll try his best but we've got to help him by not givin' him temptation."

"Okay Daddy." Lucy nodded, her face still set seriously before she gave Hendrix a 'good boy' pat and bounded back over to her couch.

Lindsay re-entered the living room with a tray that had three steaming mugs on them, one slightly smaller for Lucy, and all containing hot chocolate as an extra special Christmas treat. Passing them out, she settled back against Danny and took a sip of the warm drink as Danny un-paused the television and they began the next film.

"Have you had a good Christmas?" Lindsay asked her husband.

Danny smiled and puckered his lips, asking for a kiss which Lindsay happily obliged with a quick peck. "Yeah," he eventually answered. "I just wish it could last a little longer."

She gave him a slightly less chaste kiss and pulled back with a twinkle in her eye. Her voice was rough when she responded with a promise, "It still can."


	39. Chapter Thirty Eight

**Disclaimer:** The characters of CSI: NY do not belong to me however this story is of my own and should only be used after permission has been asked and given. No copyright infringement intended and no profit is being made.

**Summary:** Danny and Lindsay are going to learn that sometimes you must lose, in order to gain.

**Notes: *Peeks out from hidey hole*** Hey guys, so I need to apologise for my lack of… well, everything really! Writing, replying to people and even reading. I recently had a close family member rushed to hospital (ninth operation but it appears we're finally getting somewhere!) which played havoc with writing time and then another close family member announced their engagement so RL got a bit hectic for a while. I'm afraid when things slowed down again I found that I had zilch motivation to write or even read so I've been doing this chapter is sections to try and get something slowly done therefore it's a bit wince-y in places so I do hope you'll forgive me. I decided to go for the slightly more mundane and look at how Danny might spend a day off from work merely because, whilst potentially boring – again, sorry if it is! – this fic is _supposed_ to have an element of RL thrown in so I hope you guys don't mind.

Hopefully next time I won't be quite as rusty!

A huge thank you to _Dantana15, Miny23, Daisy 1996, Zara, Kates89 _and _laurzz_ for reviewing the last chapter and I hope the temporary hiatus hasn't put anyone off.

* * *

><p><strong>The Parent's Apple<strong>

The remainder of the Christmas vacation passed swiftly with Lucy splitting their time between being cared for by her parents (both separately and together when possible), he paternal grandparents at their home on Staten Island, and her babysitter, Cecily, who had been with them since Lucy was an infant. Cecily was flexible, focusing her babysitting duties to one family at a time, which was beneficial to them due to their demanding work schedule which often included last minute overtime.

Despite enjoying the break, Lucy was excited to return to school and told her mother this whilst the latter brushed through the youngster's tangle of just-washed curls.

"Why's that?" Lindsay asked, catching Lucy's eye in the reflection of the mirror. The three year old was sat between her mother's legs on the vanity's stool.

"'Cause I gets to see Angela. I tell her 'bout Autumn and party and Chri'mas. Gonna play new game and read books and draw pictures. Gonna do 'periment with grass. You read Chri'mas book before bedtime?"

Prepared for Lucy's sometimes fragmented thought processes, Lindsay was quick to decipher what was stated and what was a question in her daughter's speech. "Sure, we can read one of the books you got for Christmas – but just one, okay? You have to get a lot of sleep so you're ready for school tomorrow."

"Oh yep. Lots of sleep so play for long time."

Lindsay chuckled and lent forwards to press a kiss to the top of Lucy's sweet smelling head. "Go say goodnight to daddy and get into bed whilst I clean the bathroom up," Lindsay instructed. "Then I'll come in for your bedtime story and to tuck you in."

"See ya later, 'gator." Lucy jumped down from the stool and ran out of the bedroom, calling for daddy as she went. As Lindsay had to work the next day, they'd agreed that she would put Lucy to bed and bond with her during the night whereas Danny would take her to school in the morning. Lindsay returned to the family bathroom where she pulled the plug out of the bath and let the lukewarm water pour down the drain before using a towel to mop up spillages on the linoleum floor. She gave the bath a quick wipe down with a cloth before dropping the towels and Lucy's clothes into the hamper. Flicking the light switch off, Lindsay made her way into Lucy's bedroom where the youngster was settling into bed, surrounded by her favourite stuffed toys whilst Autumn sat regally on the rocking chair.

Rocking before bedtime was the first thing that Lucy had decided she didn't need any more unless sick and although it had broken Lindsay's heart to be unintentionally shunned by her little girl, the young mother had also realised that she couldn't force Lucy to be her little girl forever. So despite the occasional long glances that she threw the chair in the corner, Lindsay had otherwise allowed Lucy to dictate her bedtime routines.

"Which book did you pick?" Lindsay asked, sitting down on the floor beside Lucy's bed.

Lucy held out the book that she had been clutching to her chest. The set of four Eric Carle picture books that Lucy had gotten from Santa at Christmas had been read in succession every night since she'd forgotten them. To Lindsay's surprise Lucy was clutching_Matilda_ by Roald Dahl.

"Wanna read this one," Lucy said softly.

"Okay, but let's tuck you in first." Lindsay gently pushed Lucy into a lying position and brought the blankets up around her, cocooning her in so that only her head poked out. She knew that Lucy would probably be fast asleep before the end of the chapter and so wanted to get the fussy fiddling before sleep out of the way first. Once the little girl was snug, Lindsay opened the first chapter book her daughter owned, cleared her throat and began reading.

"_'It's a funny thing about mothers and fathers. Even when their own child is the most disgusting little blister you could ever imagine, they still think that he or she is wonderful.'_"

"Am I b'ister?" Lucy asked, looking half-fearful and half-hopeful of the answer.

"You?" Lindsay asked animatedly. "You are the biggest, grossest, gooiest blister I've ever seen."

Lucy's eyes went wide. "Really?"

"No, of course not!" Lindsay laughed. "You're my lovely baby girl."

Lindsay tickled Lucy beneath her chin, causing the youngster to squeal with delighted giggles. Resuming her place in the book, Lindsay continued to read, "_'Some parents go further. They become so blinded by adoration they manage to convince themselves their child has qualities of a genius. Well, there is nothing wrong with all this. It's the way of the world. It is only when parents begin telling __us__ about the brilliance of their own revolting off-spring, that we start shouting, 'Bring us a basin! We're going to be sick!'_

_School teachers suffer a good deal from having to listen to this sort of twaddle from proud parents, but they usually get their own back when the time comes to write the end-of-term reports. If I were a teacher I would cook up some real scorchers for the children of doting parents. 'Your son Maximilian,' I would write, 'is a total wash-out. I hope you have a family business you can push him into when he leaves school because he sure as heck won't get a job anywhere else.' Or if I was feeling lyrical the day, I might write, 'It is a curious truth that grasshoppers have their hearing-organs in the insides of the abdomen. Your daughter Vanessa, judging by what she's learnt this term, has no hearing organs at all.'"_

Although the language was more advanced for Lucy, she was still hanging on to every word her mother read and even giggling appreciatively in the correct places. By the time Lindsay's reached the end of the chapter, Lucy's eyes were heavy with tiredness but she stubbornly refused to close them until the last sentence had left her mother's lips.

"That good story," Lucy said when Lindsay closed the book.

"That was only the first chapter, sweetheart."

"What that mean?"

"Sometimes books are so long that they're split up into lots of little chapters so you can read them a chunk at a time. It's all one story but you get new and exciting things happen in each little piece," Lindsay succinctly explained.

"Oh. So read more?" Lucy asked.

"We will do, but not tonight," Lindsay told her firmly.

"Gotta sleep," Lucy nodded seriously. "In story, 'Tilda go lib'ry – we go lib'ry too? Read books."

"I think we could manage that sometime. But right now you have to go to sleep." Lindsay pulled herself up to standing, tucked the sheets back around her daughter, made sure her favourite stuffed snow leopard was secured beneath her arm and stooped down to kiss her bowed lips. "Go to sleep. I love you."

"Love you too, mommy. G'night."

* * *

><p>The Minnie Mouse rucksack swung on her back as Lucy skipped down the sidewalk, accompanied by Hendrix who trotted alongside her on his leash which was held by Danny. Lindsay had kissed Lucy's cheek and wished her good luck whilst the youngster munched on a slice of toast before dashing out of their apartment to get to her shift on time. Dark storm clouds had rolled in, washing away the snow that Lucy had played in weeks before and she now splashed happily through the puddles in her flowery rain boots, a spare pair of school shoes tucked into the front pocket of her bag.<p>

"Lucy, wait for Daddy," Danny called as they came to a busy junction. She obediently stopped and put a hand on their dog's head, stilling him too.

"No Hen, gotta stop, not safe," she told the puppy sternly.

Danny caught them up, took Lucy's hand in his free one and encouraged her to get them safely across the road with his gentle guidance. Once on the other side, she continued to skip but remained holding his hand tightly as they walked the final few blocks to her preschool. Danny tethered Hendrix to the gate, patting his head affectionately before taking Lucy into the playground where screaming kids ran in all directions. Varying levels of relief that the holidays were over could be seen on different parents faces, in particular those with large families. Lucy tugged Danny over to where Angela was stood with her mom and a group of friends.

"Hi Angela!" Lucy called once they neared.

"Hi Lucy!" the little girl returned enthusiastically, her many tiny plaits bobbing. They ran to each other and embraced, giggling and immediately launching into chatter about their Christmases. Danny, who had met Angela's mom at the parent's evening, gave her a warm smile and nodded in greeting.

"Hullo Danny."

"Nancy, it's good to see you again. Did you get Lindsay's text about Angela's birthday?" he asked.

"Yes, we did thank you. " Nancy beamed. "Angela hasn't been able to stop talking about it since you guys agreed that Lucy could come round."

Danny chuckled. "We haven't told Lucy for that precise reason," he told her good-humouredly.

"Oh I'm sure my daughter will spill the beans by the end of the day."

"Brilliant," Danny dead-panned.

The school bell rang and Lucy ran to him, tugging on his pants leg and insisting that he accompany her into the classroom before lessons began. Once inside, they joined her classmates at the row of coat pegs where everyone was depositing their rucksacks and winter layers. Lucy followed suit and when stripped down, Danny took her hand to balance her whilst she stepped out of her rain boots and placed them in her cubby. Taking the sneakers Lindsay had conveniently packed from her rucksack, Danny put them on her feet and tied the laces into bows. He crouched down in front of the youngster and took each of her wrists in a gentle grip, ensuring she concentrated her attention on him rather than the bustle around her.

"Okay Sweet Pea, Daddy's gotta get goin' now." She opened her mouth to protest but he held a single finger up, silencing her before she even made a sound. "No," he said firmly, "you're goin' to be a big girl and not throw a fit, please. I've left Hendrix tied up outside and if I leave him for too long then he might pull free and run away. Now we don't want that, do we?"

She shook her head sadly. "No."

"Good girl. Gimme a kiss and a cuddle." Lucy obliged, still pouting unhappily until Danny tickled her ribs so she erupted into giggles. He pressed his finger to her nose, watching it scrunch up adorably; he was vividly reminded of her mother. "I'll see you later. Have fun at school."

Leaving Lucy with her friends, Danny exited the preschool and crossed the playground, returning to Hendrix who was sniffing interestedly at a patch of earth. The puppy looked up as Danny approached, wagging his tail and straining his leash in excitement; Danny patted his side and murmured to him whilst untying the leash from the gate. He'd decided to walk rather than drive to the preschool that morning so Hendrix could be leisurely exercised as he had errands to run later that day, therefore killing two birds with one stone.

Heading to the park, he took his cell phone from his pocket and dialled the work office. Lindsay picked up on the third ring.

"Messer."

He grinned despite himself. "Hey babe."

"Hey," she greeted warmly. "Have you just left the preschool? How was Lucy?"

"She was fine," he told her honestly, "we almost had an incident but managed to curb it before it went anywhere." They entered the park and Danny walked them over to a grassy area; he'd been contemplating letting Hendrix off of his leash but the puppy had started to strain against his leash again from the excitement of being in the park. Danny therefore deemed it irresponsible to let a still somewhat untrained puppy run freely. "She was happy by the time I left so I think she'll be fine. How's work?"

"Slow," Lindsay admitted on a sigh. "Although now I've said that I'm sure I'll regret it."

Danny chuckled into the mouthpiece. It was almost a curse saying that work was slow because soon they'd be back to cases coming in fast, mounting up and potentially running into overtime or going into the unsolved pile. He walked Hendrix over to a nearby bench and sat down, wrapping the leash around his wrist for a firmer hold.

"I sorted out the printer so it stops humming, a couple of screws were loose so they were making the internal panels rattle," she continued, "I did think it was something to do with the cartridges but I just ended up getting ink all over me. Mac walked in, shook his head and walked straight back out again."

"That really does sound like a slow day."

"Well it's not scaling the Statue of Liberty," she murmured, a smile in her tone. He could imagine her sitting in their office, head thrown back with the phone pressed to her ear and bobbing in her desk chair. "Oh, Hawkes announced Camille's pregnancy this morning; the guys were all really happy for him. It's a bit early but I think he was too excited to keep it in any longer."

Danny smiled to himself, knowing the feeling well.

"Are you on your way home?"

"Nah, I'm at the park with Hendrix," he told her. "I was thinkin' about lettin' him off his leash but thought better of it once we got here."

"Maybe we should start looking into puppy obedience classes," Lindsay suggested.

"I'll Google it later, work out the cost and what times work for us."

"Okay. I'd better get back to work," she admitted. "Thanks for letting me know about Lucy. If it picks up and I'm gonna be late then I'll phone or text you."

"Alright. Bye, sweetheart. Stay safe."

Danny hung up and slipped his phone back into his jacket pocket. A jogger streaked past with a dog running at his heels, unleashed and obediently following. Hendrix watched them interestedly and let out a bark, pawing the ground excitedly before rounding on Danny.

"Sorry boy, no can do." He shook his head. "And don't gimme those puppy dog eyes either."

Hendrix continued to trot in circles, tripping over his leash each time as he failed to duck and eventually getting tangled up in it. Danny rolled his eyes and sighed in exasperation. Untangling Hendrix from the leash, Danny stood and stretched before leaving the park and heading home. The Great Dane stopped on the way, squatting on the grass, and Danny shook a doggie bag out of his jacket pocket to pick up the mess Hendrix had made.

They walked on, Danny dropping the bag into a dog waste bin on the way out of the park, and continued home without any more detours. Upon re-entering the apartment, Danny unleashed Hendrix and the puppy ran straight to the kitchen where he lapped noisily from the water bowl.

Shutting the front door and hanging the leash up in the cupboard by the door, Danny went to their bedroom and through to the en-suite for a quick shower, re-emerging twenty minutes later fully dressed and clean shaven with water running down his shirt collar from his still wet hair. Roughly towel drying his hair, Danny carried all of the towels from the en-suite and, stopping by the family bathroom to gather the towels from in there too, took his load to the kitchen where the washing machine was located. After the Shane Casey fiasco, Lindsay had insisted that their next apartment have a washer and dryer within the apartment – something he was more than happy to agree with.

Throwing the towels into the drum, he added a generous amount of washing powder and turned the machine on. Waiting for the tell-tale sounds of water running through the system; he turned and exited the kitchen, shutting the safety gate behind him. Hendrix raised his head from where he lay beneath the table but was too exhausted to do much else. Danny grabbed his keys for the Volvo from a side table, checked his list of errands was still in his jeans pocket before shrugging his leather jacket back on and leaving the apartment.

Years ago he would have spent his day off from work nursing a hangover and possibly cooking breakfast for a latest conquest before kicking them out with the promise of a phone call which would never come. Now he turned his nose up at that old lifestyle and instead focused on domestic tasks which, if completed, would please his wife. Taking the stairwell which led down to the apartment's underground parking garage, Danny smiled to himself as he recognised that he'd well and truly been tamed by Lindsay however – surprisingly, his old self would have to admit – he didn't necessarily consider it a bad thing. He supposed every bachelor was waiting for the right person to tame them and how much the new lifestyle was worth.

Climbing into the car, Danny adjusted the seat and mirrors to his height after Lindsay had last driven the car on Saturday from his parent's house. He'd spent a couple of hours outside his childhood home, washing and cleaning the car until it was sparkling so it would be ready for the safety and emissions inspection that would take place later that afternoon.

Danny pulled out of the garage and entered traffic, driving downtown towards a furniture shop where he and Lindsay had found an oak chest of drawers that they wanted for their bedroom. Having fitted Lucy's nursery from the store when Lindsay had been pregnant, they were confident that the shop was reliable with quality furniture and an affordable price tag.

Danny found a parking spot close to the store and headed towards the furniture shop. When his in-laws had visited for Thanksgiving, Robert had offered to help with any household jobs and so Danny had brought him to here. The ranch owner and occasional carpenter had been impressed, looking at the furniture with a critical eye which had reassured Danny of his confidence in the store.

A slight drizzle had started to fall again as Danny jogged across the street and entered the store, brushing specs of water off of his jacket shoulders and pulling out his errands list. Beneath his scribble of _Buy drawers_ was the specific set that he and Lindsay had found. Finding a large cart, he dragged it along behind him and took it through the aisles, scanning for the correct section.

Finally finding the flat-packed box containing what he needed, Danny heaved two heavy boxes on to the cart, straining from the exertion whilst a teenage sales assistant stood close by, snapping gum and watching with vague interest.

"Need a hand?" the pimply kid asked. Danny dropped the second box down on top of the first and glared at the worker incredulously who stared back unconcernedly.

"Nah, I've got it," Danny bit out.

"Alrighty. Well, you need any help–" There was another snap of the gum. "–you know where I am."

"Yeah, right."

Danny dragged the cart over to the checkout and away from the unhelpful sales assistant. The shop owner's twenty-something year old granddaughter was working behind the till and she offered Danny a toothy smile as he approached. Despite only frequenting the store occasionally, she always seemed to remember him by face.

"Hey, more stuff for your little girl's room?" she asked brightly.

"Er, no, actually. My wife wanted some new drawers," he answered whilst she leant over the counter to scan the barcode on both boxes. Her name tag read Hannah.

"Was that everything?"

"D'you have any light bulbs?" He suddenly remembered the blown bulb in the family bathroom.

"Sure." She turned and gestured to the wall behind her where DIY utensils were hanging on hooks. Danny pointed out the bulbs that he needed. She rang all of the items up on the till. "That'll be $87.95."

He took his wallet from the back pocket of his jeans and flipped it open to take his card out which he handed to her. She tilted her head, noticing the two photographs in the plastic sleeve; the first showed Lucy when they'd vacationed to Amagansett (before Shane Casey had turned up), wearing a pink sun hat and moments away from pulling it over her eyes. The second photo was from Hawkes' wedding, he and Lindsay were dancing on an almost empty dance floor, faces cracked into grins and eyes alight with humour as they gazed lovingly at each other.

"Is that your family?" Hannah asked, smiling at the photos.

"Yeah," Danny said, unable to keep the pride out of his voice.

Transaction completed, she passed the card back to him with his receipt and another warm smile. "Well, have a good day. If you wanted a hand taking these out to your vehicle then I could get Gerry…"

Danny glanced over his shoulder at the teenager who was absentmindedly scratching his inner ear. Danny turned back from Gerry and grimaced sympathetically. "Nah, I think I can manage but thanks anyway."

He pushed the cart through the store and out onto the street to his car where he unloaded the purchases and relocked it so he could return the cart before driving home, a full day of errands still awaiting him.

* * *

><p>It was late when Danny heard the apartment door open and shut quietly. Muting the television, he smiled welcomingly as Lindsay entered the living room, looking tired but pleased to see him.<p>

"Hey," she said softly.

"Your dinner's in the microwave," he told her.

"Thanks." She crossed the room and stooped to press a warm kiss to his mouth, his hands reaching up to cup the back of her head. Lindsay pulled back, smiling as she ruffled his hair playfully and pulled out of his gentle grip to head to the kitchen. Danny unmuted the television set but found his interest in the programme had waned now that his wife was finally home. Using the remote to turn the TV off, he rose and stretched before following Lindsay into the adjacent room. She was stood by the microwave, yawning and rolled her shoulders whilst her dinner revolved in the machine.

"So work picked up I take it?" he asked, referring to why she was home later than what her shift indicated.

"Hm? Oh, no. It was a slow shift from start to finish." At his raised eyebrow she elaborated, "I decided to restock all of the supplies in the lab but then once I'd started I couldn't leave the task unfinished." She grimaced slightly. "Turns out there were a lot more to restock than I originally thought."

Danny chuckled, only Lindsay could get into these kinds of situations with her eagerness to be helpful. The ping of the microwave broke through his musings and Lindsay pulled her dinner out, taking it over to the table to settle down and eat. Danny took a bottle of soda out from the fridge and set it on the table for her. She threw him a thankful smile.

"How was Lucy's first day back?" she asked, disappointed that she'd not only missed out on taking Lucy to school but also seeing her before bedtime.

"It was fine, sounds as though she had a really good day. Although she did complain at bedtime that mommy reads stories better," Danny huffed, sitting down opposite Lindsay. Rather than being sympathetic, Lindsay's eyes lit up at this piece of news. "Try not to look too happy about it," Danny said dryly.

"Sorry. That is too bad," she said, pleasure still sparkling in her eyes. He gave her an unimpressed glare. "Oh c'mon, you and I both know you'll go back to being favourite once mean old mommy tells her off for something."

"What can I say? I guess I'm just the cool, fun parent." Lindsay reached across to swat at him playfully and he laughed again, rubbing his arm.

"So what was the rest of your day like?" She scooped up a spoonful of casserole and put it in her mouth.

"Not bad," he shrugged. "The garage took the car overnight and said they'd call tomorrow when they were finished with the inspection. Although," a pained expression crossed his face. "I took Lucy's car seat out before driving to the garage and found crumbs all underneath but I didn't have enough time to clean them up."

Lindsay suppressed a smile, knowing how many hours her husband spent on Saturday cleaning the whole car. She knew he prided himself in having a good, well working and clean car as he believed it was a reflection upon himself as a man. She personally didn't think the mechanics would care, presuming they'd probably seen a lot worse in their time.

Lindsay continued to eat, only making her way through three quarters of the bowl before deciding exhaustion trumped hunger. Standing, she scraped the leftovers into the bin and turned to Danny.

"Bed?" she asked succinctly.

"Just lemme lock up and put Hendrix away. Go on ahead and I'll be right with you."

"Okay, don't be too long." Lindsay walked out of the kitchen and made her way to their bedroom, going straight to the en-suite to perform her night time ablutions. Danny came in halfway through and they stood side by side at the sink, brushing their teeth.

Lindsay spit and rinsed first. "Are you flirting with me?"

Danny finished brushing before following her actions. He grinned at her reflection. "Always."

She bit the inside of her lip and left the bathroom, taking her pyjamas out from beneath her pillow and changing into them. Putting her clothes into the hamper, she threw the bedclothes back and climbed in. The sheets were crisp and sweet smelling, indicating they were freshly laundered and she burrowed into them whilst waiting for Danny to climb in beside her. When Danny walked into the room a few minutes later it was to find a frown puckering his wife's brow.

"What's up?"

She pointed at the sets of drawers which stood symmetrically on either side of the wardrobe. "How long have they been there for?"

Danny slipped into bed and punched his pillow into a more comfortable position before answering. "What, them?" he asked with faux nonchalance. "Only since sometime this afternoon."

Lindsay kissed his stubbled cheek. "Thank you, baby."

"You're welcome, now get some sleep – you look like you need it."

"Alright… but how about I wake you up early tomorrow?"

Danny raised an eyebrow and grinned. "I think you've got yourself a deal, Mrs. Messer."


	40. Chapter Thirty Nine

**Disclaimer:** The characters of CSI: NY do not belong to me however this story is of my own and should only be used after permission has been asked and given. No copyright infringement intended and no profit is being made.

**Summary:** Danny and Lindsay are going to learn that sometimes you must lose, in order to gain.

**Notes: **A slightly shorter chapter as I slowly get back into writing again. At the moment we're on the cusp of a 'story arc', shall we call it, and so I'm building up to that moment and it's these little parts in between which are causing me a bit of hassle. I'm sure you writers out there know what I'm so ineloquently trying to say! As always, a massive thank you to _Dantana15, MesserFamilyFan100_ and _Miny23_ for reviewing the previous chapter; you're continued support keeps me going so thank you so much!

I have to apologise for the fluffiness as well – I nearly exploded with love for Lucy Messer. Don't worry, dark, twisty angst is just around the corner.

* * *

><p><strong>The Parent's Apple<strong>

Danny stood in trace, his hands pressed to the layout table as his eyes roved over the plethora of evidence Mac had left him before going with Jo to follow up on a potential lead. The third case in a string of arson attacks had come through their department that morning and it had stretched the team pretty thin with Hawkes already working a solo case in the Bronx. There was, however, more to Danny's anxiety; Mac had sent Lindsay home early that afternoon with a temperature of 103 degrees which had steadily risen since the morning when she'd woken up with a sore throat and rasping cough.

She'd stopped by on her way out to let him know she was going home to sleep it off and they hadn't had any contact since; he was reluctant to phone home in case he woke her from her much needed rest but had contacted their babysitter, Cecily, to let her know that Lindsay was home and ask if she could care for Lucy as pre-arranged since he was unsure of how his wife would be feeling. The kiss he'd pressed to Lindsay's clammy forehead hours ago felt like a distant memory now that he was surrounded by an endless pile of work.

It was rare for them to have so much evidence from a scene that everything was backed up and yet it could happen. Having a lot of evidence had the potential to help and hinder a case; on the one hand they had a better chance of identifying and prosecuting their suspect however it also could mean they were stuck waiting for results which they needed in order to know how best to process what they had. He was currently waiting on three different lab techs and Adam to get back to him whilst he searched for the next vital piece of evidence.

"How's it going?" Jo had returned from interviewing their potential witness.

"I'm waitin' on results," he replied, staring hard at the unsolved heap. He gestured between the table and himself. "I'm hopin' the evidence will talk to me."

Jo joined him at the work station but didn't don a lab coat. Her keen eyes travelled over the evidence they'd collected, looking for anything that stood out amongst the charred rubble of a pawn shop.

"Get anythin' from your witness?" Danny asked, breaking the silence.

"Ah yes," Jo nodded before rolling her eyes. "Our _lead witness_ had many different theories as to why the fire had started, his biggest theory – and I have to say my overall favourite – was that men in black suits from the government had started the fire to cover up evidence of alien activity."

"You're kiddin' me, right?"

"I wish I was. He claims the pawn shop came under new management the day after," Jo put on her best moron impression, "'this flash of light shot across the sky, dude, it was epic! And then, like, the next day Mr. Saunders was working in there and he was all, like, shifty and stuff. So you know what I'm thinking? Major. Alien. Invasion, dude. And it's coming our way. That's why the alien squad turned up last night and tried to eliminate him.'"

"Wow." There was a pause and then, "You weren't, by any chance, interviewing Adam, were you?"

Jo laughed. "No, although I am interested to hear what he thinks about it. Did you know that when Adam was a kid and living in Arizona he was picked up in the desert by a squad car trying to make contact with aliens via a walkie-talkie? Cops picked up his one-way conversation over the police scanner and went out to look for him."

"That… sounds like Adam."

Jo glanced back at the pile of evidence and sighed, pushing away from the table. "Go home, Danny." She gestured to what was scattered in front of them. "You can't do anymore here until your results come through; I know Adam's on the nightshift so I'll ask him to oversee the collection of all the results and ask him to be responsible for ensuring they find their way to you tomorrow morning."

Danny grinned. "Ya sure? Ah, thanks Jo, I appreciate it."

"Send Lindsay our love and tell her to get better soon."

Danny shrugged his lab coat off and flung it over the coat rack on his way out the door, calling back, "I will do."

* * *

><p>Lindsay stumbled out of the bedroom, still clad in her pyjamas with Danny's jumper thrown on top for comfort and warmth in equal measure. Her nose was sore from being blown too frequently and she'd rubbed Vicks beneath her nose but it had stung rather than helped, making her eyes water from the menthol. She'd also taken some NyQuil and despite sleeping since being sent home from work, Lindsay was still light headed with exhaustion.<p>

There was a low rumble of noise in the apartment, indicating people who were carefully being quiet and she found it more comforting than waking up to a deathly silent and lonely home. In the living room Lucy was sat in the middle of the couch, watching _Curious George_, the television turned down low and Autumn cradled in her lap. The three year old looked up as Lindsay entered, looking desperately sympathetic at the sight of her.

"Hi Mommy," she solemnly half-whispered, "Cec'y say you sick."

"I am," Lindsay agreed in a rasping voice.

"Oh dear; Autumn sick too. We watchin' George to make her feel better." Lucy petted the doll's head softly. "You come watch George too? Make you feel better?"

"Maybe in a minute," Lindsay said, smiling affectionately at her daughter; it amazed Lindsay how someone as young as Lucy could show such an unbelievable amount of compassion for other people, a trait which many adults needed to learn and develop. Lindsay stooped over the back of the couch to press a kiss to the top of Lucy's head before continuing on to the kitchen where a rich scent seemed to be emanating.

Cecily, Lucy's babysitter, was Uncle Freddie's middle daughter who'd just finished college and was working part-time in a midtown nursery; previously she'd looked after Lucy around attending classes however her work schedule and Lucy's preschool schedule now coincided so she was always around to look after the three year old. As Cecily focused on one family at a time and the Messer's had needed regular childcare due to their busy work times, Cecily had been perfect for them – they also considered her to be most trustworthy as she was family.

"Something smell's good," Lindsay commented. Cecily turned and grinned which Lindsay returned, albeit weakly.

"Hey Linds, how're you feeling?" her cousin asked.

"Rough," she admitted. "Thanks for looking after Lucy today."

"It's no problem," the twenty two year old replied with a warm smile; it was fair to say that Cecily and Lucy were besotted with each other. "Danny called; he said he was leaving work about a half hour ago so he should be home soon."

"Okay." Lindsay eased herself into a chair at the kitchen table. On the way down a coughing fit had her clutching the table edge with one hand whilst the other was clamped firmly over her mouth. The wracking coughs slowly subsided and she breathed hard, forcing air past her scratchy throat. Cecily placed a glass of water down in front of her and she took a long gulp from the refreshing fluid. "Thanks," Lindsay said, setting the glass back down.

"I'm making my mom's leek and potato soup; she seems to think it cures all sorts," Cecily told her, returning to the stove.

"From what I can remember it does," Lindsay chuckled.

"Well it's not your mom's crock pot stew, that's for sure." They grinned at each other, remembering the few years they'd grown up in Montana together before Uncle Freddie and his wife Laura had moved the family to New York for his new job when Lindsay had been fourteen and Cecily four.

"You really remember that?" Lindsay asked.

"Sure," Cecily shrugged. "Sunday dinners at your place were tradition. I remember Nicole used to follow you around everywhere and she wanted to be just like you."

"It was a nice change to being around the boys all week who wanted to be _nothing_ like me!" Lindsay took a sip of water to stave off another oncoming coughing fit. She cleared her throat before continuing, "I don't even think Michelle was born when you moved, was she?"

"Well she's seventeen now and we moved in '95 so no, she wasn't born until the year after." Cecily dipped a spoon into the pot of soup before blowing on the steaming liquid, she impatiently brushed her dark curly hair out of the way before tasting the soup. Picking up a pepper shaker, Cecily put some in before turning the stove down to a low simmer and turning to Lindsay. "Alright, well that should be done now; I'll just leave it to warm on the stove."

"Did you want to stay for dinner?" Lindsay asked.

"No, that's okay, Ryan's meeting me and we're gonna go watch a movie – but thanks anyway," Cecily declined. "You gonna be okay here on your own with Lucy until Danny gets home?"

Lindsay stood up. "I'll be fine, thank you again."

Cecily rubbed her shoulder. "Get better soon."

Lindsay smiled. "I'll try to."

Following Cecily out of the kitchen, she hung back as her younger cousin went to Lucy and said goodbye, giving the little girl a brief cuddle. "Look after your mom," Cecily said.

"I take extra special care of mommy, Cec'y."

"Good girl." Cecily gave Lucy a final hug before seeing herself out of the apartment, waving off Lindsay's offer to see her to the door. "Sit on the couch and start resting!" she called over her shoulder before the front door shut.

"C'mon Mommy." Lucy patted the seat beside her. "You sit with me here now."

Lindsay did as told, sitting beside Lucy who instantly snuggled into her side; _Curious George_ had finished and the youngster was now watching _Mickey Mouse Clubhouse_, giggling as Donald Duck exclaimed, "Aah, phooey!"

They were two thirds of the way through the episode when the front door opened again.

"Daddy's home!" Lucy scrambled down from the couch and ran to the entrance hall where her father was just shutting the door. From the living room, Lindsay could hear Lucy rapidly telling Danny all about her day and how Cecily had played with her even though mommy was home but 'sicky'. "C'mon Daddy, Mommy in'ere. C'mon," Lucy coached as though Danny was their puppy rather than her father. "Gotta give lots of lovin'."

"Is that right?" Danny chuckled as they appeared in the doorway. Lucy bounded over to the couch and resumed her position whilst Danny walked to Lindsay and crouched down in front of her. She could see the concern etched into every line of his face. "Hey, you."

"Hey," she rasped back.

"Get any sleep?" he asked.

"Loads."

"Still not feelin' better, huh?"

She shook her head. He reached out and placed a palm over her forehead which was still burning despite the layers Lindsay was wearing and the way she snuggled into the couch as though cold. Her eyes closed, revelling in his comforting touch. "That feels nice," she murmured.

He chuckled again and leant forwards to press a kiss to where his palm had been. "Ya hungry?"

"Cec'y made soup!" Lucy answered in Lindsay's stead. "Auntie Laura's recipe."

"Soup, huh?" Danny asked. "I think that's just what the doctor ordered."

"No, Daddy. No order out, Cec'y _make_," Lucy stressed.

"No, I…" Danny considered explaining to his daughter but decided it was a lost cause when she looked so indignant. "A'right, soup it is. Three bowls comin' up."

"I help!" Lucy jumped up again and launched herself at her father who straightened up quickly and caught the little girl flying towards him

"Woah, Luce, gimme a warnin' or somethin' next time!"

Lucy giggled, completely at ease with her daredevil-ness as she wrapped her arms around Danny's neck. He carried her through to the kitchen and set her back on her feet once in the middle of the room. "Okay Sweet Pea, I've got a big job for you; think you can handle it?" He waited until Lucy nodded eagerly before continuing, "Right, I need you to get three lap trays out of the cupboard over there and put them on the table next to each other and then I need you to put a spoon – remember what a spoon is?"

"The round one," she answered promptly.

"That's right – I need you to put a spoon on each tray and then _carefully_ carry three bowls over to me, but one at a time, a'right"

"Okay, Daddy!"

"Remember to be extra careful and ask me if you need any help, got it?" he instructed. Lucy nodded seriously before setting off with her task, face contorted with concentration.

As the soup was still lightly simmering, Danny left the pot where it was and gathered a knife, the cheeseboard they'd received from the Monroe's for Christmas and a loaf of bread out of a cupboard. He set to work hacking the bread into thick slices whilst Lucy bustled around behind him, mind set on the task.

"Daddy, I gots your bowl," Lucy informed him a few minutes later.

"Perfect timing, Lucy-Lu," Danny said, setting the knife aside and taking the bowl from her. He went to the pot of soup and ladled the thick, steaming liquid into the first bowl before setting it aside. Lucy returned to him with a second bowl and he repeated the process a further two times. Danny took the three bowlfuls of soup over to the table and placed them each on a tray.

"We not eating in'ere?" Lucy asked, standing on her tiptoes to see what he was doing.

"No, just for today we're goin' to eat on the couch with Mommy." Danny answered, "And Lucy, don't stand where I can't see you – I don't want to have an accident because this would burn if it tipped all over you."

Lucy sidestepped him so she was in sight. "Want me to carry one?"

"No thank you Luce; you've been a good helper but this bit is strictly for adults, a'right?"

"Okaaay," she sighed, dragging the vowel out. She led the way out of the living room, announcing as she went, "Mommy, we gots food. Eating in'ere today!"

"In here," Lindsay weakly corrected. "You're going to grow up with a worse accent than your Daddy's."

"Hey!" Danny set the tray on Lindsay's lap, scowling at her as she smiled sweetly back at him. He went to retrieve the other two trays as well as the bread which he would set on the coffee table.

Lindsay whispered to Lucy conspiratorially, "I actually like your Daddy's accent but shh."

"Shh," Lucy giggled. "Sec'et!"

"I heard that!" Danny called from the other room.

Lindsay pressed her hand to her mouth as another coughing fit wracked her body. She could make out Lucy staring at her with wide, fearful eyes but couldn't convey that she was fine until the coughs finally subsided.

"Oh, Mommy!" Lucy wailed. "Want me to kiss it better?"

"Not on my lips Lucy, I don't want you to get ill, but how about a kiss on the cheek instead?" Lindsay suggested. Lucy obliged, pressing a feather light kiss to her mother's cheekbone. "I feel better already," she told the little girl.

"That's 'cause you got your Lucy."

"You know, I think you might be right," Lindsay agreed, letting Lucy's warm little body cuddle into her side once more. Danny stood in the doorway, a tray of food in each hand and just observed for a moment, mesmerised by his little family and the two most important people in his life.

* * *

><p>Lindsay had barely eaten before falling asleep once again and Lucy was getting most of the soup down herself as she concentrated on the television set rather than her food. Danny sighed to himself as he watched the little girl making a mess, knowing this was the reason they rarely ate at anywhere but the kitchen table.<p>

"Lucy Messer, food goes in your mouth not down your clothes," he gently chastised.

Lucy looked down at herself. "Oops. I have bath later?"

"I think so, don't you?"

Lucy rubbed at the soup on her t-shirt as though to get it off and then stared at her hand which was now also soup covered. She looked at her daddy with a puckered brow. "I icky."

"Yes, you are," he agreed. "Have you finished eating? Well bring your bowl into the kitchen with me and then we'll put you in the bath."

"'Kay." Lucy carefully stood up with her plastic bowl clutched in both hands; she went to follow Danny out of the living room but seemed to change her mind halfway through and instead placed her bowl on the coffee table.

"Luce, what're you doin'?" he asked, stopping in the doorway to watch as she picked one of her many snow leopard stuffed toys up from the second couch and took it over to Lindsay, making sure to only use her non-sticky hand. "No, Lucy, you'll wake her up."

The little girl ignored him and tucked the snow leopard into the crook of Lindsay's arm. "You keep this Mommy, Snowy will p'tect you from bad germies," she whispered to her sleeping mother.

Retrieving her bowl again, she marched into the kitchen with it and passed Danny on the way. Danny smiled at her affectionately. "Lucy, has anyone ever told you just how adorable you are."

Lucy looked over and gave him a confident nod. "All the time. I cute."


	41. Chapter Forty

**Disclaimer: **The characters of CSI:NY do not belong to me however this story is of my own and should only be used after permission has been asked and given. No copyright infringement intended and no profit is being made.

**Summary:** Danny and Lindsay are going to learn that sometimes you must lose, in order to gain.

**Notes:** Well, you've probably heard this a fair too many times from me but I have to, once again, apologise for the delay in updates. I know that five months is a heck of a long time so if anyone is still reading this then thank you so, so, _so_ much for your patience. As much as I'd love to be a professional writer, this is – somewhat unfortunately – a hobby for me which I know can be frustrating for readers when they want the next instalment and it just isn't coming but it's equally as frustrating for me when my hobby just won't cooperate. I'm currently in my third year at university and am so very close to finishing (what?! I mean…how?! What happened to being twelve years old and writing my first, _very clumsy_, fanfiction?!) that I want to cry from elation, trepidation, exhaustion, and any of those other 'tion' words which relate to this feeling. If I'm honest I need a little boost, a little pick me up, so I finally finished this chapter which has been oh-so-nearly-but-not-quite done for a while now; usually I like to write seven pages for a substantial chapter but my rustiness just wasn't creating a flow therefore it is shorter than usual. This wasn't easy getting back into but I've tried, at least, to ease myself back in but, having said that, I can't promise anything. To be honest with you, I just miss DL too damn much so I needed some kind of fix. But enough of the diary entry, let's get on with the show, eh?

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><p><strong>The Parent's Apple<strong>

The child's bedroom was illuminated by a wallflower nightlight which cast its rosy glow across the room, falling over Lucy Messer as she slept with one arm clutching a stuffed snow leopard which her parents had purchased to protect her from the vampires who could be lurking in the darkest corners of her room. Danny stood in the doorway, observing the three year old. After a long and gruelling eighteen hour shift, followed by a quick burger in a twenty four hours diner with Flack, he was thankful to finally be home. The plan had been to quickly check on Lucy before heading to his own bed but he'd found peace in watching her sleep. His body slowly and noticeably relaxing as his bunched muscles eased and the frown lines marring his face softened. Pulling the door almost all the way shut, he retreated to the bedroom he shared with his wife, finding an image as comforting as that of his daughter sleeping.

The bedside lamp was switched on with Lindsay lying on her side, hair fanned out on the pillow as she curled into the comforter with a book open in front of her. As a youngster he'd never seen the appeal in domesticity however it was the simpler things in life that he now found pleasure in: Lucy's final kiss before bedtime, Lindsay kneading moisturiser into her callused hands, free Sunday mornings spent in bed reading the paper with a pyjama clad Lucy settled between them, coffee made to his own unique specificity, and, most importantly of all, the way his girls told him they loved him with complete certainty.

He crossed the room in a few easy strides, Lindsay barely noticing as she was absorbed in her book, and crawled across the bed to press a kiss to her pyjama clothed shoulder. She looked up and noticed him for the first time, a sleepy, crumple faced smile greeting him and causing a knot to tighten in his abdomen.

"Hey," she intoned.

"Hey." He lent forwards and pressed an insistent kiss to her mouth. One hand pushed the book out of her hand and towards the edge of the bed where it toppled to the floor with a dull thud.

"I was reading that," she protested weakly.

"Read it later." His mouth slanted more persistently across hers, his tongue seeking entrance which, after some light teasing, she granted him. Wrapping an arm around his neck, she pulled him flush against her body, feeling his heat even through the layers of clothing and bed sheets. He trailed kisses to her ear, his stubble scratching the soft skin of her cheek before catching her lobe between his teeth. A soft sigh escaped her and it was a blessed sound to her husband. Lindsay's free hand fumbled along the bedside cabinet until she found the switch for the lamp which she pulled, plunging them both into darkness with a click.

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><p>The hum of the refrigerator was the only sound to break through the still apartment as the clock crept closer to three o'clock in the morning. A car backfired in the street below and Hendrix woke with a quick growl, instantly alert. The Great Dane puppy flicked his head back and forth before determining that there was no imminent threat and instead gave a long stretch, yawning wide. Climbing out of his dog crate, Hendrix wandered over to his food and water bowl which he lapped at noisily. His ears perked up again as a repetitive tune pierced the silent apartment and he gave a bark, trotting towards the safety gate which he jumped up against, interested in the commotion.<p>

From the master bedroom down the hall, the ringing cell phone cut through Danny and Lindsay's sleep, jerking them both awake. Lindsay snapped the bedside lamp on and picked her phone up, squinting at the caller display with a cobwebbed mind.

"What is it?" Danny groaned throatily.

"My phone," she answered.

"I thought you weren't on call?" he half-asked, half-stated.

"I'm not," she answered before answering the phone and pressing it to her ear. "'Lo?"

Danny dragged himself up from the bed even as exhaustion settled in his body and headed out of the bedroom towards the kitchen, figuring they would need coffee – and a lot of it judging by the yawn which tore through him. Hendrix jumped up and down, barking excitedly as Danny unlatched the safety gate. "Shh," he scolded lightly, "you'll wake Lucy."

To take the sting from his words, he gave Hendrix's head a quick pat on his way towards the kettle which he flicked on, letting the water boil as he spooned coffee granules into two different mugs. A second yawn escaped him and he scrubbed a hand down his face; too many long shifts and not enough sleep were catching up with him. The water bobbed and the kettle clicked off as it finished boiling and Danny poured the steaming liquid into each of the mugs before fixing them to each of their specific tastes; milk and half a spoonful of sugar for Lindsay, black and bitter for him. He gathered the mugs up and carried them out, letting Hendrix follow him back to their bedroom where Lindsay had finished talking on the phone and was sat on the edge of the bed, facing away from him. Hendrix bounded over to her and nudged at her hand with his wet nose, begging to be stroked but she took no notice. Her back was taut with tension.

"I made us some coffee," Danny began quietly, not wanting to startle her.

She turned to face him and he immediately knew something was wrong. Lindsay's face was white and etched with grief.

He set the coffee down on the vanity table and crossed the room to her, sitting down beside her and taking her trembling fingers in his. "You wanna tell me what's goin' on?" he gently requested.

"It's my mom." Lindsay stared down at their entwined hands, the words lodged in her throat. She drew in a shaky breath. "She's had a heart attack. Dad says they were getting ready for bed when she just collapsed. He called an ambulance and they've been at the hospital since, she's apparently unconscious at the moment but the doctors don't know what's going to happen. Dad was waiting until he knew all the facts before ringing…"

Lindsay broke off from the clipped sentences and drew a couple of deep, steady breaths. Danny stroked her back in firm circles. "Is he by himself at the hospital?" he asked.

"No, Jeremy's with him," Lindsay replied, referring to her eldest sibling. She rested her head on his shoulder, sinking into his solidarity. He knew that right now shock and disbelief were keeping her emotions in check but soon reality would cave in on her. "They think it's a blood clot caused by the smoking."

Danny thought back to the argument Lindsay and Kathleen had had whilst her parents visited for Thanksgiving; for years Lindsay had hoped that her mom would give up smoking, he now only wished that it wasn't too late. He liked Kathleen; she'd always treated him like another son and made him feel welcomed into the family despite his and Lindsay's less-than-conventional relationship. Whether meaning to or not, Kathleen had saved his and Lindsay's marriage with her choice words during their separation when they'd been too heartbroken and unsure of themselves after the miscarriage to repair the damage and he therefore felt he owed a huge debt to her.

He glanced down and realised that Lindsay was silently weeping, the tears sliding down her face unchecked. She quietly admitted, "I'm mad at her."

Danny held her tighter. "I know." He kissed her temple reassuringly. "But that doesn't matter right now."

She nodded and sniffed. "I know," she repeated back to him.

"What do you wanna do?" he asked softly.

"I want to go out there," she said without preamble.

Danny nodded. "I thought you'd say that. You drink your coffee and I'm gonna get the laptop." He gave her temple another kiss and squeezed her shoulders to him once more before rising from the bed with purpose and heading to the living room. Her voice caught him in the doorway.

"Danny?"

He half-turned back towards her. "Yeah?"

Lindsay gave him a half smile. "Thanks."

He half-smiled back. "Drink your coffee. I'll be right back."

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><p><strong>AN: **So, there we have it. Like I said; rusty, right? I can't promise that the next update will be soon because my writer's block and busy schedule is still holding me down but this was just a little something to let you know that I _am_ still around – very much alive and kicking. If you want to leave a review then thank you! But similarly, I'd love to just hear from any of you for a pick me up; keep this old girl goin', eh? Thanks everyone!


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